logo Sign In

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story - Fan Edit Ideas thread... — Page 4

Author
Time
 (Edited)

I’m curious how adding a crawl would work. You could eliminate the flashback by adding some exposition in the beginning of the crawl, and then you could use the rest of the crawl to help give some exposition on the actual plot of the movie. This idea would allow for first act restructuring to improve the film.

But that means losing the flashback and I do like that scene. It helps setup the emotional payoff of the hologram scene and Galen’s death scene. So if you wanted to keep the flashback, the crawl would really only be able to explain the Galen/Krennic stuff and not any of the actual plot of the movie that takes place after the flashback. And then with the title card gone, you’d have to either add a “blah blah years later”. Or you could make the flashback seem like a dream. But the big downside here is that you can’t give any exposition for the main plot of the movie. I’m asking because I was about to start creating a draft for a crawl but am curious what direction it should take.

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time

Here is a VERY ROUGH AND AWFUL draft of what a crawl could look like if placed before the flashback:

The loathsome Galactic Empire continues
to rule the galaxy with absolute power. It’s development of
a new superweapon, the DEATH STAR, has now has put
the galaxy in utter peril.

Director Orson Krennic has overseen the weapon’s
development with the help of his friend, Galen Urso,
an imperial scientist who studies in the
field of Kyber crystals.

When Urso learned of what his research was
Really being used for, he fled the empire to the
Planet of Lah’mu, to seek refuge and peace
From the destructive intentions of the Empire…

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time

SilverWook said:

Well, that didn’t take long. 😉

RO and ANH as one movie anyone?

I knew I couldn’t be the only one thinking this lol, still I think there would be some things cut here and there idk if just combining both movie into one would cut it then again its beautiful how perfectly RO leads into the opening moments of ANH, I shrieked with glee seein Leia’s ship detach from the star destroyer

“I will call this one BOHIJ”
-Chris O’Neil

“Heh Funnie Scream”
-The Boys From Oneyplays

Author
Time

LuckyGungan2001 said:

This is actually the first Star Wars movie in a very long time that I don’t think really needs things cut out to enjoy it. There was no cringey dialogue, no bad camera angles, and very little poor CGI. Maybe I’d cut out Leia at the end, or just have her back turned to the camera and cut away before she turns around, but that’s it. Having an opening crawl would be a cool experiment, but wouldn’t improve the movie.

I agree but I personally thought Leia looked better than Tarkin, not to say that they both weren’t brought to life amazing well but I would have kept Tarkin with his back turned with his reflection in the window, you really don’t see Leia for long so I’d just leave it

“I will call this one BOHIJ”
-Chris O’Neil

“Heh Funnie Scream”
-The Boys From Oneyplays

Author
Time

The Aluminum Falcon said:

Seen the film for the second time. Really digging it and feel there’s a lot of fanedit potential. Like or hate TFA, the problems cited against it are so inherent to the film that they can’t really be removed with a fanedit.

Rogue One, on the other hand, just has some bad scenes that can be removed, so it’s ripe for us. 😃

My suggestions-

  1. Don’t start in space, no need since crawl was axed. Possibly also remove “A long time ago…”
  2. Cut opening for cringy child acting and blue milk throwaway shot.
  3. Put scene of Jyn waking up in the present day to before the logo, clearly indicating the transition in time. This possibly reframes the opening scene as a dream, as it appeared to be in the trailer.
  4. Replace oddly cheap-looking logo with nicer trailer logo.
  5. After logo, first scene should now focus on Cassian killing informant.
  6. Move first scene of Bodhi on Jedha to after Jyn and Cassian leave Yavin, in order to avoid excessive planet hopping. Follow it up directly with scene of Saw interrogating him. This means the audience never has to “leave Jedha” immediately after getting there the first time.
  7. Reinstate “I Rebel”? Or at very least make ending of briefing scene less awkward. An alternative would be to have the final exchange be “Is that clear?”; “Yes, sir,” also from teaser.
  8. Cut Cantina Fellows on Jedha.
  9. Cut Psychic Alien monster; no real pay-off in the long-run
  10. Trim Tarkin stuff throughout; camera lingers too long and performance is somewhat weak.
  11. Cut first Vader scene at Bast Castle in its entirety because of poor performance vocally and physically. Better to save Vader for final scene at end.
  12. Take out some of “odds” jokes, which grow excessive.
  13. Cut 3PO and R2D2.
  14. Radical, weird alternate ending idea I had! 😄 (not actually sure how well this would work):

But… instead of ending on a CGI Leia, have the Star Destroyer chase the Tantive, as per the opening shot of SW77, then cut to the deleted scene of Luke watching from the surface of Tatooine. Iris out on a close-up of Luke’s face, as he puts down the binoculars. This would require restoring the deleted scene to an acceptable level of quality, though it could be nice to bring back the “Luke’s theme” musical cue from SW77.

In any case, I feel ending on Luke would do a more clear job of concluding the film’s theme of hope- personifying it, as he is literally “A New Hope” instead of having another character simply say the word. Also, looking at bigger picture placement within the saga, it’s a nice changing of the guard from Vader, shown in close-up, to Luke, who would end the film in close-up. There’d also be an added bit of symmetry with Force Awakens, both ending on Luke.

Of course, we may have a bunch of deleted scenes to work with, as well! Though, my suspicion is that the reshot 3rd act is radically superior to the original.

Freak’n love this, especially the end, and i think it is totally possible to pull off. there was a user on here that was working on restoring all of the deleted scenes starting with the Luke scene.

“You can’t polish a turd. But you can shape it to look like candy.”

Author
Time

remove ugly title card, insert crawl (info from Catalyst etc.)

Author
Time

darthrush said:

bigmac076 said:

remove ugly title card, insert crawl (info from Catalyst etc.)

Insert crawl where title card was? I don’t know where to put the crawl. Because if you put it before the flashback then you can’t give any exposition about what happens after the flashback.

Since the Lah’mu scene happens first in the film, its technically not a flashback. The only flashback is when Jyn recalls a memory from their place in Coruscant. So after explaining the main points of Catalyst in the crawl, then pan down to show Director Krennic arriving at Lah’mu.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Vader must be almost removed at 100%, just leave the shot on the Destroyer when he arrives, and then cut to the credits (no Leia, no “Hope”… or maybe just Leia’s Back and then cut to the credits).

(edit3: ok, this one !)

Author
Time

I did not like the line at first but after seeing that scene a few times over on YouTube. I think it kind of works as Vader does not care about the ambishions of others. Only himself.

Author
Time

bigmac076 said:

darthrush said:

bigmac076 said:

remove ugly title card, insert crawl (info from Catalyst etc.)

Insert crawl where title card was? I don’t know where to put the crawl. Because if you put it before the flashback then you can’t give any exposition about what happens after the flashback.

Since the Lah’mu scene happens first in the film, its technically not a flashback. The only flashback is when Jyn recalls a memory from their place in Coruscant. So after explaining the main points of Catalyst in the crawl, then pan down to show Director Krennic arriving at Lah’mu.

What do you do with the title card? Remove it and just replace it with “15 years later”? That might be the best way of going about doing it.

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time

http://www.starwarsnewsnet.com/2016/12/video-fan-gives-rogue-one-the-opening-crawl-it-deserves.html

Actually is a pretty decent crawl when it comes to content. Obviously, using Jackpumpkinheads blender template would give a much more professional looking crawl, but with some minor touchups to the first couple sentences and some trimming to the third paragraph, I think this could be a pretty nice crawl. And then if you remove the planet titles, it’s back to the Star Wars we know and love haha.

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time
 (Edited)

DigMod said:

You could insert a hyperspace effect and have it end on Jyn waking up in the cell as if it was a dream.

There is scenes of Jyn in a cell on Yavin with her Handcuffs on so it might be that she had her flashback on Yavin Base,

“Can you be trusted without your shackles?”

Basically until someone goes over the re-shoot story we won’t really know how different the original cut was. The Novel has a pretty good synopsis like a crawl too.

"As the shadows of the Empire loom ever larger across the galaxy, so do deeply troubling rumors. The Rebellion has learned of a sinister Imperial plot to bring entire worlds to their knees. Deep in Empire-dominated space, a machine of unimaginable destructive power is nearing completion. A weapon too terrifying to contemplate . . . and a threat that may be too great to overcome. "

Author
Time

Ronster said:

DigMod said:

You could insert a hyperspace effect and have it end on Jyn waking up in the cell as if it was a dream.

There is scenes of Jyn in a cell on Yavin with her Handcuffs on so it might be that she had her flashback on Yavin Base,

“Can you be trusted without your shackles?”

Basically until someone goes over the re-shoot story we won’t really know how different the original cut was. The Novel has a pretty good synopsis like a crawl too.

"As the shadows of the Empire loom ever larger across the galaxy, so do deeply troubling rumors. The Rebellion has learned of a sinister Imperial plot to bring entire worlds to their knees. Deep in Empire-dominated space, a machine of unimaginable destructive power is nearing completion. A weapon too terrifying to contemplate . . . and a threat that may be too great to overcome. "

I REALLY love your idea for a crawl at the end there. I’m looking forward to us faneditors mulling over what it should be 😃

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Until we find out Saw’s missing scenes we won’t know how this thing really got a bit muddled especially at the start of the film.

Basically if and that’s a big if Saw had scenes on Geonosis then that could change everything. Either it was a flashback or it was done like a prologue and then the main titles.

I think if it were Flashbacks though then the original opening of the film put’s the first shot of the film as the Death Star Dish being fitted that was originally the opening sequence. We then would cut to Yavin and Jyn in a cell there.

This was at one time a possible configuration.

Opening Crawl
Death Star Dish is fitted (True opening to the film Wow Factor shot)
Krennic bumps in to Vader on the Star Destroyer with Tarkin “The power we are dealing with here is immeasurable”
(Yavin IV) Jyn in a cell (Flashback to Galen on Lahmu)
Cassian (Planet X) Ring of Kafene
Yavin IV Reveal as Cassian’s ship returns home
Jyn Marched out in Shackles
Recieved an Imperial Coded transmission Mon Mothmna Bail talk with Jyn a mission is Launched
Bail and Dodonna in the Hanger talk to a large group of Pilots
Jyn Cassian and a squad of x-wings go to Jedha. (Zal Dinnes)
Bodhi Rook Defects

This totally does away with the need for place names of the PLanets and would be told in a traditional Star Wars style.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Hi guys, I’m new to the site. I just edited an opening crawl yesterday, what do you think:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1leS6nxMIzmQl9CZ01xVm5JaXc/view

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…

ROGUE
ONE

Six years have passed since the
Galactic Empire tightened its grip
on the galaxy. Hope is fading, fear
is everywhere.

Fearing his family’s lives are at
risk, Galen Erso, a science officer
for the Empire, has fled to the
small remote planet of Lah’mu
with the help of Saw Gerrera, a
Rebel extremist.

Desperate for Galen’s valuable
research, Orson Krennic, director
of the dreaded DEATH STAR
project, has recently discovered
Galen’s location and has been
sent to retrieve him…

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

DZ-330 said:

Hi guys, I’m new to the site. I just edited an opening crawl yesterday, what do you think:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1leS6nxMIzmQl9CZ01xVm5JaXc/view

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…

ROGUE
ONE

Six years have passed since the
Galactic Empire tightened its grip
on the galaxy. Hope is fading, fear
is everywhere.

Fearing his family’s lives are at
risk, Galen Erso, a science officer
for the Empire, has fled to the
small remote planet of Lah’mu
with the help of Saw Gerrera, a
Rebel extremist.

Desperate for Galen’s valuable
research, Orson Krennic, director
of the dreaded DEATH STAR
project, has recently discovered
Galen’s location and has been
sent to retrieve him…

It’s pretty good. I think that imperial scientist works best as Galen’s description. And it sounds weird that you refer to the birth of the empire as them “tightening their grip”. And the big reason that Galen left is because of what he realized his research was being used for.

What I’m getting from all these crawls is that the first paragraph establishes the tyranny of the Empire since the Jedi have fallen. The second paragraph has varied for everyone. And the third paragraph explains how Krennic is searching for Galen.

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time

darthrush said:
It’s pretty good. I think that imperial scientist works best as Galen’s description. What I’m getting from all these crawls is that the first paragraph establishes the tyranny of the Empire since the Jedi have fallen. The second paragraph has varied for everyone. And the third paragraph explains how Krennic is searching for Galen.

True, science officer makes it sound too much like Star Trek, I feel stupid for not noticing that beforehand haha

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

I think I have decided that my favorite crawl is the created by writer/reporter Andrew Shackley:

The Jedi are all but extinct, the Republic has fallen and in their wake, the Galactic Empire has engulfed the far reaches of the galaxy in fear.

Persecuted members of the Old Republic have been thrust into hiding. Only members of the REBEL ALLIANCE dare take a stand against the ruthless Imperial forces.

Deep in the Outer Rim territories, the dastardly Director Krennic has discovered the location of a long lost friend; one capable of completing the Empire’s most powerful weapon yet…

The first paragraph establishes the fall of the jedi, the fall of the Republic and the rule of the Empire. This is what you need for full galactic exposition. Then in the second paragraph it establishes who the Rebels are and how they came about. The last paragraph introduces you to Galen and Krennic while hinting at the superweapon in development. I prefer keeping it a mystery for the movie to take you on.

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time

darthrush said:

I think I have decided that my favorite crawl is the created by writer/reporter Andrew Shackley:

The Jedi are all but extinct, the Republic has fallen and in their wake, the Galactic Empire has engulfed the far reaches of the galaxy in fear.

Persecuted members of the Old Republic have been thrust into hiding. Only members of the REBEL ALLIANCE dare take a stand against the ruthless Imperial forces.

Deep in the Outer Rim territories, the dastardly Director Krennic has discovered the location of a long lost friend; one capable of completing the Empire’s most powerful weapon yet…

The first paragraph establishes the fall of the jedi, the fall of the Republic and the rule of the Empire. This is what you need for full galactic exposition. Then in the second paragraph it establishes who the Rebels are and how they came about. The last paragraph introduces you to Galen and Krennic while hinting at the superweapon in development. I prefer keeping it a mystery for the movie to take you on.

I like this one a lot, I hope when the fanedits come around, because I know they will! I hope they make it say ROGUE ONE instead of STAR WARS. I feel that helps differentiate it enough from the main saga and it would be a cool way to start the spinoff films, and a good call back to 1977 Star Wars original crawl without an episode title. I may do an edit myself unless I find a good project when the time comes around. I already did a hybrid of Empire and Jedi similar to Q2’s since I couldn’t find a download at the time. We’ll see though.

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

All good ideas for crawls. Here’s one that incorporates several of those ideas:

ROGUE ONE

It is a time of galactic tyranny.
The once venerable democracy
has fallen to a despotic Empire,
which subjugates the star systems
of the defeated Old Republic.

A few brave souls dare to defy
this oppressive regime, and
whisper of forming a strong
REBEL ALLIANCE, now
their only hope against the
relentless Imperial machine.

With the resistance still
fractured and in disarray,
the Empire moves swiftly to
complete its ultimate weapon,
one that will spell destruction
and death across the stars. . . .

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

NeverarGreat said:

All good ideas for crawls. Here’s one that incorporates several of those ideas:

ROGUE ONE

It is a time of galactic tyranny.
The once venerable democracy
has fallen to a despotic Empire,
which subjugates the star systems
of the defeated Old Republic.

A few brave souls dare to defy
this oppressive regime, and
whisper of forming a strong
REBEL ALLIANCE, now
their only hope against the
relentless Imperial machine.

With the resistance still
fractured and in disarray,
the Empire moves swiftly to
complete its ultimate weapon,
one that will spell destruction
and death across the stars. . . .

I like it! It perhaps has too much fancy vocabulary? LOL 😉

Return of the Jedi: Remastered

Lord of the Rings: The Darth Rush Definitives

Author
Time
 (Edited)

NeverarGreat said:

All good ideas for crawls. Here’s one that incorporates several of those ideas:

ROGUE ONE

It is a time of galactic tyranny.
The once venerable democracy
has fallen to a despotic Empire,
which subjugates the star systems
of the defeated Old Republic.

A few brave souls dare to defy
this oppressive regime, and
whisper of forming a strong
REBEL ALLIANCE, now
their only hope against the
relentless Imperial machine.

With the resistance still
fractured and in disarray,
the Empire moves swiftly to
complete its ultimate weapon,
one that will spell destruction
and death across the stars. . . .

Impressive, clear and concise. The word ‘subjugates’ may have a few people reaching for the dictionary - though that isn’t a bad thing.

The end line ‘and death across the stars…’ - would ‘and death across the galaxy…’ scan/sound better?

Either way, that is one quality crawl that, feels and comes across like it could’ve been the actual Rogue One crawl had they used one - nice one 😃

A little patience goes a long way on this old-school Rebel base. If you are having issues finding what you are looking for, these will be of some help…

Welcome to the OriginalTrilogy.com | Introduce yourself in here | Useful info within : About : Help : Site Rules : Fan Project Rules : Announcements
How do I do this?’ on the OriginalTrilogy.com; some info & answers + FAQs - includes info on how to search for projects and threads on the OT•com

A Project Index for Star Wars Preservations (Harmy’s Despecialized & 4K77/80/83 etc) : A Project Index for Star Wars Fan Edits (adywan & Hal 9000 etc)

… and take your time to look around this site before posting - to get a feel for this place. Don’t just lazily make yet another thread asking for projects.