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How bad can it get? (The changes to the films)

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When the first two prequels came out, people were even more disappointed than they would have been because of all the hype leading up into the releases. I thought I’d start a thread to balance things out so that everyone can really start dreading Revenge of the Sith; that way, we might be pleasantly surprised when it comes out instead of the other way around.

I have rumours from inside sources that:

1. Lucas changed Obi-Wan’s lightsaber blade to hot pink to avoid confusion during the final lightsaber battle.
2. The wookies will be replaced by Ewoks, bringing the most popular characters from the old trilogy into the new one
3. Yoda has a lightsaber duel with Watto instead of Sidious, as originally planned
4. Jar-Jar becomes Emperor, of course

Any more news?

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Emperor Jar-Jar
“Back when we made Star Wars, we just couldn’t make Palpatine as evil as we intended. Now, thanks to the miracles of technology, it is finally possible. Finally, I’ve created the movies that I originally imagined.” -George Lucas on the 2007 Extra Extra Special HD-DVD Edition

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noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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I heard that Palpatine is now being played by Dr Ruth, but the source seemed to be on crack at the time, so don't take that one too seriously.

BUT, I did hear on good authority that LANDO CALRISSIAN will be making an appearance, and he will now be WHITE.

I used to be very active on this forum. I’m not really anymore. Sometimes, people still want to get in touch with me about something, and that is great! If that describes you, please email me at [my username]ATgmailDOTcom.

Hi everybody. You’re all awesome. Keep up the good work.

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The idea of Count Dooku has been done away with - Dracula is back and taking his place...

A little patience goes a long way on this old-school Rebel base. If you are having issues finding what you are looking for, these will be of some help…

Welcome to the OriginalTrilogy.com | Introduce yourself in here | Useful info within : About : Help : Site Rules : Fan Project Rules : Announcements
‘How do I do this?’ on the OriginalTrilogy.com; some info & answers + FAQs - includes info on how to search for projects and threads on the OT•com

A Project Index for Star Wars Preservations (Harmy’s Despecialized & 4K77/80/83 etc) : A Project Index for Star Wars Fan Edits (adywan & Hal 9000 etc)

… and take your time to look around this site before posting - to get a feel for this place. Don’t just lazily make yet another thread asking for projects.

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Originally posted by: oojason
The idea of Count Dooku has been done away with - Dracula is back and taking his place...


THAT would be COOL - I might go watch Episode III then!

“My skill are no longer as Mad as the once were” RiK

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Joe Pesci has been recast as Bail Organa.

Han Solo will have a cameo and will be played by Harrison Ford. The age difference will be explained by saying that in the Star Wars Universe once people reach a certain age, they start getting younger again. So, in episode III Han Solo is like the equivalent of Ben Kenobi's age in episode IV, but in episode IV he appears much younger. This will of course be more in line with Lucas' original vision.

The CG Yoda was accidentally deleted, but in act of quick thinking Frank Oz grabbed a Miss Piggy puppet and completed the rest of the scenes. Lucas has assured the press that no one will be able to tell the difference in the final film.

Anakin Skywalker really does die in episode III and General Grievous brain is put into the Darth Vader robot. In episode V when Darth tells Luke that he is his father, he is really just taunting him. The reason that Anakin's young ghost form appears at the end of episode VI is because when GG killed Anakin, his spirit haunted the Vader suit. When Luke burns the suit at the end of ROTJ, it frees Anakin's spirit so he can appear next to Ben and Yoda. This explains why he is the only young ghost, because that is when he died.


And the beat goes on...
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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
You're not going to see it anyway?


After the last two "films" I really have no plans on paying to watch this last one.

“My skill are no longer as Mad as the once were” RiK

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Padme cheats on Anakin with Jar Jar. Result of this "unholy bond" are two children, Luke and Leia Bings (who will afterwards be given the name"Skywalker" to avoid any diplomatic issues between the people of Naboo and the Gungans). Joda reveals this terrible secret to Anakin, who furius as he becomes, turns to the Dark Side to take revenge from Jar Jar. Anakin is killed in the fight, and Jar Jar becomes Palpatines apprentice to take Anakin's place as Darth Vader.
Jar Jar is furius with Joda telling the secret to Anakin and turns against the Jedi counsil, killing every single Jedi except Joda and Obi Wan who manage to escape. He then discovers that the Jedi were planning to constuct the Death Star and take over the repuplic. He steals the plans and gives it to the supreme chancellor who decides to construct this Space Station to protect the republic from the Jedi.
But Joda and Obi Wan conceive another evil plan: They kidnap Padme's children. The boy and the gilr are raised under their supervision, given the belief that the republic has turned into an evil emipire, so they can in time fight against it, and revive the Jedi faith and their evil dominion.

Edit: Note that my version is in full accordance with Rebel's 11_38 version, of which I am very fond!
And now, for your feature presentation:
The Classic Re-re-re-release of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back.
In this version the word "WOOKIE" has been changed to "HAIR CHALLENGED ANIMAL" and the entire cast has been digitally replaced by Ewoks.
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Originally posted by: Rikter
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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
You're not going to see it anyway?


After the last two "films" I really have no plans on paying to watch this last one.


Oh. Prequel hater. Gotcha...


Anyway...

1) Count Dokuu sings a song of admiration to Palpatine before he reveals that he is secretly Anakin's
father

2)Obiwan and Chewbaca play dejarik with Ewoks

3)The yoda fart scene wasn't a myth.

4)A four year old Han Solo saves ObiWan from a pack of Rodian bounty hunters
hunters with his mad point-blank dodging skills!

5)Admiral Thrawn makes a cameo in which is skin is purple and his eyes shoot lasers.

4

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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
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Originally posted by: Rikter
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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
You're not going to see it anyway?


After the last two "films" I really have no plans on paying to watch this last one.


Oh. Prequel hater. Gotcha...




Nah - I don't hate them (I love the MagnoliaFan Edits) I just still feel let down is all.

“My skill are no longer as Mad as the once were” RiK

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Yeah. I'm not a big fan of Balance, but The Clone War was friggin' awesome!

Some more

6)Anikan and Padme sing a duet and dance a jig.

7)Aliens that greatly resemble Klingons weild lightsabes (no offense, Klingon Jedi)

8)Aayla Secura's single line of dialoge is "That's hot"

9)Lightsabers randomly change colors throughout the films ever time they are activated

10)Jay and Silent Bob strike at least once during the course of the film.

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1. At the end of EP3, Bob Newhart wakes up and says to his wife "I just had the strangest dream."

2. Lucas edits EP4 so that we see Newhart going to sleep before the movie "begins".
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At the end of EP3, Bob Newhart wakes up and says to his wife "I just had the strangest dream."


Ha ha ha! Boy would that wreck the entire saga!

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Emperor Jar-Jar
“Back when we made Star Wars, we just couldn’t make Palpatine as evil as we intended. Now, thanks to the miracles of technology, it is finally possible. Finally, I’ve created the movies that I originally imagined.” -George Lucas on the 2007 Extra Extra Special HD-DVD Edition

Author
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Post link
Some more news: Lucas, in a rebellious act of independence and strength as a filmmaker, has cut all of the battles, lightsaber fights, people getting hurt/killed, etc. “I decided that the first trilogy I made was too violent. So politically incorrect, too. I tried to improve on this with the Special Editions, but the facts remain; it has been brought to my attention that many people are offended by the Star Wars movies. They are too violent and too chauvinistic. Therefore, I have decided to balance the entire saga out with Revenge of the Sith. It’s a funny family comedy. To make it politically correct, I also had to recast Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Palpatine as female characters. It’s a little jarring at first, but the movie is better because of it.”

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Emperor Jar-Jar
“Back when we made Star Wars, we just couldn’t make Palpatine as evil as we intended. Now, thanks to the miracles of technology, it is finally possible. Finally, I’ve created the movies that I originally imagined.” -George Lucas on the 2007 Extra Extra Special HD-DVD Edition

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I have a twist for that: Have Owen wake up in bed at the beginning of ANH (being played by Bob Newhart) and have him say "What a crazy dream. I'm glad that isn't the way it really happend. Yeesh. Jar Jar Binks?! What was in that fried dewback Beru made me last night?"

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For a truly PC and pro-feminist version of the movies, Luke's character would have to be a female too and the force would become the "Gaia."

Also, Han Solo would no longer chase after Leia. Instead, he would be a bumbling fool who Leia approaches when she exercises her right to enjoy her body. After her tryst with Solo, he would be the one confused and following her around like a sick puppy.

Leia would be the one to destroy the Death Star, but it wouldn't be accomplished like it is in the movie. The imagery of shooting two "torpedoes" into a deep "hole" would no longer be acceptable. Instead she would destroy it by....


Any ideas?
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Using the Gaia to slam a large chunk of Yavin's core into the Station?

You know... since Gaia = the Earth in pantheist mythology.

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Originally posted by: Rebel11_38
For a truly PC and pro-feminist version of the movies, Luke's character would have to be a female too and the force would become the "Gaia."

Also, Han Solo would no longer chase after Leia. Instead, he would be a bumbling fool who Leia approaches when she exercises her right to enjoy her body. After her tryst with Solo, he would be the one confused and following her around like a sick puppy.

Leia would be the one to destroy the Death Star, but it wouldn't be accomplished like it is in the movie. The imagery of shooting two "torpedoes" into a deep "hole" would no longer be acceptable. Instead she would destroy it by....
Yapping at the station officers until they are so ticked at the sound of her voice, that they employ the DS self-destruct...anything to shut her up.

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Yeah, and then she "bravely" sacrifices her infant that she had with Han to save herself and leave the death star.




@#$% Feminazi.

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OK, here's what the trilogies need:


Episode 4:

* More scenes in the milenium falcon while they are going to Alderaan. Since the actros are either too old, dead, or don't care about Star Wars anymore, it'll all be CGI. They'll dance for a while, eat sushi with chopsticks and all, and play games.

* Motti will try to choke Vader first.

* TK-421 (played by Bill Murray) wakes up on the Milenium Falcon after the credits, with a brief comic part.


Episode 5:

* Luke has a psychedelic dream while sleeping in the Tauntaun belly. Footage of the dream is taken mostly from the "Wing Commander" games and from the movie "The Big Red One".

* Yoda has a servant living with him, the hilarious Don-Don Tauiee (played by Don DeLuise). He'll burn his hand on Yoda's soup, make fun of Luke's training, and achieve a brand new level in fart jokes. He'll never be on camera with the other characters, and his hilarious scenes will be inserted between the Yoda scenes.

* Bobba Fett takes Han Solo to a CGI Jabba, steps on his tails twice.

* Replace "Directed by Irvin Kershner" with "Destroyed by George Lucas".


Episode 6:

* Jabba now sings along with Jedi Rock. Since the CGI band members looked fake, they have been replaced by the Electric Light Orchestra band members, featuring Jon Anderson from "Yes" singing on 2 songs. The new 35 minute scene features the songs:

Jedi Rock
Xanadu
Eldorado
Above the Clouds
Jedi Rock (reprise)

* Two words: product placement. During most of the scenes.

* Anakin Skywalker, now with a lond, blond hair, sings the song "Tell your sister she was right". In order to make Sebastian Shawn to sing the song, footage of his lips moving are looped foward and backwards, so it synchs with the song. A CGI tear is inserted on Luke.

* Replace "Directed by Richard Marquand" with "Destroyed by George Lucas"
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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LOL, ricarleite! That was hilarious! My favorites were Jabba singing along with the band, Han Solo's jig on the Falcon (to make him more likable), and the credit: Destroyed by George Lucas.

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Emperor Jar-Jar
“Back when we made Star Wars, we just couldn’t make Palpatine as evil as we intended. Now, thanks to the miracles of technology, it is finally possible. Finally, I’ve created the movies that I originally imagined.” -George Lucas on the 2007 Extra Extra Special HD-DVD Edition

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They should add the credit change to SE OT.
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"Damaged" or "Beaten to a PulP" would be more suited to the current SE version. Save the "destroying" for when he really gets creative with it.

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Good stuff, Ricarleite.

Maybe for the next "special edition" of ESB George Lucas will throw in a shot of Darth Vader taking aggressive action against Han Solo, probably hurling some large blunt object at him, so as to provoke Han to shoot at him. After all, Han shooting at Darth Vader could be viewed as attempted murder, or so the reasoning should go if you follow the messed up logic (or lack of logic) of Lucas.
I'd like a qui-gon jinn please with an Obi-Wan to go.

Red heads ROCK. Blondes do not rock. Nuff said.

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