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good old political jokes from USSR
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- Is that true that letters are censored in Soviet Union?
- Generally, no... but letters with anti-soviet content are not delivered.
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- I hate the Communistic Party, I hate the First Secretary and our other leaders! What I am supposed to do?
- Please provide us with your full name and address...
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- I've heard great news: is that true that they give cars for free in Leningrad?
- Generally, yes! ...well, not in Leningrad, but in Moscow... not cars, but bicycles... and they don't give it for free, they steal them.
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- Is that true that life in those remote camps in Siberia is good?
- Yes! One of our reporters wanted to confirm this and he liked the new place so much that he stayed there - forever.
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- How far are we from the real communism?
- 8 kilometers.
- What? How did calculated that?
- Comrade Lenin once said: "Each 5-year plan is a step forward in our way to communism!"
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- Is that true that Soviet people may freely leave Soviet Union and travel around the globe?
- Yes, especially the astronauts.
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- Is that true that maize grows in Soviet Union like telephone poles?
- Yes! Well, in some of our farms it's even more dense...
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- I need an explanation. They said on TV yesterday that we will soon catch up with America's economy, but in the news paper I read that America's economy is on the verge of a collapse? What gives?
- ............... err... our station's power will be down for a while.... stand by...
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- Is that true that Soviet Navy submarines hold the world record of submergence time?
- Yes. Two subs are still sumberged, since 1957.
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- What is the difference between capitalism and communism?
- In capitalism a man persecutes another man. Fortunately, in communism it's the other way around!
or
- In capitalism there is a discipline in production and chaos in consumption. In communism it's vice versa.
How did I accomplish that (considering my age) is my secret...