Right, Cranyx, I feel like your really detailed reviews deserve a proper response.
Firstly, and most importantly: I really appreciate you doing this. Your critiques are fair and very precise, which is very valuable. So I’d ask you to please continue doing this as you work your way through the show! If you’re willing, it’d also be good to hear from you what you think does work, because that’s useful reinforcement. For example, (excluding the criticisms you’ve mentioned,) would you say the first season works as a complete end-to-end unit of TV? Is it an improvement over the original couple of seasons of content for you? Does it include and exclude the right episodes?
In general terms, you’ve identified that I’m perhaps too heavy-handed with some cuts (axe versus scalpel, and throwing the baby out with the bathwater, as you say). And with you being very familiar with the base content, I appreciate your perspective that there’s maybe some good stuff I’ve cut that I could have left in. I don’t disagree with that - but this may simply be a matter of different subjective priorities between us, and (respectfully!) it may just be that the original may be a better match for your tastes than this edit. But you’re quite right that I should do what I can to make this not feel like a fan edit.
Taking the opening of the 501st as an example, I agree that the intro doesn’t give us much to work with with the characters, but that’s deliberate - I’m not intending that the audience build an emotional connection with the clones that’ll quickly die, instead wanting only to show that Domino squad has disunity, and I think that the only necessary takeaway from that episode in terms of the clones is the names of Rex, Fives, and Echo, for familiarity that’ll be developed more later.
Similarly, with the invisible Dooku fight in the Nightsisters arc, it is absolutely a good fun scene, and I was suprised to find I wanted to cut it, but while I’m not aiming for a specific runtime in any episode, it was more of a matter of pacing here. It is a scene that the plot can bypass, and the key to this plot was the introduction of Savage and the final five-way combat, which it only took us away from. That said, once that episode is ‘locked in’ (probably after I finish the full series) I’ll release an extended version with that scene added back in. I definitely think that we don’t need to see the other two challenges though, because they’re very redundant action with characters we don’t care about, whose only purpose is to whittle them down to Savage and Feral.
I suppose an important note here for other participants in this thread is that, because I (respectfully) think that Cranyx and I may have differing priorities, I find it particularly helpful when others jump in to agree with Cranyx’s criticisms. (Hopefully it’s clear I still very much respect the feedback, and I’m not trying to dismiss it at all here, so much as wanting to emphasise that in a lot of places I’m fairly confident in my decisions - but having multiple people agree that a certain approach should be reconsidered can help snap me out of that where necessary. You guys know better than me whether or not you’re enjoying an episode, and my assumptions can only take me so far.) For example, the note that the Malevolence should be seen to fire is now received loud and clear, and I’ll add those scenes into the opening of that episode. It’s sometimes hard to find the balance point on the spectrum of ‘goofy looking versus useful to see onscreen’ (among other things). I think you’ll struggle to convince me to reintroduce the Mandalorian conveyor belt of death though…
Other thoughts:
- All of your technical observations (cuts, audio, transitions, dialogue issues, narrative gaps, establishing shots, etc) I’ll review once more for certain.
- s01e01 - I’ll see if I have a better option to transition from the Ventress fight to the arrival of Ahsoka, though if I remember right I can’t move the Yularen scene here because it’s needed to split the Ventress fight, which has gaps. (As you’ve spotted, there aren’t many available establishing shots I could use there either, though I may be able to reorder the opening a little and start on the planet before cutting back to space)
- s01e02 - I get your point on restoring clone dialogue. As I said above, I don’t want to lean too heavily into clones, especially early on, because I want to be clear with the viewer about who our main characters are. But I’ll rethink this and see where restoring it may add value over the current version.
- s01e03 - If I remember right, in the original episode Satine does teleport to Merrick so he can capture her, then once they leave the room Satine and Merrick teleport away, forcing Obi-Wan to run after them.
- s01e04 - I might re-add Ventress placing the bombs. I figured suprise was fun, but perhaps the audience should know. I’m interested what others think on whether the new Ventress dialogue works. I don’t want to edit just for the sake of it, especially if it feels jarring.
- s01e05 - I think I want to stick with my structure, but I’ll certainly review the other smoothings you suggest.
- s01e06 - Same as with 501st, I think these two episodes interleaved is the approach I want to take for the Ryloth arc, but I’ll review your suggestions.
- Openings - While trimming exposition from episodes is one facet of incorporating my opening text, that’s a more minor one; the major factor is that the original episodes had the expository newscasts, which required a replacement. I don’t think I have any alternative options here, so I have to rely on asking the audience to accept the text. Trims to in-episode opening exposition are very minor - I don’t think I’ve ever actually consciously done it.
- Closings - I agree that it’d be nice to have a few options for closing out episodes with music. I like the music that plays over the credits, but transitioning into that music in other ways based on the tone of the ending would be preferable. Music composition/editing is something I have zero skill with, so my only option here is via help from others. I’m certain though, that I don’t want to end on the original series’ bombast.
- s01e07 - Interested in others’ opinions on whether Ahsoka’s discipline belongs in Death Watch as opposed to the finale. Since she’s disobedient at the cost of lives in Ryloth, I think the scene works fine as discipline for that, but I suppose the main question is whether the scene belongs in Death Watch at all, where it serves to take her off the playing field for a bit. I think we had broad agreement that this approach was valid, but happy to reopen that line of thought.
- s01e09 - Yeah, I really don’t like the Mace Windu dialogue in the ending, but I just have no options here. Ropal and the idea of the Kyber crystal is a waste of time plotline that makes Bane seem really weak, which also feels like a trimmed episode that happened offscreen only to be summarised in the following episode’s newscast. It resulted in this awkward scene with Mace, which is a shame.
- s01e10 - Indeed, I’m not American so I’m content to spell the word as “artefact”. You guys can work around that, I’m sure! If it helps, I suggest a headcanon for you that, since Imperials seem to mainly be British, that Galactic Basic uses the British spelling for some words 😉
All said and done, I’ll reiterate that I hope that none of this comes off as dismissive, and I greatly value your input.
This isn’t to hand off the responsibility for this edit, but if anyone did produce alternative cuts of episodes I’ve edited - for example a less radical 501st - I’d happily add my series’ opening and closing conventions (if that was wanted), host them, and add them into my spreadsheet. I’m very open to community collaboration here.
To just add, I currently plan to release extended versions of the following episodes:
- The Nightsisters arc with the invisible Dooku scene
- The Geonisis arc with the Anakin/Ki-Adi-Mundi prongs of the attack
- The Rako Hardeen arc with the Box episode reinserted
- The Umbara arc with more of the visually interesting combat from the first couple of episodes