The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The Faraday Edit (WIP)

I’m going to attempt something I haven’t seen anyone do before: a fanedit of The Rise of Skywalker…
…'s novelisation.

I studied film editing back at university, but I don’t have access to a computer with enough grunt to create a fanedit (or the time to do it). Plus, there are plenty of great TROS fanedits out there already. However, I have written five novels since that time, and I’ve never seen someone fanedit a Star Wars book before. I considered posting this in the section of the forums for fanfic and screenplays, but after browsing the projects there, it felt like the wrong category for it. Instead, my approach and mindset is to create a movie-style fanedit - but with a novel instead.

Editing the text of a novel obviously has a lot more freedom than editing the footage of a movie. My intention is not to rewrite from scratch (then I might as well write a fanfic), but to improve on what’s already there - tighten up character arcs, improve the pacing, remove or tweak plot threads and tangents that detract from the overall narrative, and add some literary polish to parts that (arguably) need it. I think that Rae Carson did a great job with this novel, however, it’s just not what I personally want to read. But it’s close.

It’s going to be a slow project to work on, so I’ll update everyone as it progresses, and keep a changelog as I go. Please comment with any suggestions or ideas!

Here’s a link to the first chapter. I used the opening crawl text from Hal9000’s TROS Ascendant fanedit; I think it sets the stage much better than the original opening crawl.

https://pastebin.com/PSX2Zhxf
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

• New opening crawl text.
• Reordered the first few chapters for better narrative flow. This was originally Chapter 2.
• General quality-of-life edits: trimmed, reordered, and tightened up dialogue and big print.
• Cut a lot of big print that overexplained characters’ thoughts and feelings which were clear from their actions.
• Cut smaller scenes that slowed down the narrative without adding useful information, such as the creature guarding the wayfinder.
• Added Vader’s castle to the Mustafar scene.
• The transmission from Palpatine is now sent privately to the First Order, not the entire galaxy.
  Instead of trying to find the Emperor to kill him, Kylo Ren is initially doubtful that the transmission is genuine but also curious what he could potentially gain from the Emperor.
• Snoke is no longer a clone or puppet, but is implied to be an apprentice who betrayed Palpatine. Similarly, Palpatine wasn’t controlling all the events all along, but has just been biding his time until now.
• Rey Nobody. This is the biggest deviation I’m going to make from the original plot. I know opinion is divided, but I personally think it improves the story significantly.

• Noted the pine trees adjacent to Vader’s Castle and how they give way to barren trees closer to where Kylo Ren was slaughtering the loyalists, but that there were still a few even there.

Exciting! The plural of nebula is nebulae, by the way

KumoNin said:

Exciting! The plural of nebula is nebulae, by the way

Good catch, thank you!

Historically I’ve done my own copyediting passes to catch stuff like that. It didn’t occur to me that I’ll have extra pairs of eyes helping with this project!

Hal 9000 said:

• Noted the pine trees adjacent to Vader’s Castle and how they give way to barren trees closer to where Kylo Ren was slaughtering the loyalists, but that there were still a few even there.

I’ll eventually release a V2, with pine trees added to every scene.

RogueLeader said:

This is really cool, Faraday. I’ll be interested to see how you rewrite the scenes for the Rey Nobody changes. Will you just totally excise those conversations, or replace them with a different revelation that shocks Rey?

I’m also curious if you’ll address things like Finn having to tell Rey something but never telling her. I suppose you could make his force-sensitivity more explicit and maybe actually have him tell her by the end of the movie. I like the idea of changing it to where he wanted to tell Poe something, and there is a hint of feelings between them. I suppose cutting it would be the easiest thing!

I also feel like you have an opportunity to better define Poe and Finn’s character arcs, as well. For example, I think it would be cool to see Poe’s call-to-action be broadcasted throughout the galaxy (sort of like the scene we got in Trevorrow’s DotF script), giving Poe a stronger leader moment. Or, after getting shot in the arm, he decides to give orders from a command ship, like the Tantive IV, rather than pilot another X-Wing. That could potentially be an easier change than creating a new call-to-action montage.

Regarding Finn, maybe he could more explicitly recruit Jannah and the other ex-Stormtroopers during their conversation on the Falcon. It would be interesting if you could describe as still wearing bits and pieces of stormtrooper armor, but I guess that might make it less of a surprise to Finn when Jannah tells him who they are.

It’d be great if Rose could get more scenes, but I suppose that would veer into fan fiction territory.

I’m also curious if you’ll add details of things that have been added in fan edits, like the Force ghosts manifesting themselves at the final battle, or the Skywalker saber being crackly after Rey repairs it.

Anyway, will look forward to your updates! This would be fun to see done to all nine novelizations.

Rey Nobody: I’m mostly just excising those conversations and references, or rejiggering them to be about her pull towards the Dark Side instead - a lot of the text works fine for that, without the Palpatine connection. (I personally suspect that’s how it was in earlier script drafts, and Palpatine was added much later, but that’s purely conjecture on my part.) Rey is a character who by the time of TROS has been disillusioned about a lot of things - her wonder at searching for Luke in TFA is replaced with the much more human version of Luke in TLJ, her faith in TLJ that Ben would turn to the light has been shattered - and I think her character has a lot of (intentionally) directionless anger which shows up throughout TROS. That anger is what I want to cause her anxiety about having the Dark Side in her, which is more interesting to me than “my grandfather is evil so maybe I am too.”

Finn: His Force-sensitivity is actually present in the movie, the theatrical cut just sort of loses it in the shuffle. Hal’s fanedit, for instance, really makes it more noticeable. I’m definitely going to lean into the Finn-is-Force-sensitive angle, because it makes sense for his character trajectory from TFA.

As for Finn/Poe, I’ve always shipped Stormpilot and I was disappointed (but not surprised) that it wasn’t in TROS. It makes a lot of sense to me for the characters, but it also strays a lot from how the original text plays out, and would require me to write a bunch of new stuff wholesale. So I’m on the fence about adding it.

Poe’s leadership: Poe gets sidelined a bit towards the end, because the focus naturally shifts onto Rey, Kylo, Palpatine, and the space battle (there’s a lot going on at once in the climax). I hadn’t thought much about strengthening the conclusion to Poe’s character arc in that way, but it’s a good idea. I wonder if it could be tied into the Kijimi stuff about his past, and make that whole backstory more relevant?

Jannah: This is a prime example of a great idea that TROS didn’t capitalise on enough. I really like the stormtrooper armour idea.

Rose: The novel already attempts this, with mixed results. Because Carson has to adhere to the movie, she repeatedly mentions Rose in the big print instead of actually showing her, but I find it almost has the opposite effect by highlighting her absence. Currently, I’ve removed these references, and given a lot of the “bit player” roles in the Resistance to Rose instead (eg, Connix, D’Acy, Beaumont).

Popular fanedit additions: I’m planning to add things like the Force Ghosts, yes. I feel like anything people have achieved with the original footage is fair game in the novelisation.

Second chapter:

https://pastebin.com/zp11QnUn
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

• Same general quality-of-life edits as Chapter 1.
• Cut chunks of big print where characters would pause to remember previous events as miniature flashbacks, awkwardly pausing the current events.
• The Force and meditation are now described in an almost Zen Buddhist sense, to highlight the inner-peace-versus-inner-conflict aspect of Rey’s character arc and tie it to her attempts to communicate with Force Ghosts.
• Removed Rey’s Force vision at the beginning. Her character arc already has enough propelling it without the visions, and its frequent mentions don’t add anything new or insightful.
• The Skywalker saber remains broken in two. Rey now uses Luke’s green lightsaber, which is unfamiliar to her, and ties better into her uncomfortableness accepting it and why she continually returns it to Leia.
• Changed the planet’s name from “Ajan Kloss” to “Ajan Koss.” It might be nitpicky, but to me “Ajan Kloss” sounds like something a dental hygienist would use, not a Star Wars planet.
• Changed Rey’s “Be with me” line, to set up a different one-liner at the climax.

I think that’s it for the major changes to this chapter. I let my changelog get a bit disorganised, but I’m tidying it up.

I wanted to share a snippet that I had to write almost wholesale, taking place when the heroes arrive on Pasaana. The nice thing about the written word is that I can add something like this, which everyone seems to agree would be a good alteration to TROS, but is probably beyond the technical limitations of a movie fanedit. First and last lines for context of how it fits into the text.

“Let’s split up, see what the locals know,” Poe said.
He and Finn headed off, but Rey’s legs were suddenly rooted in place. A pair of Acky Acky were performing a puppet show, and one of them had just used a word she recognised.
“Di sana berdiri Skywalker!”
All of the children gasped. Some of them cheered. Rey looked more closely at the puppets.
A little human figure made of twisted-up wire and tiny cloth robes stood in front of a blast door made of paper, the puppeteer pulling a string to make his arm brandish a little green wire sword at a puppet of an AT-AT walker. The walker had just fired some little pieces of red paper at him, to absolutely no effect. Then the children whooped and cheered again as the little wire man leapt at the walker, and the puppeteer flipped it over backwards with a cowardly little wail.
Luke’s saber on Crait that day had been blue, and Rey noticed immediately, as someone who lived in the burned-out shell of one for the better part of her life, that the walker had been designed after the old Imperial kind. She smiled. Even if some of the details weren’t perfect, she thought, the important part of the story was still there.
The children stared wide-eyed, sometimes gasping, sometimes laughing, as other exploits of puppet Luke were depicted. A mother dressed in bright pink sat amongst them, bouncing a pudgy infant in her arms. Instead of the long trunks of the adults, the children had rather stubby little noses and plump cheeks. Rey’s smile doubled as the baby chuckled at Luke knocking down a round dish that was clearly supposed to be the second Death Star.
Something tugged on her tunic, and she looked down to find a young Acky Acky girl in a green robe trying to get her attention. Rey knelt before her.

TestingOutTheTest said:

I’m sorry, but some of your edits miss the point. The Skywalker lightsaber being split into two and being repaired with a band of metal is the equivalent of Luke’s robotic hand, it serves to remind us of Rey’s failure in TLJ.

Snoke being a creation from scratch explains why he never interfered during the events of the original and prequel trilogies, it turns out he never even existed at those points in time.

The whole point of Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter is to reinforce her subconscious, irrational core belief that she is worthless, she becomes convinced that her lineage is the reason she is falling to the dark side and committing sins like unleashing Force lightning onto the transport and stabbing Kylo Ren in the chest with the very lightsaber he used to kill Han.

After she was abandoned by her parents, she subconsciously developed this irrational core belief that she is worthless, she subconsciously hates herself (she doesn’t actively hate herself, it’s a subconscious thing), she believes this lie that the only way to feel happy, to feel loved is if she gains love and worth from others as well as if she pleases others which would then result in said others giving her the love and worth she desires to make her feel happy; it is for this very reason she frees BB-8 from Teedo, why she bypasses the compressor on the Falcon, and why she tells Luke that she would not fail him in the way Kylo Ren did. She is essentially a parasite, leeching off of others to give her what she wants.

After Rey gives into the dark side and mortally wounds Kylo Ren, as I stated, she becomes convinced that her lineage is the reason she is falling to the dark side, so she exiles herself because if she falls to the dark side she’ll make things worse for others instead of pleasing them, she’ll never get the love and worth she wants. She thinks that being Palpatine’s granddaughter automatically makes her even more worthless… that is, until Luke shows up and gives her a pep talk that just because she is Palpatine’s granddaughter doesn’t mean she is worthless (for example, Leia knew of her lineage and yet still trained her, because she saw the spark or whatever in her).

She heads to the Sith Citadel on Exegol (the Citadel represents the subconscious and hidden part of her mind) to confront Palpatine and end the Sith for good, but he convinces her to kill him so she would become Empress and have control over his forces who are endangering her loved ones, her found family, if she refuses her loved ones, her found family, would be killed off; she accepts, knowing that if she becomes Empress and prevents the Final Order from killing her loved ones, her found family, she would obtain that worth for as long as she lives her life as Empress. Suddenly, Ben Solo, the one person she has had a close connection to through the Force for a long time, comes backs for her, showing her that he truly cared about her, that she is valuable, even if she never becomes Empress; this allows her to refuse the ritual and stand against Palpatine. However, he then drains most of her and Ben’s dyad life energy (symbolic of how low self-esteem drains one of life and happiness) and gets rid of the one person who has showed Rey that she is valuable, leaving her all alone once more in the darkness; that is… until she calls out to the Jedi of the past, then all of them respond and convince her that she isn’t alone, that she is capable of rising, etc. This convinces her to refuse the lie she believed her entire life, that she is worthless, that she can only feel worth something if others give her their love, so she finally faces against Palpatine. He spits at her about how she is nothing and how she is unable to stand against him; she ignores his remarks and responds back with her own, self-made sense of self-worth and self-esteem… that “she… is all the Jedi.” She permanently destroys Palpatine, the personification of this irrational core belief, once and for all.

These concepts aren’t really described in the text anywhere, and thus fall outside of my purview to edit. But what makes all of these stories so interesting to edit is how everyone can read into them differently. Carson came up with her own reasons in the big print to explain a lot of TROS’s choices, and if you wanted to do an edit where your interpretations are woven into the big print instead, I think it would be really interesting to read.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I would say that the creature guarding the Wayfinder is critical for Kylo’s character arc. He tells him that he will discover his true self at the end of this journey, which is something I wish would have been in the film.

There’s never really a sense in the big print that Kylo feels like he’s rushing towards something in that way, although it could be interesting to build on the conversation with the creature by adding that. Have him assume he’s racing towards one destiny (being Supreme Leader Kylo Ren), then after his conversation with Han, he realises it was actually the opposite this whole time (being a redeemed Ben Solo).

There’s a playful meta to that which I really like - the creature basically points out to him how a character arc works. I’ll keep the idea in mind as I go through the rest of the book.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Here is the passage from the original novelization:
"The Eye cocked its head, making an eerie squealing noise. It took a moment for Kylo to realize the creature was laughing at him. “No need for that,” the Eye said. “Do you really think my lord would have left it in the guardianship of one who could be swayed by a trick of the Force?”

No, he supposed not.

“You’ve been seeking it for a while, yes? I must warn you, our fiery planet burns away deception. If you proceed down this path, you will encounter your true self.”’

I think the text could do a better job than it currently does at conveying the raft of things we just discussed. I’m not suggesting I explain the subtext (I’m removing a lot of subtext-being-explained from other parts of the book), but if I keep it in and add the other elements later to support it, I think I’d rewrite their whole interaction to convey that core idea.

I still worry it would slow down the opening section too much, which is already long as it is. And truncating it might make the interaction itself feel too fast. It would be a balancing act, if we go that route.

My only issue is that the Eye requires introduction, which takes time and reader investment, and then never shows up again. I left the stuff with Hux and Pryde because they’re both characters throughout the film, and their scene helps introduce us to both of them, to Kylo, to the First Order and its structure and attitude, to where the plot is headed, and sets up the dynamics of all three characters in relation to each other. The Eye just sets up, well, the Eye, and I think having Kylo talk to a mysterious ancient thing he doesn’t fully understand treads on the toes of Kylo talking to Palpatine.

I agree that it’s the same problem the movie had, I think that’s just inevitable in some ways because of what we’re working with. If I can introduce the Eye in a very fast but natural way, and keep the conversation brief, then I agree about keeping it in and adding the other Kylo stuff we talked about. You’ve made me determined to accomplish it now.

TestingOutTheTest said:

CaptainFaraday said:

TestingOutTheTest said:

I’m sorry, but some of your edits miss the point. The Skywalker lightsaber being split into two and being repaired with a band of metal is the equivalent of Luke’s robotic hand, it serves to remind us of Rey’s failure in TLJ.

Snoke being a creation from scratch explains why he never interfered during the events of the original and prequel trilogies, it turns out he never even existed at those points in time.

The whole point of Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter is to reinforce her subconscious, irrational core belief that she is worthless, she becomes convinced that her lineage is the reason she is falling to the dark side and committing sins like unleashing Force lightning onto the transport and stabbing Kylo Ren in the chest with the very lightsaber he used to kill Han.

After she was abandoned by her parents, she subconsciously developed this irrational core belief that she is worthless, she subconsciously hates herself (she doesn’t actively hate herself, it’s a subconscious thing), she believes this lie that the only way to feel happy, to feel loved is if she gains love and worth from others as well as if she pleases others which would then result in said others giving her the love and worth she desires to make her feel happy; it is for this very reason she frees BB-8 from Teedo, why she bypasses the compressor on the Falcon, and why she tells Luke that she would not fail him in the way Kylo Ren did. She is essentially a parasite, leeching off of others to give her what she wants.

After Rey gives into the dark side and mortally wounds Kylo Ren, as I stated, she becomes convinced that her lineage is the reason she is falling to the dark side, so she exiles herself because if she falls to the dark side she’ll make things worse for others instead of pleasing them, she’ll never get the love and worth she wants. She thinks that being Palpatine’s granddaughter automatically makes her even more worthless… that is, until Luke shows up and gives her a pep talk that just because she is Palpatine’s granddaughter doesn’t mean she is worthless (for example, Leia knew of her lineage and yet still trained her, because she saw the spark or whatever in her).

She heads to the Sith Citadel on Exegol (the Citadel represents the subconscious and hidden part of her mind) to confront Palpatine and end the Sith for good, but he convinces her to kill him so she would become Empress and have control over his forces who are endangering her loved ones, her found family, if she refuses her loved ones, her found family, would be killed off; she accepts, knowing that if she becomes Empress and prevents the Final Order from killing her loved ones, her found family, she would obtain that worth for as long as she lives her life as Empress. Suddenly, Ben Solo, the one person she has had a close connection to through the Force for a long time, comes backs for her, showing her that he truly cared about her, that she is valuable, even if she never becomes Empress; this allows her to refuse the ritual and stand against Palpatine. However, he then drains most of her and Ben’s dyad life energy (symbolic of how low self-esteem drains one of life and happiness) and gets rid of the one person who has showed Rey that she is valuable, leaving her all alone once more in the darkness; that is… until she calls out to the Jedi of the past, then all of them respond and convince her that she isn’t alone, that she is capable of rising, etc. This convinces her to refuse the lie she believed her entire life, that she is worthless, that she can only feel worth something if others give her their love, so she finally faces against Palpatine. He spits at her about how she is nothing and how she is unable to stand against him; she ignores his remarks and responds back with her own, self-made sense of self-worth and self-esteem… that “she… is all the Jedi.” She permanently destroys Palpatine, the personification of this irrational core belief, once and for all.

These concepts aren’t really described in the text anywhere

If you’re referring to the actual film, do you even know what inference is?

Let’s keep criticisms constructive and focused on the edit, rather than people.

I’m specifically editing (and talking about) the novel, though of course the film largely informs that. The film has subtext that naturally can be interpreted in different ways (that’s just how stories work), but the novel is somewhat more explicit with explaining Carson’s interpretation of that subtext in the actual text of the novel itself. I don’t agree with all of Carson’s interpretations, and neither do you, judging from your interpretations above.

But that’s what’s brilliant about fanediting: we can each tailor a work to better express the specific themes and subtext we individually see in it. I wasn’t joking, I really would like to read an edit of the novel which brings out the things you listed above. I think it would be a great read.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

CaptainFaraday said:

My only issue is that the Eye requires introduction, which takes time and reader investment, and then never shows up again. I left the stuff with Hux and Pryde because they’re both characters throughout the film, and their scene helps introduce us to both of them, to Kylo, to the First Order and its structure and attitude, to where the plot is headed, and sets up the dynamics of all three characters in relation to each other. The Eye just sets up, well, the Eye, and I think having Kylo talk to a mysterious ancient thing he doesn’t fully understand treads on the toes of Kylo talking to Palpatine.

I feel like these kinds of characters sometimes show up in stories and fairy tales though. Like a wise old hermit or a witch that tells the main character something important about themselves and then vanishes. Of course, this would be the first time something like that appeared in Star Wars.
EDIT: For example, there is the witches from Macbeth. Of course, they appear more later on in the story. But there are other examples as well.

I really like that way of thinking about it.

Now that you’ve mentioned it, something I notice that’s common to that character archetype is that they’re all pretty immediately recognisable, so they don’t feel like something unique to the individual story that the audience is being asked to remember for later.

If I don’t spend an overly long time describing the Eye (in the unaltered text, I think it gets more visual description than any of the protagonists!), and instead make it something very visually immediate, I think it would help with that. Perhaps it’s literally just an eye on a large optic nerve that rises from the lake?