sherlockpotter

Master Lawdog said:

So I got real busy with my personal life today, unfortunately. Tomorrow, I promise I will send Speaking of AI the lines. Here is the video I will be sending him just in case anyone here had anything to say about it.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1P52nZKa4kmdAy6srNg9wyKYvHR2FtGdM/view

I’m still worried about “You’ll die instead.” I don’t think we’ll be able to pull it off with the lip sync, and I think the subtextual difference from changing the line is negligible. I guess it couldn’t hurt to request it, but…

Anyway, thanks again for assembling all of this!

Master Lawdog said:

Also, I’ll get him to do some lines for some scenes that people have tested out in the Rey Nobody thread. Also, an idea came up for me. How would you all feel if he calls out Rey’s name at the end when she looks off into the horizon to see him, Luke and Leia?

If it were up to me, I’d probably remove all dialogue from the epilogue - just let the music and visuals carry it; although, in a similar vein to your idea, I suggested at one point that Ben could call out to her right before she “strikes [Palpatine] down,” and it’s his voice that brings her back from the brink.

So, I guess it would be the same “Rey…” line, just in a different spot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yeah, the TIEs are a must - otherwise they’d just pop up out of of nowhere in the next shot. In my head, I was thinking: The Falcon bursts through the wall, jumps to Hyperspace. The Knights’ ship flies into frame, implying that Finn and Poe just barely escaped in time, and then it moves towards the Iceberg (to murder Boolio off-screen).

Plus, since the audience wouldn’t know to whom this ship belongs yet, it would be add a layer of intrigue to the early part of the film. “Who’s this? They’re accompanied by an evil music cue…what’s going to happen next?”

I think I found a 5.1 source for the LEGO special. I’ll try experimenting with it - we do only need a couple of syllables, after all.

Hey, here’s a random thought…after the Falcon escapes from Iceberg Planet™ - either right after, or at least before the board meeting - what if there was another wide shot of the iceberg; but instead of TIEs flying in all willy-nilly, it’s a shot of the Knights of Ren’s shuttle approaching the landmass?

That way, we’d get an extra moment to breath in the movie, while also foreshadowing Boolio’s imminent decapitation. It would also help to portray the Knights as hunters/trackers, going after the information leak, rather than “guys who stand around with big, dumb swords.”

Okay, finally had a chance to watch the episode and go back through the thread. *cough* Spoilers *cough* 😉 (Thanks for going back through and hiding them!)

I think we should just leave the Palpy clones as-is. Changing the clone design might make it harder to identify who’s in the tank, and the red feels very “Sith-y.” Plus, just like the purple lightsaber, I like that the red color cuts through some of the monochrome Exegol murk. It makes the shot a little more visually interesting, imo.

If you want a lore-based reason, just say that the new version has rotted with age. Or different planets use different compounds.

jadenkorr41 said:

sherlockpotter said:

Did a little more smoothing out on “I” and “am a.” Is it any better?

Also, maybe I’ve watched this clip too many times, but what if Palps says, “I am all the Sith. You are nothing. A scavenger girl is no match for the power in me.” Sade, you’re the expert - did we try it that way already? Would it make any significant difference to the scene?

Hell if I know.

https://streamable.com/81qs12

lol i dont know why, but i thought it was funny at the end of the clip it zoomed in on palp’s face. but in all seriousness, I’m not sure if it truly matters if switching the “i am all the sith, u are nothing, a scavenger girl is no match for the power in me”. The “I am a jedi” line seems fluid. Though is there any way to stretch out the “am a jedi” part? funny because taking out the word “all” makes the line feel shorter and the nuance diminishes slightly imo.

Haha, I’m glad you liked the close up; that was basically me just cracking myself up at 3:00am.

I just tried slowing down the line a little, and to my ear, it completely loses the already soft “a” sound. Weirdly, I just hear “am Jedi,” so I think we might be stuck at the original tempo. (If anyone else wants to try changing the speed, I can share the .wav once we get the clip locked in.)

jarbear said:

Omg can we not do spoilers. Literally waiting to get home to watch show and things are being spoiled/revealed on a non bad batch spoiler thread?

I don’t have many pet peeves, but this is one.

Why didn’t you drop everything in your life to watch it within 12 hours of its release, huh? Totally your fault.

(I’m with you, by the way. Maybe we can wait a day or two before mentioning spoilers?)

I think it’s really cool. The only potential yellow flag I have is that we don’t know where these characters are going to be by this point in the galaxy officially. Mando may die before now, something might happen to Boba in his show, etc. Hal’s usually pretty careful about disrupting canon in his edits, so there might be a worry with that.

Also, regarding the trailer music, I agree that emotionally, it fits the scene well - I was playing around with using it myself - but stylistically it doesn’t feel very “John Williams,” so that’s probably the cause for that concern. It would be like “Star Wars - rescored by Hans Zimmer.” Good music, but not what we’ve come to know as “Star Wars music.”

Did a little more smoothing out on “I” and “am a.” Is it any better?

Also, maybe I’ve watched this clip too many times, but what if Palps says, “I am all the Sith. You are nothing. A scavenger girl is no match for the power in me.” Sade, you’re the expert - did we try it that way already? Would it make any significant difference to the scene?

Hell if I know.

https://streamable.com/81qs12

Neerb said:

sherlockpotter said:

And I also agree with Burbin that it’s kind of fun, looking at the whole trilogy, to say “You’re just a scavenger.” “Not anymore, bitch. Now I’m a Jedi!”

If he were actually saying “you’re just a scavenger” I’d agree, but the way he says it is “a scavenger girl is no match for the power in me.” That statement is more of a declaration rather than directly addressing Rey in conversation, and Rey’s response doesn’t address him directly either (as “Not anymore, bitch” would, lol). I just think that if I saw that ordering in the theater, I would think they accidentally cut a sentence out of the middle of the conversation.

It is less in-your-face than most of this script, I grant you. (MAZ: “Hey audience: Leia’s about to kill herself, in case you can’t pick up on context clues!”) But to me, it still works. It’s almost like Palpatine doesn’t care about her enough to give her much thought. “You’re just a scavenger. Look at how powerful I am. Focus on meeee!!” And Rey’s all like, “Excuse me (bitch), I am a Jedi. Maybe you’ll notice me when I LIGHTNING YOUR FACE!” It’s a bit more subtextual, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

As for her saying “No…,” I think following up “scavenger” or “nothing” with Rey saying “And…” doesn’t really make sense, because it means she’s not actually rejecting either of those things. If the final Palpatine line isn’t “sith,” something needs to be done about “And…,” whether it’s “No…” or something else.

I tried to address the “and” in my edit.

Burbin said:

sherlockpotter said:

Cap is still helping me track down some more instances of Rey saying “I am” to help smooth over that transition (thank you, Cap!!); but in the meantime, I wanted to get back into the scene after stepping away from it for a bit. If it’s not 100% yet, that’s fine - hopefully we’ll be able to use some of the new clips - but for now, I have it with Sade’s Palpy dialogue rearrangement, the added Rey pant as before, and a new cut of “am a Jedi.” The big thing I’m curious about for this test: I also tweaked the video somewhat to see if I could fudge the lip sync at all, so I’d love feedback on that!

https://streamable.com/l4ugyw

I think it looks and sounds great!

I feel the pacing, the delivery and the ideas flow the best with this rearrangement of the dialogue. Basically he first tells her “You are nothing, I am everything”. Then to rub it in he calls her a scavenger.

If Palps last line was “I am all the Sith” then the only appropiate response for Rey would be “I’m all the Jedi”, basically countering “I have the power of all the Sith inside me” with “I have the power of all the Jedi who stand behind me”. But switching the last line to calling her a scavenger is brilliant because now it’s personal, it speaks to her own self-doubt, and now the appropiate response for Rey is to take the courage to call herself a Jedi.

Thanks, man!

If memory serves, Sade did put together a version that ended with the “You are nothing” line; but exactly as Burbin said, we felt that the pacing and flow of the dialogue was best with this version. Structurally, sure, “You are nothing.” “I am a Jedi.” It makes sense; but it just didn’t flow as well for whatever reason. And I also agree with Burbin that it’s kind of fun, looking at the whole trilogy, to say “You’re just a scavenger.” “Not anymore, bitch. Now I’m a Jedi!” It basically sums up Rey’s whole journey in two lines.

I’d be down for trying “No…I am a Jedi,” but we’d have to find a good instance of her saying the word. This scene has proven to be surprisingly difficult for getting Daisy’s tone to sound correct.

Cap is still helping me track down some more instances of Rey saying “I am” to help smooth over that transition (thank you, Cap!!); but in the meantime, I wanted to get back into the scene after stepping away from it for a bit. If it’s not 100% yet, that’s fine - hopefully we’ll be able to use some of the new clips - but for now, I have it with Sade’s Palpy dialogue rearrangement, the added Rey pant as before, and a new cut of “am a Jedi.” The big thing I’m curious about for this test: I also tweaked the video somewhat to see if I could fudge the lip sync at all, so I’d love feedback on that!

https://streamable.com/l4ugyw

Yeah, I’d also rather not have another planet-destroying weapon, especially when it’s so inconsequential to the actual plot. The other factor is that it’s not really “The First Order” that blows up Kijimi, it’s Palpatine. Palpatine’s behind it all.

But, hmm… I wonder if it were possible to edit it in such a way that the First Order kind of “bombs” the planet, but then cut away before the entire planet is destroyed. That could potentially be interesting; but I think I’d still rather just leave it out. There are enough explosions already.

The weird thing is that Babu just decides to send a transmission to Endor on a whim and prays that there are no Empire sympathizers at the most significant Imperial archeological site ever. Jannah hadn’t even heard of him before she got the message. And yeah, that’s 100% a nitpick, and normally I wouldn’t worry too much about nitpicks; but the R&D was already done, so why not address it?

I guess…here’s my thinking overall: The official film is already held together by duct tape and wishful thinking, so at this point, I just want the main plot elements (like the dagger) to make some amount of sense. Like I’ve said all along, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work; but I wouldn’t want to just throw out RL’s idea without giving it a fair chance. We’re waiting on other shots in the meantime anyway.

Okay, in fairness, that’s not an explanation I was expecting, lol! (Goes to show me, I suppose.) It makes marginally more sense, but like you said, it’s still pretty dumb.

And thank you for clarifying about the broadcast. I should have said that the transmission could have been intercepted by anyone in the galaxy (especially when it comes from a First Order-occupied planet - you’d think they’d be monitoring those things), not that it was necessarily intended for everyone to hear. I appreciate you keeping me on my toes!

God…I’m sorry, guys. There are just some times when this movie makes me feel like:

I can only speak for myself, but for me, having the Wayfinder coordinates being etched onto this dagger is still too much of a contrivance to be overlooked. Star Wars has never exactly been a paradigm of plotting and structure; but I can’t think of any moment that “jumps the shark” more than that. For crying out loud, the DSII was only built 30 years ago. And who would have carved the dagger with that information? Ochi?

Burbin said:

I feel more split on the 3PO redub. I think the whispers are already telegraphed very well with the latest changes: Rey hears whispers when she picks up the dagger on Passana, then again while rescuing Chewie which prompts her to say “I have a feeling we need the dagger”, then she hears (presumably louder) whispers when she picks it up before being interrupted by Kylo, finally on Endor she puts two and two together over the meaning of “only this blade tells (the location of the Wayfinder)”.

Furthermore I feel that it’s better if the whispers are something only Rey knows about (and keeps to herself). That really drives on the idea of her feelings of isolation, in the same way she doesn’t tell Leia about her visions, she doesn’t tell her friends about the whispers. It would even make more sense now for her to storm off behind their backs on Endor, since she doesn’t want them to know what she’s doing (or how she’s doing it), instead of just because they’re running out of time.

I mean, yeah, the whispers are fantastic. But the dagger translations wouldn’t affect them at all, so I don’t understand the worry, here. And in fact - “It would even make more sense now for her to storm off behind their backs on Endor, since she doesn’t want them to know what she’s doing” - if Finn and Poe already know that the Wayfinder is on DSII, then doesn’t that counteract your point? If Rey just randomly tells them, “I think we have to go to Endor” (i.e. the new translation plan), and they’re just in the background wondering what the heck they’re doing out here, then that would be in line with what you’re proposing.

Also I’m not a fan of all the small bits that would have to be cut. I feel there needs to be at least some reaction to the dagger’s translation they’ve worked so hard for (such as “the Endor system. Where the last war ended?”), an ambiguous translation would prompt an even bigger reaction, disconcerted looks from Poe and Finn, saying something like “what is that supposed to mean?” or “is that helpful? Rey, does that ring a bell?”.

I’m sure we could figure out some way of redubbing that line. That’s not a huge issue. And if not…it’s not the first time this film failed to get adequate coverage. J.J.'s whole MO is cutting emotional scenes short with a sudden enemy arrival, so it would blend right in!

And I also don’t like trimming Jannah’s introduction even more and losing the Babu Frik joke from 3PO.

I thought we were cutting that line anyway, because they threw away their own story logic for the sake of a quick joke? (Namely that “Babu only works for the crew,” and also that the line implies he was broadcasting Rey’s location to the entire galaxy.)

Also, I know we have a few dads out here on the thread. Happy Father’s Day, you guys!

Jar Jar Bricks said:

There also needs to be a line replacement for Poe when Rey senses the dagger. Either that, or some clever editing to cut around it.

EDIT: The easiest solution there would be “Where?” instead of “Why?”. Just my 2 cents.

Thanks for remembering this, Jar Jar! I’ve been sampling some clips, so I’ll try to get something out soon.

I may have missed some other edits too, full disclosure. The scope of this project blows me away sometimes.

Movies Remastered said:

Other than the stuff you’re waiting on from me who other scenes/changes/audio/VFX shots are you waiting on?

Off the top of my head:

• Kijimi uprising audio (Axlanian, Chase Adams, and I were working on it)
• A final edit for “I am a Jedi” (Sade and me, and Cap has been helping us find other usable audio clips)
• Dagger vision (I don’t believe anyone has started working on the vision itself)
• Dagger translation (I’m pretty sure some people were working on this)
• Kijimi graffiti (in progress, but would need to be tracked in)
• Sith eye replacement at a couple of points (Someone had a mockup on one of these threads, but nothing is finished)
• Mustafar opening (may be done? May need some more VFX tweaks)
• The crackle saber/sputtering saber effects (whenever you can get to it!)
• Death Star lightning shot (Dat_SW_Guy created the effect a while back, but I don’t have an HQ copy yet to work on the audio)

hedgesmfg said:

NeverarGreat said:

regularjoe said:

Someone needs to make & share a mockup of the opening crawl, "Fuck it, somehow Palpatine returned.”
Please.

https://vimeo.com/564435856

Password: fanedit

Love it, but I think we need to use the more exact quote and put it earlier in the crawl.

So here’s my take (Unlisted for now):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHbEc8Aj9YM

Yesssss.

Movies Remastered said:

No more confusing than having Palpy return 😉

Somehow…Boba Fett has returned. *Mandalorian Theme plays*

TestingOutTheTest said:

How about: “Legend describes it as a lost Sith world…” or something like that?

That would work too, Testing. Good idea!

Hal 9000 said:

I wonder if introducing the idea in the crawl that all or certain systems are being silenced would help with the “making you think you’re alone” element.

“…by silencing any planetary system that supports their enemy.”

“…by cutting off any planetary system…”

“…by silencing communication between planetary systems that…”

Like I’ve said before, I would be hesitant to introduce “communications blackouts” into the story if we don’t have a satisfying way of showing that, or of resolving that. But I do really like the idea of changing “attacking” to “silencing.” You have the same thing, which implies that the First Order is trying to prevent a new alliance from forming (as opposed to “attacking” them in retaliation); but it’s not as specific or as mechanical as “cutting the telephone lines.”

Hal 9000 said:

I do agree with changing the third paragraph to imply Kylo is tracking down a rumored threat to his rule rather than a macguffin that would allow him to destroy any unspecified threats to his rule.

I also really like this angle too! Enough with the McGuffins, film lol. My only concern would be - if there were rumors in the galaxy about something that could challenge Kylo’s rule, wouldn’t the Resistance be all over that? It could change the tide of the war! Leia would have sent Finn and Poe to investigate the rumor directly, not rendezvous with some random informant. So we would have to word it very carefully…

So, perhaps something like this?

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Flames of rebellion burn across the galaxy. As worlds rise, inspired by LUKE SKYWALKER’S sacrifice on Crait, the tyrannical First Order has begun silencing any planetary system that supports their enemy.

As Rey, sole heir to the Jedi, continues her training, General Leia Organa sends her brave agents across the stars to unite the disparate worlds in the name of Resistance.

Meanwhile, having sensed a new power rising in the shadows, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has traveled to Mustafar, determined to quell any threats to his rule…

Burbin said:

sherlockpotter said:

Fair point, Burbin; I think I may be conflating the theatrical crawl and the Ascendant crawl in my head. I’ve been pondering over this film so long, everything is becoming a blur haha.

I guess as-is is fine, then. Personally, I think I’d still rather have the change though. If he’s going after the hidden power because it would “allow him to destroy any threats,” that implies to me that he’s choosing a certain side; and I’d rather keep his motivations more ambiguous. But like I said, I guess it’s fine to leave it.

I think telling the audience Kylo is in need of more power to shut down the threat of rebellion is great to telegraph his shifted motivation being solely focused on the Sith fleet. His rule is under threat and he needs more resources, it makes Palpatine’s offer more enticing without telling us what side Kylo’s really on. And the fact he’s willing to gamble with the devil for it makes the growing uprising seem like a real threat.

Again, I like what you’re going for; I just don’t think the film shows it in any meaningful capacity. Especially “He’s willing to gamble with the devil” - that would have been so cool! But as the film never really does much with the idea of Kylo double crossing Palpatine aside from one or two throwaway lines. There’s no scene where Rey wonders about Kylo’s loyalties, or where Kylo openly goes against orders…It’s all played very straight. He says he’ll help Palpatine, and then he tells Rey he won’t. How compelling. But the key is, none of it changes how Rey sees Kylo at all, or how the audience sees Kylo at all. So any potential nuance or intrigue is nullified.

For me, if we don’t say what he wants to do with this new power, I think it would be more compelling. The whole time, we’re wondering whether or not he’s working with Palpatine or against him. Is he planning on using Palpatine to control the galaxy? Is he going to stab Palps in the back? He says as much to Rey; but Palps told him to find Rey, so maybe he’s just saying that to lure her out! When he put away his lightsaber, was that him biding his time; or was he actually allying himself with Palps???

Or we could say “Kylo wants to destroy any threats to his power” in the crawl, and make it clear from Minute 1 that he’s going to try and overthrow Palpatine.

Ehhhh…

DZ-330 said:

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical First Order has silenced
all communication between neighboring
systems. Fear is everywhere.

I would say no to this too, unfortunately. I get it; but it makes it sound like this communication blackout is going to be a huge plot point in the film (much like in Trevorrow’s script); but…it just isn’t. I feel like it’s a case of being stuck in the weeds. There was concern that Poe should still feel like no one is joining the Resistance cause; so there has to be a reason why he hasn’t heard from anyone; so we need to claim that there’s a communications block…but then we’ll have to resolve that - like before - just by having Lando ring everyone in person.

I almost feel like introducing communications problems to the story is opening a whole new can of worms that we’ll have to then resolve somehow. I vote we just cut Poe’s one contradictory line and be done with it.

Fair point, Burbin; I think I may be conflating the theatrical crawl and the Ascendant crawl in my head. I’ve been pondering over this film so long, everything is becoming a blur haha.

I guess as-is is fine, then. Personally, I think I’d still rather have the change though. If he’s going after the hidden power because it would “allow him to destroy any threats,” that implies to me that he’s choosing a certain side; and I’d rather keep his motivations more ambiguous. But like I said, I guess it’s fine to leave it.

krlozdac said:

“Flames of rebellion burn across the galaxy. The tyrannical First Order has retaliated by attacking silencing any planetary system that supports their enemy.”

I think that’s a nice change, it’s a bit more nuanced, and it helps to make the First Order feel more like their panicking, trying desperately to smother the other uprisings. However, I still think my aforementioned concern still stands - we’re going out of our way here to show the audience that people are trying to join the “resistance” against the First Order (as opposed to necessarily “The Resistance,” i.e. the organization); but we don’t have any way of showing why Poe wouldn’t believe in them at all. We’re showing the audience one thing, and then saying the exact opposite. I still think it would feel incongruous.

Also, while we’re on the topic of potential opening crawl tweaks, I’d vote to also change this part:

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has traveled to Mustafar, chasing whispers of a hidden power that would allow him to destroy any threat to his rule… has been rising in the shadows…

I think it would help make Kylo’s plans a little more mysterious. Is he actually going to go along with Palpatine? Does he want to destroy him? In the actual story, the truth of his loyalties isn’t revealed until…the duel in his quarters, I think? Personally, I’d rather not spoil that in the crawl. “HE’S GOING TO BETRAY PALPATINE!!!” Cool, Film. Thanks for the spoon-feeding me the answers.

(I know it’s mostly just a byproduct of the original crawl, but that whole crawl is garbage anyway. “The dead speak”…)

Burbin said:

…There is enough of a backbone of elements like these that do seem thought out…

That’s pretty much the one thing I’ll flat-out disagree with you on, mate lol. I don’t think the story was well thought out at all; and one of the things I love about Ascendant is that it actually provides much of the backbone that was missing in the theatrical (like when it sets up the galaxy rising up in the crawl).

I don’t see it as contradictory, the point of Poe’s arc is that he’s wrong, both in the theatrical and in Ascendant, to think the galaxy has given up. That there are other people out there willing to fight.

I do see where you’re coming from, and I think that would be a good way to take the film; but like Cap said above, I don’t think the film telegraphs that at all. In Ascendant, we have the crawl, we have the puppet show, we have (hopefully) the Kijimi rebellion…all of it feels indicative of the larger state of the galaxy. Even if Poe personally doesn’t stop to watch the puppet show, the film is telegraphing that these are the sorts of things happening everywhere. And as a field agent, Poe should be aware of this after a full year.

In order to effectively convince Poe that not one single person is out there fighting, the film would need to have a scene that shows him that. Maybe on Pasaana, he asks the squid people to hold off the stormtroopers for them so they can escape, but the locals all run away. We see Poe looking crestfallen and defeated. And then later we understand why he doesn’t believe anyone else is fighting. But the film has to show us why he thinks that. Why he thinks that, even if the audience already knows better.

As it is, there’s no setup for it, so it feels like a really naff bit of exposition. And like I said, he’s essentially saying the same thing now as he did in the original, just without the one or two lines that say “Everyone has given up!!” It has the same overall meaning, just cutting out the one blatant contradiction.