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Jar Jar Bricks

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Post
#1440510
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

DrVibble said:

Kylo’s altered dialogue to “You were right.” definitely helped in terms of continuity and logic, but though it’s close enough to pass for Kylo’s voice on its own, next to his real masked voice it’s pretty clear that it sounds different; the accent doesn’t quite match, and it feels more flat. Are there any plans to retouch this line for future versions?

Nice review here! I made a mock-up of what is, in my opinion, a more organic line in this scene a while back. I’m glad to hear that even for a first-time viewer this line sounds off. Here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcsLeRB5Uyk

The original line was completely contradictory with TLJ, so it makes sense to replace it, but at least this line removes that contradiction and replaces it with something basic that doesn’t sound out of place. Plus, it makes it clearer where the visions are coming from. Kylo says he sees her parents, then he tells her to see them as well. Cue the first vision.

Post
#1440489
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

Hmmm that’s actually kinda interesting. That Snoke only takes credit for the visions Rey and Kylo saw. The problem is that the visions only showed themselves when they touched, and I seriously doubt Snoke was relying on them touching anytime soon since Rey was on the other side of the galaxy.

Still something to consider though.

Post
#1440429
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

Knight of Kalee said:

One of the issues with Snoke’s exposition in the scene is that doesn’t completely clarify if the Force bond between Kylo and Rey was indeed created by Snoke or if he’s lying. The fact that the bond persists after his death of course suggests the later, but your edit could make it more clear, and even tie the mind bridge to the Force dyad retcon in TROS.

I’ve ultimately decided to have Snoke admit to being aware of their “strange connection”, but he never even alludes to creating it. Then he goes on to explain that he took advantage of it by “stok[ing] Ren’s conflicted soul” (the berating scene from earlier) knowing that he would turn to Rey and have her come to him.

Yes, it leaves the question of how this thing formed in the first place, but earlier in the novel I explain that something formed, or simply made itself known, during the interrogation scene in TFA. I think the mystery of what exactly their connection is is best reserved for TROS. I’m thinking about going into more details of the dyad in my v2.0 of TROS.

I was considering having him know they were communicating, but not knowing exactly how, but in the end that was too contrived. Besides, since I’ve made Snoke and Palpatine separate entities in this series, it’s no longer an issue for Palpatine to be unaware of their connection.

Post
#1440412
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

Yet again I’ve encountered something that works spectacularly in text form but not so much in the actual film.

One of my favorite changes by Hal/Poppa is removing Snoke’s annoying descriptions of what he sees in Kylo’s mind and making it purely a moment between Kylo and Rey. But here, Snoke’s descriptions are the only thing that lets the reader know what’s going on without spoiling the reveal. Like, I could describe what moves Kylo is making and all that, but it really wouldn’t translate very well I don’t think. It would be too obvious and blatant.

Post
#1440374
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

Too dark for Star Wars imo. Also doesn’t make much sense. Crying is a much more realistic reaction to her accepting reality.

Although I will admit that I did attempt a vague reference to such a thing when Kylo reveals she is a Palpatine and they are a dyad. I believe the text says something about how her jumping from the Star Destroyer would most certainly be fatal. So then I wrote, “Maybe she should jump anyway.”

Post
#1440281
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

CamSMurph said:

Just one last thing: I was expecting the Knights of Ren to utter, “May our bond never again be shattered,” or something along those lines. 🤔

I agree that it might be a good idea somewhere to create the impression that the Knights have been disbanded, and that’s why they didn’t show up for the past two films. This is the canon answer, btw.

Post
#1440250
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

Here is a shortened and slightly edited version of Snoke’s monologue to make him seem less ancient and hone in on his mysterious origins:

Snoke knew he himself was a virtually unknown ruler, just about the furthest thing from what the tattered remnants of Palpatine’s Empire had imagined as their leader. The admirals and generals who’d survived the fury of the Empire’s implosion and the New Republic’s wrath had envisioned being led by someone else, someone more recognized: pitiless, devious Gallius Rax; dutiful, cautious Rae Sloane; the slippery political fanatic Ormes Apolin; cold, calculating Enric Pryde; or even the unhinged but ambitious military architect Brendol Hux.

All of those would-be leaders had been co-opted, sidelined, or destroyed, leaving only Armitage Hux, the mad son of a mad father. And that one was but a mouthpiece, a miscast tinkerer whose rantings could only persuade the sort of rabble who blindly worshipped rage and lunatic certainty.

Palpatine had engineered the Contingency to simultaneously destroy his Empire and ensure its rebirth, ruthlessly winnowing its ranks and rebuilding them with who and what survived. The rebuilding was to take place in the Unknown Regions, secretly explored by Imperial scouts and seeded with shipyards, laboratories, storehouses, and stockpiles of all types - an enormously expensive effort that had taken decades, and been kept hidden from all but the elect.

But the Imperial refugee’s military preparations had been insufficient bulwarks against the terrors of the Unknown Regions. Grasping in the dark among strange stars, they had come perilously close to destruction, and it had not been military might that had saved them.

It had been knowledge - Snoke’s knowledge. Which, ironically, led back to Palpatine and his secrets.

Palpatine’s true identity as Darth Sidious, heir to the Sith, had been an even greater secret than the Contingency. And the Empire’s explorations into the Unknown Regions had served both aspects of its ruler. For Sidious knew that the galaxy’s knowledge of the Force had come from those long-abandoned, half-legendary star systems, and that great truths awaited rediscovery on them.

Truths that Snoke had learned from and made to serve his own ends.

One obstacle had stood in his way - Skywalker. Like his father, Skywalker had been a favored instrument of the will of the Cosmic Force. That made it essential to watch him. And once Skywalker endangered Snoke’s design, it had become essential to act.

And so Snoke had drawn upon his vast store of knowledge, parceling it out to confuse Skywalker’s path, ensnare his family, and harness Ben Solo’s powers to ensure both Skywalker’s destruction and Snoke’s triumph.

Now the endgame he had foreseen was at hand.

Post
#1440193
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

TestingOutTheTest said:

The problem I had with that elevator scene before is that all troopers at this point should know about the infamous FN-2187.

The FO is MASSIVE (in terms of the amount of people), of course they wouldn’t know about Finn’s betrayal.

I know that, but knowing how these sorts of regimes work, I’d think they would broadcast all over the place how terrible this 2187 guy was. They would use it as an opportunity for propaganda and make the stormtroopers want to hate the guy.

Or maybe they’d keep it under wraps. Who knows.

EDIT: Proof that they should recognize him comes from TFA. During the battle of Takodana, he is recognized as a stormtrooper by another one even though there’s no real indicator of it. Remember when the guy with the baton thingy shouts “Traitor!” at him?

Post
#1440187
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

Knight of Kalee said:

I haven’t read the TLJ novel, so is there the deleted scene with Finn and co. meet some stormtroopers inside an elevator? In that case you could tie both moments together, maybe having the trooper that talks with Finn being the first to point his gun at Phasma.

Yes, that one is in there. In fact, I’m actually considering having him be there at the tracker room when they get caught to say “I’m sorry” yet again. Cause there are a bunch of normal troopers there, and they would have been in the vicinity to get the call to surprise attack them.

The problem I had with that elevator scene before is that all troopers at this point should know about the infamous FN-2187. And the novelization explains that the walls of the elevator would cause a ricochet effect killing everyone inside. So it makes sense they would receive orders (muffled by their helmets) to hold off their attack until later.

Post
#1440177
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

The scene still ends with him declaring that he’s “rebel scum”. In the deleted scene he points out that Phasma only cares about her own wellbeing, not the cause she supposedly serves. This is what makes the troopers around Finn turn on her. I think this only enhances what you just said.

Post
#1440172
Topic
The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE)
Time

Strangely, it appears Jason Fry chose not to include the Phasma’s end deleted scene in his novelization. I believe that without it the whole Phasma stuff should be removed (which is what Poppa’s edit does).

Since this is a novel, obviously there is a lot more freedom. I think this scene should be included because it serves as a prelude to the stormtrooper rebellion that happens in my edit of TROS. Thing is, I haven’t had to actually write my own scenes just yet from scratch. So some help would be greatly appreciated here. As in, feedback on what I write when I get to it.

Post
#1440171
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

CamSMurph said:

I just realised something, if Rey confesses to Finn and Poe, “You know I want to be out there with you!”, why is it a few scenes later she’s suddenly all like, “no its 2 bloody dangerous Finn”? 🤔

She is willing to undergo that risk herself, but she doesn’t want her friends to be in danger. Same thing applies to why she ditches them on Pasaana and Endor.

Post
#1440109
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

I like the sound of journeyed, but I guess that does sound a little too fancy.

What you could always do is also change out the “to” before “Mustafar” for more freedom of vocabulary. Example: “Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has arrived on Mustafar”.

Here’s the exact definition of arrived from Google: “reach a place at the end of a journey or a stage in a journey.”

Post
#1440036
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

TestingOutTheTest said:

Regarding Kylo watching Ochi’s ship take off. I like the idea in theory, it’s an “Oh shit, they’re getting away!” kind of moment, but… why not just pull them towards himself?

He already accomplished what he set out to do there: make Rey lose control. Now he wants Rey to be alone long enough to wallow in that misery, so that she accepts him later on or straight up goes to him herself.

And yeah, the Knights were also in charge of tracking them.

Post
#1439833
Topic
The Last Jedi: Stoic Edition (WIP)
Time

Knight of Kalee said:

and then there’s others where there’s dialogue and editing choices that spoonfeed everything, like Rey’s experience at the vision, where we hear her voiceover explanation at the very same time we are watching it, and it makes it feel cheaper as a result.

I realize this may not be the right thread to discuss this, but why exactly didn’t the main editors here remove that voice over from the vision? I can’t imagine it would be that hard to do, and it would improve the scene a lot. The only line Rey needs to say is “I’ve never felt so alone.”

Post
#1439752
Topic
The Last Jedi: Stoic Edition (WIP)
Time

Cool project Faraday! Funnily enough, I actually went away from the film with the exact opposite impression: it didn’t explain enough. Luke has a good point that the Jedi are pretty bad (as demonstrated by the prequels) but doesn’t delve into that enough.

But at the same time, you’re right that doing a more detailed approach might make people think the film is actually advocating those ideas instead of the badass Jedi Luke at the end. As such, this project certainly has its place. Not sure what Testing is on about.

Post
#1438985
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

I mean, it’s not necessarily too big a deal for me if it’s not included in v2. What matters is if it’s actually produced by the AI. I have some other character lines that I’m going to put into v2 as soon as I get it so this would just be another one to add to the list.

Still, it’s my opinion that this would benefit the project. But I suppose Hal is ultimately the deciding vote in that regard.