Hal 9000

And just see Finn’s gums flapping afterward?

Love the assassin buildup to the gag. It gets funnier because you see it coming. The voiceover as we see the necklace had me laughing. Very good stuff; It looks like avoiding the bulk of the ROTR spoilers will serve me well.

I may as well show you all the rough attempt at showing the fighters react to SKB firing. It’s obviously slowed down, and sort of looks like hot garbage. I do not plan on using this.
https://vimeo.com/171935900

Eh, I think not mentioning it at all does best to avoid awkward questions without raising new ones. If they thought he probably did, why aren’t they doing more to try to wake him up or extract it from his memory? If they don’t suspect he does have it (like Threepio makes awkwardly clear), it makes sense he would wake up and surprise everyone.

Correct. One goal, which carries a necessary second:
Move Hosnian Prime’s destruction to after Han’s death.
Do the little things to make it work (clean up the mess).

I think I may cheat slightly by also removing Threepio’s line, “It is very unlikely that R2 would have the rest of the map in his backup data.”

I had the chance to watch the workprint myself tonight. If I may say so, I felt it worked remarkably well.
I did, however, feel like one thing was missing: Leia reporting that the weapon was about to be used, to explain the apparent urgency as the Resistance prepares to head to SKB. So, I went back and took another look at the briefing scene. I was able to pull something off that I feel solves this issue:
https://vimeo.com/171864217

You’ll notice that I am unable to have her identify the target. However, this may be a good thing, since it would help explain why she didn’t attempt to warn the Republic. We see Hux tell his side that they’re targeting the Senate, and we even saw he and Snoke decide on this. But, Leia appears to only know that they are preparing to fire at all.

I think the happy nature of the post-SKB destruction is justifiable in terms of movie sensibilities, but I did a super quick mockup of removing the fighters’ celebratory shots, shortening the following shot so the music matches up. You can still hear some of the vocals; this was just a quick mock up to get the idea across, and it will be easy to polish later:
https://vimeo.com/171864218

PM sent

Yes, exactly. I really like the clip you’ve shown but I presume it isn’t the final form. Whenever you have it how you think it should be, upload it at full quality and let me know. But it’s not like I see it as obviously unfinished or anything.

PMs have been sent for the workprint. I hope to give this thing a proper review period of gestation before sending it out into the world.

NeverarGreat said:

Is anyone else bothered by the idea that Han and Chewie would just stand idly by and take time out of their day to question Maz about a lightsaber while they know that the First Order is about to occupy the castle?

I feel like a quick cutaway to Kylo ordering his agent to sabotage escaping ships and later a single explosion wouldn’t be that much more difficult. I bet the guys at Auralnauts could provide the voice for this line (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFicXlvJBdo) and I could do the VFX for the shots if nobody else is interested.

Here’s the previous rough mockup in case anyone missed it: https://vimeo.com/170422931 Password: Kylo

I’m skeptical of this working out. It seems a little inelegant, but I see your concern about no one’s rush to evacuate. The implication, I guess, is there’d be no escape for them, and the Star Destroyer looming helps establish this. Ideally, the extras would start running while the heroes stay behind because of Rey.

rpvee said:

Really cool concepts here! My only concerns are:

Thanks! I share your concerns. Thanks for prompting me to talk about them.

-the destruction of Hosnian right after Han’s death leaves Kylo, Rey, Finn, Chewie, and a stormtrooper all just standing there in shock for a lot longer than they originally were. It feels weird for Chewie to take so long to do something.

It’s a little delayed as it is, with Kylo having a lingering moment to contemplate what he’s done (not to mention cutting away to Leia) before Chewie takes a shot at him. The transition to SKB firing feels emotionally right, but cutting back to Chewie’s reaction rips us back to the present moment. A good question would be, “How would this have struck audiences if it had been what was shown on opening day?”

-Chewie blowing up the room right after SKB destroys the system made me think “you couldn’t have pressed that button a couple minutes ago?”. He could’ve prevented the whole thing, even if he was distracted by the situation on the bridge.

Yes, this touches on a new irony induced by the restructure. Han and Chewie presumably would have been successful in taking out the oscillator had Han not taken the risk of confronting his son. This is a dark mirror of Vader taking a risk out of compassion for Luke, though in his case it ended up helping save the day.

-the dogfight happens relatively close to the laser cannon. Assuming it just fired really close to the ships, you’d think Poe and company would either get the hell out of there, or at least say something about the planet-destroying lasers they just saw right in front of them.

I attempted to wedge in a few shots (horrible pun, sadly, intended) of the X-wing fighters reacting to the red beam. All I had was a very quick shot of Poe turning his head (reversed), and the woman looking dismayed at a comrade being shot down. Both had to be given an obvious slow motion treatment to be plausible, and the whole thing struck me as kind of ugly. You are right, though; reaction shots of the fighters would help cement this change, but I don’t think there’s enough source material to do anything worthwhile.

-minor, but in the spliced together Snoke scene, he’s sitting one moment, and then standing the next.

Yes. This is a side effect of keeping the exposition about hitting the Republic by name, and tying it in with Luke. I guess one would have to assume he started to stand up during a cutaway, but yeah, it’s definitely an extant minor continuity problem.

Thanks, guys. Rendering now.

Anyone up for a workprint viewing? I’m pretty happy with how this has shaped up, and the only things that we know are still necessary are:
FX shot to remove Hux walking away during fist shot of (new) first Snoke scene
Finished FX shots of TIEs coming in towards Maz’s castle
FX shot to insert Kylo Ren’s face over his mask as he and Hux talk with Snoke

I hope there are a few small things that workprint viewers can find to make this even better, but I’m pretty excited about where it stands now. With those three bits of FX material incorporated, I think we’ve got something pretty solid.

It does put a button on it to cut back to Hux, and helps sell the change. This edit changes emphasis slightly so that SKB is more strongly implied to be more Hux’s passion than Ren or Snoke; they’re chiefly interested in Luke and aren’t overly proud of their technological terror.
And I think it’s more effective to see Ren plead with Snoke to avoid using the weapon by helping him get the map from Rey without it already having been used to essentially blow up Washington DC.
I’m finding several small things to appreciate about what is a very simple idea of moving Hosnian Prime blowing up to right after Han dies. Another is that while in Vader’s case a father’s risk of love helped save the galaxy, in Han’s the same helped doom it. It’s a dark mirror of ROTJ’s eucatastrophe. But the thing I like best about this restructure is that it keeps Luke as more of the primary macguffin throughout the whole movie.

Here’s a mockup for showing a closeup of Hux after SKB begins draining the Sun. I welcome critical feedback on this, because I am not 100% sure it’s an improvement over the way it was, just showing the star being drained and not cutting back to Hux. Note that the footage must be reversed in order for the beam to appear to be traveling down toward the planet, resulting in a slight pan back from Hux.
https://vimeo.com/171507687

Hmm… I don’t think a vocal-only track would solve anything that is holding the project up. If everything comes together before then, I see no reason to hold back for it.
Don’t get me wrong, it sounds like an interesting and valuable endeavor itself.

There’s really just one shot of the two of them standing there that needs his face pasted in there, but I agree that the others are all right.

Here’s an updated draft of the second Snoke scene.
https://vimeo.com/171303628

I feel like this version makes it seem like the superweapon was mostly just Hux’s passion, and the other two make use of it insofar as it serves their goals involving Luke.

EDIT: I know about the audio hiccup as Hux mentions the weapon.

ImperialFighter, your idea works very well and feels very natural. I’m cutting from Finn and Rey turning to start running from the exploding building to the dogfight in space. Cutting back from the shot of the distant oscillator explosion to Finn and Rey again works very well!
I think it’s still better to cut from the saber duel to the X-wings descending toward the trench; cutting back to them in space still talking about the oscillator doesn’t feel right to me.
Thanks for the input!

I’ve gone in and removed the shot of the red planet-destroying beam passing the Star Destroyer, and the music feels much less cut-up as a result. If you’re already familiar with the score, the current version shouldn’t feel like it has been tampered with, just that you don’t hear the whole thing.

The technical hurdles to finishing this are diminishing rapidly. We can discuss whether this project really works all that well, but I do want to finish it and put it out there. Just need a few FX shots (TIEs coming toward Maz’s castle, and demasking Ren), and I think we’re just about there.

Sounds like a great idea; I’ll see how it does!
Even if we have to cut back to the X-wings descending and lose Poe’s 78th time saying, “Give [it] everything [you] got,” that’ll still be an organic transition.

Moth3r said:

4320720081260082-824-1018

Hmm… needs a TK in there somewhere. I’d shorten it to TK-824. Yeah. Now, to check my bank statement.

Kexikus said:

The music in the TIE scene is fine, but I think the TIEs themselves are too loud and the crowd is not loud enough.

Not a problem, especially since there’ll be no music replacement anyway.

In the scene where Hux reports that the weapon is ready and is instructed to prepare it, it sounds like their target is the Resistance since they only refer to their target as “them” and not as “the Republic”. Not sure how this can be improved but I think it should be made clearer than it is at the moment.

The problem is that difficult (probably impossible) FX work would be required to be able to keep the dialogue about targeting the Republic specifically. My thinking is that by not naming anyone, it telegraphs to the audience that their target is understood. Later, we get a Hitler speech making it clear what the target is.

If I may ask: What was changed in the briefing scene and the next one?

Removing tiny bits of dialogue leftovers. When Finn meets Leia, removed reference to “the weapon that destroyed the Hosnian system,” and during the briefing, removed exposition that SKB is now targeting the Resistance base.

And in the latest video the music cut after “Give it everything you got” is quite noticeable.

Yes. Structurally, I think this reordering is a very good thing. But, there is no wiggle room on either side to allow much crossfading. I will experiment with using the soundtrack to buffer it, if I can.

Everything else seems fine but there is another scene that needs work I think: The SKB explosion and Resistance fleet leaving scene. The music and pilot reactions are too happy for the restructured plot. The latter can be cut but I fear this scene needs new music which might be quite hard to pull off.

Yeah, and that might have to be chalked up to artistic Star Wars license, to have them be happy when perhaps they should be more somber. After all, in TFA no one appears to give a shit after the Republic capital is obliterated; Leia seems almost bored, Poe is happy as can be, and it comes off as a minor fringe attack.

Here’s a potential bit of restructuring that can help the removal of the cutaway to the Resistance HQ feel more organic.
https://vimeo.com/170889793
After Han is killed and Hosnian Prime is destroyed, Kylo Ren starts to hobble toward Finn and Rey, who begin to run away. Cut to the areal dogfight, and a pilot notes that they now have a chance to infiltrate the oscillator. Cut back to Finn and Rey making for the Falcon and encountering Kylo Ren. After Rey and Kylo begin to fight, cut to the X-wings descending toward the trench.

This would bump the pilots noticing the damaged oscillator up to right after it happens, and cover an otherwise awkward cut.

Also, there’s a quick cutaway during the trench run to Hux being informed the base is almost ready to fire. But, that’s easily removed.

EDIT: Also, also, I believe this project of ours will end up removing all mention of Hosnian Prime by name. Not a big deal, just a note. It was super easy to miss as it was anyway, and this wouldn’t affect the plot. People will be more apt to mistake it for Coruscant, which it is the functional equivalent of.

Any specific music craps that stick out?

The shot would have to be played in reverse, having the camera pull back from a closeup, to match the downward movement of the star trail.
I will do a mockup so we can see what we think.

Here’s a clip showing all the necessary changes to pull this off.
https://vimeo.com/170400167

For the clip with Finn and the TIEs, I used the most recent in-progress FX shots from Jackpumpkinhead, so these aren’t nailed down yet. For the audio, I couldn’t find a selection of music that fit in better than what was already there, since it would need to fade back into the music that ends the scene and begins the next. I just brought the sound down so you could hear the TIEs, and not feel like the music was too dramatic for what was onscreen.

Please, register feedback so we can improve what’s here.