Hal 9000

You got it.

It’s not worlds themselves, sir, it’s their… people.

I think just saying “countless [disparate] worlds” implies organized political actions rather than what the ‘civilian army’ we see at the end.

Star Wars crawls are fun when the grammar is treacherous. I like writing formally and with an archaic flourish when at all appropriate.

At this point in my ROTJ project I’m starting to lean toward going with the Yub Nub ending. It makes that film seem less final, and TROS apes its galactic montage.

If so, it seems like we could add one or more planets to this film’s little montage. Just get a plate and mask in Star destroyer blowing up. As it stands we see destroyers (presumably regular First Order destroyers since the Sith fleet never left Exogol) falling over Bespin, Endor, and Jakku.

If this should feel like putting a bow on the saga, probably best to go with at least one planet that appears in each trilogy. It doesn’t seem like Jakku would have people local to risk lives fighting the FO. I have a similar complaint as I do about Tatooine celebrating the defeat of the Empire with such fervor.

What about just replacing Jakku with Naboo? Just find a background plate from somewhere and add the destroyed destroyer in the sky. Come to think of it, maybe the establishing shot that follows the Vader “nooooo” moment in ROTS.

DominicCobb said:

Here’s the problem with the crawl, you have to start out with the threat. You can’t have two paragraphs of “good guys are winning,” that’s not terribly exciting or urgent enough.

I wonder, though, if this particular movie might do well with exactly that. Imply that people seem pretty hopeful and all that, then your opening sequence establishes that “the First Order was just the beginning” and “witness the power of my forty-seven THOUSAND star destroyers!”

In my crawl draft, I thought about adding the word ‘disparate’ regarding the worlds of people who have risen up. There are more of them than each may realize and they haven’t coalesced. The FO has them believing they’re alone. But when I read it back it sounded weird.

“The populace of countless [disparate] worlds have risen in defiance of the diabolical First Order.”

While the use of ‘have’ is grammatically correct, it might appear not to be, and the use of ‘disparate’ may help make it clear the subject is plural. (Populace can be singular or plural. If such a word existed, the sentence would use ‘populaces.’)

I wish we’d gotten a film for which ‘Balance of the Force’ would be a suitable title.

It is kinda funny how fitting the Thrawn trilogy titles would be.

I agree, aesthetic things and cinematography aside; the story of TLJ interacts with the nuances of TFA.

A well-thought out take on things. I do hope they will be generous with the deleted scenes presented, as it sure sounds like there were a lot of them close to being ready to go.

StarkillerAG said:

Here’s my idea for the opening crawl:

Episode IX
BALANCE OF THE FORCE

Luke Skywalker is dead.
But his sacrifice has inspired
people across the galaxy to
rise up against the evil FIRST
ORDER.

As Rey, the last Jedi, trains
for battle, she receives the
guidance of Luke’s sister Leia
and the wisdom of ancient texts.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren searches
relentlessly for an ancient SITH
WAYFINDER, which could allow him
to unlock the secrets of his old
master…

Nice one! Here’s my current best draft.

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Luke Skywalker has ignited a resurgence of hope in the galaxy. The populace of countless worlds have risen in defiance of the diabolical First Order.

As Rey, sole heir to the Jedi, trains for battle, she receives guidance from General Leia Organa and the wisdom of sacred texts.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren searches relentlessly for an ancient SITH WAYFINDER which could allow him to unlock the secrets of his former master’s power…

buzzclub said:

What About the Title? I dont Like “Rise of Skywalker”. I think “The Last Jedi strikes Back” or “Revenge of the Last Jedi” sounds better.

I think the title is appropriate but if one were to remove the ending with her name change and/or Palpatinian lineage, a title change may be in order.

Could go with several options. ‘The Phantom Menace,’ ‘Revenge of the Sith,’ ‘The Phantom Sith,’ ‘Revenge of the Phantom Sith,’ ‘Return of the Sith,’ ‘The Final Order (sort of like The Last Command), ‘Heir to the Jedi,’ ‘Legacy of the Jedi/Force,’ ‘Skywalker Sound,’ etc.

Given how apparently overly concerned they have been with fan reactions in producing this movie, I would hope that would carryover and getting something like an extended our directors cut.

It probably won’t, but that would at least leverage that to positive effect for us.

That’s a good point about the sinking fields.

and I really hope to remove lightspeed skipping, even if their reference to it has to remain. One could assume it means something else. adding additional planets would make even less sense. Hyperspace travel is not instantaneous, so lightspeed skipping the way the movie the pics it to me and he just skips along in the same section of space. If I skip rocks on the surface of a pond, the rock doesn’t bounce around to New York, Paris, or Tokyo.

I don’t think removing it will have anything to do with reckoning the last movie, because in that movie it required a large device on board an enormous capital ship to function.

Yeah. Just an idea, but may be a pipe dream.

Blowing up planets completely falls flat for me after Alderaan. Did with TFA, and certainly did here.

lol, you’re perfectly fine. Thanks. Yeah, I get so much Google Drive space and a lot of it is used for other stuff I need. All the various encoded of one of these versions is about 45GB. I do host an alternate version of LOE, but there’s just not room for more.

I’m not aware of any audio of Luke talking about a third lesson, but if something like that should surface somehow I’d be up for it.

And yeah, I had the same idea of hinting at Duel of the Fates, but didn’t write it down. I’ll add that!

DominicCobb said:

Do we think it’s possible an earlier version of the film established early on that Leia was dying? Rey and Leia’s emotional goodbye seems to imply they both know the possibility. Wonder if this is something we should expect from the deleted scenes. Also wonder if this is something that wouldn’t feel weird to establish in a crawl.

I wonder about that, too. A tidbit like that sure would have gone a long way.

OP updated with current list of ideas.

Some good ideas! I’ve clipped them for now and I’ll see how they shape up whenever it’s go-time. Much appreciated. I probably will keep Chewie bring given his medal though, since we see Leia holding it as she lays down, so it seems fitting in-universe to give it to him. I didn’t realize this on first viewing, so I hope to work in the close up shot of the medal from the trailer.

And yeah, Finn has so many moments that made me want to laugh. He’s hilarious! “Lando, you did it! You DIDDIT!!!”

“They got Chewie! …—they got ‘im!!”

Also, I seem to recall Lando hooping or laughing while he flew to go save Finn. Didn’t really seem like a laughing occasion.

What do you mean by VNUMBER?

And while I appreciate ideas, I think the crawl as it is is pretty good, and I don’t see these alternates as improvements. Usually you want to say what you have to say in as few words as possible, and I tried to emulate the original crawl somewhat closely aside from what we had reason to chance (introducing SKB and tweaking for clarity).

I agree with DominicCobb on this. I thought that as I was watching TROS in the theater.

I think I prefer what we’ve got already. I’d also hate to lose the opening line “Luke Skywalker has vanished.”

EddyMerkxs said:

The sinister FIRST ORDER plots its return to power, hidden in the ashes of the fallen Empire.

Failing to convince the NEW REPUBLIC to investigate this emerging threat, General Leia Organa mobilizes a covert RESISTANCE while the First Order completes a devastating new weapon.

The first sentence doesn’t make sense. The FO is plotting the Empire’s return to power and this reordering of the sentence muddies that.

I guess ‘combat’ sounds more exciting than ‘investigate.’ I think that idea is enough to imply it is a fringe movement that the government isn’t properly concerned by.

PM sent

I was thinking Rey would be most appropriate.

FreezingTNT2 said:

Hal 9000 said:

OK, so you are suggesting altering the entire frame rather than just Han himself?

It seems like, the presence of Han aside, he really is in that place. A fly on the wall would still see Ben saying those things and making those motions.

Regardless, I don’t imagine such a thing being an improvement. I like it the way it is without some sort of effect applied.

jarbear said:

If you were to go that route, you could do something like Neverar did and have some kind of filter on the scene to have a “dream-like” feel to it. It does not have to be super strong, something subtle could be done maybe?

That’s what I get for trying to check in on this thread from my phone when I had a minute to spare during the day. Didn’t see it.

I think that final scene need to remain as is, dubious though it may be. I think it’d have been a more powerful moment if they’d stuck with Rey Nobody.

PM sent

OK, so you are suggesting altering the entire frame rather than just Han himself?

It seems like, the presence of Han aside, he really is in that place. A fly on the wall would still see Ben saying those things and making those motions.

Regardless, I don’t imagine such a thing being an improvement. I like it the way it is without some sort of effect applied.