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The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v2 NOW AVAILABLE) — Page 6

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 (Edited)

TestingOutTheTest said:

A brief description of Rey’s mental state at the end. She thought she was worthless because her parents abandoned her. But since that isn’t true anymore, she still thinks she is worthless because of how much evil her bloodline has caused. This means she thinks she has to prove herself all the more.

So this is a reference to the interpretation of Rey’s core belief?

Yes. Because I spent so much of the rest of the novel that came before honing in on the idea that Rey feels like she needs to prove herself, I realized that I could simply swap her feelings of self worthlessness at this moment from about her being abandoned to being a Palpatine. Thus, the message at the end still applies.

The glaring issue with this is of course that since her dad was seemingly a good person, it doesn’t make much sense that she thinks she’s screwed to turn out bad. I personally don’t have an issue with that, though. Irrational beliefs about oneself don’t have to make sense because… they’re irrational.

I’ll give the bad parents approach a whirl next, but I’m currently pretty satisfied with what I have on this particular approach. What I really like about what I have right now is that its gives Rey a convincing reason to join Kylo, since he claims they can stop families from being torn apart like hers was.

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The “families being torn apart thing” can be interpreted as… well, Rey’s parents abandoned her because they “knew” what she’d become (due to her Palpatine heritage AND Force-sensitivity), so if Palpatine wasn’t a bad man, assuming Rey and her family still exist, then they wouldn’t be torn apart because Palpatine wouldn’t be a bad man. If you know what I mean.

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Also…

The glaring issue with this is of course that since her dad was seemingly a good person, it doesn’t make much sense that she thinks she’s screwed to turn out bad.

I should remind you that both Rey and Palpatine are of the same lineage and both have Force-sensitivity.

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Ah so the Force capabilities AND the heritage combined are what creates the danger. I could see that potentially.

I think my biggest issue with the bad parents approach is that I have to create a scenario where Ochi only wants to get Rey’s location but somehow her parents end up getting killed without revealing it.

In my rough draft, I had it where Ochi says that her dad is never leaving “there” again, which terrifies him so he attacks. He kills them in the resulting fight. Thing is, that just feels so artificial to me. Ochi would have been smart enough to just use a stun rifle instead of a freaking knife on them.

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You created the idea that her parents would refuse to reveal her location just to spite Palpatine.

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Pretty sure you came up with that one. The problem is that isn’t enough of a reason on its own. If they’re willing to sell off their own daughter for drinking money, it’s quite clear they only care about themselves.

I came up with her father having been tortured on Exegol, but that kind of information cannot be revealed at this point in the story. Otherwise it spoils the reveal of Rey’s origins.

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One major suggestion.

Replace the wreckage of the second Death Star on Kef Bir with… the abandoned Imperial Palace on Coruscant, formerly the Jedi Temple from the prequels. It accomplishes a couple of things, tying into the prequels further and it makes more sense for Palpatine to put his Wayfinder there into his actual headquarters instead of an unfinished trap for the Rebels. The one thing it does take away is the symbolism of the respective grandchildren of Palpatine and Vader being in a place where we saw them interact, as mentioned in the documentary, but I think it’s for the best in favor for what I mentioned. Plus, we’d get to see Coruscant one more time.

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I wasn’t going to have it be Kef Bir, anyways. It’s currently set on the Sanctuary Moon of Endor. I would also appreciate more PT callbacks, but I have some ideas for that which don’t simply involve setting.

One symbolism that I really like about it being set on the Endor from ROTJ is that Vader’s remains were burned there, and Kylo becomes Ben in the water there.

As for why Palps would bring it to the Death Star, he wasn’t expecting it to blow up and was probably thinking it would be his new place of residence.

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Do you plan on making my following interpretation of Finn’s arc in TRoS clear in your novel?

Even after having learned to stand up for himself and for the cause in the past year, Finn is still heavily attached to Rey, emotionally, to the point where he is so desperate to reveal to her he is Force-sensitive. When he intervenes with her fight with Kylo Ren at the wreckage of the second Death Star, she pushes him away — after this point, he finally lets go of Rey and moves on. The lack of a pay-off of the plot point of him wanting to reveal to Rey he is Force-sensitive symbolizes this change of heart.

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There are two reasons why that interpretation is no longer applicable here:

  1. Finn was trying to tell Poe something on Pasaana instead of Rey.
  2. I’m trying to make it so that it isn’t suggested that Finn is in love with Rey.

That said, I think I’m trying to make Finn’s arc in this story about leading a stormtrooper rebellion. You can see my previous ideas on this earlier in the topic.

The residue of removing what was there previously is that Finn still follows Rey into the second Death Star to certain death, but maybe he’s just a really good friend to her? Who knows.

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I’ve been writing ahead with a bunch of different chapters. I’m currently on Ahch-To. For some reason I find it’s a bit of a hassle to write out the changelogs, so whenever I get around to that I’ll make them brief. And I’ll probably put these past three chapters on the same file.

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Alright, this is the most important scene in this project I feel so any feedback is greatly appreciated on this rough draft of the Ben and Anakin scene. For clarification, earlier in the novel Kylo says to himself that he will bring the snippet with him for the next time he sees Rey, so that’s why he has it.

Kylo Ren stood on the wreck of the Death Star, gazing out at the ocean. His body was still drenched. He had removed the japor snippet from his pocket, and was gripping it in his fist. He’d been standing there for a long time, watching the tide gradually recede. Physically, he felt better than he ever had been in his life.

But his mind was in turmoil. He hadn’t known such healing was possible, didn’t understand how it had been done. But that wasn’t the question that troubled him the most. Why had Rey healed him? Why would she do such a thing?

And why had his mother loved him right up until her last moment? Snoke had lied about that. Snoke had lied about all of it. All those voices in his head, torturing him throughout the years, they had promised him that a moment like this could never happen. They don’t care about you. Just their precious New Republic. And later, Just their precious Resistance.

All lies.

His mother had sacrificed herself to reach him. Then Rey had healed him, at great cost to herself. In spite of everything he’d done. All to receive approval from someone… like his grandfather.

“Ben,” said a young man’s voice behind him. He turned.

The young man had long, curly hair and a slight grin on his face. His entire person was partially transparent, gleaming with a blue light, and adorned in the robes of a Jedi.

“I’ve been wanting to speak with you,” he said.

Kylo blinked. He could hardly believe his eyes. “Grandfather?”

His smile grew wider. “Yes,” he said, striding toward him. “In my true form. Not the lie Palpatine wanted you to see.”

“You’re just a manifestation of Vader’s failure,” Kylo said.

“No,” said his grandfather, his eyes full of compassion. “Vader was my greatest failure.”

Kylo looked away from his eyes, gripping the snippet in his hand even tighter. Snoke had told him that Vader had suffered a moment of weakness when he chose to save his son over power. Another lie, of course.

“What’s that in your hand?” his grandfather asked.

Kylo had a feeling he already knew what it was. He opened his hand anyway, revealing the small trinket in his palm. Its leather strap was looped loosely around his gloved fingers.

“I’m being torn apart,” he muttered. “I want to be free of this pain.”

“Ben,” his grandfather said, his face suddenly grave. “If I had been selflessly devoted to those I loved, I would have avoided so much pain.”

“It’s too late.” It was something the voices in his head had always said. It’s too late for you. They’ll never take you back. But this time it was true, because: “She’s already gone.”

“Your mother’s gone. But Rey isn’t. Finish what I truly started. Save the one you love.”

He stared at his grandfather, afraid to believe his words. Afraid of what he was feeling. Domination was all Kylo Ren understood.

“I know what I have to do,” Kylo admitted, his voice tremulous. “But I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

“I believe in you,” his grandfather said. “And your father would, too.”

Kylo Ren turned, and launched his lightsaber into the air. It sailed in a high arc, far above the wreckage, and disappeared into a haze of ocean spray.

Ben Solo turned back around, and the ghost of his grandfather was gone. He was alone in the middle of the sea.

For the first time in more than a decade, Ben’s mind was clear. No longer did he desire conquest, only love. To give it to all others and receive it. He stuffed the japor snippet back into his pocket.

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Anakin and Ben have no establised personal connection with each other, whereas Han and Ben did.

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If you would read the description of this project you’d see that this was one of the only two things I set in stone from the very beginning. As a result, that comment really has no place here since it isn’t constructive.

That being said, I may as well explain my perspective on the topic. I agree that the Han scene is wonderful on its own right, but I wanted to place particular emphasis on Kylo being the stand-in character for Anakin/Vader in this story. From my perspective, the saga should be entirely about Anakin.

Throughout my version of the novelization I have constantly referenced Kylo’s fascination with Vader. So maybe out of context what I posted doesn’t make much sense, but believe me, there is a personal connection there (at least that’s what Kylo would like to imagine). Besides, Kylo only had one scene talking with Han in TFA. Same as Vader’s mask. So, technically speaking, there was just as much of a connection established for both characters beforehand.

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Just one point, but Kylo worshipped him as Vader, not Anakin.

And we get to know more about his relationship with Han in all three movies; he finds out from Snoke about Han and says, “He means nothing to me,” he senses Han on Starkiller Base and also implies to Rey that Han was a disappointing father, after killing him he is traumatized, something Luke and Rey point out, respectively (“Strike me down in anger, and I’ll always be with you. Just like your father;” I also just rewatched TRoS for the first time today, Rey points out to Kylo Ren that he’s haunted by his killing of Han).

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He worshipped him as Vader because he didn’t understand the good side of his grandfather. That is what this scene reveals to him. That the man he worshipped for so long was in constant suffering after making past mistakes, just like him. They share that common ground. Vader killed his wife in his lust for power, Kylo his father. He’s urging him to turn things around before he loses everything, since he’s still a young man.

And FYI, Vader is also referenced in that scene with Snoke.

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I’m really liking your version of the scene, specially how you’ve kept most of Ben’s original dialogue. The japor snippet and the Padmé reference are really good additions IMO. Everything is coming full circle.

The only bit maybe I’m not getting is why Anakin isn’t referred by name rather than only as Ben’s grandfather.

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The original refers to Han as “his father” in most if not all of the same places that I did for “his grandfather”.

The way I thought of it is this: how often do you refer to your grandpa by his first name?

I definitely had the same thought as you though. Where specifically would it work to say “Anakin”?

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Alright I threw a bunch of “Anakin”'s in there and it does work a lot better. Thanks for that.

I also inserted another Anakin line where he clarifies that he killed his wife in his lust for power, which is meant to make the two characters’ similarity more clear since Kylo did the same with Han.

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Ok so I’m pretty close to the end now. Currently right before Ben heals Rey. I also implemented the stormtrooper rebellion thing instead of Finn hacking a cannon. He sends a message through the ship’s intercoms and the troopers on the bridge take over, deciding to initiate self destruct to stop the Sith fleet from leaving.

I’m not completely happy with Finn/Jannah’s speech. If anybody has a speech for them that sounds really inspirational I would appreciate it.

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Here is the ending. For context, Ben runs away from Rey after healing her because he doesn’t believe he deserves her love. He decides he needs to learn how to forgive himself first.

The Millennium Falcon flew over a Jawa sandcrawler. The twin suns of Tatooine had yet to show their faces, but early-morning light washed the land below in pink and white. Rey was glad to be doing something besides her grueling New Republic duties. Something special.

It had been months since the battle of Exegol. Ben had declined all of Rey’s attempts at establishing a Force connection. When she told Lando that he was still alive, he told her that he had made the right call by hiding away. He claimed there was no way the galaxy would accept Ben, as much as he himself wished they would. That he would have been tried for his crimes and locked in a prison for the rest of his life.

Rey believed there had to be another way. But Ben was not why she had traveled to Tatooine. It was for his family.

The Falcon touched down on an empty desert plain. Rey and BB-8 descended the ramp and squinted against the reflected light on the sand. The place was so stark, the ground so bleached, it was almost like the salt flats of Hiila Basin back on Jakku.

Rey stepped forward, toward a domed adobe building jutting from the sand. Only BB-8 accompanied her. All her friends had offered to come with her, but Finn insisted they stay behind. He understood that she needed to do this alone.

She carried three lightsabers with her. Her own, which she had recently fully constructed, was hooked to her belt. She carried the other two in her haversack.

The adobe building had an arched doorway, but years of wind and sand had half buried it. There’d be no accessing the Lars homestead that way.

Moisture vaporators rose in the distance at irregular intervals, tall spindly towers much like the wind-grain traps on Pasaana. It felt like so long ago already. The intervals were irregular, she realized, because some had fallen over.

She stepped past the building and discovered what appeared to be a large sinkhole, half filled with sand. A closer look revealed an arched window and a half-covered door at the base of the sinkhole, built into adobe walls.

At her feet lay a tower panel from one of the fallen vaporators, slightly curved, large enough for one person to sit. She yanked it aside, turned it around, and aimed. A few hours from now, the metal would be too hot to touch. Until then, it would make a perfect sand sled.

She climbed in, drew up her knees, and pushed off. The sled whipped down a sand drift into the heart of the sinkhole, where it gently collided with the base of a broken condenser tower. Rey stepped out and looked around.

So many memories here. She could feel them - yearning, loss, worry, desperation, love - and not just Luke’s. Multiple generations of Skywalkers had been to this place.

A cave-like entrance in the wall drew her forward. As she passed into shadow and her eyes adjusted, she noted a long dining table, covered with dust. She ran a finger through the dust, tracing a line of soft blue. Luke had dined here. And also - she reached out, sensing - Anakin?

An adjoining alcove contained some kind of beverage dispenser, but most of the levers and paneling had been scavenged, probably by local Jawas. A single tall beverage cup made of plastex lay on its side, oddly pristine.

She wandered around for a few more minutes and discovered what used to be a speeder garage, Luke’s sleeping loft, and the remains of an electrostatic repeller that had probably kept sand and dust away for years.

Other rooms remained inaccessible to her, their entrances buried in drifts.

Rey stood in the center for a while, taking it all in. Would she have turned out differently? If she’d been raised in a real home like this, by her parents if they hadn’t been forced to live in hiding?

Perhaps not. The family she’d been seeking had been ahead of her the whole time. And it still had room to grow. She wouldn’t change a thing about her origins.

The cracked adobe walls and jutting pipes made for an easy climb back up. She reached the top and pulled Luke’s and Leia’s lightsabers from her haversack. Holding them side by side in her hand, she gazed down at them for a long moment. They’d belonged to her teachers. Her family.

She placed them on the ground, and wrapped them gently into a small package using some fabric and a leather strip. Calling on the power of the Force, she pushed, and the lightsabers sank, lower and lower until the ground had fully welcomed them, shrouding them in cool, quiet rest.

Rey stood, pulling out her own lightsaber. She ignited it. Her lightsaber glowed white-gold, and she gazed at it for a long moment. According to the Jedi texts, its color meant she was a protector, a sentinel. She could see why that role fit her now.

The lightsaber was single-bladed, with an outer casing and emitter salvaged from her quarterstaff. The final result felt like the exact inverse of the lightsaber held by the dark Rey of her vision, and she loved it. It was beautiful, it fit so perfectly in her hand, and she would carry it for the rest of her life.

“Hello!” came a strange voice, and she turned. An old human woman approached, skin wrinkled from decades of sunlight, her hood pulled up against the elements. She held the reins of a tall, lanky etobi, probably on her way to a nearby trading post.

“There’s been no one for so long,” she said. “Who are you?”

“I’m Rey,” she said.

“Rey who?” the old woman asked.

Just Rey, she thought to herself. That’s all she’d ever be. And maybe that was enough.

Rey was suddenly made aware of another presence. She turned her head.

A strange hermit was approaching. He was already close to them, his tall form swiftly wading through the sand. He wore long desert robes, and his head was wrapped in a turban, disguising his features.

“Now who’s this?” the old woman said.

As he got closer, Rey noticed a trinket hanging around his neck - one she recognized from… the Steadfast. She instantly knew who this unusual, Tatooinian hermit was. She could sense it now. She ran to him.

“Ben!” she called out, arms wide.

Ben Solo removed the turban from his face, revealing a wide, suntanned smile. He laughed as Rey wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her in return.

But Rey remembered that he had left her. That he had ignored her attempts to reach out to him. She backed away from his embrace.

“Why did you leave me?” she asked, her voice tinged with frustration.

“I’ll never leave you again,” Ben replied as he removed his necklace. “I kept this for you. So you’d remember me.”

Rey allowed Ben to gently place the japor snippet around her neck. It felt strange for him to be placing a necklace on her instead of ripping one off. But Kylo Ren was a different person, and she needed to start remembering that. Kylo Ren was dead, and Ben Solo was alive.

She took Ben’s hand earnestly.

The old woman approached them. “Who are you people?”

“I’m Rey Solo,” Rey replied without hesitation. “This is Ben Solo.”

“Young lovers,” the old woman scoffed, shaking her head. “See you two around?” And she hobbled off without even bothering to share her own name.

BB-8 rolled toward them apprehensively, wary of the perceived stranger standing next to Rey. Ben grinned at the little droid, reaching out his tan hand to pet him. He flinched, warbling a question at Rey.

“It’s okay, Beebee-Ate,” Rey answered. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Tatooine’s twin suns had risen above the horizon. The two halves of the dyad embraced each other under the light of dawn. At the homestead of one of the greatest Jedi, a new order was rising. The order of Skywalker.

A new home.


First comes the day
Then comes the night.
After the darkness
Shines through the light.
The difference, they say,
Is only made right
By the resolving of gray
Through refined Jedi sight.

-Journal of the Whills, 7:477

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A rough draft of this project is now available. I haven’t read through the entire thing myself yet, so there are bound to be some issues here and there. However, I wanted to get this out there for anyone that is interested.

Not sure if I’m allowed to leave a link to the entire thing on here, so for now let’s just do this by PM.

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I love what you’ve done with the Han scene. I’m excited to read your manuscript draft, but I’m gonna wait until after I’ve finished my own first.

“It’s like rhymetry. They poem.” - Leorge Gucas

TROS Novelisation: The Faraday Edit, TLJ: Stoic Edition, ROTS: The Faraday Nudge, ROTS Ultracut: Order 66, Kenobi: Faraday Cut, Godzilla Vs Megalon, Godzilla Vs Gigan, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Light Rises, Faraday Jr.'s Star Wars