The Rise of Skywalker Expanded Edition by Rae Carson: The Faraday Edit (WIP) — Page 5

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Faraday, please tell me you’re going to use Palpatine’s unused dialgue, “Long have I waited, and now your coming together will be your undoing.”

It’s a perfect thing for him to say in order to indicate his true plans at the end there.

I absolutely agree. That’s from the trailer, isn’t it? I’m trying to fly as close as possible to pre-existing content (the extant novel text, the screenplay, the DOTF screenplay), so anything from deleted/unused content is great to be able to mix in.

Is that line, the one about “your coming together” nowhere in the existing novelization?

Hal 9000 said:

Is that line, the one about “your coming together” nowhere in the existing novelization?

Nope. He doesn’t even say the line quite like in the movie; he says “Long have I waited,” then a few paragraphs down, he says “My grandchild has come home” as a separate thought.

Sixth chapter:

https://pastebin.com/RCtg0zdQ
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

• Rey’s thoughts when Lando is revealed talk about his wide net of connections to vastly different spheres of influence because of the different stages of his life - smugglers, statesmen, businessmen etc. This sets up for the climax how and why he’d be able to reach such a huge array of people so quickly.
• Split chapters - last half of chapter five and first half of chapter six now make new Chapter 6. The remaining half of chapter six is now Chapter 7.
• Removed the implication that Lando just sat around in the Pasaana desert by himself doing nothing for twenty years.
• Removed “they fly now,” but left it in for C-3PO, since I think having him wail it was funny.
• Fixed the timing on C-3PO’s “excellent/terrible job” gag.
• Added a third speeder to the Pasaana chase, which Finn destroys early on with a “lucky” shot. Originally, he misses here and makes the shot later, and it’s implied he’s using the Force both times - but the speeder is originally unharmed after being shot, to preserve continuity with the movie. It makes more sense for Finn’s Force-usage to have an outcome that materially affects the scene.
• Revised the jet troopers action sequence for better clarity and momentum.

I really love writing action setpieces, and this one was so much fun to rewrite. The original version is so badly hindered by the somewhat clunky house style all Star Wars novels have nowadays, so I’ve meddled with it very extensively, and I feel like I’ve drawn out the best possible version of what Rae Carson put on the page.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Random nitpick here:

“The Aki-Aki species first appeared in the film Star Wars: Episode IX The Rise of Skywalker. In the English subtitles to the film, name of the species is misspelled as ‘Acky Acky’.” -Wookiepedia

You don’t have to change the spelling if you prefer it that way, but I also think the canon spelling looks better. Looks a little less like a child came up with the name lol. Not your fault of course haha.

I personally prefer it the way the subtitles and screenplay spell it for that exact reason. The first time we see the name is when C-3PO delightedly explains to them why the supposedly forbidden desert has a giant festival in it, and I feel like the more phonetic spelling punctuates the ridiculousness better for the joke. There are never any serious or dramatic moments directly relating to the Aki-Aki, so I don’t personally think it creates any jarring moments later to keep the more comical spelling.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I also recall an interesting thing from the leaks before TROS came out. Originally, Lando was going to say that he had a child (unspecified gender) that the First Order took from him. The original indication of this was going to be that Finn thought HE was Lando’s child, only to find out that it was in fact Jannah.

Once again, you don’t have to implement this, either. Just thought I would share what was thought about in production of the product.

I’m personally not a fan of that; it doesn’t really add anything meaningful to either Finn’s arc or Lando’s, it would be immediately cleared up by Lando providing information that it would actually be sort of weird for him to avoid including to begin with, and it skirts a bit uncomfortably close to the old “all black people are related” trope.

My current plan with Lando and Jannah is for Lando to have no idea whether she’s his missing daughter or just somebody completely unrelated to him, and that’s completely the point; all the ex-stormtroopers are someone’s kid that was stolen from them, and they’re going to figure it all out together as best they can. I feel like that ties into the “found family” themes which run throughout the ST pretty strongly.

I’m by no means an expert on all the behind-the-scenes stuff of the movie, so I do always appreciate this kind of information. It’s always interesting, and makes me think about the story in new ways, and often there are nuggets of gold in there.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Yeah I just thought I’d share that because it directly relates to the chapter you just shared.

I agree that it’s best to leave things between Lando and Jannah alone. But I do feel it would be an interesting concept for these ex-stormtroopers to try and piece together where their real family is. Like searching the First Order databases to see where they were taken from, etc.

But ultimately that is accomplished with Jannah alone, just thought it might be interesting to extend it to Finn.

I like the idea for the interaction between Jannah and the newly-defected stormtroopers earlier in the thread, and I think I’m going to try and set it up to imply Lando and Jannah are going to lead the whole group of them on a “let’s find out where you’re all really from” mission, while also figuring out their own personal ones. There’s something nice to me about the idea of those two going off on further adventures, searching for something meaningful, and with a team of new friends they’re going to get to know along the way.

I generally leave a bit of time between finishing a chapter and sharing it here, so I’ve got some distance from it before opening it up to feedback. I find it helps me look at it clearer. Right now, for instance, I’m up to chapter 11 (what was formerly chapter 10 before I restructured some of the chapters).

It’s interesting how some things work better in different mediums. In the movie, I dislike this scene; it’s not the right time to make a goofball joke that goes on for as long as it does, and it hampers the scene overall. I was prepared to cut it from the book, but reading it in a novel, I actually thought it was unobtrusive and much funnier than its movie counterpart. (This is my edited version, by the way; I still did some minor trimming and restructuring.)

They turned a corner and came face-to-face with another pair of patrol troopers, who raised their rifles.
“Drop your weapons!” one ordered.
Finn didn’t want to kill anyone else. Besides which, leaving a trail of bodies throughout the ship would just make it all the harder to rescue Chewie and escape. But if he had no choice… he went to raise his blaster, when Rey spoke.
“It’s okay that we’re here,” she said, calmly but firmly.
Finn held his breath.
“It’s okay that you’re here,” the stormtrooper echoed.
The other trooper nodded.
“It’s good,” he added.
“You’re relieved that we’re here,” Rey continued.
“Thank goodness you’re here!” said the first trooper, his shoulders going slack.
Poe leaned over and whispered in Finn’s ear: “Does she do that to us?”
Of course not, thought Finn. She’d never – no, wait… she definitely had. To keep him from following her into the desert and getting run down by Kylo Ren’s TIE fighter.
Oh, hell.
“We’re looking for a prisoner,” Rey said.
The stormtroopers gave directions to the cellblock where Chewie was being held, then resumed their patrol as Finn and his friends raced away. Within moments, they came to a split in the corridor, just like the troopers had described.

So, I finally figured out what I’m doing with the hangar scene! This one took a while. I wanted to maintain the moment of Kylo’s revelation and the shock it causes for Rey, because it drives the plot moving forward. Without it, the midpoint of the narrative is… nothing, there’s no change, and the second half of the story plods along without the stakes being raised or changed from the first half. It needs something there.

I didn’t want to go with “Rey killed her parents,” not because I think the idea is bad, but because I don’t think it matches up that well with how the fallout of the revelation plays out in the text (or onscreen) - the recontextualisation works on a technical level, but feels kind of off. But with a Rey Nobody edit, there’s not a huge amount to work with. That’s where editing a novel has unfair advantages over editing a film: I’m able to invent new dialogue wholesale, and tweak characters’ interactions and reactions, in service of a different idea and a slightly different approach.

So, here’s what I’ve got. It’s not actually anything that big, just a shifting of gears and actively amping up the “Rey fears her Darkness” stuff:

Kylo’s big revelation is that Palpatine wants Rey dead because he has foreseen that her Dark Side powers will eclipse his own. (This is Kylo being shrewd; it’s not exactly true - Palpatine wants her there alive so he can steal the Force Dyad energy, but neither Rey and Kylo nor the reader knows that at this point.) This is shocking to Rey because not only does it confirm her worst fears about herself and the Dark Side, but it goes even further - she won’t just fall to the Dark Side, she’ll be even more Dark than Emperor Palpatine. From Rey’s perspective, this claim would seem legit, because why else would Palpatine be sending the Knights of Ren to kill her - and Palpatine doesn’t gain anything from letting everyone know Rey will be stronger than him, in fact, it sounds like telling people that would be actively detrimental to his cause.

RogueLeader said:

I think this is definitely along the right line.

This isn’t an issue with you’re writing, just the story in general, but I’m curious about something. What is Kylo thinking Palpatine’s endgame is? Okay, so Palpatine wants Kylo kill Rey for whatever reason. Okay, let’s say he does, but then what? Kylo gets the fleet, but then what happens to Palpatine? He’s just gonna chill out on Exegol while Kylo rules the galaxy with his fleet that he’s spent the last three decades building? I mean, Kylo asks him “What could you give me?” but he doesn’t even bother to ask him, “What’s in it for you?”

Lemme first just say how legit insightful and extremely useful everything you’ve written is, and it’s very helpful to me going forward.

Like the movie, the novel doesn’t really answer this question; it just avoids it. I personally hadn’t really got a specific answer either, so I was intending to simply leave it avoided, but I think it would be a waste not to address it meaningfully.

That’s something I liked about JediPaxis’ early TROS leaks. Supposedly in an earlier version of the film, Palpatine told Kylo that he was dying for good, and he wanted Kylo (and Rey) to be his successors:

According to the leak:

After obtaining Vader’s device Kylo travels to the place specified by the wayfinder. It takes him to the Unknown Regions and a dead planet of flat, black rock. I previously reported that the planet where Kylo finds Vader’s wayfinder was called Exogol. Since then my understanding has evolved and I’ve been told that this planet actually bears that name. Kylo lands outside a giant cube, floating just above the ground and begins walking toward it. Kylo walks between the cube and the ground and once he reaches the center he discovers an elevator leading down below the planet’s surface. He follows teh lift down and finds an old man, near death and lying in bed and being tended to by cloaked aids. My source believes these aids to be referred to as Sith Loyalists. The old man identifies himself as Darth Sideous. Kylo initially dismisses the old man, knowing that the Emperor had died over 30 years prior over the forest moon of Endor. Feeling that this must be a trick, Kylo claims that there must be some other explanation, such as this man being a clone. My sources specifically tell me that the Palpatine refutes the idea of him being a clone and affirms that he survived his fall. After his defeat at Endor, he left the known galaxy and traveled to the Unknown Regions to rebuild his Empire. Despite his skepticism, Palpatine begins to reel Kylo in and subsequently tells him of something known as a “Force Dyad”. The Force produces two incredibly strong users and when they unite together, both become stronger than either one could be on their own. Palpatine believes Kylo Ren and Rey to be the two halves of this dyad and shares this knowledge with Rey. (Note: I previously wrote that Palpatine wanted them to become “master and apprentice” since then this has been clarified to me as Palpatine seeking the two members of the Dyad) Palpatine claims that he seeks the Dyad because he is weak and dying and he wants the Dyad to rule together once he’s gone. Palpatine orders Kylo to bring Rey to him and turn her so that the Dyad will be a strong, unified force of darkness. Palpatine also reveals that he has been amassing an armada of Star Destroyers equipped with Death Star tech, each one capable of destroying a planet on its own. Generals Hux and Pryde are tasked with rounding up children in large numbers to train and staff his armada.

In this apparent earlier cut, Palpatine’s trick was very similar to what you’re proposing. Once Rey and Kylo are both there, he reveals that he didn’t want them to succeed him, and instead uses their Dyad bond to rejuvenate himself. So, like your version, Palpatine knew of the Dyad from the beginning, and it was always his plan to take their life Force.

I avoided all leaks before I saw the film, and once I’d seen it, it never occurred to me to go back and read any of them. So that’s new information to me, and really interesting that by trying to unpick the tangle I wound up back at that same earlier point. That’s gotta be a good sign! Is it worth me seeking the leaks out and reading them, like the DOTF screenplay, do you reckon?

Seeing Ben arrive pleases Sideous. He then uses his power to bond them together and begins to syphon power from that bond and direct it into himself. As the power flows into him, the once silky and decrepit Palpatine stands tall and strong once again, restoring himself to a much younger, healthier state.

I think you run into some logical issues with the way it is now. I mean, what is stopping Kylo from just killing Palpatine and taking the fleet from him? It’s not like his cult could really oppose him. And if they could, why would Palpatine even need Kylo to kill Rey? If you don’t mind, I would like to suggest some different options.

I never really worried about this issue specifically; I mean, just killing Palpatine wouldn’t automatically transfer control of the Sith Eternal to Kylo - I figure it’s like how John Wilkes Booth didn’t become the President of the United States.

First, I think either Palpatine or the Oracle should tell Kylo about the Dyad. As the story is right now, Kylo brings up the Dyad out of nowhere halfway through the movie. This is important information that I believe should be revealed earlier in the movie. And I think the Oracle would be the perfect person to reveal this info to Kylo. He is called an “oracle” after all, and this is apparently concerning another prophecy. Kylo would think he knows something that Palpatine doesn’t, but then Palpatine could even later reveal that the Oracle was a part of the plan. He wanted Kylo to think he had the upper hand.

I personally prefer the Dyad to be part of the big reveal at the nadir of Rey’s arc; Kylo knowing something about her that she doesn’t is important, I think, especially something that connects the two of them. It gives her a more personal reason to believe maybe she’ll join him, and it also means the two options Kylo presents for her are “you turn to the Dark Side and become more evil than Palpatine, or, you turn to the Dark Side but you do it with me, someone who you already have a personal connection with,” which makes his preferred choice a lot more palatable to her. I think it should also be a reveal to the reader, since we’ve already seen all the evidence of the two being uniquely connected (Force Skyping etc), and now we finally get an explanation which we didn’t expect but makes sense in retrospect.

I definitely agree about Kylo thinking he knows something Palpatine doesn’t, because Palpatine wanted Kylo to think he had the upper hand. The way the text of the book is written is actually really conducive to this - we follow characters from their points of view and get their thoughts and opinions on things, but we don’t always get the context of what they’re thinking. For example, we know Hux is plotting something treasonous because he thinks about the pieces of his plan falling into place as it’s happening, but it’s still kept a mystery to the reader what his plan actually is, without ever feeling like the text is intentionally dancing around something. Kylo is the same way when we’re following him. It’s a strength of how Rae Carson wrote it, so I can’t take credit for it.

On the other hand, if Palpatine wants Rey dead, I think Palpatine should stress to Kylo that he is dying and wants Kylo to be his successor, because he has watched Kylo from the beginning and is everything he hoped he would be. But to prove to Palpatine that he really has become what Vader could not, he must kill Rey before him. She is a threat to his rule… but not in the way he thinks… Then the twist could be, like you said, she’s not going to destroy the Sith, she will become one. Maybe Kylo could say that she will even kill him in order to take the throne. Then when she almost kills Kylo on the Death Star, it freaks her out because it means the vision might be becoming true.

I actually think there is merit in the idea of Palpatine wanting Kylo to just bring Rey to him, too, and not to kill her. First of all, since Snoke wanted Rey dead and that got him killed, I feel like it would make sense that Palpatine would try a different approach. Maybe you could go with the early TROS idea, where he wants them to begin a new Sith dynasty to take his place, but Kylo will need Palpatine’s help to turn her, since he failed to do so himself in TLJ. But that is pretty similar to the set up of the showdown in ROTJ…

But here is an alternate set up. When they first meet, instead of Palpatine repeating the “The dark side is a pathway to many abilities…” line, they could have this interaction.

Kylo: You’ll die first.

Palpatine: I have died before. Kill me, and my spirit will pass into you, as all the Sith live in me.

This gives Kylo a clear reason why he simply can’t kill Palpatine right now. And then, Palpatine could offer Kylo what he really wants.

Kylo: What could you give me?

Palpatine: Everything. A new Empire. The might of the Final Order will soon be ready. Become what your grandfather Vader could not. You shall rule all the galaxy as the new Emperor… and Empress. She will be yours, if you do as I ask…

Kylo lowers his saber, and Palpatine gives a menacing smile.

This leaves us with a little mystery. What does Palpatine want Kylo to do? Then, in the hangar scene, Kylo could reveal that if she strikes Palpatine down in anger, he will possess her and become the new vessel for the Sith. This is when Kylo tries to offer her an alternative. They’re a Dyad in the Force, and together they can use their powers to find another way to destroy Palpatine for good. I think this would create an interesting and shocking dilemma for Rey. She wants to kill Palpatine, but now if she tries to, she might become seduced by the dark side and become the next Sith. At this point she knows she has darkness in her, so she doesn’t know if she will be strong enough to resist the power of the dark side. And this would be even more of a reason why she would go into exile rather than face Palpatine. And I think it makes Rey appear even braver when she chooses to face Palpatine knowing that he could possess her. She doesn’t know if her willpower is strong enough to resist it. I also think it makes Kylo a little sympathetic, because going against Palpatine’s plan shows he cares about who Rey is as a person, and he doesn’t just want her as a possession by any means necessary.

I think this would work well for Palpatine’s Dyad plan too, because Kylo would think he knows Palpatine’s plan (to possess Rey), but in reality Palpatine knew all along about their bond, and wanted to exploit it. Maybe this would make things complicated, but I think it leaves less logical gaps, and it makes each character appear smarter than they currently do in the film.

I want to avoid the stuff about killing him = he can possess you, since I don’t really see the logical connection between the two things. It’s something I found distracting when I watched the movie for the first time - it feels like a pair of unconnected events.

That said, I really like the shape of everything you’ve described, and also, I idea of Rey going into the final confrontation not sure if she has the willpower to resist Palpatine in that way. I agree that your version also makes everyone much cannier than they are in the extant version of the story, which I like. I feel like we’re both reaching for the same thing but with slightly different preferences of how it gets there along the way.

Anyway, some food for thought. Sorry for rambling.

It really is food for thought. I feel like I’ve sounded somewhat negative in my responses but that isn’t intentional! I mean it when I say that I really like everything you’ve said, and how useful it is. They’re all clever ideas and it makes me very enthused to keep tinkering with this whole thing. I can tell you right now I’m definitely going to use some of what you’ve suggested.

RogueLeader said:

Oh, you definitely should! The leaks just summarize what the edit was shaping up to be before rewrites and reshoots, and his later update explains some of the changes that were made. So you won’t be able to pull lines verbatim like you can with the DOTF scripts, but it could give you an outline that you could potentially follow. In a way, your book edit could essentially follow what was, at one point, an earlier version of the film. As if Rae Carson had just written her novel based on the original script, and not the final cut. I personally prefer the leaks’ depiction of the Palpatine plot and the Dyad stuff. It felt more like the manipulative Palpatine we saw in the prequels, trying to groom our protagonist(s) and appearing weaker than he actually is to gain sympathy and catch his enemies off guard.

Here is all of JediPaxis’ posts collected. The tab on the left shows the different posts he made.

Thank you! I’ll have a read.

Yeah, I’m thinking a lot on the same lines as you. Maybe the book depicts it better, but I worry about the audience really believing that Rey could become more evil than Palpatine. It’s not like when she shoots lightning she actually enjoys the power she feels. She’s terrified of it. The movie shows that the dark side is in her, but not that she really is seduced by its power at all.

And I understand wanting the Dyad stuff to be a part of the reveal to Rey. I still think it would be nice to hint at how Kylo found out what a Dyad even is, though.

In the book, it’s a lot more plausible that she would feel genuinely worried that she might - she does a few ethically dubious things (eg. Jedi-mind-tricking Finn) that she doesn’t like how easily she can justify to herself.

It would be good to get some idea of how Kylo found out about the Dyad, yeah. Not vital, but I’d like it better than “a good question for another time.”

I want to avoid the stuff about killing him = he can possess you, since I don’t really see the logical connection between the two things. It’s something I found distracting when I watched the movie for the first time - it feels like a pair of unconnected events.

I’m not sure if I understand. So how are you planning to do the climax when Rey confronts Palpatine?

It works fine without it - and much easier to follow what’s going on, in my opinion.

What I’m planning to lean more into is the personal ethics side of it, building on the earlier parts where Rey does things she believes are wrong but justifies it in the name of doing the right thing overall. (And capitalising on the themes of choice in Finn’s side story.)

One of my changes is trying to make the Force feel more mystical and intangible, like it did back in ANH; especially in TROS, it’s a very nuts-and-bolts tool that they use, and I like the previous version better. I think it’s well known how the original idea of the Force drew on a melange of eastern religious beliefs combined with 70s Age of Aquarius-y spiritualism, which I’m trying to re-inject to the text.

I’m considering having her conversation with Luke include something along the lines of the Dark Side not being some evil external entity out there which pulls you towards it, but rather it’s created internally by our choices. Resisting the Dark Side isn’t about struggling against some bad monster, it’s about making the choice between what is right and what is easy. Luke would intend this to be reassuring - she’s the one who consciously decides whether she falls to the Dark Side or not, she doesn’t need to fret about accidentally tripping and falling into it. But it’s a double-edged sword, because that also means it is entirely on her shoulders to make those choices.

So when she goes into the confrontation with Palpatine, she doesn’t want to be a cold-blooded murderer, killing an unarmed old man on a life support thing. She could justify it to herself, but that’s even worse - then she’d be a murderer who can justify when it’s okay for her personally to murder. It’s why Palpatine was so delighted when Anakin killed Dooku, and why he goaded Luke into attacking him - it’s a slippery slope to the Dark Side.

Luke ended up using nonviolence and inaction in a Zen sense to resolve this issue; it allowed his father to realise he loved him, and Vader killed the Emperor, saving Luke’s soul as well as his life in a sense. He avoided becoming what he sought to destroy. But as Palpatine tells Rey, she has no father to sacrifice himself for her. So what’s the resolution here?

I think it’s one of balancing abstract ideology with praxis. The Empire in the OT were stand-ins for the Nazis from WWII movies; the First Order (particularly in TFA) were analogous with Neo-Nazis, keeping the parallel contemporaneous. So I think the resolution, instead of being Age-of-Aquarius “love your enemies” stuff, is being able to say “fighting is wrong, however, fighting to stop genocide is not the same as fighting to cause it; thus there is not an issue about becoming what you seek to destroy.”

It feels a bit similar to ROTJ, but I think it’s different enough in its context and resolution that they don’t tread on each other’s toes. Instead, as George said, it’s like poetry, they rhyme.

RogueLeader said:

Going from that angle, I would definitely consider leaning into what apparently was an earlier cut that emphasized Palpatine being an old man on his death bed.

I agree about leaning into that angle. I hesitate to have him explicitly say he’s dying, though, because then Kylo’s big sell to Rey kind of becomes “together we can be strong enough to kill an old man who will die anyway if we do nothing!”. But the general tone of making him appear physically decrepit and defenceless also helps to highlight the power of his words and manipulation, before he restores himself and busts out the Mega-Lightning.

Anakin Starkiller said:

This should go in the writing and re-writing section, not the fanedit section.

I mentioned offhandedly in the original post that it felt like the wrong place for it. To explain what I meant a bit more, that section is focused exclusively on the creation and editing of short documents - pieces of writing, such as screenplays, which aren’t intended to be consumed as finished products in their own right, but are stepping stones towards a finished product (ie, a movie). A novel, on the other hand, is a finished product intended for direct consumption, more comparable to a finished film. I’m also not creating new material out of whole cloth; I’m editing extant texts, making my job that of an editor rather than a writer.

I actually did post something I wrote over in that section which I felt was more appropriate; obviously I reckon it’s good, so I recommend checking it out, haha.

Here’s the “C-3PO with Chewie’s bowcaster” scene I’ve written and inserted; it’s the first scene in the book I’ve had to invent completely from scratch. Surrounding sections for context:

Rey peeked around the hangar bay corner. The droids were being questioned outside the ship by a stormtrooper. For once, she was glad of C-3PO’s memory wipe. She trusted BB-8 to say nothing, but D-0 was an unknown factor.
“As a protocol droid, I am here as part of a group to negotiate the release of one ‘Chewbacca’, who I can only assume has been incorrectly imprisoned,” C-3PO was saying.
“What’s your operating number?” the stormtrooper asked, speaking over him.
The stormtrooper crumpled to the ground as Rey’s quarterstaff walloped him in the back of the head, swung as Rey sprinted for the freighter.
“Oh, my!” wailed C-3PO.
Rey was halfway up the on-ramp when she sensed a familiar presence. Kylo.
She spun back around.
“Where are the others?” she asked C-3PO.
“They haven’t come back.”
A TIE screamed into the other side of the hangar bay and landed hard. He was on that fighter, and he was looking for her.
She thrust everything she was carrying at C-3PO – her quarterstaff, Chewie’s bowcaster, bandolier, and satchel – and yelled to the droids, “Find them! Go!”
Better for them to take their chances inside the maze of a Star Destroyer than face Kylo Ren. C-3PO hurried out of the hangar with BB-8 and D-0 on his heels.
Rey took a deep breath and advanced on the TIE.
The hatch opened and Kylo emerged. His face was victorious, and his cloak whipped at his heels.

---

C-3PO tottered through the Star Destroyer corridor as fast as he could, BB-8 and D-0 in tow. Shuffling at top speed, wearing Chewbacca’s bandolier and carrying the Wookiee’s oversized bowcaster, he looked both ridiculous and terrified.
“Well, how should I know where your friends are!?” C-3PO said, answering BB-8’s warbling beeps as they came to a fork in the corridor ahead. “I’ve never been on a rescue mission before!”
D-0 zipped down one of the forks and around the corner. This was followed by the sound of a tiny wheel skidding to a halt and reversing. D-0 immediately reappeared, moving very rapidly in the opposite direction.
“Nope!” the tiny droid squeaked. “Nope!”
Five stormtroopers rounded the corner after him.
“Those are the droids everyone’s looking for!” said one of them. “Hey, you, stay where you are!”
Blaster bolts began streaking through the air as D-0 screeched in alarm.
“Lasers!” C-3PO cried. “Help!”
BB-8 beeped emphatically.
“What do you mean, ‘open fire’!?” C-3PO wailed. “Beeby-Ait, I could never –!”
BB-8 swung forwards and headbutted his friend’s elbow. The bowcaster went off, and sent three stormtroopers flying into the air.
“Oh my goodness!” screamed a startled C-3PO.
The droids hurried down the other fork of the corridor as the remaining two stormtroopers ran after them.

---

Hux had good news for Finn and Poe: the Millennium Falcon had been captured by the First Order and was right here on the Star Destroyer. Finn could hardly believe their luck.
But he also had bad news: It was scheduled to be incinerated, by order of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. They could save the ship and get away in it, but they’d have to be quick. And they’d have to leave the droids, and Rey, behind. They’d have to trust them to make their own escape, or bring the ship to them.
General Hux marched them along, walking behind with a blaster. They passed officers and stormtroopers, droids and maintenance crew, and although a giant hairy Wookiee occasionally made someone do a double take, Hux’s presence gave them unhindered passage through the ship’s corridors as prisoners. Thankfully, the corridor to the incineration hangar was empty, and Hux dropped his blaster to key some instructions into a terminal on the wall.
“Look!” came a familiar mechanical voice behind them. “There they are!”
Finn spun. It was C-3PO, carrying Chewie’s things. With him were BB-8 and the little cone-head droid.
“Friends!” said Cone-head.
Lasers followed them around the corner, and then a pair of stormtroopers.
C-3PO averted his photoreceptors, raised Chewie’s bowcaster, and blasted blindly down the corridor. Both stormtroopers were blown sideways into a computer bank.
“Nice shooting, Threepio,” said Poe.
The three droids reached them just Hux pressed a final button on the terminal. He hustled them toward the door.
“I shut down the impeders,” he said. “You’ve got seconds.”
The general opened the door revealing the Falcon, unscathed except for the entrance lock, which was a conspicuous mess of charred wires. No worries; Rose could have that working again in no time.
“There she is,” said Poe, eying the ship in relief. “She’s a survivor.”
They headed toward the freighter, but Finn felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Wait!” said Hux. “Blast me in the arm. Quick.”
“What?”
“Or they’ll know.”
Finn raised his blaster.
“I could just kill you,” Finn said, testing the thought, letting it roll around inside him.
He didn’t like killing. He didn’t want to kill anybody. He thought about his time spent in ‘conditioning’ as a child. Maybe he could make an exception for Hux.
“You need me,” Hux said.
Finn aimed at Hux’s forearm, then at the last second, pointed the blaster down and shot him through the kneecap. Hux collapsed, grunting as his head bounced against the hard floor, and sweat broke out on his suddenly red face.
A question suddenly dawned on Finn. It hadn’t even occurred to him during the madness of the escape. Hux hated the Resistance. Hated them all. Finn was certain of it.
“Why do you want us to win?” Finn asked.
“I don’t want you to win,” Hux spat out through his pain. “I want Kylo Ren to lose.”

Also, let’s talk about the hangar scene. I want to maintain the same form and structure of their conversation: I think the conversation itself is actually pretty fantastically written, even if I don’t personally like the information it’s revealing.

Structurally, it has:

• a logical flow,
• a very effective rise and fall of tension and release,
• a nice pair of matching rhetoric devices, which both work independently for each of their individual purposes, yet also enhance each other by their mirrored placements,
• and all of this in a great economy of words.

Let’s break down what it does specifically and how it does it. Here’s the original conversation from the screenplay:

REY: Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.

KYLO REN: Because he saw what you would become. You don’t just have power. You have his power. You’re his granddaughter. You are a Palpatine.

[Rey looks shocked]

KYLO REN: My mother was the daughter of Vader. Your father was the son of the Emperor. What Palpatine doesn’t know is we’re a dyad in the Force, Rey. Two that are one.

[Wind whistling]

KYLO REN: We’ll kill him together and take the throne.

[Breathing raggedly]

KYLO REN: You know what you need to do. You know.

[he offers his hand to Rey]

REY: I do.

And here’s the same conversation, but the dialogue replaced line-by-line with the information it contains and the techniques used to deliver it:

REY: Why did the Emperor want Rey dead? What was special about her specifically? Emphatic entreaty for answer.

KYLO REN: How Palpatine knows the reveal. Antimetabole building to reveal. Reveal. Brief expansion of reveal.

[Rey looks shocked]

KYLO REN: Chiasmus building to Dyad. Palpatine doesn’t know about Dyad. Brief explanation of Dyad.

[Wind whistling]

KYLO REN: Kylo presents alternate path with him.

[Breathing raggedly]

KYLO REN: Kylo calls back to their earlier connection. Repetition.

[he offers his hand to Rey]

REY: Answer with unexpected double meaning.

So what we’ve got now is a template of how the original conversation is executed, into which I can just plug the new, different, information. (Then I can smooth it out if necessary.) It’s just a matter of deciding the new wording to use, to make it read well and feel authentic.