The Last Jedi Expanded Edition by Jason Fry: The "Tragedy of Vader" Edit (v1 AVAILABLE) — Page 3

Part 3 Changelog:

• Luke mentions that Rey should create something new instead of becoming a Jedi. This harmonizes well with the ending of my TROS novel where the Jedi Order is renamed to the Skywalker Order. Not to mention that Kylo proposes a similar thing later on in the story.
• Luke mentions a “vicious cycle”. I want to emphasize the idea that Luke believes this cycle of dark times followed light times and vice versa will never end, thus why he believes removing the Jedi from the equation will balance things out.
• The original novel never makes it clear that Finn left the bridge before it exploded. I corrected this.
• Removed useless Rose thoughts that went on for paragraphs (especially since I’m removing the Rebellion ring)
• Holdo mentions “security concerns” that currently prevent her from sharing information about her plan. She calls Poe “a separate security concern” due to his recklessness.
• Tweaked the Chewbacca scene that felt (at least to me) to be blatantly advocating veganism. Not that I have a thing against vegans, but I’d prefer for this to simply be a funny moment.
• Modified some of Finn’s new dialogue that felt like it didn’t belong. “Oh my God” doesn’t belong in Star Wars.
• Made Rose’s thought process about hyperspace tracking be based on theoretical and experimental knowledge. She identifies it as one possible explanation.
  Link:
  https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M-rgXFRMDt3bcNlRaF5iIHF7HZ4brYKnULTQWH6Sg9E/edit?usp=sharing

Change Kylo Ren’s line about Rey’s parents being buried in a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert into:

They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. They’re dead, their ship crashed into a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story, as such, there was no reason for your parents to abandon you. I told you, they threw you away like garbage. They did. You’re nothing, but not to me.

(No, I’m not saying go back to TRoS and change it so Rey killed her parents, just that it malfunctioned or something.)

I’m planning on removing the line entirely. So the reveal that her parents are dead is saved until TROS. Another deviation from Poppa’s edit I suppose.

If you’re leaning into the “good parents” territory, remember, I did give you suggestions for how to lean into the “bad parents” territory a while back.

The only way for bad parents to work would be if Ochi never caught her parents. Furthermore, it might be a good idea in that case for Rey to be the one who killed them with her Palpy lightning ala Chewbacca shuttle.

It’s something I could consider for a v2 of my TROS project, but I haven’t made up my mind yet. There are further implications with it, such as the fact that the ship means nothing to Rey now, and the dagger wasn’t her parents’ murder weapon.

The only way for bad parents to work would be if Ochi never caught her parents.

I proposed that they NEVER meet Ochi.

Furthermore, it might be a good idea in that case for Rey to be the one who killed them with her Palpy lightning ala Chewbacca shuttle.

Why would Rey care about parents who hated her, who threw her away like garbage, who believed she was worthless?

It suggests that she is prone to doing dangerous things which kill people when she is angry. Just another reason for her to go to Ahch To I guess.

Here’s a cool passage that takes place right after Kylo and Rey’s first mind link. I didn’t really change much, I just made the wording more clearly allude to the dyad and I even replaced the word “ghost” with “phantom” in reference to Vader as a subtle hint for what’s to come.

She was still shaken by the manifestation of Kylo Ren. In a place she had come to think of as at least a beautiful sanctuary, seeing him had been an unpleasant surprise, to say the least.

After he’d immobilized her on Takodana, Kylo had taken her to Starkiller Base, to pry her memory of the map to this ancient place out of her head. He had probed her thoughts, sifting and sorting, and seen so much that she would have kept from him - him and anybody else, for that matter.

Her desperate certainty that her abandonment on Jakku had been a mistake, or a grim necessity that would be put right by her lost family, if only she waited long enough and patiently enough. Her terror and despair that she was deluding herself, and would spend her days in isolation because she wasn’t good enough, and end up as anonymous bones in the sand. Her dreams of an island amid a trackless ocean - the very island on which she now found herself.

Kylo had rummaged through these hopes and fears, things he had no right to. But as he searched, something had formed, or perhaps merely made itself known. Even as he cruelly scoured her mind, his own had mysteriously revealed itself to her. She felt his rage, like a ruinous storm that filled his head, his lust to dominate all others, and his desire to humiliate those that had wronged him. But she also felt his hurt, and his own feelings of abandonment. And his fear - that he would never prove as strong as Darth Vader, the phantom who haunted his dreams.

Kylo had retreated at finding Rey in his head - had practically fled from her. But that had not been the end of that strange, seemingly sudden connection. She began to see more - far more. Somehow, almost instinctively, she knew how he accessed some of the powers at his command - even though she didn’t understand them. It was as if his mind had become intertwined with hers, unlocking and flinging open the doors to his knowledge and training.

But now Rey couldn’t shut those doors, and she feared what else had been set loose upon her.

Similar point to last time: Rey could only use the mind trick and telekinesis because they’re instinctual.

Eh, it said this in the original novelization and I’m fine with keeping it tbh. It helps convey the power of their connection, which is what I’m most concerned about, not necessarily how she knew to use it.

So here’s another Holdo/spy scene. I think it’s coming together rather nicely. It’s kinda mindblowing to me how this one change lets Holdo remain dislikable and untrustworthy, yet at the same time you could say that she’s doing the right thing.

Poe surveyed the bridge. Connix wasn’t the only one who had her doubts. He saw rigid backs, and eyes fixed on monitors. It was a commander’s job to sense that, to read her bridge and her people. Holdo either couldn’t or wouldn’t.

It made Poe angry. Leia had built up the Resistance, despite the New Republic’s apathy, First Order sabotage, and a chronic lack of credits, equipment, and personnel. And now Holdo - someone Leia had trusted - refused to trust the men and women that had helped this movement grow.

“So we abandon the Anodyne,” Poe said. “What changes after that, Admiral? What happens when there are no ships left to abandon?”

Holdo fixed Poe with her gaze.

“You want a daring plan,” she said. “A dashing hero, single-handedly saving the day. Is that what you want?”

“I just want to know the plan,” Poe said helplessly. “I think we all do.”

“At the appropriate time, everyone will,” Holdo said. “But I still have my concerns. Do you know the whereabouts of your stormtrooper friend?”

Poe’s frustrations boiled over. He wanted to scream. Finn was an admirable man. His actions were instrumental in the destruction of Starkiller Base. He was probably the last person he’d suspect of being a traitor.

“How can we trust you when you don’t even trust us?”

“Captain Dameron. If you cannot answer my straightforward question, then I have no choice but to delay divulging any information,” she replied. “If you’re here to serve the Resistance, then follow my orders.”

And with that she turned back to her monitor, dismissing him. Poe, stunned, looked around the auxiliary bridge and found no other officer comfortable enough to meet his gaze.

So I had a thought recently. Should I make the Master Codebreaker Maz refers to be Lando? I can do this since I don’t have him as a hermit on Pasaana in my TROS novel. Rather, he explicitly traveled there to help them.

Finn and Rose wouldn’t have to recognize him. It would mostly just be a cameo appearance before TROS so he isn’t forgotten for way too long.

Well, yeah, Maz mentions that he is a supporter of the Resistance in the holo scene. And Canto Bight is mostly a neutral zone, since they provide arms to both the Resistance and First Order.

And he’s supposed to be in retirement, too. My TROS novel just says that he was staying out of things after his daughter was taken, and he doesn’t want to kill stormtroopers anymore as a result. I guess the problem is that none of this would be explained until TROS, and until DJ reveals that they supply the Resistance as well he might come off as a First Order supporter.

I think I should just go back to the Maz scene and give him a reason to be there like you said lol.

One other meta thought - this story clearly likes subverting expectations and bathos, and I’ve gotta say this would probably be one of the most egregious cases of it. Can you imagine if Lando actually showed up for 10 seconds in this movie? People would have been furious lol.

But knowing what I know from TROS I feel like this just makes the most sense. Maz calls him the “second-best smuggler [she’s] ever met” in the novelization, so I feel like I kinda have to do it lol.

How’s this for lesson two? I appreciate feedback here. I could also send the caretaker village stuff but most of that remains the same.

“I’ve shown you that you don’t need the Jedi to use the Force,” Luke said. “So why do you need the Jedi Order?”

Rey peered at him. Surely this was another one of his tests. She had heard the tales of what he’d been able to do with the Force. She’d seen with her own eyes what Kylo had used that potential to accomplish. And she sensed - with a mix of anticipation of fear - what her own growing powers might one day allow.

But he was right that no one could stand alone against an army like that of the First Order. No matter how powerful they may be.

“To fight dark side users,” Rey decided. “They also kept the peace and protected the light in the galaxy for a thousand generations… and I can tell from that look on your face that every word I just said was wrong.”

Luke smiled and studied the mosaic on the floor. She wondered how long ago it had been created, and by whose hands.

“You got ‘a thousand generations’ right,” he admitted. “But even those times had their fair share of needless conflict and suffering.”

Rey didn’t feel like starting a history lesson spanning thousands of years, so she remained silent.

“Lesson Two,” Luke continued. “Now that they’re extinct, the Jedi are deified and romanticized. But if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure. Hypocrisy. Hubris.”

“That’s not true!” she protested, staring at him in shock. If he was the last of the Order, the galaxy needed him to be its custodian, its preservationist. The galaxy had no shortage of those who wanted to see the Jedi discredited, buried, and forgotten.

“They served the Republic instead of the will of the Force,” he elaborated. “They failed to uphold peace and justice on worlds outside its borders, and didn’t act on the rest unless granted express permission by politicians. Their incompetence was enough to spawn the Separatist movement, headed by a Sith Lord who had left the Jedi Order for these reasons and more.”

“Yes, but you’re forgetting how-”

“Their war against the Separatists allowed Emperor Palpatine to rise, create the Empire, and wipe them out,” Luke added. “They have a habit of creating their worst enemies. It was the Jedi who failed my father and created Darth Vader.”

“And a Jedi who saved him!” Rey finally managed to interject. “Yes, the most hated man in the galaxy - but you saw there was conflict in him. You believed that he wasn’t gone, that he could be turned.”

She didn’t understand. It was troubling enough that Luke had rejected the legacy of the Jedi, but whatever had happened to him had led him to reject his own legacy as well. Not for the first time, she wondered if he had slipped into madness during his years of exile. But the bearded man in the rough-hewn woolens didn’t look insane. Just profoundly sad.

“And I became a legend,” Luke said. “For many years there was balance. The darkness retreated. Until I saw Ben. My nephew with that mighty Skywalker blood. In my hubris, I thought I could train him, I could pass on my strengths.”

His eyes were far away now, interrogating the past. Rey wondered if he relived these memories every day, brooding on the top of the island as when she’d first met him, or if he never did - if it was her arrival that had forced him to confront the events which had caused him to shut himself away from family and friends and vanish.

“Han was… Han about it,” Luke said. “But Leia trusted me with her son. I took him and a dozen students - ripped away from their parents as the Jedi require - and began a training temple. But by the time I realized I was no match for the darkness growing inside him it was too late.”

“What happened?” Rey asked gently.

Ben Solo - no longer a boy but not yet a man - looks up in surprise and alarm. His uncle Luke has come into his chambers, at night, and now stands over him. There is no sign of trouble - Luke is unarmed - but his Master’s face is creased with concern. And the Force is broiling with danger.

Ben’s hand reaches up, not toward Luke but beyond him, to the stones of the ceiling - bidding those stones to obey his command and come crashing down on Luke’s head. To crush and bury him.

“He must have thought I was dead,” Luke said. “When I came to, the temple was on fire. He had vanished alongside a handful of my students, and the rest were burned alive. Leia blamed Snoke, but I was the one who broke our family. I failed. Because I was Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master. A legend.”

He said that last word as if it was something terrible - a burden and a curse. But Rey held his gaze.

“The galaxy may need a legend. I need someone to look up to. And you didn’t fail Kylo - he failed you. I won’t.”

Luke regarded her quietly, and when he spoke again his voice was quiet.

“I don’t know who’s more dangerous - the pupil who wants to destroy me, or the one who wants to become me.”

Why’d you remove the “I need someone to show me my place in all this” quote?

Mostly because the following line by Luke (which was in the original novel) insinuates that Rey is trying to be like Luke. Which kinda ties in with her seeking his approval.

Plus, I was under the impression that you disagreed with that line? Or was I wrong about that?

Plus, I was under the impression that you disagreed with that line? Or was I wrong about that?

The original line adds to how I interpret her TLJ arc, let alone her whole ST arc. (It’s in my signature)

Huh, I must have not understood you correctly in one of your other posts from some time ago. I’ll see about reverting it back. Any other suggestions?

A lot of the attempts at comedy (especially that scene with Hux) in the movie feel like they’re from SNL rather than Star Wars.

Definitely recommend making Rey’s arc of specifically letting go of her parents stronger, so it’d feel like a definitive conclusion to the story arc of Rey and her parents. You are expanding upon many interpretations you’ve seen, after all.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Huh, I must have not understood you correctly in one of your other posts from some time ago. I’ll see about reverting it back. Any other suggestions?

Maybe not really reverting it but finding a new place for the original line? To suggest Rey wants to find her self-worth/place in the story, and also that she means to achieve that by following Luke.

Knight of Kalee said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Huh, I must have not understood you correctly in one of your other posts from some time ago. I’ll see about reverting it back. Any other suggestions?

Maybe not really reverting it but finding a new place for the original line? To suggest Rey wants to find her self-worth/place in the story, and also that she means to achieve that by following Luke.

Simple solution:

“The galaxy may need a legend. I need someone to show me my place in all of this. Somebody to look up to. And you didn’t fail Kylo - he failed you. I won’t.”

Or I could just put it somewhere else like you said.

Rey’s trying to find that worth from her parents specifically. That’s the point of her TLJ arc. By finding her place, it would apparently mean that her parents abandoned her for an actual reason - she’s denying the truth that they threw her away like garbage.

But since the previous part of the line mentions Luke’s legend, I interpreted her “place” that she’s referring to as whether she should become a Jedi or whatnot. Not denying that her parents don’t play a significant role with her self-worth, but I think Rey is just repeating what she did with Han to Luke (father figure). Kylo says as much later on.