vranir

I really like your choice of shot to introduce Ahsoka herself.

Neravar’s version works, since it refers to the entire senate as being overwhelmed and also as members commissioning the Resistance pilots. The implication is that we’re talking about two groups in the senate.

The other suggestion singles out “daring senators” as being both overwhelmed and commissioning the Resistance. That sounds contradictory to me.

A couple of specifically timed Vader flashes during her dual with Baylan could also further explain why she lost. She was distracted and compromised and he was bringing that even more to the surface.

Without making the film repetitive, what we need here are a few more parallels to “Kenobi.” Both characters need to start clearly broken by Anakin’s fall and regain themselves when they come to accept who he is and who they are today. The biggest difference, besides the framing plot, is that ObiWan faces a fallen Anakin and distances himself in the end, while Ahsoka faces a redeemed and mature Anakin and accepts him as part of herself.

I continue to think that one of the biggest issues with the Anakin/Ahsoka thread in this series is that it comes out of nowhere.

If Ahsoka is supposed to be so scared of being like Anakin that she refused to train Sabine (or Grogu), it would be nice to see glimpses of that prior to this near-death sequence.

Maybe some flashes of these Clone Wars scenes or even flashes of Vader earlier when her mind is wandering or resting would help sell this paralyzing fear in her background.

Then, when Baylan spells it out, we could even get another flash of Vader, and then she is reunited with him.

Afterwards, the training holo could be used to show that she’s no longer afraid of him, as does her willingness to embrace his style of tactics to rescue Sabine and Ezra, and ultimately we see his approval as Anakin himself looks on.

What’s next is for it to quickly get integrated into the film before someone rethinks it again!

Also, it’s time for someone to make that 2 hour edit of all possibly crawls for this film.

I prefer the total rewrite.

If you do use the first version, I would encourage you to lowercase “Starfleet” or change it to simply “fleet” to avoid crossing the vocabulary streams with a certain other universe.

For what it’s worth, I like “of” better.

I also recommend commas after “Resistance” and “New Republic” since it’s that’s an added phrase in the middle of the larger sentence.

Have you considered removing all instances of Merrik (the ghost inquisitor)? I wonder if everything might be tighter and the reveal with the reanimated stormtroopers better if he wasn’t in the story.

What if Balaan Skall’s line about the legacy of violence from Anakin and Ahsoka was said right after she throws Shinn? Like he sees the violence and Vader-like action, says that, then a moment later knocks her off the cliff and says that it was always that way with her.

I do also miss the craziness of that hyperscape jump and the X-Wings. I’m not sure if that could be worked back in without getting back into the mediocre New Republic stuff.

Fan Editing is a quasi-academic form of criticism and viewer-response/interaction with the source material.

I think that “Resistance militia” just sounds a little clumsy. I’d prefer either term by itself, and the common use of “the Resistence” in the movie means that it’s the term we have to keep.

But “failed” gives away too much.

Maybe, “who promised to restore the Jedi order?”

Did you consider redistributing the flashbacks in more of a PTSD fashion throughout Acts 1 and 2 to further integrate/build Ashoka’s arc and explain her standoffishness?

I’m glad the spacewalk is still there. It may be a little nuts and over the top, but it was also not something we’ve seen before and kind of awesome.

Is there anything you can do to make the initial story more about finding Ezra and less about stopping the possible return of one Star Destroyer and admiral? I’d love it if the extent of the threat was kind of discovered rather than presupposed by everyone.

Emre16O1 said:

I got this “video review” series recently recommended to me for Ahsoka. It is quite fun, with some nice commentary on the series, and Star Wars in general.

“Not Obi-Wan Kenobi” YouTube channel, by Charlie Hopkinson.

They are deepfake videos sketches for “Where Obi Wan has come to retire and chill” (in a flat-share somewhere in Britain, in 2023), along with Qui-Gon, Anakin, and occasionally a few other characters too.
 

He’s done a number of Star Wars video content, but these are the 7 videos for Ahsoka so far:

Chapter 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0MWO3CUoJQ
Chapter 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTrOnBkxiIo
Chapter 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a0vwqvz1P4
Chapter 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_WXPv0NY6g
Chapter 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiKFsWJ6j2E
Chapters 6 & 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJzPK3fn_ws

I watch fake ObiWan almost every week. Fake Gandalf was pretty great too (same guy).

Seriously, his commentary is often more entertaining than the shows themselves.

I’m also super impressed with both his voice impressions and his deep fake work.

I’m a little worried about how little I expect will be resolved this season. For 8 whole episodes, I think it’s going to amount to all setup. That’d be fine (it’s pretty interesting setup) if we could go straight on to the payoff, but with the strikes and all, I’m not expecting to see anything more for this story until very late 2024 at the absolute soonest. That’s not good.

I never saw that Prisoner and Goblet had been released. If they are, I’d certainly like to check them out.

While I’m familiar with Rebels, I’ve never watched more than clips. I wouldn’t say Ahsoka is excellent, but I am enjoying it for what it bring. Specifically…

I like the music, which just feels like vintage Star Wars.

I also feel like this show is consistently trying to be creative. Sometimes it just ends up being weird, but in a universe full of battles that rehash stuff we’ve already seen, it’s kind of refreshing to see attempts at galaxy hopping, layering of force mythology, and even space whale/squids.

smudger9 said:

vranir said:

While we’re on the topic, there any way that we can change Ashoka’s question to Elsbeth? She should know generally where Thrawn is, and Elsbeth doesn’t actually know anything more than she does about it. Instead, could we have an AI voice ask where the map/orb/it is? That (either chronologically or by inference if used as a flashback) is what leads Ahsoka to the ruin where she finds the artifact.

I don’t think the question needs to be changed does it? We don’t see the answer so it’s perfectly believable that Morgan would say that he’s in another galaxy and you need a map to locate it.

But why would she be asking Elsbeth and not someone easier to find who knows the same thing, like Hera or Sabine? It’s weird to go on a quest to hunt an enemy in order to ask a question that your friends already know the answer to.

Even slightly different wording would help: “Where was Thrawn taken?” This would imply that she knows more. “Where is Thrawn?” sounds like he’s hiding or coming, not trapped somewhere.

While we’re on the topic, there any way that we can change Ashoka’s question to Elsbeth? She should know generally where Thrawn is, and Elsbeth doesn’t actually know anything more than she does about it. Instead, could we have an AI voice ask where the map/orb/it is? That (either chronologically or by inference if used as a flashback) is what leads Ahsoka to the ruin where she finds the artifact.

Could “New Republic Starfleet” change to “New Republic Fleet” or “New Republic star fleet”?

The capitalized one-word Starfleet to me is too closely associated with Star Trek, and seeing it in the crawl seems off brand, technically correct as it may be.

Critique from episode 6. If Baylan has trained (maybe even raised Shin), why has he never told her his plans etc prior to this? Why is she asking him if he misses the temple and the Jedi; shouldn’t she know. It would have worked better for her to observe “You still miss the temple” instead of asking him.

Other than that, honestly I’m a fan of the creativity and direction here. I’d have liked a bit more legendary planet/origin and mysterious power talk in the early episodes to set all this up (maybe in place of just talking up the threat of Thrawn and his one potentially returning ISD).

If this really gets wrapped up in a movie, maybe we should be looking at a trilogy (two parts based on this series, followed by an edit of the eventual film).

I think someone in this thread (or in another) also proposed keeping the modern Boba Fett stuff intact but moving it to a spot in between the first and second halves of Mando s3. That also seems to have potential in my view. It would slow down the return to Mandalore and also involve contacting the various groups/types of Mandalorians to “unite the tribes.”

I’ve realized that the biggest issue I have with this show is the lack of reason to fear Thrawn. I know him from the books. Some fans know him a bit from Rebels. But in this show we have been given no information or evidence of his clout beyond his rank. Even from Rebels we know that he has with him one Imperial class Star Destroyer - what difference does that make? I’m sure there were plenty after Endor that had to be dealt with.

I’m loving the prospect of seeing a new region of space in Star Wars, and I want to see Thrawn in live action, but the threat just isn’t something I feel.

It might be even more involved than the Grogu erasure, but I’d love to see Boba Fett help in the retaking of Mandalore, even just from the air using Slave 1.