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vranir

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5-May-2021
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7-Dec-2021
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Post
#1459461
Topic
The Hobbit (M4 Book Edit) (Released)
Time

This is by far my favorite Hobbit edit. Your work smoothing away the stuff that you cut is nothing short of amazing - Tauriel and Legolas, Fili’s injury, Azog and Bolg, the more overtly sinister aspects of the ring, etc. I love it.

In that light, know that the following observations are meant as constructive nitpicks. I truly appreciate the edit as is.

The opening has a lot of short sequences. Most make sense, but I’m not sold on the one with Frodo outside by the gate. I think the opening as a whole might flow better without it.

60 years earlier font? - same as subtitles. This is the only setting label in the film. Is it even necessary?

You use a combination of white and grey dialog subtitles. I understand that it’s done intentionally, but what does LOTR use? I recommend matching as much as possible.

I think in cutting the White Council, you lost the reason for the company leaving ahead of Gandalf. They later mention him planning to meet up with them, but it’s curious that there’s no earlier explanation.

The transition from the first to second movie is still awkward. That’s a lot of distance for the orcs to cover so quickly. Maybe reduce the implied distance of the eagle flight. Maybe also reduce/remove the feeling of resolution atop the aerie so that the tension translates more easily into the next sequence.

I like the intermission but it seems awkwardly located, only placed where it is in order to cover the scene transition from the first movie to the second. A more logical point would be after the barrels, when mentioning the barge, as many other editors have broken it.

It’s twilight when the company is deciding to go to Beorn’s house, then suddenly bright day when they are running to and inside Beorn’s house, then night again? Can the lighting be adjusted to make it more cohesive?

The wandering in Mirkwood drags a bit. It’s thematic but is not pleasant to watch for so long.

Without the flashbacks with the elves and Thror, the jewels, and turning away during the dragon attack, Thorin’s hatred of Thranduil seems a bit unreasonable. I agree that it’s fun to get the backstory alongside Bilbo, but I do think that there may be good moments in the first half of the movie for contextual flashbacks, like the one you include when talking about Gurion in Laketown.

Getting out of the river seems a bit abrupt, but that may be unavoidable if you want to skip all mention of battle/injury.

It’s unclear how Bard, Bilbo, and Gandalf got back to Dale ahead of the orcs.

It’s not clear why Bilbo ran off to ravenhill.

Thorin and company get to ravenhill almost instantaneously. Maybe a fighting montage would help the transition.

What is the purpose of the bats flying down over the armies? The shot cuts away, and it draws attention to the gap of time between them flying past Bilbo and them arriving at the battlefield itself. I suspect it’s enough to see the bats arrive with Bilbo, then see them intermittently fighting eagles etc during the rest of the battle.

Did you show the part where the axe gets out of Bifur’s head? You do show him without it at Bilbo’s departure.

Credits music - consider the closing song from Five Armies, since Misty Mountains appears in the film already and it’s a nice closing that seems a personal touch for Bilbo and for the entire production team. I do like the full Misty Mountains version you use though. Consider also using the cast and concept sketches during the closing credits. That would tie Hobbit in more aesthetically as a companion unit to LOTR as a whole, not just a prequel chapter. You already support this understanding by including the main “The Hobbit” title screen and no follow-up white chapter title.

Have you considered making companion HD edits for each of the LOTR films? You could add musical intermissions, make slight edits, fix the appearance of Gollum in Fellowship, and maybe even incorporate select flashback footage from cut Hobbit content.

Post
#1457304
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [SEVEN episodes upgraded to v2.0 (s01e06)]
Time

Congratulations on the 1x05 milestone.

I’m just now getting caught up, so here are mg thoughts on “Assassin.”

  • I like how you dialed back the familiarity of Ashoka and Ventress. This works much better.

  • The episode is pretty tight. Good pacing, lots of action, but nothing that really feels unnecessary.

  • In the opening text, I still find the phrase “Meanwhile, the Republic… now fears Separatist spies” to read awkwardly. I suggest the following:

“…that the Malevolence attack plan WAS leaked to Count Dooku, SPARKING fears OF Separatist spies.” This removes the odd personification of the Republic.

  • The initial conversation between Dooku and Sideous has an odd focus on Ventress’ failures, even though we haven’t really seen much of that in this edit series. Maybe consider removing those line portions to leave the impression that she is very competent.

  • Early on, when Ashoka and Luminara are boarding the Venator, there is a noticeable difference between what they are saying and their mouth movements. This wasn’t an issue in the 1.? version; I’m not sure what changed.

  • There’s a very abrupt music transition around 18:24, which maybe could be smoothed out.

Other than that, another solid episode. I’ll watch the new 501st and give some feedback there soon.

Post
#1454105
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

I suppose if anyone knows where Vader’s TIE is located on the Death Star wreckage it’d be Kylo Ren, but it wasn’t seen or mentioned past A New Hope.

We also see Vader arrive on the Second Death Star in a shuttle, no indication that his custom TIE is there at all. Bringing it back for this seems highly coincidental, much more suited for the unedited sequel trilogy than the HAL version.

Post
#1452955
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [SEVEN episodes upgraded to v2.0 (s01e06)]
Time

The only part that sounds awkward to me is the following paragraph:

Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that the Malevolence attack plan had been leaked to Count Dooku, and now fears Separatist spies.

There’s nothing really wrong with it, but how about the following more streamlined version:

Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that a Separatist spy may have leaked the Malevolence attack plan to Count Dooku.

Post
#1452583
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [SEVEN episodes upgraded to v2.0 (s01e06)]
Time

I like most of Cabijista’s version but have a couple of tiny suggestions:

Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.

Having successfully protected Duchess Satine from Death Watch, Anakin and Obi-Wan now rejoin the clone fleet in their pursuit of General Grievous.
(successfully safeguarded > successfully protected, to reduce the number of “s” words in close proximity)
(cut “main” because it just seems a little wordy and they weren’t seemingly with the fleet at all previously)

Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that the assault plan against the Malevolence was leaked to Count Dooku, raising fears of a Separatist spy.
(“have” > “has” learned and “their” > “the” - because “the Republic” is usually a singular noun)
(“arising” > “raising” - grammatical fix)

The covetous NUTE GUNRAY has been caught sending Ryloth’s military secrets to his fellow Separatists, and is being escorted to jail.
(Not sure about the name-drop of Ryloth, since it’s not been mentioned yet, but I understand that you are setting up the Ryloth battle to come)

Master LUMINARA UNDULI has asked Ahsoka to help question Gunray, as they hope to uncover both Grievous’ location and Dooku’s plans.
(removed the comma before “and Dooku’s plans”)

But Dooku will not allow that information to fall into enemy hands…

Post
#1452209
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [SEVEN episodes upgraded to v2.0 (s01e06)]
Time

Very good episode. I still did go through it again myself though and made a series of tiny trims totaling about 2 minutes. All are pretty nitpicky. Specifics are below, and the file I created is available at the link I previously sent you via PM. As always, feel free to incorporate or mimic anything you like.

  • Trimmed the traitor’s early line about coming across as defensive

  • Trimmed out awkward pauses in Satine’s rooftop greeting to ObiWan

  • Trimmed rooftop mention of Death Watch being on Concordia, as this gets implied/mentioned three separate times, which is a lot for something mysterious

  • Trimmed “weak” from “weak, peace-loving government” in the talk w Dooku

  • Trimmed the governor’s random reminder of the idea that Satine is trying to ally with the Separatists. I get that he’s trying to undermine her and say he knows why ObiWan is there, but it feels random and irrelevant.

  • Trimmed ObiWan repeating to the governor that the man who bombed the shrine was a member of Death Watch.

  • Trimmed ObiWan’s semi-correction that he’s hoping to confirm that the mines aren’t operational.

  • Trimmed the warrior’s line about not respecting Satine and jumped straight to him shooting the lightsaber out of ObiWan’s hand.

  • Trimmed ObiWan’s line about Satine having not changed when she says “but you weren’t [killed back there].”

  • Trimmed Satine’s line on the platform about having hoped that ObiWan of all people would have understood her position. Instead, she offers a more direct rebuke of what he’s saying.

  • Trimmed the first elevator interchange about ObiWan having known Satine previously.

  • Adjusted the timing and volume of the loud door closing sound after ObiWan and Anakin enter the audience chamber.

  • Trimmed the line about it being weird that Artoo is scanning a lot (at least I think that’s what was said). Now the trooper reports Artoo acting strange and two men missing.

  • Trimmed another awkward moment where Anakin asks about ObiWan and Satine in the middle of trying to help. I understand the teasing but it seems a very unhelpful time for it.

  • Tightened up dialogue around the standoff with the advisor to make it a little less corny.

  • Trimmed Anakin’s final “What was that about?” because he knows and we all know he knows. He still has the line about Satine being a special lady.

Post
#1451974
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [SEVEN episodes upgraded to v2.0 (s01e06)]
Time

Interesting. I like showing Anakin leaving Ahsoka behind, and I agree that this is the only logical place to insert it, but I’m not sure what purpose the second half with her at the computer serves. I think it would be fine to wipe-cut from Anakin flying off to ObiWan and Satine walking toward the ship, where Anakin meets them.

Is there anything that shows her getting recruited for the mission in Assassin? If so, the second half of this could be used as part of that lead-in footage, which could open out the next episode. It would then show her being bored and jumping at the chance to go back out into the middle of things, even if it’s not with Anakin and ObiWan.

Post
#1451890
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [SEVEN episodes upgraded to v2.0 (s01e06)]
Time

I get what you mean about “sides” in this context. My thinking was that each planet can only choose 1 side or the other, but I suppose the sentence leaves that detail up for interpretation.

True. The capitalization would almost imply that they are turning into a third major faction.

I like “independence” better than “peace.” I think it puts the focus more on their local interests and less on its larger implications for the war.

Maybe “and Anakin returns Ahsoka” instead of “while.” Then you can use “Meanwhile” in the next sentence, which really does need something at the beginning to transition into the current action.