For what it’s worth, I like “of” better.
I also recommend commas after “Resistance” and “New Republic” since it’s that’s an added phrase in the middle of the larger sentence.
Have you considered removing all instances of Merrik (the ghost inquisitor)? I wonder if everything might be tighter and the reveal with the reanimated stormtroopers better if he wasn’t in the story.
What if Balaan Skall’s line about the legacy of violence from Anakin and Ahsoka was said right after she throws Shinn? Like he sees the violence and Vader-like action, says that, then a moment later knocks her off the cliff and says that it was always that way with her.
I do also miss the craziness of that hyperscape jump and the X-Wings. I’m not sure if that could be worked back in without getting back into the mediocre New Republic stuff.
Fan Editing is a quasi-academic form of criticism and viewer-response/interaction with the source material.
I think that “Resistance militia” just sounds a little clumsy. I’d prefer either term by itself, and the common use of “the Resistence” in the movie means that it’s the term we have to keep.
But “failed” gives away too much.
Maybe, “who promised to restore the Jedi order?”
Did you consider redistributing the flashbacks in more of a PTSD fashion throughout Acts 1 and 2 to further integrate/build Ashoka’s arc and explain her standoffishness?
I’m glad the spacewalk is still there. It may be a little nuts and over the top, but it was also not something we’ve seen before and kind of awesome.
Is there anything you can do to make the initial story more about finding Ezra and less about stopping the possible return of one Star Destroyer and admiral? I’d love it if the extent of the threat was kind of discovered rather than presupposed by everyone.
I got this “video review” series recently recommended to me for Ahsoka. It is quite fun, with some nice commentary on the series, and Star Wars in general.
“Not Obi-Wan Kenobi” YouTube channel, by Charlie Hopkinson.
They are deepfake videos sketches for “Where Obi Wan has come to retire and chill” (in a flat-share somewhere in Britain, in 2023), along with Qui-Gon, Anakin, and occasionally a few other characters too.
He’s done a number of Star Wars video content, but these are the 7 videos for Ahsoka so far:
Chapter 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0MWO3CUoJQ
Chapter 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTrOnBkxiIo
Chapter 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a0vwqvz1P4
Chapter 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_WXPv0NY6g
Chapter 5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiKFsWJ6j2E
Chapters 6 & 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJzPK3fn_ws
I watch fake ObiWan almost every week. Fake Gandalf was pretty great too (same guy).
Seriously, his commentary is often more entertaining than the shows themselves.
I’m also super impressed with both his voice impressions and his deep fake work.
I’m a little worried about how little I expect will be resolved this season. For 8 whole episodes, I think it’s going to amount to all setup. That’d be fine (it’s pretty interesting setup) if we could go straight on to the payoff, but with the strikes and all, I’m not expecting to see anything more for this story until very late 2024 at the absolute soonest. That’s not good.
I never saw that Prisoner and Goblet had been released. If they are, I’d certainly like to check them out.
While I’m familiar with Rebels, I’ve never watched more than clips. I wouldn’t say Ahsoka is excellent, but I am enjoying it for what it bring. Specifically…
I like the music, which just feels like vintage Star Wars.
I also feel like this show is consistently trying to be creative. Sometimes it just ends up being weird, but in a universe full of battles that rehash stuff we’ve already seen, it’s kind of refreshing to see attempts at galaxy hopping, layering of force mythology, and even space whale/squids.
While we’re on the topic, there any way that we can change Ashoka’s question to Elsbeth? She should know generally where Thrawn is, and Elsbeth doesn’t actually know anything more than she does about it. Instead, could we have an AI voice ask where the map/orb/it is? That (either chronologically or by inference if used as a flashback) is what leads Ahsoka to the ruin where she finds the artifact.
I don’t think the question needs to be changed does it? We don’t see the answer so it’s perfectly believable that Morgan would say that he’s in another galaxy and you need a map to locate it.
But why would she be asking Elsbeth and not someone easier to find who knows the same thing, like Hera or Sabine? It’s weird to go on a quest to hunt an enemy in order to ask a question that your friends already know the answer to.
Even slightly different wording would help: “Where was Thrawn taken?” This would imply that she knows more. “Where is Thrawn?” sounds like he’s hiding or coming, not trapped somewhere.
While we’re on the topic, there any way that we can change Ashoka’s question to Elsbeth? She should know generally where Thrawn is, and Elsbeth doesn’t actually know anything more than she does about it. Instead, could we have an AI voice ask where the map/orb/it is? That (either chronologically or by inference if used as a flashback) is what leads Ahsoka to the ruin where she finds the artifact.
Could “New Republic Starfleet” change to “New Republic Fleet” or “New Republic star fleet”?
The capitalized one-word Starfleet to me is too closely associated with Star Trek, and seeing it in the crawl seems off brand, technically correct as it may be.
Critique from episode 6. If Baylan has trained (maybe even raised Shin), why has he never told her his plans etc prior to this? Why is she asking him if he misses the temple and the Jedi; shouldn’t she know. It would have worked better for her to observe “You still miss the temple” instead of asking him.
Other than that, honestly I’m a fan of the creativity and direction here. I’d have liked a bit more legendary planet/origin and mysterious power talk in the early episodes to set all this up (maybe in place of just talking up the threat of Thrawn and his one potentially returning ISD).
If this really gets wrapped up in a movie, maybe we should be looking at a trilogy (two parts based on this series, followed by an edit of the eventual film).
I think someone in this thread (or in another) also proposed keeping the modern Boba Fett stuff intact but moving it to a spot in between the first and second halves of Mando s3. That also seems to have potential in my view. It would slow down the return to Mandalore and also involve contacting the various groups/types of Mandalorians to “unite the tribes.”
I’ve realized that the biggest issue I have with this show is the lack of reason to fear Thrawn. I know him from the books. Some fans know him a bit from Rebels. But in this show we have been given no information or evidence of his clout beyond his rank. Even from Rebels we know that he has with him one Imperial class Star Destroyer - what difference does that make? I’m sure there were plenty after Endor that had to be dealt with.
I’m loving the prospect of seeing a new region of space in Star Wars, and I want to see Thrawn in live action, but the threat just isn’t something I feel.
It might be even more involved than the Grogu erasure, but I’d love to see Boba Fett help in the retaking of Mandalore, even just from the air using Slave 1.
What you gain by putting Boba Fett in book 6 is that you draw out the whole thing about contacting and building alliances with other Mandalorians. In the vanilla version it’s far too quick and simple. While hanging out with Fett who doesn’t go to Mandalore isn’t actually accomplishing anything, it can give the illusion of connection to the main plot.
I very much like the book 6 outline.
My own goal is to eventually re-edit the show as a series (maybe six parts per season instead of eight) and use many of the cuts/restructured elements from this and other film edits to smooth and enhance the content.
The ideas you have here and their overall execution continue to be brilliant.
I skimmed through and really liked what you’ve done. Like the poster above, however, the pirates at Tatooine seemed off. Particularly how they were able to identify Mando in orbit of a different planet when he had just gotten a brand new off-record ship.
Random fan-edity idea: What if the attack on the Republic ship came after the map and Corellia stuff? Morgan Elsbeth isn’t actually involved in any of it very much, so breaking her out of jail could be reordered as a later step in their plot.
I think it’s kind of funny that this show is so women-centric by accident. Rebels had over 50% male characters (if you also count Chopper), but when the show closed, one was dead, one was lost, and the other would be pretty expensive/complicated in live action. Add in Ashoka herself to the survivors, and it just happens to be very female-heavy.
I’ve only watched clips from Rebels, but I have a general idea of the characters and plotlines.
For me, this show is slightly less fun than Mando s1 and s2 but a much better experience than Boba Fett or Mando s3. As far as I’m concerned, Andor is a whole different thing tonally and shouldn’t get compared.
I think Ahsoka will improve with editing, mainly to improve the pacing in places and make the rabbit-trails/roadblocks leas obnoxious and arbitrary. I’m thinking specifically of the amount of time devoted to the map puzzle and to “General” Hera trying to get people to do anything.