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Sounds very interesting. I’m looking forward to seeing the result.

Congratulations on the 1x05 milestone.

I’m just now getting caught up, so here are mg thoughts on “Assassin.”

• I like how you dialed back the familiarity of Ashoka and Ventress. This works much better.

• The episode is pretty tight. Good pacing, lots of action, but nothing that really feels unnecessary.

• In the opening text, I still find the phrase “Meanwhile, the Republic… now fears Separatist spies” to read awkwardly. I suggest the following:

“…that the Malevolence attack plan WAS leaked to Count Dooku, SPARKING fears OF Separatist spies.” This removes the odd personification of the Republic.

• The initial conversation between Dooku and Sideous has an odd focus on Ventress’ failures, even though we haven’t really seen much of that in this edit series. Maybe consider removing those line portions to leave the impression that she is very competent.

• Early on, when Ashoka and Luminara are boarding the Venator, there is a noticeable difference between what they are saying and their mouth movements. This wasn’t an issue in the 1.? version; I’m not sure what changed.

• There’s a very abrupt music transition around 18:24, which maybe could be smoothed out.

Other than that, another solid episode. I’ll watch the new 501st and give some feedback there soon.

Welcome back. Beautiful work. I’ll be eagerly waiting for each episode of both series.

^ Agreed

How about…

As Anakin and the decorated 501st Legion widen the net, he sends Captain Rex to inspect the Republic’s long-range listening stations.

I like your current text. Leave “but” out of it.

The only thing that feels off to me is “heroic” Captain Rex. Yes, it’s accurate but it seems unnecessary and highlights nothing in the context.

Sorry to hear that. Best wishes and thanks for letting us know.

PM also sent.

I suppose if anyone knows where Vader’s TIE is located on the Death Star wreckage it’d be Kylo Ren, but it wasn’t seen or mentioned past A New Hope.

We also see Vader arrive on the Second Death Star in a shuttle, no indication that his custom TIE is there at all. Bringing it back for this seems highly coincidental, much more suited for the unedited sequel trilogy than the HAL version.

I just wanted to pop in to say that I love this edit and am excited for v2.

Is there a chance that you’d keep an option for the Imperial Shuttle scene (either an entire alternate edit or just that scene, so that people who like it can splice it back in)? Thanks.

It’s all too technical for me, but I truly appreciate your work and your willingness to give us a glimpse of your workflow.

The improvement in the Badlands shots is clear.

Beautiful. And thanks for the explanation. As always, I can’t wait for more.

The only part that sounds awkward to me is the following paragraph:

Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that the Malevolence attack plan had been leaked to Count Dooku, and now fears Separatist spies.

There’s nothing really wrong with it, but how about the following more streamlined version:

Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that a Separatist spy may have leaked the Malevolence attack plan to Count Dooku.

I like most of Cabijista’s version but have a couple of tiny suggestions:

Conflicts erupt in the early days of the Clone Wars.

Having successfully protected Duchess Satine from Death Watch, Anakin and Obi-Wan now rejoin the clone fleet in their pursuit of General Grievous.
(successfully safeguarded > successfully protected, to reduce the number of “s” words in close proximity)
(cut “main” because it just seems a little wordy and they weren’t seemingly with the fleet at all previously)

Meanwhile, the Republic has learned that the assault plan against the Malevolence was leaked to Count Dooku, raising fears of a Separatist spy.
(“have” > “has” learned and “their” > “the” - because “the Republic” is usually a singular noun)
(“arising” > “raising” - grammatical fix)

The covetous NUTE GUNRAY has been caught sending Ryloth’s military secrets to his fellow Separatists, and is being escorted to jail.
(Not sure about the name-drop of Ryloth, since it’s not been mentioned yet, but I understand that you are setting up the Ryloth battle to come)

Master LUMINARA UNDULI has asked Ahsoka to help question Gunray, as they hope to uncover both Grievous’ location and Dooku’s plans.
(removed the comma before “and Dooku’s plans”)

But Dooku will not allow that information to fall into enemy hands…

I totally understand that. I just want to make sure that I let you in on anything I change, since you did 99% of the work I’m basing my personal copy on.

Thank you again for doing this. I makes a huge difference for the series’ watchability.

Very good episode. I still did go through it again myself though and made a series of tiny trims totaling about 2 minutes. All are pretty nitpicky. Specifics are below, and the file I created is available at the link I previously sent you via PM. As always, feel free to incorporate or mimic anything you like.

• Trimmed the traitor’s early line about coming across as defensive

• Trimmed out awkward pauses in Satine’s rooftop greeting to ObiWan

• Trimmed rooftop mention of Death Watch being on Concordia, as this gets implied/mentioned three separate times, which is a lot for something mysterious

• Trimmed “weak” from “weak, peace-loving government” in the talk w Dooku

• Trimmed the governor’s random reminder of the idea that Satine is trying to ally with the Separatists. I get that he’s trying to undermine her and say he knows why ObiWan is there, but it feels random and irrelevant.

• Trimmed ObiWan repeating to the governor that the man who bombed the shrine was a member of Death Watch.

• Trimmed ObiWan’s semi-correction that he’s hoping to confirm that the mines aren’t operational.

• Trimmed the warrior’s line about not respecting Satine and jumped straight to him shooting the lightsaber out of ObiWan’s hand.

• Trimmed ObiWan’s line about Satine having not changed when she says “but you weren’t [killed back there].”

• Trimmed Satine’s line on the platform about having hoped that ObiWan of all people would have understood her position. Instead, she offers a more direct rebuke of what he’s saying.

• Trimmed the first elevator interchange about ObiWan having known Satine previously.

• Adjusted the timing and volume of the loud door closing sound after ObiWan and Anakin enter the audience chamber.

• Trimmed the line about it being weird that Artoo is scanning a lot (at least I think that’s what was said). Now the trooper reports Artoo acting strange and two men missing.

• Trimmed another awkward moment where Anakin asks about ObiWan and Satine in the middle of trying to help. I understand the teasing but it seems a very unhelpful time for it.

• Tightened up dialogue around the standoff with the advisor to make it a little less corny.

• Trimmed Anakin’s final “What was that about?” because he knows and we all know he knows. He still has the line about Satine being a special lady.

Interesting. I like showing Anakin leaving Ahsoka behind, and I agree that this is the only logical place to insert it, but I’m not sure what purpose the second half with her at the computer serves. I think it would be fine to wipe-cut from Anakin flying off to ObiWan and Satine walking toward the ship, where Anakin meets them.

Is there anything that shows her getting recruited for the mission in Assassin? If so, the second half of this could be used as part of that lead-in footage, which could open out the next episode. It would then show her being bored and jumping at the chance to go back out into the middle of things, even if it’s not with Anakin and ObiWan.

Yes.

Why the comma after Council of Neutral Systems?

I get what you mean about “sides” in this context. My thinking was that each planet can only choose 1 side or the other, but I suppose the sentence leaves that detail up for interpretation.

True. The capitalization would almost imply that they are turning into a third major faction.

I like “independence” better than “peace.” I think it puts the focus more on their local interests and less on its larger implications for the war.

Maybe “and Anakin returns Ahsoka” instead of “while.” Then you can use “Meanwhile” in the next sentence, which really does need something at the beginning to transition into the current action.

I like the first version better, but I do like the final line of the second.

Other thoughts:
“refuse to take sides” > “refuse to take a side”
“the Council of Neutral Systems” > “a COUNCIL OF NEUTRAL SYSTEMS”
“to preserve their peace” > “to preserve the peace” (but is it really even “preserving” at this point?)

I definitely don’t like “after destroying his flagship.” If you want the context in version 2, maybe use “With the Malevolence destroyed, the clone army hunts for Grievous, while Anakin returns Ahsoka to the Jedi temple to continue her studies.”

Is there room to change “Now” to “Meanwhile?” But then it might sound too much like the “while” in the prior sentence.

Should the Attack on the Republic cruiser be shown briefly at the start of the episode, much like the battle with the Malevolence was shown at the start of the prior episode? Or would that be creating too much of a pattern, where something happens, then we go investigate it?

That’s terrible! Glad you’re on the mend.

You had us spoiled with the frequency of those initial releases. Hope all is well.

Well done, sir. Your final version convinced me of a couple retentions. I also appreciate your transitions, which I will roll back into my personal copy. Thank you.

I can’t wait for the rest of 2.0. Feel free to keep running the intro text past us as you go.

Thank you. I can’t wait to see the result.

Also, I too listen to the credits because of the awesome music and artwork. The tune gets stuck in my head all the time.

Hello. Your edits are my go-to for both the prequel and sequel trilogies, but something has been bugging me about this one.

How is it possible for the First Order to be recharging the Starkiller? If it fired when the sun was depleted, do they have a spare sun? It seems to me that it was designed as a grand single-use weapon, or alternatively it would need to be moved after each use.

Have you considered removing the couple of references to recharging or acquiring a new target after the Hosnian system is destroyed? The threat to the Resistance could still be made, just with the implication that ships will be sent to eradicate them (as we see in The Last Jedi).

Thank you for your work and for your consideration.