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oojason

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Join date
5-May-2004
Last activity
3-Jul-2025
Posts
8,755

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Post
#105042
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/105042/action/topic#105042
Time

A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover.

After a few days, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

He says, "I'm here about your ad."
Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know you're loyal?"
"Well, I saved my platoon from the Iraqis in the Gulf. That's where I lost my arms and legs," he replies.
"Well, how do I know you're rich?" she inquires.
"I make over $3 million a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement," he continues.

Looking him over in his wheelchair, she demands, "Well, how do I know you're a good lover?"
He shrugs, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Post
#105041
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/105041/action/topic#105041
Time
An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum and sell them to France."

Post
#104848
Topic
bad luck
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/104848/action/topic#104848
Time
cheers lads, am feeling stronger and better as a whole after a very restful weekend.

I think when I get my mouth and nose sorted out at the specialists that'd be a major boost - breathing easy and eating without pain are very underrated things IMHO

The other injuries hardly bother me at all now (still being careful, but not as painful as before).
Post
#104433
Topic
bad luck
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/104433/action/topic#104433
Time
It should be interesting to meet the driver, or hear his account of what happened. I've been told there were a fair few witnesses to the accident - so most peoples' accounts should be very similar to each others. The Police closed the road straight after and did all sorts of tests and evidence marking etc

I hope the driver tells the truth, and this all gets settled quickly. Just want to get, and feel better again - it's gonna take some time, but at least I have some.

Post
#104281
Topic
bad luck
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/104281/action/topic#104281
Time
cheers ric

The driver did stop and the Police have questioned him and are continuing their investigation - there were loads of witnesses about apparently.

I was in and out of conciousness until I was taken away by the ambulance - it seemed like an eternity. What I do remember is a bloke (the driver of the car) telling the paramedic he was travelling at 45mph - I think it was because it was probably important for the paramedic/doctors to know exactly what had happened to me.

Did have very strange mixed feelings on Tuesday evening - I was watching the Liverpool vs Chelsea game from my hospital bed instead of watching it at the stands of Anfield. On one hand I was gutted on missing out on attending such a fantastic occassion and match - the other realising I was lucky to be still here surrounded by so many others in hospital that may not be here much longer...

Other thoughts entered my head too - maybe it WAS lucky that I got hit and NOT a young woman with her child in the pram that safely crossed the same road only minutes earlier. I'm young, still fit(ish) and strong - horrifies me what to think that idiot driver could have done to her and her kid, or an old age pensioner, or the 100's of kids from school that would've used that crossing only an hour later etc

All maybe's, but it's made me realise I got lucky - tomorrow I think I'll get my missus to buy a lottery ticket and see if my good luck is still wth me...


As for the driver - I hope the least that happens is that he loses his driving license.




Post
#104263
Topic
bad luck
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/104263/action/topic#104263
Time
Good luck / Bad luck?

Depending upon how I feel my luck changed somewhat on Friday afternoon last week.

I was run over crossing the road at a pelican crossing (traffic light crossing in the UK) - the lights were on red - by a car doing 45mph - 15mph over the speed limit.

I never saw what hit me, as a bus which had stopped at the crossing to let me across, obsured my view of the car who next to it, who had decided to ignore the law, common sense and any respect for the lives of others and made his own road lane.

The next thing I remember is being being lifted into the ambulance - around 20yards away from the pelican crossing, with some bloke (the driver) of the car that hit me) telling the paramedic that he was only doing 45mph and that I had come out of nowhere and he couldn't see me unitil it was too late.

Today I have been released by the hospital to go back home - along with a broken leg, 3 fractrured ribs, 7 fractures in my shoulder (inluding a brokn clavical), 5 missing teeth, a new weird looking nose, stitches in my mouth, around my mouth, several lacerations, bruises and cuts and a lot of pain.

good luck for me? yes - I'm still alive
bad luck for the driver who hit me? i hope so





Post
#101382
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/101382/action/topic#101382
Time
^ I liked it m8


A housewife took a lover during the day, while her husband was at work, not aware that 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside. I really think you should buy it..."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happened again that the boy and the mom's lover were in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

Man: "How much?"

Boy: "$750."

Man: "Fine."


A few days later, the father said to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go
outside and toss the baseball!"

The boy said, "I can't. I sold them."

The dad asked, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son replied, "$1000."

The father said, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They went to church and the father alerted the priest and made the little boy sit in the confession booth and he then closed the door.

The boy said, "Dark in here..."


The priest said, "Don't start that shit again."
Post
#100814
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/100814/action/topic#100814
Time


DR. DAVE...

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.

And you're single. Just let it go..."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering...






...you're a vet.
Post
#99983
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/99983/action/topic#99983
Time
Gundark got most of the refercnes - the RedHand Gang was a US production (I think) - it got played endlessly here in the UK throughout the 6 week Summer holidays, Easter hols etc. Had a really catchy theme tune and intro titles. It actually had story arcs!!! lol

RedHand Gang info:-

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0173592/

http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/ShowMainServlet/showid-28862/

http://www.70slivekidvid.com/rhg.htm

http://www.tv.cream.org/ - for all our kid tv yesterdays...






Dirty Den in EastEnders - a lowlife dodgy pub landlord (with possible Mob links) in a once popular UK London-based soap opera. His character was written out (had him shot and falling into a canal) around 1987. In 2004 desperate for viewers they brought him back from the dead. (a bit like Bobby Ewing from Dallas).



Post
#99750
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/99750/action/topic#99750
Time
^ LMFAO


For the youth of UK - born before 1975:-

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids
in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because
our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which
was
promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent
'spokey dokey's' on our wheels. As children, we would ride in cars with no
seat belts or airbags - riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the
same.

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in
it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one
actually died from this.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scrap and then went top
speed
down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into
stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we
were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one
minded.

We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99
channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones,
no
personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms.

We had friends - we went outside and found them.

We played tig or bulldog and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt!

We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits.

We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other parents.

We played chap-the-door-run-away (knock-door-run) and were actually afraid of the owners
catching us.

We walked to friends' homes.

We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or
daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of...They
actually sided with the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them. Congratulations!



Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before
lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read
about us.

This my friends, is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile
on your face:

The majority of students in universities today were born in
1986........They are called 'youth'.

They have never heard of Led Zepellin, and most of the music today are covers or samples.
They have never heard of The Clash, Madness or Blondie.

For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam.

AIDS has existed since they were born. CD's have existed since they were
born.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine
how this fat guy could be a god of dance.

They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films from
last year.

They can never imagine life before computers.

They'll never have pretended to be the A Team, RedHand Gang or the Famous
Five.

They'll never have applied to be on Jim'll Fix It or Why Don't You.

They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. And they will
never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.



Now let's check if we're getting old...

1. You understand what was written above and you smile.


2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night
out.


3. Your friends are getting married/already married.


4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably
with computers.


5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head.


6. You remember watching Dirty Den in EastEnders the first time
around.


7. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good
Old days, repeating again all the funny things you have experienced
together.


8. Having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to some
other friends because you think they will like it too... Yes, you're
getting old!!
Post
#99662
Topic
Battlestar Season Finale
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/99662/action/topic#99662
Time
I thoroughly enjoyed the watching the first 11 episodes - but was a little warey of how the conclusion/cliffhanger may turn out. After watching it, not only did it dod the previous eps justice - but for me, excelled as the best 2 eps of the whole season.

Ron Moore and co have done a great job giving a different spin on tv sci-fi - I really hope it continues into the 2nd season and beyond
Post
#99575
Topic
MagnoliaFan Edits: Ep I "Balance Of The Force", and Ep II "The Clone War" (Released)
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/99575/action/topic#99575
Time
casualimp - I'm looking forward to his v2 of The Clone War too m8, and if it's on dl dvd that'd be even better.

IIRC Rikter mentioned that MagnoliaFan is quite busy on another project at the moment, so I suppose we have to patiently await to see what he comes up with in his v2 release, and for his take on Episode 3 (prob some time after the dvd release?).
Post
#99576
Topic
The changes made to the Original Trilogy films down the years...
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/99576/action/topic#99576
Time

Some more rare deleted scene pics, from galactic-voyage.com:-

Episodes 1-6 Cut Scenes

^ includes rather evil looking black R2 unit, some weird bandage looking man talking to Vader, some Hoth battle pics - interesting rebel trench pic, red robed Emperor Guard spiking an Imperial Officer, Obi-Wan talking to Luke on Dagobah in front of X-Wing - no blue rim ‘Force essence’ around him, Amidala’s speech to the Republic Sentate from Ep2 (inc questions of how reliable the Jedi are at protecting Senators),and many more…

Cool SW timeline on that starwarsempire website, some neat covers too - cheers JediKev