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oojason

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Join date
5-May-2004
Last activity
9-Jul-2025
Posts
8,756

Post History

Post
#155325
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/155325/action/topic#155325
Time
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.


The dealers starred at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."


MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
Post
#154943
Topic
BSG
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/154943/action/topic#154943
Time
Like JediSage, I too wish Moore would update his blog a litte more often - but if the man's busy doing a great job on a superb series then fair enough.

Really enjoyed watching the 10 behind the scenes clips on the scifi website - getting to see how the show is filmed and put together, along with the people in charge of each section all doing their bit - very impressive.

Here's to the start of the 2nd half of season 2 - anyone know when it starts airing in the US?

Post
#154938
Topic
***The "Darth Editous" Episode IV DVD Info and Feedback Thread*** - a partially "de-specialed" DVD
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/154938/action/topic#154938
Time
thanks for explaining it DE - you sir, are a perfectionist.

It's a shame that some of the people on here, like your good self, were not in the employee of Lucasfilm for when they did their releases - there would be hardly anything mistakes to notice - let alone very small errors like you just informed us of above - that the majority of us would never have noticed anyway.




I'm still off going toget my eyes checked anyway

Post
#154910
Topic
LOST
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/154910/action/topic#154910
Time
I live in the UK and got hooked on Lost - so much so I decided to make good us of my broadband and acquire it up to around the point where you lucky people in the US are watching the new eps.

Have to say I regret it now - most of my mates are all watching the UK eps - around 15 eps behind me, and so when they're all talking about it and trying to figure out future events and stroylines - I just have to sit quietly in the room with my best poker face on - as they all search for any any reactions from me - very disconcerting! lol


...though I have now learnt my lesson and will not be acquiring any more shows that air before being shown in the UK (new Battlestar Galactica, being the exception - of course )
Post
#154909
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/154909/action/topic#154909
Time
A woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking down the street when a
masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the
abdomen.


Luckily, the babies were okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets
in because it's too risky to operate. She gives birth to two healthy
daughters and a son.


They were fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room
in tears "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was urinating and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay
and explains what happened 16 years ago.


About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
'Mom, I was urinating and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells
her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.


A week later, her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay," says
the mother, "I know what happened...you were urinating, and a bullet
came out."


"No," says the boy, "I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
Post
#154907
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/154907/action/topic#154907
Time
A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man.

The man said, " I want to have sex with you right now. I'll drop £500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up, I will have sex with you from behind, and then be on my way!"

The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her mobile phone and told her about the man's proposition.

Her girlfriend said, "When he drops the £500 on the ground, I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

An hour and a half later, the lady called her girlfriend back.

"What happened?" the girlfriend asked.

The lady said, "That son-of-a-bitch had £500 in 20p coins!!!"

Post
#152348
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/152348/action/topic#152348
Time

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies,
"Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."
Post
#149999
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/149999/action/topic#149999
Time

An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to
last very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was
concerned that he was disappointing his new lover,so he called his doctor
for advice.

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last
longerduring the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck
over on the side of the highway.He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew
closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut
and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
Post
#149998
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/149998/action/topic#149998
Time

The difference in definition between "guts" and "balls"!

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the lads ,being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:

"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"


Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say:

"You're next fatty".



Post
#147592
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/147592/action/topic#147592
Time
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A large man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh..yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done, "the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "What's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No Kidding." he said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies.."
Post
#147591
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/147591/action/topic#147591
Time
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take
a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are
you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and proceeded to walk out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"

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She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
Post
#147590
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/147590/action/topic#147590
Time

an oldie, but a goodie...



A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!