Vultural

Silent Night, Lonely Night - 1969 - 6/10

Over Christmas in snow packed Amherst, John and Katherine repeatedly cross paths.
Katherine’s son is in prep school, recovering from an illness.
John’s suicidal wife is in an mental institute.
Gradually, as they spend more time together, they share stories.
Low key film is not so much a love romance, but shared compassion.
Ships that pass in the night, as it were.
Lloyd Bridges and Shirley Jones have nice chemistry.

Christmas Holiday - 1944 - 6/10

One of the most misleading Christmas titles ever.
After young lieutenant receives his commission, he shows comrades an engagement ring, then receives the Dear John telegram.
He opts to fly to San Francisco, nonetheless, have it out with the woman who dumped him and married another.
Narrative shifts almost immediately as his passenger plane is forced down by bad weather to New Orleans.
A newsman tags the lieutenant as a lost soul and takes him to a “sporting house” where he meets one of the girls, Deanna Durbin.
They go to Christmas Eve Midnight Mass, then to an all night coffee shop, where she starts to tell how a nice girl from Vermont wound up in a Louisiana brothel.
Look for Gene Kelly in genuinely offbeat casting.
Depressing Christmas Noir, with almost every single character miserable, doomed, unhappy.
Durbin regarded this as her best film.

Nativity! - 2009 - 6/10

Hello class, this year’s Christmas show will be fabulous!
A friend in Hollywood is coming to check it out! You’ll be famous!
Oh, the tangled web fueled by bravado.
Paul is a very disgruntled teacher, who views his life as crap.
He is coerced into producing the annual show, another step downward.
Most of this is unpleasant and unstructured. The cast was urged to improvise. It shows.
Paul’s assistant, Mr. Poppy, would be viewed with suspicion in any other film or world.
This was heading for a 4/10 until the finale turned out to be the whole Christmas show.
No medley (like the lame Little Voice route). Big numbers, well done.

Susan Slept Here - 1954 - 6/10

Film set during Christmas, but not necessarily a holiday story.
Vice cops drop off 17 year old juvenile delinquent (Debbie Reynolds) to 35 year old Hollywood writer (Dick Powell - who was 50 when this came out), and leave her in his care during Christmas.
Creepy premise for romantic comedy fluff.
I am a big fan of Mr Powell, though, and sheepishly enjoyed this one.
Lush, over saturated Technicolor hues, and the overall design was packed with reds and greens, white trees, ornaments, presents in foil.
Great dream sequence, as well, with Reynolds doing a trapeze/pole dance thing inside a giant bird cage, while Powell (in sailor’s uniform), tempted by Anne Frances as ensnaring spider femme.
Powell’s last movie role.

Last Christmas - 2019 - 5/10

Overwrought, puerile Christmas fable that is inferior Hallmark clone.
Angry, self-loathing Kate barely holds her job, abuses her friends after they let her couch crash, dodges medical appointments.
Oh yeah, despite some sort of health thing, her character is still shallower than a cartoon.
Into her life rolls Rob, on his bicycle. A perfect specimen. Upbeat, positive.
Will they get together? Will across-the-board negativism, cynicism, toxicity sparkle by the credits?
Story is as transparent as a plastic sack. Even 1930’s audiences would have rolled their eyes.
The screenwriter, who has penned better, wrote a story for low expectations.
Rest easy, George Michael, your legacy is secure.

Susan Hill’s Ghost Story (The Small Hand) - 2019 - 5/10

Your talented child writes a ghost story.
“This is good enough to be a movie,” you think. And you being rich, make it so!
That film would not be any less underwhelming that the title above.
A book dealer arrives at a rival’s spacious manor to sell a rare (pricey) edition.
Next beat, the book dealer is buying a stately estate of his own, although it is a shambles.
OK, you book sellers, can you afford to buy a 3-4 story albatross?
Wait! The house is haunted!
The plot is underwritten, the characters are empty sketches, the music is contrived and bombastic.
This is an “attempt,” a failed attempt.
Pity the actors, shame on the “creative team” for this lump of Christmas coal.

A Christmas Horror Story: All Your Gifts at Once Edition - MusicEd921

Overview - The original Christmas Horror Story was quite a bouncy affair, four storylines weaving back and forth throughout. MusicEd aims for a more traditional anthology style.

The “look” of this is good. There has been substantial work, reassembling disparate scenes into one narrative, or rather four narratives. No problems. NOTE : PAL format.

Audio has plenty of dialogue in every chapter. Voices were clean throughout, so subs were not necessary, at least not for me.

Using Shatner (DJ Dangerous Dan) as an interconnecting element is a wise move. It is also done better here than in the original. Better, full stop. Personally, I think chapters 2 and 3 should be switched. There is a callback reveal in #3 that, to me, should have been sorted. Also, #3 and #4 are the most action driven episodes and I believe the film would have breathed better had they been switched.

OK, let’s get to the elephant. The filesize is 10.9 GB! Really? Bring this thing down, please. Noted, move on.
I really liked this a lot. More people should see this, especially during the season. C’mon guys, quit watching all your Hallmark favorites.
I would watch this every year, especially if I could burn it. Great job, MusicEd, rousing fun.

The Donner Party - 1992 - 8/10

Everyone has their holiday favorites.
The Donner Party documentary is the American Dream, turned upside down into nightmare.
Back in 1846, a portion of the covered wagons rolling west to California, left the main body to take a “shortcut.”
Hastings Cutoff proved longer, far more difficult than predicted, and devoured precious time.
By the time their wagons reached the Sierra Mountain foothills, winter arrived.
The Donner group was trapped near Truckee, forced to winter there without food or supplies.
Snow began to fall … and fall … and fall. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months.
They ate the cattle, they ate the oxen, they ate the horses. They ate the leather leads and harnesses, they ate grass and bark off trees. They ate their pets.
Finally, they started on the last remaining form of meat. The other white meat.
When they were finally saved in the late spring, rescuers were horrified by what they found.
True story.

Shadow Island Mystery: The Last Christmas - 2010 - 5/10

Granddad summons his estranged family to his island home.
He’s dying, see? But instead of trying to make nice at the end, he is being a dick to the last.
There is a puzzle to solve. The winner gets all his money. Losers get jack.

Within five minutes, I’m asking, “Is this a Hallmark flick?” (These things are inconceivably popular.)
I am ignored. Undeterred, I carry on a personal running commentary.
“Grampa has that big ole house, and all the cabins? For what? For when?
“The island has a power line? Holiday lights everywhere! Who strung those?

“They better hide the booze, that daughter drinks like a fish.
“Whoa! Talk about a merry pair of … uh … festive ornaments.

“Hey, since when does Hallmark have mattress action and pole in the velvet?
“Isn’t there supposed to be a mystery?”
Early proto-Hallmark film, before they adopted a rigid formula of feisty heroines, sexless men, murder(s) and clues aplenty, the insufferable bland romance, comic relief characters.
None of that here. Yet despite the cleavage and bed romping, this is a holiday bore.

Alias Boston Blackie - 1942 - 5/10

Fast paced, watchable programmer in the long running series.
This is the “Christmas episode,” though that is really stretching.
Some indoor decorations, characters wishing seasons greetings.
Otherwise, streets look hot and sunny.
During charity revels (dancing girls and a bounding clown) in the slammer, one of the cons escapes.
Inspector Fararday is there, as is Blackie, on whom Farraday eyes as suspect number one.
Chases follow escapes follow temporary captures, looped several times.
Truly, if you have seen one Boston Blackie, you’ve seen them all.
Chester Morris breezes effortlessly as the nimble, reformed crook, always able to aid an attractive female.

The Blue Carbuncle - 1984 - 8/10

“It’s a bonny thing,” said he. “Just see how it glints and sparkles. Of course it is a nucleus and focus of crime. Every good stone is. They are the devil’s pet baits. In the larger and older jewels every facet may stand for a bloody deed … ”
Holiday chestnut from Arthur Conan Doyle. Sinister jewel is stolen, promptly found and identified by Sherlock Holmes.
That is early in the plot, however, as Holmes and Watson proceed to backtrack the trail of the stone, unearthing the truth behind the theft.
The Victorian Christmas remains constant throughout. Bracing cold, wandering carolers, the goose.
Wonderful production values and a sense of humor fill the show.
Jeremy Brett, in this, the initial series, brims with intensity as Holmes.

The Unthanks: A Very English Winter - 2012 - 7/10

Folksinger sisters Rachel and Rebecca Unthank explore rural festivals in bleak winter.
They begin on All Souls Night (Halloween) and end on 21 February with a pancake race.
For those sick of it, Christmas is barely mentioned.
This focuses on darker traditions such as ritual combats, door to door begging, bonfires and explosions.
As one said, “The battle between good and evil, played out in the bitter cold.”

Interesting throughout. Everyone seems cheerful and helpful, but I couldn’t help wondering how perfect such nights would be to commit and conceal a murder or two.
Subtitles might be helpful, the girls have pronounced Northumberland accents.

Back In Time For Christmas - 2015 - 7/10

Two part show lets nuclear family celebrate Christmas’ past.
40’s - 50’s - 60’s - 70’s - 80’s - 90’s
Decorations and presents climb from wartime austerity to 90’s affluence.
Accent on that word, affluence. Family lives a nice upper middle class lifestyle, no out of work types here.
Participants in this “real life” reenactment are likeable, and seem less cautious or rehearsed than other shows.
The 60’s house was bachelor Lounge to the max. The two sisters wore appropriate hairstyles - nice touch.
Depends on your mood, I suppose. Alternative to films you’ve watched till you’re sick.
Slade overload? Beware of the 70’s.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter - 2016 - 6/10
AKA - February

Moody thriller, set in a Catholic girls school during winter break.
For two girls, parents are late or no-shows, but the cleaning staff will look after them.
Both girls are suffering a crisis, one of flesh, one of faith.
Meanwhile, one set of parents, approaching late at night, pick up female hitchhiker.
Like the two students, she also is deeply troubled.
The rest is atmosphere and underlying tension. Stray details coalesce, but they often slip past quietly.
Viewers who prefer visceral horror, screaming, chopping, jump scares, will find little here.
Fans of subliminal terror will enjoy much more.

The Thing From Another World - 1951 - 7/10

Another wintry alternative.
Polar station housing military and scientists investigate an unexplained crash.
Quickly, they realize the wreckage embedded in the ice is a UFO!
Going by the book, they opt to remove it using explosives.
Yep, the definition of “military intelligence.”
Then one of the soldiers sees the body, which they swiftly ferry back to their base.
What could go wrong?

I had viewed this classic many times, but not for twenty years.
Holds up fairly well, and there were sequences I had totally forgotten (eg: incubators).
I kept spotting modern homages / swipes from this movie.

Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter - 2013 - 7/10

. . . Based on a true story.
So begins this unlikely quest as main character Kumiko obsessively views a worn VHS.
The film is a far-fetched documentary where, at the end, a suitcase stuffed with money is buried under snow near a fence. The criminal marks the spot with a red ice scraper. Then it is forgotten.
The documentary is the movie Fargo, and Kumiko is convinced the money waits still. For her.
At age 29, Kumiko is an over-the-hill office girl.
Her boss wants her gone. Her mother wants her to marry, get pregnant, or move in with her.
Instead, she flies to Minneapolis in the dead of winter and begins trudging north.

The Japanese section moves very slow. Kumiko is a social misfit, almost shunned.
Once in the States, she is also an outsider but is tolerated as a foreigner or turista.
Nevertheless, she is an isolated, driven soul.
And winters in the Dakotas are unforgivable.

Haunting film with unforgettable, stark landscape.
Kumiko’s story, by the way, was “inspired” by the urban legend of Takako Konishi.

Season Of The Witch - 2011 - 7/10
AKA - Timi Nornarinnar

Troublemaker journalist is exiled from Reykjavík to Akureyri, northern Iceland.
He covers a missing dog, gets “man in the street” opinions.
Then starts to investigate the ugly murder of an actor wearing a witch’s robe with runes…
Later, he is asked to dig into an accidental drowning of an ailing woman.
Serbian gangs, an abandoned parrot, Iceland myths and gods, swirl in ever present snow.
Decent four-part mystery told from the newspaperman’s very droll point of view.
Bonus is plenty of rugged outdoor scenery, as well as historical tidbits.

Bittersweet Symphony - 2019 - 5/10

Rising tunesmith lands a job to score a Hollywood film.
She hit some snags, and her agent sends a seasoned professional to mentor her.
The older artist is a California caricature, flighty, over-sharing, effervescent.
The younger version is narcissistic and seemingly blind and deaf to the tragedy at hand.
Amidst this, the family gathers in apparently sunny Wales for “Christmas.”
Most of the characters were contrived and irritating.
The songs, shoegazing and downbeat, sound like Stephin Merritt knockoffs.
Holiday fun? Limited.

Ice Sharks - 2016 - 4/10

Polar outpost, studying global warming, finds itself besieged by thawed out prehistoric Greenland Sharks.
Less campy than most SyFy shark chompers, though viewers can guess who will bite it.
Characters often chat in shorthand jargon, so you don’t always know what they are discussing.
Like you care - - sharks ahoy!
Hey, and why / how did the writers and director forget about pegleg Sammy?

A Christmas Carol - 2018 - 7/10

Superior adaptation of Simon Callow’s acclaimed one-man play.
With minimal sets (this could well be an abandoned, derelict warehouse), and the barest of sound design (occasional muffled voices, horse hooves, clock chimes), the focus is all Callow.
His voice, voices, are magic. Expressions subtle, grotesque, tragic.
Not schmaltzy, either, but a taut delivery of Dickens’ classic.
If you cannot catch the show at the West End, this is as good as being there.

Better Watch Out - 2016 - 6/10

Ah, the home invasion, what could be more Christmassy?
Parents away, intruders shuffle upstairs, but the kids are resourceful.
Sorry. The trailer for this is extraordinarily misleading.
This is a stalking film, and is sadistic at its core.
The premise, a babysitter for a 12 year old? Really?
IMDB lists this as a comedy, and it should be hilarious for misogynists.
Someone was clearly venting their “girlfriend issues.”
The cast is great, though, and Levi Miller is unforgettable.

Kraftidioten - 2014 - 7/10
AKA - In Order Of Disappearance

Ice cold romp of revenge - revenge - more revenge, set in deep freeze Norway.
After the snow plow operator’s son is mistakenly killed, he sets out to kill those responsible.
One by one.
Foes include a pony tailed vegan and a gang of Serbs.
Film laced with the blackest humor, bleak and bitter.
Deserves a wide audience, though lack of teenage heroes or perfumed cleavage will dissuade the 10 watt bulbs.
Note: Remade in 2019, Cold Pursuit, apparently for Americans who cannot read subtitles.

Død Snø 2 - 2014 - 6/10
AKA - Dead Snow 2: Red Vs Dead

Once again, the cursed Nazi zombies sweep through remote Norwegian countryside.
Killing, then converting hapless villagers to increase their numbers.
From the States, the Zombie Squad arrives (three geeks - one with an intense Star Wars obsession).
Gory mayhem, putrid bubblings, steeped with a wicked sense of humor.
Film packed with laugh out loud grossness, and a climactic battle between Nazi zombies and Soviet zombies from the legendary battle of Kursk.
(Not necessarily the best film to watch while eating spaghetti.)

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale - 2010 - 6/10

Ho ho ho.
In Finland, US geologists / archeologists drill into something unexpected in the Korvatunturi mountains.
Animals are later found slaughtered, all the children are kidnapped.
They had accidentally unearthed the original Santa Claus, not the merry Coca Cola version.
The one from the locked histories, the one who devours children.
The grim winter monster with terrible appetites.
Needless to say, a dark film, set at night with difficult characters.
Not as much action or narrative thrust as I would have liked.
Enjoyable, but could have used more voltage.
Note: Most of the dialogue was in Finnish.

Tangerine - 2015 - 7/10

Looking for something different this Christmas?
Not that this is a holiday story, per se, but all events occur on December 24th in sunny Los Angeles.
Tranny Sin Dee has just been released from 30 days in county lockup and she is soon looking to kick ass.
Her boyfriend / pimpster Chester had been two-timng her with a young, blonde fish (natural borned female).
Film turns into a hilarious man … wo-man … fish hunt as Sin Dee, last name - wait for it - Rella starts busting down doors hunting for Chester and that fish girlfriend of his.

There’s a subplot of an Armenian taxi driver, with a taste for trannies, and a stream of skid row riders in back.
Side-splitting, rapid fire dialogue with an eye opening peek into transworld LA.
Geeks - whole thing shot on an iPhone!
Roaring fun, though not for everyone. γνῶθι σεαυτόν