Vultural

To Rome With Love - 2012 - 5/10

Woody Allen film is homage to classic Italian cinema.
All star cast includes Penelope Cruz, Alec Baldwin, Jesse Eisenberg, Roberto Benigni, as well Allen regulars and many Italian stars I did not recognize.
Multiple storylines, none of them interacting with each other. Film felt more like a series of sit-com moments.
Postcard photography of Rome.
Typical of later Allen, hit and miss, heavily on the miss. Unsympathetic characters do not help.
Note: I am not a major fan of Italian cinema, though you can tell Allen is. He tries hard, perhaps too hard.

Your Sister’s Sister - 2011 - 6/10

A year after his brother’s death, Jack accepts an invite by best friend Iris (and his brother’s girlfriend) to straighten out at her island cabin.
Also at the cabin is Iris’s half sister, Hannah.
Hannah is gay, but she and Jack start tossing back tequila . . .
Confused yet?
Slow film, over talky at the intro, but rewarding.
Definitely of this current age, characters react to situations and traps that earlier generations would have shunned, repressed or murdered.

14: Diaries Of The Great War - 2014 - 7/10

Imaginative WWI documentary should not be ones first choice for an overview of that war.
A compelling series, nonetheless, that will reward viewers who dig into it.
The usual combination of newsreel footage, stills and maps, is augmented with reenactments.
Diaries are quoted extensively and played out by actors.
This may take awhile to get accustomed to, but one does fall in with the concept.
“14 Diaries” are the prime journeys, yet secondary quotes and passages come from hundreds of memoirs.
Diaries and journals are not necessarily historically accurate, but they are heartfelt and hopefully honest whereas wartime news reports are invariably censored, if not fabricated.
Of particular note is the film restoration and coloring (sparingly) which is breathtaking.

An international production (trench sequences shot in Canada) that gives me my only quibble.
Characters speak in many languages. Sometimes they are subbed, other times overdubbed.
I wish producers would have made one choice and stuck with it.
Minor nitpick. For historical types, this should go onto your queue.

The Dirt - 2019 - 7/10

Hell yeah! Mötley Crüe! Politically correct Woke folk, check this out!
Biopic wallows in excess, nudity, sex, drug use, projectile discharge, vile language, violence.
Story pretty much follows the bestselling book from 2001.
Charts the band formation, rise, incredible lapses, rot, rally.
Fine encapsulation. Solo careers ignored, as were all post “Feelgood” albums.
I find it curious how many critics laud Straight Outta Compton, yet decry many of the same situations, attitudes, and behavior found in this film.

Memory
^

At the record shop, Crüe’s “Dr. Feelgood” proved to be the last New Release that fans camped overnight for.
Not too many, twenty, twenty-five people, dressed in rags.
I rolled in at 9:00 AM, opened up ten minutes later, even though we normally opened at 10:00 AM.
A few bought vinyl, most compact discs.
Camping overnight for a New Release was common in the 70’s, increasingly less through the 80’s.
The dedicated Crüe fans that morning were a last breath, and the memory of that day stayed with me.
^

King Of Thieves - 2018 - 5/10

Another “over the hill” gang rides again.
A quartet of aging geezers, and a young tech geek, eye the impregnable bank fortress.
Vault for stashed wealth, legal and illegal.
Caper film is a meandering stroll through ineptitude.
The gents commit more mistakes than Paddington Bear, without his lucky fortune.
Nothing really new in this, and it is frustrating to view, what proves to be, a foregone conclusion.
Late – quite late – in the film, there is a breathtaking moment as the men march out, infirm, out of step, then scenes of their much younger, swaggering selves, parade by. Only a moment, alas.
Based on the then recent, 2015, Hatton Garden robbery (Losses = £200 million).

Beautiful Neighbor - 2011 - 7/10
AKA - Utsukushii Rinjin / 美 し い 隣 人

Stunning, mysterious female glides into the neighborhood.
Her husband is a foreigner (American) and forever abroad on business.
The woman next door is married to an overworked salaryman who is also gone most of the time.
Female bonding swiftly occurs.
Saki, the new arrival, is the beguiling spider, however.
Smiling softness cloaks the snares she lays for her friend, her friend’s husband, their child.
She is a destroyer.

Very much a “chick drama,” Yukie Nakama is mesmerizing as the duplicitous Saki.
One keeps watching to find out, if nothing else, what put the venom in her veins.
Immaculate photography, haunting music, though the plot falters near the end.

Perversion Story - 1969 - 5/10
AKA - One On Top Of The Other

With either title, I had such expectations.
Late 60’s, glossy Italian trash about philandering doctor and swinging babes.
All set in groovy San Francisco.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .
Oops, did I fall asleep?
Boring soap opera, too much talk, one artsy lovemaking scene, zero counter-culture, plot more tangled than Cher’s hair in a wind tunnel.
Not nearly the fun I was expecting.

Clegg, Douglas - Mischief

Periodically, the author places references to the Jack and the Beanstalk fairy tale. The analogy is poor, however.
Jim Hook attends the same prep school as his older brother and their father, both deceased.
Family fortunes are slim, so he struggles to roll with the richer boys.
The decaying school has a whispered history, but that is never developed.
There is a secretive clan, which is so much runny eggs.
Our author name drops Alistair Crowley and Gilles de Rais for no real purpose, unless he read somewhere that those guys are cool!
My opinion – just that – is that Clegg wrote with one beady eye toward a Hollywood pitch.
The dead teenager genre. If so, there ain’t enough meals.

Before The Winter Chill - 2013 - 6/10
AKA - Avant l’hiver

French neurosurgeon chats with an alluring waitress at a coffee shop.
Soon, he starts receiving flowers at home and at the practice.
No sender listed. He also begins bumping into the tempting girl at random locations.
Is she stalking him? Distracted, he begins meeting with her, sharing histories.
While everyone around him assumes he is having a mid-life crisis.
On surface, a French bedroom drama, only this holds an extremely dark heart.
The bloodless domestic elements receive more weight than the exotic thriller aspects.

Hunger Games - 2012 - 5/10

I delayed watching this for the longest time.
Comments from fellow Asian flick fanbase held me off. Constant mumbling about this being a mere ripoff of Battle Royale.
Fears unfounded, it was not an imitation of Battle Royale. Nor was it a passable action romp.
Instead it was a boring character study, minus (according to friends who read the novels) vast chunks of narrative.
As an action film NOTHING happened for the first hour. Blame the screenwriter, blame an inexperienced director.
Contrasted with Fukasaku (BR), who was a master of staccato violence and relentless movement, Ross’s HG was leisurely and spare.
One memorable scene involving bees (wasps, hornets) he milked for several slow minutes. Gibson covered similar territory in Apocalypto far more effectively and efficiently in 15 seconds.
Hunger marketed itself as a big budget actioner, it was not.
I could rate it much lower, but my expectations were already lower than dirt.

The Wife - 2018 - 6/10

The peerless author, acclaimed, lauded, is to receive the Nobel Prize for literature.
Accompanying him is his son, struggling in the giant’s shadow, and his support and anchor. The wife.
Oh, and on the trip is another writer / reporter, wanting to a biography, after “clarifying” a few questions.
Acting is excellent throughout. Sympathized with characters, rooted others on, hated one.
For all that – – Within ten minutes, I turned and asked, “Are you familiar with this storyline?”
“No, I didn’t read much about it.”
“Well, do you think this is about THE BIG TWIST ENDING?”
“Yeah, that how it feels to me.”
Sure enough, the script telegraphed the ending early on. So, the whole time, I am beginning to hate every single spineless character, not to overlook the producers who have dumbed down the film to make it easy for viewers to follow.
Final ten minutes – THE BIG TWIST ENDING – my mental jukebox spins Peggy Lee, “Is That All There Is?”

2 Days In New York - 2012 - 5/10

Julie Delpy transplants the Two Days In Paris followup to New York.
Chris Rock is new boyfriend. Her crazy family visits and gets into farce situations.
I think she was aiming for Woody Allen territory, but missteps badly.
Silly, disappointing, waste of talents.

Mara Maru - 1952 - 5/10

Errol Flynn as salvage boat skipper working in the Philippines.
His partner is murdered, just after drunkenly boasting about “treasure.”
Shadowy types then circle the captain, who has no idea of any loot.
Sluggish film, despite underwater sequences action trappings.
Flynn looks tired and not remotely interested. Raymond Burr as suspicious party comes off best.
Story is recycled from dozens of other, better, titles.
Worth a look if on late night, though this almost put me to sleep.

The Truth - 2019 - 6/10
AKA - La Vérité

Daughter Lumir visits as mom, Fabienne, is publishing her “autobiography.”
How accurate is the book? How accurately would you cast your life?
Lumir is a Hollywood screenwriter, married to a TV actor.
Fabienne, however, is a doyen of French cinema, a legend, nearing her twilight years.
While the main dynamic is between mother and daughter, there is a long dead friend.
Surrogate mother, rival, cult figure.
Should be highly enjoyable to French film fans.

The Tall Man - 2012 - 5/10

A lot of Horror buffs kicked this one because it defied conventions.
Because it was a Thriller, not Horror.
This started off well, creepy, and the plot knotted and twisted every ten minutes.
Absolutely no idea who the Tall Man was, or why he was abducting children.
Near the end, the tension dissipated as the narrative unwound in a most unsatisfying manner.
There was a 7 movie in there. Too bad.

The Mystery Of Edwin Drood - 2012 - 6/10

Another adaptation of Dickens’ final (unfinished) work.
Production values are top notch.
I wonder about some of the characterizations, though. Rosa and Helena, for example.
The ending is plausible, better than others I have seen.
Fine rainy night film, if that is your only option. Want a larger helping? “Drood” by Dan Simmons.

Anna And The Apocalypse - 2017 - 7/10

The day before Christmas and school is still in session.
Anna heads to classes, taking a shortcut through the cemetery, singing and dancing all the way.

She and her friend John make a horrified discovery. Zombies infest the town!
What to do? Fight, naturally. And keep on singing!
You got it. A Christmas, zombified musical. Songs are top notch, too.
Extremely funny version of the hungry dead, and reverential to the genre rules.
Delay your perennial chestnuts, sample this.
Hopefully, the tune below will become a radio favorite.
“It’s That Time Of Year” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEefZSvh434

A Christmas Horror Story - 2015 - 6/10

Per title, holiday horror, anthology style.
North Pole finds Mr. Claus squared off against elves going zombie on him.
Rest of the film takes place around Bailey Downs.
High school journalist students break into school during holiday to investigate mysteriously slaughtered students.
Father - mother - son climb over the “NO TRESPASSING” sign to chop a Christmas tree.
Bickering family visit reclusive, wealthy auntie where a bored, disrespectful son breaks a Krampus statue.
Anchoring the stories is a midnight DJ - Shatner.
Narratives weave back n forth instead of proceeding consecutively, which has irked ADD types on IMDB.
OK enough time waster. Few scares. Couple of points for invention and giving Krampus screen time.

Alert! MusicEd921 made an excellent edit of this one. Track it down.

Christmas Carol - 2019 - 7/10

For traditionalists, this may be hard to swallow.
The look and atmosphere of this hews closer to Gustav Doré’s London, rather than John Leech.
Scrooge is hard as flint, but a complete rationalist. His exchanges with Cratchit illuminate both characters.
Cratchit is not the spineless soul, one senses something akin to respect from his employer.
With most Scrooges, there lies a twinkle behind the “humbug!” Not with Pearce.
This is a dead soul, with a traumatized childhood. His home is huge, because he can afford it; it is empty and bleak because he has no spirit to fill it.
Grim (Grimm) business all around. Wonderful adaptation.

Black Christmas - 1974 - 6/10

A decade before director Bob Clark struck holiday gold with Christmas Story ( “… You’ll shoot your eye out …” ), he helmed this Yuletide slasher.
Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder star in sorority house, receiving chronic obscene phone calls.
Christmas Eve, the house is invaded, and one by one … yes, you can guess the predictable plot.
The genre had not hardened yet, so the girls I pointed out did not necessarily die, nor was the “order of victims” followed.
Very slow going proceedings, especially by today’s tempo, and gore mavens will lament a lack of blood.
Keir Dullea and John Saxon male roles.

While You Were Sleeping - 1995 - 7/10

Once popular Sandra Bullock holiday vehicle, now sliding off radar.
Unfairly, perhaps. Despite script flaws, this has a lot of heart and a surprisingly melancholic tone.
Female token booth employee rescues affluent man after he is shoved onto train rails and rendered comatose.
Due to misunderstandings, his family thinks she is their son’s fiancee and embraces her into their home.
From there on, complications, funny and bittersweet, ensue.
Slight drawback is the cartoonish score which misinforms scene after scene.

The heart of this, however, is an amazing performance by Bullock, whose character, Lucy, is whip-smart, funny, kind hearted, romantic, and desperately lonely.
Though the film is about Lucy, in real life such characters work beside us or live across the hall, yet are completely invisible. And at Christmas time, generally forgotten.
One of Bullock’s best roles

Holiday In Handcuffs

Preface
^

Oh, disaster.
I brought this upon myself.
Someplace earlier, I mentioned Hallmark or Lifetime.
Loki, god of mischief, must have overheard and decided, “Here you go, loser.”
I sat on one end of the sofa, the cat on the other. I had just loaded a perennial holiday favorite, Ric Burns’ festive, The Donner Party, when my bride and her sister returned from late shopping.
“Look, we found a fun family movie in the dollar bin.”
“Huh?”
“You know, something to chase away the holiday blues.”
“I don’t know about you two, but I’m not blue,” I declared. “I sent all my packages out by December 10. All of my recipients have already received their parcels.”
“Well, aren’t you just Mister Perfect?”
“All of my household gift buying is done, too,” I continued. “Presents wrapped, piled in the corner over there.”
Both rolled their eyes, then one asked, “What are you watching?”
“The Donner Party,” I said. “Pretty snowflakes and a winter feast.”
“No - no - no. That’s horrible!”
“I know!” one waved the DVD, “let’s watch Holiday In Handcuffs!”
“Huh?”
Then the other pointed. “What are you drinking?”
I held a tumbler with two ice cubes clinking in a sea of gold.
“Medicine,” I replied.
“You’ve had quite enough medicine this week.” My wife took the glass and headed toward the kitchen.
“Hey! Dude!”
She glanced over her shoulder, “Dudette, please.”
Seconds later, she returned with a wineglass, red ribbon wrapped on the stem along with a sprig of plastic holly.
“What’s this?”
“Chardonnay,” she said.
“Electric Raindeer vineyard,” her sister grinned.
Oh, joy, I thought. Long ago, I realized it was pointless to argue with women. They could persist for hours, days, weeks. I didn’t have the stamina.
The Donners were ejected, the handcuff thing inserted.
“What is this?” I grumbled. “Please tell me the handcuffs involve Miss September.”
“Of course not. This is Hallmark, or something similar.”
“Wholesome holiday entertainment,” said the other, and the sisters toasted glasses.
Five minutes in, the cat, doubtless looking forward to 90 minutes of human misery, starvation and cannibalism, stepped off the couch and sauntered away.
I was less fortunate.

^

Holiday In Handcuffs - 2007 - 5/10

Holiday family folly.
Young woman, facing another dateless family Christmas reunion, kidnaps a completely unknown restaurant customer at musket point. Yes, musket point. OK, at gunpoint.
One way or another, she hauls him into snow blanketed oblivion.
The family is seemingly perfect. The backyard even has an outdoor ice rink!
Will the mismatched couple fall in love?
Aarrgghh!!

Now - what if roles were reversed? A guy kidnaps a female.
Drags her to his backwoods family. Bet you’re thinking Texas Chainsaw kinfolk.
Not here. Not remotely.
Aarrgghh!!

The Gathering - 1977 - 7/10

Holiday gem, now forgotten.
Family sire, separated from his wife, estranged from his children, receives the 90 day expiration notice.
Wants to make amends for misplaced priorities (business over family), convinces wife to get family to come home for Christmas.
A bit mushy, but thankfully not as touchy-feelie as most Christmas fare.
Relationships between Boomers and WWII parents were extremely polarized. This film glosses over problems, and drapes a gauze of hope and over the proceedings. It is a holiday film, after all, but underlying tension is constant.
For a TV movie, this had top tier talent behind the scenes (production by Hanna-Barbera, music by John Barry), and actors who would be mainstays throughout 70’s airwaves (Hill Street Blues, Mary Tyler Moore, Soap, Lou Grant, Trapper John, MASH, Remington Steele).
Bittersweet.

The Holly And The Ivy - 1952 - 6/10

An extended family gathering at the paternal home.
Grown children, in varying degrees of estrangement. Two aunts, one merry, the other crusty.
And the father, the widower parson, dependent on daily assistance yet blind to his changing family.

Well captures bittersweet reunions, buried memories disturbed, ignorant preconceptions.
Under the surface is surprising anger, though this is not an unhappy film to view.
A modern rendition might replace anger with cynicism, emotion with a façade.

Meade, L T - The Sorceress Of The Strand

Wildly popular series that ran installments in the Strand magazine.
Madame Sara, beautician to the rich and titled, also masterminds a murderous criminal ring.
Blackmail, extortion, theft and assassination.
She is on cordial terms with her prime adversaries, Dixon Druce, manager of a detective agency, and police surgeon Eric Vandeleur. Cordial because she is often two steps ahead of them.
Madame Sara was a delicious femme fatale of fin de siècle England. Not only was a foreigner, but she was also an empowered woman in an era terrified of such.
I read about Meade’s villainess last year, and ordered a copy for my wife, knowing I would read it eventually.
The Broadview Press edition, highly recommended, contained academic essays on the New Women phenomena, and numerous engravings from the Strand run.
The Sorceress Of The Strand is also available via WikiSource, as is The Brotherhood Of The Seven Kings (the latter illustrated by Sidney Paget).