Well, here is the first (still very rough) twenty minutes.
I wanted to post this to get some responses about the restructure and pacing-…well, really, about anything you’d like to comment on! :)
So check it out…then read below!
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=1X7GZ2GT
Again, some of this is still very very rough:
- Jabba’s palace “dance sequence” is missing a few shots…I don’t have the original version on DVD right now…
- Vader’s intro has been edited down a bit….just trying it out…
- All of Jabba’s scenes have been reworked to try and get the best performances from everyone…because of this, the backgrounds change and don’t match from shot to shot…hopefully something can be done about this…
- I’ve wanted to try and get some sort of dialogue for Han mentioning his “friend” Lando. You’ll see where I’m looking at putting it…
- The totally new sequence is, of course, VERY rough. The original reason for this scene was to simply get R2 from Dagobah to Tatoonie. But in the process of restructuring, I came up with this idea. Please read more about this specific (and the following ) scene below…
Now! For those who dare to read a little more in-depth…
01.) Opening scene - - - Jabba take’s delivery of Chewbacca
I’m probably the only one, but I have to admit that most of Vader’s scenes (until the Luke/Vader/Emperor scenes) pretty much bore me. He’s no longer a tough guy like in ESB. He doesn’t plot, scheme or kill anymore. Too much talking, not enough force-choking. So while the original opening scene would still work, I wanted to try something different. I at least wanted to have options. So I actually tried to make the Luke/Yoda scene work as the opening scene. I thought it would be nice to start the last Star Wars movie on a quiet note. However, that would be A LOT of exposition at a very early stage in the movie (and the next scene with Ben). Even though it’s all pretty interesting, it’ll simply bore everyone if all of that happens right away. And if you’re not into the plot of the story and invested in the characters, you’re not gonna bother paying close attention to what Yoda or Ben say. We need to grip the audience right off the bat. I don’t think we really grip them with the Luke/Yoda scene.
Someone suggested the Jabba/Boba/Chewy scene to be the opening scene and I thought it was a terrible idea…at first. I didn’t think I’d like starting the film this way. It’s a bit disorienting. You’re wondering where you are and who everyone is (minus Chewy and Fett). But then it had occurred to me that in ANH, you have no clue where you are and who is who, and just when you thought you knew the SW universe-…Next movie: An ice planet with smelly kangaroos? Very disorienting indeed. So this new beginning of ROTJ is very much in line with the other films when you think about it.
The Jabba/Boba/Chewy scene has been played around with quite a bit. To start the opening scene off, the “musical number” must be cut way back. Jabba pushes the button and the dancer-… Now, I know you guys might not agree on this but…the SE clips HAVE to go! We can see her fall and disappear (like in the original) but we don’t need the extra close-ups of her IN the pit. Why? Well, it has to do with pushing Luke into the foreground for the audience’s sake.
Think of it like this:
Look at the Wampa scenes in ESB. First time viewing the movie (OOT or SE) you don’t know what’s gonna happen to Luke, right? A big claw! Ack! Luke is being dragged away! Ooh! Luke is upside-down! Ah! Where’s the Wampa? Eeh! Wampa coming! Ack! Luke gets loose and slices the monster’s arm! Yay! With me so far?
Now ROTJ:
If left the way Lucas has it now, there are not as many surprises for the audience to experience WITH Luke. Sure, once Luke gets down into the pit we’ll (for the first time) get to see the monster and see how Luke responds, but it isn’t near as exciting if we don’t know what’s going on or where Luke is headed. So if you cut out the SE clips of the dancer, the narrative narrows the focus on Luke experiencing this for the first time; thus, the audience as well. We are right there invested in Luke, thinking: “What’s going on? Ah! Luke’s falling! Ah! Big pit! Ah! Big monster! Ah…OK I’m done.
Moving on…the scene no longer contains 3PO. He would have to be painted out of only two or three shots. This scene is so much cooler without the whiny droid! Now, the whole scene is played-out with subtitles. The dialogue can stay the same (if you want), but 3PO isn’t there to interpret. This version also ends differently: We see Chewy being dragged off and Jabba is now excited that he has the missing piece for a “complete set” (meaning Han and Chewy). We then turn around to see Han still frozen. Then Liea, in disguise, says to Boba Fett something to the effect of “Nice catch. I’m jealous.” (Bounty hunter banter if you will) and Fett nods. We end with the close-up of Han. The scene plays out quite eerily if done this way. It also catches the audience up to speed reminding them about Han. Oh…and I cut the obvious reveal of Lando. Lame. We’ll know it’s him when he meets eyes with Leia. Even if I get voted down on this being the opening scene, I hope you can use the ideas for the scene wherever it’s placed.
A thought from MTHaslett:
“The scene is much better as a Jabba/Bounty Hunter face off with only Chewbacca as a sympathetic character. It would play as one of the few scenes where he is featured alone. And as a dramatic and doom-filled way of introducing the palace and Jabba, it will serve well.”
I’m also wondering about something: Can we downplay or maybe get rid of Jabba’s music theme altogether? I’m not knocking John Williams, but the more I watch any scene that has edited out the “silly” stuff, William’s score becomes hokey. Can you imagine Vader’s theme being played by a lone tuba? It would sound stupid and not be true to the character. Jabba needs to be menacing…and that should include the music played underneath all of his scenes.
Speaking of Jabba…50RWJS has a few things to say:
18. JABBA THE MUPPET: Er -- Hutt. Jabba isn't all that scary. It seems Lucas became so enamored of his technology that he forgot humans are far more ominous than any shop-built alien life-form could ever hope to be. Remember Grand Moff Tarkin? Now there was a creepy villain. We're so busy trying to figure out where all the puppeteers were hiding beneath Jabba's frame that we're never able to accept him as a living, breathing character. And no matter how you cut it, his eyelids still look fake. If only they hadn't lost the phone number of that fat Irish guy who originally played him in that deleted Wars scene.
02.) Darth Vader arrives at Death Star II
- Whether we put this scene here or back at the beginning, I think we could easily trim a few shots down (Vader’s ship arrival). Picking up the pace slightly.
MTHaslett had an observation on this scene:
“…there's too much sense that the Empire is running into funding problems or something ("The Emperor wants the impossible! I can't get these stupid contractors to show up!")”
While this never really bothered me I DO think this is possible. The only lines I would cut would be: “But he asks the impossible! I need more men!”. Then, all you have to do is splice two different Vader lines together. Keep the scene the same until:
J: I tell you this station will be operational, as planned.
Vader: Then perhaps…you can tell…the emperor…when he arrives.
J: The emperor’s coming here?
The rest of the scene is good to go. I know you would still have Vader’s line about there being a lack of progress, but if you try and cut out anymore lines, the scene won’t make any sense at all. Again, I’m not crazy about it either way. It’s an option.
03.) Luke and Yoda
Edit Luke and Yoda's dialogue. Scene as is until:
Luke: But I need your help…
Yoda: No more training do you require. Already know you that what you need.
Luke: Then I am a Jedi?
Yoda: Luke, when gone am I, the last of the Jedi you will be. The force runs strong in your family, pass on what you have learned. Do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor, or suffer your father's fate you will.
Luke: Master Yoda... is Darth Vader my father?
Yoda: Rest I need, yes, rest.
Luke: Yoda, I must know.
Yoda: Your father he is. Told you did he?
Luke: Yes.
Yoda: Unexpected this is. And unfortunate.
Luke: Unfortunate that I know the truth?
Yoda: No! Unfortunate that you rushed to face him, that incomplete was your training. That not ready for the burden were you.
Luke: I'm sorry.
Yoda: Luke...there is another...Sky...walk...er.
See? Much more to the point, picking up the pace and no redundant ESB dialogue.
50RWJS:
39. YODA'S DEATH SEQUENCE: Yoda says, "Soon will I rest. Yes, forever sleep." Less than four minutes later -- bam! He's a goner. And what does Luke do while his beloved master lies choking and gasping for his final breaths? Well, he just sort of sits there like a doofus and watches him writhe in pain. Not that dialing 911 is an option on Dagobah, but a simple, "Hey, Master -- you okay?" would have been a nice gesture.
04.) Leia rescues Han from carbonite - - - caught
I know the curtain thing was devised because they simply couldn’t move Jabba around…but come on! Lame!
I actually had a great idea on getting rid of that stupid behind the curtain moment. It goes like this:
1) Cut out Jabba laughing. Instead have Han and Liea hear a gun load
2) Insert Boba (ANH: SE) coming up behind Han and Liea
3) Have him saying, “Going somewhere, Solo?”
4) Then a cut to Han in front of Jabba
This way it’s like Han is taken (by Boba Fett none-the-less) to another room Jabba is in. Also cut down the over-the-top humor - - - keep a more ESB tone. And surely we can find SOMEONE to do a Fett impersonation! If not, he doesn’t have to say anything I guess.
05.) NEW SCENE!!! - - -Luke arrives on Tatooine to find only C-3PO waiting
-Luke and R2 flying towards Tatooine
-Dialogue exchange should be something like this:
-R2 beeps a question
-LUKE: “No, 3PO’s with them.”
-Xwing lands in the dessert --- Ben’s Hut nearby
-A golden droid is quickly heading toward the landing xwing
-3PO: “Oh…Master Luke…”
-LUKE: “What’s wrong?”
-3PO: “Princess Liea’s plan seems to have gone wrong! Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca…never returned.”
-LUKE: “Oh no...”
-R2 whistles sadly
-Luke breathes a sigh of worry and frustration
-3PO: “Is there anything I might do to help?”
-Luke gives a chuckle
-Scene fades from twin sunset to nightfall
-Luke stares off into the night sky
-Finally, Luke and Ben chat under the stars on Tatooine
I know, I know…a lot of this (if not all) is almost impossible.
*EVERY* shot in the Luke/Ben scene would have to have *some* kind of rotoscoping done to it.
It would have to look seamless. Not only that, but adding 3PO to the scene…
And then there’s the issue of seeing through Ben in certain shots (not ALL shots by-the-way)…
Putting all of the technical things aside for a moment, I believe it would enhance the movie for a few reasons:
-The last time Luke and Ben had a good long chat was where? Nice mirroring huh?
-And if the twin sunsets could be incorporated it kind of brings everything full circle for Luke visually. Here he is again on Tatooine in the same spot, no longer a boy with dreams of exploring the universe, but now a fully-fledged Jedi carrying the weight of the whole universe.
-This would also be somewhat reminiscent of the rumored deleted scene in ROTJ where Luke builds his lightsaber with the droids nearby. Heck, it would be great if we could actually film someone in a black suit and gloves, putting a crystal in a lightsaber. I can dream can’t I?
Commander Courage has some thoughts on the Luke/Obi scene:
-Luke/Obi-Wan scene as is (for now anyway). Btw, I am aware Luke has his black glove on during these scenes, but the way I see it hardly noticable clothing continuity is a small price to pay for the greater good of the story. It could also be assumed it was for his hand, like Anakin in RotS, and he removed it on Tatooine, only to have it damaged and require a covering yet again.
-Wipe to Emperor arriving on Death Star II. (This transition works really well with Obi-Wan's last line, "...but they could be made to serve the Emperor."
And how could we forget what the 50RWJS article says:
13. OBI-WAN'S APPEARANCE TO LUKE: In case you missed the first two films, Obi-Wan Kenobi is supposed to be dead. In Wars and Empire, he made himself known to Luke through an occasional voice in the head or in a floating vision. In Jedi, all of Obi-Wan's street credibility as a wizened spiritual guide is thrown out the window when he appears on Dagobah and shuffles around like Fred G. Sanford in a coat of glow paint. Rather than floating in one place, he fades in twenty feet away and walks up to Luke, eventually resting his non-corporeal butt on a rock. The ensuing two-way conversation scrambles to tie up too many loose ends at once, made worse by the fact that the character saying it all shouldn't even be there on such a literal level. And unlike his similarly flawed Dagobah appearance in Empire, Obi-Wan never fades back into oblivion once his message is delivered in Jedi. For all we know, he and Luke could have spent hours hanging out and gossiping like housewives.
-I agree and disagree with certain points. I wish Obi-wan would just float around and not walk and sit. I’ve been looking at that footage to see if there’s a way around it…
15. SURPRISE! THEY'RE BROTHER AND SISTER: After Jedi came out, Lucas would routinely go on record stating that in his mind, Star Wars was always first and foremost a story about a brother and a sister. Does anybody really buy this? Wars and Empire both had sexually charged scenes that play significantly creepier when watched with the knowledge that Luke and Leia are siblings. It seems unlikely that Lucas would have included those scenes if he knew that one day people would be seeing them from such a different perspective. What seems likely, however, is that when Jedi came around, Lucas was grasping at straws, searching desperately for a plot revelation to equal Empire's classic father/son moment. Oh well -- even if Lucas is telling the truth (Yoda did, after all, say in Empire that there was "another"), the issue could have been handled in a less clumsy manner. Having Luke and Leia learn about their relationship through means other than spur-of-the-moment (albeit Force-guided) guesses would have been a start.
06.) The Emperor arrives at Death Star II
07.) Droids arrive at palace, *TRY* to deliver message, but get reassigned
This whole sequence needs to move much quicker. I’m suggesting having the droids get into the palace but cutting the droids even meeting Jabba and delivering Luke’s message. Jabba’s right-hand alien (Bib whatever) simply takes the droids to the “torture” room to be reassigned.
This is Luke’s story…not the droids. I know that following the droids is suppose to be mirroring ANH, but it doesn’t work for this film.
50RWJS:
49. THE WIZARD OF OZ HOMAGE AT JABBA'S FRONT DOOR: Anyone who's ever seen MGM's seminal musical fantasy experiences more than a little déjà vu when Threepio knocks on Jabba's door and asks the whimsical attendant to admit him to the Emerald City -- er, rusty palace. Had there been a precedent of scene-specific homage in Wars or Empire, we might have been more forgiving on this point, but the scene as presented in jedi sticks out and degrades the overall integrity of the mythos established in the first two films. (Sure, Wars mimicked Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress almost scene for scene, but only socially maladapted film geeks noticed that.)
30. JABBA'S DROID TORTURE ROOM: First of all, torturing droids is stupid on a purely conceptual level, seeing as how they're machines and all. But what on earth was going through Lucas and Marquand's heads when they decided to play the scene in Jabba's droid room for laughs? Wars and Empire both have torture scenes. They're pretty unsettling. Know why? Because they're torture scenes, for Christ's sake! Torture's not supposed to be funny -- no one wants to laugh at a screaming power droid as a bad steam effect shoots out of its feet to simulate the application of intense heat. But to the makers of Jedi, there's nothing like a little humor at the expense of torture victims, even if they are mechanical. Following the release of Jedi, Amnesty International must have logged hundreds of reports of people flogging their waffle irons and blenders.
09.) Luke arrives.
Commander Courage says: “Luke's late arrival and the confused plan can be interpreted as him having to finish his training the the Rebels not being able to wait any longer, so they spring a plan to rescue Han and get back to the fleet and plan the attack on the Death Star II.”
