Peter Pan

DarthMarv said:

Peter Pan said:

Someone in Smudger’s thread spawned the idea of removing episode 1 almost entirely and starting with the Corellia investigation instead.

Sadly, I had no time to spare at the time, but now I have thrown together a quick mock-up of that idea.

The general structure is this:
-slightly altered crawl, that explains the state of the galaxy and why Ahsoka and Hera are on Corellia
-opening on Corellia, intercut with the introduction of Sabine
-Hera reports to the NR
-new scene, featuring Sabine observing Purrgil traveling past Lothal (new call to action)
-Jailbreak, introduction of Baylen and Shin
-Sabine contacts Ahsoka
-opening of the map
-Ahsoka and Sabine meet

Apart from the structural change, I only boosted the colors (a lot).

If anyone is interested in giving feedback, just notify me. The edit is about 40 minutes long.

I like the ideas of moving the Corellia story first, makes more sense but how would you create Sabine observing the Pergils on Lothal?

I used the shot of Baylan seeing a silhouette of a purrgil through the clouds, while on Seatos, applied some binocular filter, and tinted the footage to give the impression of infrared sight.

Here is the clip:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-aMXsVQGwn7XhvEnSnORrV7G83zxovq9/view?usp=share_link

Sadly the compression is killing the quality.

Edit: Hey, drive fixed itself and displays the clip in 1080p.

How would you pull that off, and how would the structure benefit from that change?

They work just fine, thanks!

WitchDR said:

Peter Pan said:

I used the arrival on Corellia, I can send you a link to the edit.

Yeah send it to me! And sorry didn’t intend to have those videos restricted. It should be fixed now.

Maybe you have to change the links because it still asks for authorization.

I used the arrival on Corellia, I can send you a link to the edit.

The videos you shared are set to restricted. Was that intentional?

WitchDR said:

I was also gonna work on trying to remove the entire Hera and New Republic subplot. I hate that the NR won’t do anything. Especially considering one of their ships was just attacked and a prisoner freed. Them not wanting to help Hera in her pursuit makes zero sense.

That is one of the reasons why I postponed the attack on the cruiser until after the investigation on Corellia and the subsequent scene with the senators. This way their reluctance to funnel any resources into this investigation is less contrived (albeit still stupid, considering the extent of the operation and the appearance of a rogue Inquisitor).

One problem with this approach is that we need a way for the heroes to know about the map and how it looks.

Maybe the map Ahsoka recovers could be a fake? That would show the audience and Ahsoka the looks of the map and explain the self-destruct maneuver of the assassin droids because there is no actual map to destroy.

So, you could open with Baylan and Shin freeing Morgan and Ahsoka’s little Indiana Jones adventure. Then during the meeting with Hera Huyang explains that the map is a fake and with no lead to follow, Ahsoka and Hera decide to investigate Morgan’s former operation on Corellia. They run into the hyperdrive core and place a tracker. Intercut this mission with Sabine’s introduction and her vision/dream about Ezra and add some form of a call to action. She then contacts Ahsoka and joins her on the quest to Seatos.

Someone in Smudger’s thread spawned the idea of removing episode 1 almost entirely and starting with the Corellia investigation instead.

Sadly, I had no time to spare at the time, but now I have thrown together a quick mock-up of that idea.

The general structure is this:
-slightly altered crawl, that explains the state of the galaxy and why Ahsoka and Hera are on Corellia
-opening on Corellia, intercut with the introduction of Sabine
-Hera reports to the NR
-new scene, featuring Sabine observing Purrgil traveling past Lothal (new call to action)
-Jailbreak, introduction of Baylen and Shin
-Sabine contacts Ahsoka
-opening of the map
-Ahsoka and Sabine meet

Apart from the structural change, I only boosted the colors (a lot).

If anyone is interested in giving feedback, just notify me. The edit is about 40 minutes long.

Basically the equivalent to the PT, OT, and ST ideas threads.

This is the place to brainstorm any and all editing-related ideas pertaining to the Ahsoka series.

I remember that Snooker added Dooku to Qui-Gon’s funeral. That could get you started.
The next best place to integrate Dooku might be at the Jedi Council.

The problem is introducing him as an important character. In these scenes, he would merely be a random background character with a vague connection to Qui-Gon.

It would be great to have a scene of Dooku talking to anyone. You could use the footage of the balcony scene at the temple and create a new one that features Qui-Gon talking to Dooku. In this setting they can talk while standing next to one another and gazing off into the distance, that should make it a lot easier to composite everything.

The only question is what they should talk about.

I am interested, can I have a link?

Generally, I like the series. Especially the new galaxy intrigues me and I am exited about Baylan’s true motivation. However, Peridea was not really foreign enough for my taste. It feels odd, that the night sisters are speaking basic and that they know about the Jedi.

Speaking about the visuals, do you intend to change anything about the desaturated colors?

So, here are my thaughts after watching the complete first act.

The general structure works just fine and has a good flow to it. Also, the dialogue change from Corellia to Seatos had me baffled. I knew it was coming, but it sounded so clean that I didn’t notice the change.

The only piece that really stood out to me was Shin’s sudden appearance on Lothal. But I suppose you cut her send-off to Lothal because you eliminated the droid battle at the temple. Speaking of which, I liked that you dropped the fight, but maybe you could add Ahsoka’s attempt to contact Huyang back in. The cut to the cockpit felt a little quick.

Other than that, I would suggest reworking the “end”. The scene with Sabine’s hologram feels redundant. I think it would be better if we had her suit up and join Ahsoka at the painting. This way you wouldn’t need to mention the Corellia mission as an excuse for the hologram.

I imagine a scene order like this could work.

-Dissection of the droid’s brain; cut right after the mention of Seatos

-Space Stonehenge

-Huyang and Sabine chat in the med bay followed by her gear up

-The arrival of the energy core

-Sabine joins Ahsoka at the painting

Alternatively, I would consider cutting both the med bay chat and the arrival of the energy core and revert back to a version of the “Brain surgeon” scene that has Hera cheer up Sabine. The arrival of the energy core scene simply does not add anything and you would save the reveal of the ship until the heroes discover it themself.

szopman said:

I also wanted to comment the opening crawl and the title.
-I think that the white “Ahsoka” logo doesn’t compose well with the rest of the crawl. Maybe it would be possible to make it yellow, as the rest of the crawl? Alternatively, you could just name Star Wars: Heir to the Empire.
-btw, talking about the title, I don’t mind it, but it’s very probable that Dave Filoni’s movie will end up being titled “Heir to the Empire”. So maybe it’d be good to find some alternative title.
-Also, since you will probably end up with only one movie for “Ahsoka”, and considering the fact that this is a limited series, with no plans for s02 (for now at least), maybe it would make more sense to skip “Episode I” part for now? Again, it could be just “Star Wars - Ahsoka - HTTE” or “Star Wars - HTTE”.

I agree with szopman, the title and the crawl clash visually.
Maybe you could make the crawl plain white to match the title card?

Can I have a link as well?

Ohhhh, I realize now that you wrote two parters.

I had read two partners at first and was dead confused.

?

szopman said:

Maybe there would be some way to cut almost completely the first 2 episodes and sum it up in the opening crawl? Like, leave the introduction of Baylon and Shin, mention in the crawl that the bad guys are in the possession of very important map to Ezra, and that Ahsoka, Hera and Sabine want to find it. The Ahsoka/Sabine stuff can basically start from the scene which was the recreation of the Rebels epilogue.

Then the stuff from 1x03 is enough to establish their master/student background and dynamics. Of course in that episode there is also some stuff that could and should be cut 😄

This way you could reduce the first 3 episodes into a 20-30min prologue.

That sounds interesting!

That would also allow us to postpone the prison break, without messing up too much.
Without the appearance of the Dark Jedi, the incident on Corellia would appear less urgent, thus explaining the reluctance of the senators to aid the investigation. Maybe that could make the absence of any OT characters feel less contrived.

Can I also get a link?

I am curious to see what Baylan is up to. I think he has greater goals than to bring back Thrawn. Seeing that Zahn is involved with this show, I can not help myself but think of C’baoth whenever Baylan is on screen. I suspect he wants to build some sort of twisted Jedi order or something and that is his real reason to leave the galaxy. I am definitely exicited to see another galaxy in Star Wars.

The series is not great, but I will say that it is somewhat fun to watch. It feels like an odd mixture of Rebels and some of the old EU books, particularly Outbound Flight.

yippie

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KhSuMmNyebAOYYRqMQKtMpiWyd7WPf14/view?usp=share_link

I added a little bit to Anakin’s last line, I hope that makes him easier to understand.