Peter Pan

Someone in Smudger’s thread spawned the idea of removing episode 1 almost entirely and starting with the Corellia investigation instead.

Sadly, I had no time to spare at the time, but now I have thrown together a quick mock-up of that idea.

The general structure is this:
-slightly altered crawl, that explains the state of the galaxy and why Ahsoka and Hera are on Corellia
-opening on Corellia, intercut with the introduction of Sabine
-Hera reports to the NR
-new scene, featuring Sabine observing Purrgil traveling past Lothal (new call to action)
-Jailbreak, introduction of Baylen and Shin
-Sabine contacts Ahsoka
-opening of the map
-Ahsoka and Sabine meet

Apart from the structural change, I only boosted the colors (a lot).

If anyone is interested in giving feedback, just notify me. The edit is about 40 minutes long.

Basically the equivalent to the PT, OT, and ST ideas threads.

This is the place to brainstorm any and all editing-related ideas pertaining to the Ahsoka series.

I remember that Snooker added Dooku to Qui-Gon’s funeral. That could get you started.
The next best place to integrate Dooku might be at the Jedi Council.

The problem is introducing him as an important character. In these scenes, he would merely be a random background character with a vague connection to Qui-Gon.

It would be great to have a scene of Dooku talking to anyone. You could use the footage of the balcony scene at the temple and create a new one that features Qui-Gon talking to Dooku. In this setting they can talk while standing next to one another and gazing off into the distance, that should make it a lot easier to composite everything.

The only question is what they should talk about.

I am interested, can I have a link?

Generally, I like the series. Especially the new galaxy intrigues me and I am exited about Baylan’s true motivation. However, Peridea was not really foreign enough for my taste. It feels odd, that the night sisters are speaking basic and that they know about the Jedi.

Speaking about the visuals, do you intend to change anything about the desaturated colors?

So, here are my thaughts after watching the complete first act.

The general structure works just fine and has a good flow to it. Also, the dialogue change from Corellia to Seatos had me baffled. I knew it was coming, but it sounded so clean that I didn’t notice the change.

The only piece that really stood out to me was Shin’s sudden appearance on Lothal. But I suppose you cut her send-off to Lothal because you eliminated the droid battle at the temple. Speaking of which, I liked that you dropped the fight, but maybe you could add Ahsoka’s attempt to contact Huyang back in. The cut to the cockpit felt a little quick.

Other than that, I would suggest reworking the “end”. The scene with Sabine’s hologram feels redundant. I think it would be better if we had her suit up and join Ahsoka at the painting. This way you wouldn’t need to mention the Corellia mission as an excuse for the hologram.

I imagine a scene order like this could work.

-Dissection of the droid’s brain; cut right after the mention of Seatos

-Space Stonehenge

-Huyang and Sabine chat in the med bay followed by her gear up

-The arrival of the energy core

-Sabine joins Ahsoka at the painting

Alternatively, I would consider cutting both the med bay chat and the arrival of the energy core and revert back to a version of the “Brain surgeon” scene that has Hera cheer up Sabine. The arrival of the energy core scene simply does not add anything and you would save the reveal of the ship until the heroes discover it themself.

szopman said:

I also wanted to comment the opening crawl and the title.
-I think that the white “Ahsoka” logo doesn’t compose well with the rest of the crawl. Maybe it would be possible to make it yellow, as the rest of the crawl? Alternatively, you could just name Star Wars: Heir to the Empire.
-btw, talking about the title, I don’t mind it, but it’s very probable that Dave Filoni’s movie will end up being titled “Heir to the Empire”. So maybe it’d be good to find some alternative title.
-Also, since you will probably end up with only one movie for “Ahsoka”, and considering the fact that this is a limited series, with no plans for s02 (for now at least), maybe it would make more sense to skip “Episode I” part for now? Again, it could be just “Star Wars - Ahsoka - HTTE” or “Star Wars - HTTE”.

I agree with szopman, the title and the crawl clash visually.
Maybe you could make the crawl plain white to match the title card?

Can I have a link as well?

Ohhhh, I realize now that you wrote two parters.

I had read two partners at first and was dead confused.

?

szopman said:

Maybe there would be some way to cut almost completely the first 2 episodes and sum it up in the opening crawl? Like, leave the introduction of Baylon and Shin, mention in the crawl that the bad guys are in the possession of very important map to Ezra, and that Ahsoka, Hera and Sabine want to find it. The Ahsoka/Sabine stuff can basically start from the scene which was the recreation of the Rebels epilogue.

Then the stuff from 1x03 is enough to establish their master/student background and dynamics. Of course in that episode there is also some stuff that could and should be cut 😄

This way you could reduce the first 3 episodes into a 20-30min prologue.

That sounds interesting!

That would also allow us to postpone the prison break, without messing up too much.
Without the appearance of the Dark Jedi, the incident on Corellia would appear less urgent, thus explaining the reluctance of the senators to aid the investigation. Maybe that could make the absence of any OT characters feel less contrived.

Can I also get a link?

I am curious to see what Baylan is up to. I think he has greater goals than to bring back Thrawn. Seeing that Zahn is involved with this show, I can not help myself but think of C’baoth whenever Baylan is on screen. I suspect he wants to build some sort of twisted Jedi order or something and that is his real reason to leave the galaxy. I am definitely exicited to see another galaxy in Star Wars.

The series is not great, but I will say that it is somewhat fun to watch. It feels like an odd mixture of Rebels and some of the old EU books, particularly Outbound Flight.

yippie

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KhSuMmNyebAOYYRqMQKtMpiWyd7WPf14/view?usp=share_link

I added a little bit to Anakin’s last line, I hope that makes him easier to understand.

Here is the first draft of the scene in Palpatine’s office.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Eb92YuM5Mmi3A8MzWcpHVLtWBBcQPOzq/view?usp=share_link

I changed the dialogue so that now Anakin visits Palpatine under the pretense to ask for advice to convince Padmé to leave Coruscant, but Palpatine catches on to his intent and demands to know Anakin’s real reason to seek him out. This leads to Anakin confessing his worries for his mother in Palpatine, who assures him to look after her in his stead and adds a dismissive remark to the Jedi’s teaching methods.

Apart from a few audio bits of sub-par quality, the biggest issue left is the lip sync on some of Palpatine’s new lines. I am not sure what I can do about that, but before I attempt anything I would like to hear your opinion on the new dialogue and welcome any suggestions to improve the wording.

Unrelated to the dialogue, I noticed an editing mistake during the pan from Palpatine’s window. For a few frames, the floor of his office is disconnected from the little stairs leading up to his desk. Has anyone ever attempted to fix that?

I don’t intend to revisit the project for the moment, but I remember burning a DVD when I first finished the edit. So that could work as a preprint for restarting the project.

I should properly close this thread, the edit is dead and I do not have the files anymore, sorry.

G&G-Fan said:

I believe you are referring to “The Hidden Planet” fan-edit

https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Star-Wars-Episode-II-The-Hidden-Planet-1956/id/101823

Yes, that was the edit I had in mind, thank you very much for the link.

On a different note, I remember that someone added a hologram of some mystical stone wall to Palpatine’s offices in AOTC, but I can’t find it anymore. I was thinking about extending the scene in question.

TiiN said:

Hi all, I can remember that someone worked on adding a hologram of Count Dooku to the deleted senate scene of episode 2 (and speaking to the senate). I thought this was in this thread but I can’t find it anymore. Maybe someone can help me?

I think I took it down because it turned out too convoluted and incomprehensive. However, if you are still interested, I could upload it again.

You would also have to imply that Jango purposefully planted the dart, which leads the Jedi to Kamino.

A while ago I suggested inserting a closeup of Jango holding the dart after his meeting with Zam. It’s a little change, but it would emphasis the importance of the dart and hint at a greater plan.

Semester holidays are coming up in two weeks, so if nobody responds until then, feel free to send me a PM.