NeverarGreat

It makes no sense why Lucas didn’t write Owen and Beru this way.

I guess it depends on how Hyperspace works, and if you can change direction without falling back to sublight speed. I imagine that Luke got to the Jedi sanctuary by going from planet to planet and studying the age of any ruins, searching for clues, and so forth. Anyone who followed this path would have to fall back to real space any time they encountered a planet and calculate the next jump even if they knew the ultimate destination, since there would be a planetary mass directly in the way of this route. Any deviation from this precise path and they might fly right through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova and that would end their trip real quick wouldn’t it? 😉

I’ll probably never have enough material to implement the change anyway.

I remember seeing Skellig Michael right after they finished filming for The Force Awakens. We never got to the island itself, just saw it from Dingle peninsula, but it is a wild, beautiful place. The book looks interesting, I may check it out!

I’m thinking that it should be like the Lighting of the Beacons from The Return of the King and an animated map section from Indiana Jones, where we get to see some fantastic sights on the way.

Yeah, I’m glad he finally fixed those weird highlights.
I hope it’s out before New Years!

Even when I first saw the movie, I thought that the journey to Luke should have been longer. After all, the map shows a lot of twists and turns, so I imagine there would be some obstacles and pit stops on the way to that remote island. With that in mind, here’s a very rough idea of how this could be implemented:

https://vimeo.com/247210517
Password: rey

There’s not nearly enough footage for this to be feasible yet, but perhaps by the time this trilogy is over I can revisit the idea 😉

Ha!

I had considered including that information, but hadn’t found a way to include it without overstuffing the crawl.

Here’s an idea:

The Jedi are only an informal order spread across the galaxy. The Knights directly serve the Republic, and can be called on in times of crisis to protect the galaxy, but mostly they are protectors of the individual planets they call home. They are allowed to marry and have children, although their children will not often be strong in the Force. The Skywalkers are outliers in this regard.

The Jedi Masters are entirely separate from the Knights, and are primarily teachers and soothsayers, more like eccentric local wizards than proud warriors. They are often pacifists.

A potential narrative for the prequels would be that Obi-wan was taught by Yoda (who is not the leader of the Jedi Order) on Dagobah, but doesn’t speak much of his master to Anakin. Instead, he decides to teach Anakin on his own and bypass Yoda entirely.

During the Clone crisis, the Senate convenes the Jedi Knights and any Masters who are willing to fight. They get dragged into a long conflict with no end in sight, and during this time Anakin secretly becomes Vader and begins killing the Knights. If there is a dangerous Jedi Master in hiding, Anakin will break their former student and learn of the master’s location. In this way, over the course of some years, he is able to hunt down and eliminate almost all of the Jedi that are of any real threat. The final student is Obi-wan, and Anakin is intent on learning of Yoda’s location so that he can become immortal.

For you see, Yoda had another living student, one who was an old man by the time of the Clone crisis. Anakin tracked him down and attempted to kill him, but as he delivered his killing stroke the man turned invisible, and Anakin heard a mocking laughter in his head. Desperate to learn the secret to evading death, Anakin tracks down Obi-wan, who tells him that contained in his Jedi training was the secret to immortality and peace, but Anakin had become too fallen to recognize it anymore.

Why would Master Yoda look in the mirror?

Ascertain pontiff you.

You must have gotten those from somewhere.

How did the Empire discipline Motti?
They fined his lack of faith.

Am I doing it right?

I really like this edit, especially the ‘damsel in distress’ line. The only improvement I could think of is to have more of that type of summation in the dialogue.

I’m having trouble coming up with a good analogy from a different franchise. A movie about figuring out how to blow up a Borg Cube? A movie about how Hans Zarkov built his rocket?

Perhaps the best analogy is from Star Wars itself. What if we have a whole movie about how the Bothans got the information about the 2nd Death Star? Or one with Lor San Tekka piecing together a map to Luke Skywalker?

I mean, any movie could be good, but why not just do new things?

Indeed. This could easily be a six paragraph crawl.

It’s just one of those things that’s been brought up many times, and quite recently.

timdiggerm said:

…Also because that’s how it was in STAR WARS. No “Red One”, just “Red Leader”. And “Gold Leader”.

Red One?! There is no Red One!

Sir Ridley said:

NeverarGreat said:

One more thing I noticed - there’s a low rumble when Finn sees the Finalizer, but I don’t think it’s loud enough for Finn to notice, at least with the music. Perhaps it would help to mix in a more conventional ship sound, something like when the Falcon enters Yavin IV’s atmosphere.

I think he originally reacts to the crowd reaction. But you may be right. If you could link to the ship sound you’re referring to it would help.

Something like this: https://youtu.be/-3TGJu39b5s?t=37s
Really, anything engine-like with some treble, even if it doesn’t continue into the following shots.

Hal 9000 said:

^ And as I believe has been requested already, bringing the music down very slightly around Han’s line, “Where’d you get that,” and Snoke’s, “Prepare the weapon” would be helpful, too.

In other news, Lord_Phillock, the guy behind the tremendous LOTR audio soundscape project, will be submitting options for the “Weapon fully recharged” line.

Nice!

One more thing I noticed - there’s a low rumble when Finn sees the Finalizer, but I don’t think it’s loud enough for Finn to notice, at least with the music. Perhaps it would help to mix in a more conventional ship sound, something like when the Falcon enters Yavin IV’s atmosphere.

I feel like there must be a mention of the base in the crawl, since otherwise it feels like the Starkiller comes out of nowhere halfway through the movie. Force Visions are going to be more prevalent in my edit, so I think there would be some payoff to establishing them here.

I agree that it’s still too complicated and full of information. Reading the Star Wars crawl yet again, I see how it tells a story in miniature with the battle, the plans, and the chase. The original TFA crawl tried something similar with Luke as the focus, but I think it was rather sloppy. Here’s Luke again, though not mentioned by name:

The last of the Jedi Knights
has vanished. In his absence,
a sinister FIRST ORDER has
risen from the fallen Empire,
constructing a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Haunted by visions of this
deadly threat, General
Leia Organa mobilizes a
covert Resistance to search
for her long-lost brother,
now her only hope to save
the new Republic.

Sent on a daring mission,
Leia’s most trusted pilot
has discovered a clue
to the last Jedi’s fate,
while far overhead,
evil approaches…

Bannon’s big on this idea, for some reason.

Yeah, I though so too, and would have done that from the start if I was thinking 😛 Maybe I’ll give that another go.

MalàStrana said:

I think your crawl is far too complex and contains too much information (a first time viewer wouldn’t understand half of it, especially in a movie which is a sequel to an episode where everything seemed to be resolved).

This is actually my issue with the original Force Awakens crawl:

Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen from
theashes of the Empire and
will not rest until Skywalker,
the last Jedi, has been destroyed.

In the first paragraph we are told about Luke Skywalker, the First Order, the Empire, and the Jedi. That’s a lot of information for a first-time viewer, and we are never given any indication of what the Jedi do or why they are so important. But I can understand why we might need to retain the line about the fallen Empire.

Here’s a version that explains a bit more:

The galaxy is in peril.
Rising from the ashes
of the fallen Empire,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Without the protection of
the mystical Jedi Knights,
The Republic is blind to this
deadly threat. Only General
Leia Organa, haunted by
visions of impending doom,
mobilizes a small Resistance.

On a mission to a distant
world, one of her pilots has
found a clue to the location
of Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope against
the forces of darkness…

Good points, everyone. As I’ve said, the Rathtars will be reduced but not eliminated.

On the subject of the crawl, here’s another attempt, taking into consideration the previous suggestions:

The galaxy is in peril.
Far from the worlds
of the New Republic,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Haunted by visions of
this devastating weapon,
the disgraced Republic
General Leia Organa
mobilizes her remaining
officers to form a brave
resistance to this deadly
threat.

As evil gathers above him,
Leia’s most daring pilot has
found a clue to the location
of her long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope to save
a galaxy from war…

My own headcannon has it that they were traveling back along the last Hyperspace route that the Falcon took to get to Jakku, thus leading them closer to Han.