Mike O

Possessed said:

I’ve heard SSRIs can take up to a month to work so don’t give up man.

I don’t know how much more of this I can fucking take!

What’s weird is that I was worried that I was putting way too much hope in the medication, but when I saw my dad’s doctor, he almost nonchalantly said that he thought that once the medication dosage got straightened out, I’d be fine. It was kind of surreal.

Saw my dad’s doctor. He boosted up my SSRI and gave me an anti-anxiety med. Sadly, neither seem to be doing what they should. It’s only been a short time, medication takes a while, I know, but fuck, I hurt. One of those atheist videos I watched eventually led me to one of them going on about abortion, and let’s just say that did NOT help and got my thoughts stuck even more. I tried going out with my friends for a day yesterday, but I can’t even distract myself. I can hardly watch anything on TV and he intrusive thoughts constantly attack me even sitting at dinner with my family. My dad’a doctor offered up a psychiatrist he recommended, which I was nervous but hopeful about, but he’s totally booked until February at the earliest. I really just wish I could stay asleep.

I wish we could offer more than just support and kindness. But hopefully it can comfort you.

Bingowings said:

When I took on my new job on day one I met this amazingly resourceful and driven lady who had set up a website to help people find help with their mental health problems. Some people didn’t take to her personality style but I was instantly impressed by her. Her daughter had suicided the year before and she was finding financing the site difficult, much of the time she was propping it up with her own money. I can see her face right now as I type this. The look of “what is this” as I poked my head around the door and said hello. A couple of weeks later she was dead. She took her life. The pain of being without her daughter too much I imagine. Now she can’t help other mothers like herself. Her daughter’s pain and death became hers and that light won’t come back on in this world. Suicide is not a good thing. You don’t have prevention courses and emergency hotlines for good things. Every suicide is the murder of a potentially happier healthier future person. If you feel the temptation to kill yourself think of the best you you could possibly be and remember he dies too.

Jesus, man. That’s powerful stuff.

Well, the OCD, if that’s what it was, is subsiding for a little bit, to be mixed with my returning depression. I have an appointment with my dad’s doctor tomorrow morning. This time I won’t miss it, but I don’t know what he’ll be able to do. I don’t think there’ll be much he can do, to be honest. I’m just sick of it. I wish I was still asleep. I’m tired of fighting. If it’s not one thing, it’s the other. I don’t want to hurt anymore.

My 82 year-old grandfather discovered a skin lump. My mother is going to take him to the doctor tonight. Live in fear of losing him every day. I don’t know how much more I can take.

I was SO hopeful that I’d be able to get some help this morning, but I went to their old building because I didn’t listen carefully enough to the message on the answering machine. I was too late to see the doctor, so I’m have to reschedule for next week. No medication or therapists for me. 60 minutes of car time and lost sleep wasted. Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.

Wound up following one of my screaming atheism videos to an abortion debate video. Let’s just say it was probably literally the worst possible thing for me to stumble into, cranking the anxiety levels to new heights. I actually had to excuse myself to the restroom at work the compulsions and anxiety got so bad. I have become genuinely frightened. The good news is that my father’s doctor, whom he’s known and trusted since before I was born, set up an appointment with me tomorrow (Early and a fairly long drive, but hey.). He can prescribe medication, and supposedly he’ll look into getting me a new therapist. As I will honestly tell him, I’ll have to fucking listen to the therapist this time. Hopefully he can recommend a psychiatrist as opposed to a psychologist who can prescribe as well. I’m very worried that I’m putting too much hope on the medication, but really, I do genuinely think that there’s a chemical imbalance here somewhere. God only fucking knows. This is a step, if nothing else. At this point, I need to do something, or else I’m going to be non-functional.

Possessed said:

TV’s Frink said:

Good to hear from you, Possessed.

Thanks. This is day 6 without a drink for me. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. Physical withdrawals haven’t been terrible surprisingly. I feel totally different and off but it’s something I’ll have to adjust to. According to my blood work my liver would have started shutting down in about six months. Being only 22 and drinking for only 2 years or so this was quite alarming. Guess it shows how extreme the last few years have been.

I’m glad you’re getting help with this thigh. Every time I see someone who’s fighting addiction, all I can think is how they have strength of will I can’t imagine and will never know.

I slept for 14 hours again and then broke down sobbing and hugged my father.

I didn’t recognize you without your Iron Man avatar.

I wish that my head would explode.

My dad lost his job again. So that’s great news. I’ll do what I can to help pay for what I can. I work full time and my parents
Should’ve kicked me out long ago, I hope I’ll at least be useful.

As for me, yesterday, I slept until 4:00 and today I had an anxiety attack at work today so bad I thought that I’d have a heart attack. I had to duck into the men’s room. Luckily, no one noticed. My family and friends are starting to get really concerned. I don’t know what the fuck to do, try ANOTHER therapist? I’m at the end of my rope with this shit. I’m sick of fighting. I’m sick of hurting. For a guy who was a best mildly religious months ago, this crisis of faith is rapidly starting to mutate into something that’s consuming me in ways that I really don’t know how much longer I can deal with. Between the videos and the obsessiveness, I really think I might go nuts. What in God’s name is happening to me?!

I kind of wish I could just stay asleep. That’s a horrible thing to say, but it’s the one way for me to be free unless there were some way to erase memories. I think I’m going to maybe have to accept my loss of faith and that I’m broken enough spiritually that I’ll simply never be the same again. It’s horrible, but I’m beginning to have to think I’m going to live with it from now on, because I guess there simply isn’t another choice. I guess I’ll have to weather my loss and hope that God is somewhere out there in the universe, He can provide for me a bit to help stabilize it again. I guess I’m going to have to face up to that. I don’t want to and I don’t know how, but I just don’t know what else to do. I wish I could go back to a scant few months ago when I was comfortable with my beliefs, but I guess that’s gone. Fuck. I don’t know. I’m sick of hurting and doubting and being anxious and afraid. I’m sick of it all. I wish I could just stay asleep.

My God, man. I sure hope the professional help there will genuinely help you. I feel so bad in this thread, because while I can offer sympathy, I can’t really offer much else except hopes for the best. But I really do hope that things improve for you here, and I hope that we’re here to listen and console. It’s not much, but it’s certainly all I can do.

Oh, apparently my dad lost another job, so that’s just marvelous.

My mental state is unfortunately not improving either. I kind of wish I could just throw in the towel on that. But of course, the only way I can do that is by sleeping. And frankly, I wish I could just stay asleep.

I finally chased down a VHS tape of the original on eBay, and it’s in LP instead of SP. That’s some cosmic hilarity right there.

FanFiltration said:

I just lost the 8th person close to me this year, the 4th directly linked to cancer.

I’m in complete shock!

Jesus, man. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry.

I called off with new therapist a couple of weeks ago because I was sick. Got a $500 bill from him, and he said to call about fixing it with my insurance. I did, and he asked what to do. I told him to mail it to me, I’d sign it, and mail it back. He agreed. He didn’t say anything about setting up another appointment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he would if I asked, but since I’ve been so hard to convince to participate, I have to imagine that he knows that I’m wasting his time. I don’t blame him. To be fair, I didn’t entirely feel like I was clicking with him, but I’ve been through at least two so far in a few months. I really need to take a long look in the mirror and think that maybe I’m the problem here, and have unrealistic expectations about what this can do for me. It’s funny, I talk an awful lot about how shitty I feel and how much I want to feel better, but I sure don’t seem to put in the effort.

I’m still functioning; I can drive safely and though work is getting harder to deal with, in still there every day. I’m sleeping more and more on my days off; this can’t bother me when I’m unconscious. And sometimes I secretly wish I could just stay asleep. That’s probably not a healthy thing to say, but I figure at least I’m honest about it. I’m so sick of hurting and fighting. I have a few better patches; I wonder if there’s some sort of biochemical ebb and flow to this? I might look into one last therapist, a psychiatrist capable or prescribing medication this time, but haven’t had any luck contacting her via e-mail so far, and I’m not sure if she takes in my age-range, since I think she primarily specializes in kids. And I think there’s one other on the list that I haven’t tried, plus I’m sure many others, but really, I think I want them to magicially make me feel better when that’s not what they can or should do. I don’t know anymore.

My parents are going to Kansas City for a wedding for the weekend, and have informed me about how their insurance will pay if they die. Gee, thanks, that helps! I’m going out with my friends, so I’m going to make a concentrated effort to socialize a bit tonight.

I spent over a hour on the phone and chat with Samsung about this issue today to no avail. I’m sick of it. Why can’t I get my Smart TV to receive wifi? Why? I can’t get all four bars and VUDU’s HDX barely gets one bar. It’s not a problem with the router; my Blu-ray player, laptop, and Chromecast don’t have these issues. I’ve changed the DNS settings to 8.8.8.8 and 8.8.4.4 as well as automatic, but none of that helps in spite of Samsung’s protestations to the contrary. Anyone got any advice? What the hell am I missing here?

I’m sorry, man. I wish I could offer something beyond sympathy. But it’s all I have. I am truly sorry, man. Really.

My mother’s friend just called her. Her friend’s husband had complex prostate surgery last night. After all of the pain, he was sent home, and died of a heart attack this morning. My mother is needless to say quite upset. She and most of her friends and my family are devout Catholics. My own crisis of faith not withstanding, if you’re a praying kind of person, please send her some.

ray_afraid said:

Mike O said:

The AIP Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster and Son of Godzilla dubs aren’t on the DVD releases. Fucking Toho and their rights issues.

Red Menace, a new user around here, is taking care of us Godzilla fans. 😃
Check out the threads in the Preservation forums. The AIP version of Destroy All Monsters is finished and it’s great! More to come!

Holy shit! I have to bookmark this!!

The AIP Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster and Son of Godzilla dubs aren’t on the DVD releases. Fucking Toho and their rights issues.

Also, I can’t figure out the order of the Planet of the Apes trade paperbacks. That’s a goddamn first world problem right there.

I really wish I could offer something besides condolences and sympathy to you, Warbler. I can’t even imagine your pain right now.

Does anyone know the UPC for this thing so that I can plug it into eBay? Apparently it’s easily superior to all of the other DVD versions, but Google searches have not led me to the UPC code. Kind of an odd, random question, but hey anything goes around here.

My Blu-ray player won’t support 24p streaming. First world problems, god dammit!