Jar Jar Bricks

Burbin said:

sherlockpotter said:

Burbin said:

sherlockpotter said:

I’ve removed Rey’s line. Personally I’m not bothered by this one so much either way (I guess I’ve finally found my breaking point for “stupid, but not movie-breakingly stupid”), but I present this so that others can weigh in:

https://streamable.com/g624m1

Removing Rey’s line actually gives a bigger focus to the whispers, perhaps they could be amped up, In fact… maybe the whole concept of Rey hearing her mum’s scream when near the dagger could be axed from the two scenes it appears in, in favor of focusing on her hearing sith whispers instead.

The second time we hear the ‘scream’ is in Kylo’s quarters, where she looks worriedly at the dagger. We could cut before she says “no” and replace the screams of lil’ Rey and momma Rey with more, perhaps louder whispers. This would offer a better setup for the change on the Death Star II and the “only this blade tells”, if we focus on the dagger constantly reaching out and talking to Rey. The idea of the dark side reaching out to Rey, culminating in her following that voice in the DSII would be a really nice way to convey her descent to the dark, and it would be a better/smarter parallel to TFA instead of a lame repeat of hearing someone screaming “no!”.

I’m not a fan of trimming 3PO though, how would he know the dagger is the clue Luke was looking for if he doesn’t know what it says?

He recognized the language as “the runic language of the Sith”; so, on a quest to find a Sith artifact, he would probably infer that a dagger covered in Sith-iness is relevant. Sith Wayfinder…Sith Runes…slap a blue paw print on that sucker, and you’ve got yourself a clue.

I don’t know, to me it seems like unnecessary obfuscation of something that’s perfectly fine and clear originally, without gaining much from changing it. Imagine going to Kijimi and erasing 3PO’s memory only for the translation to be some unrelated thing like “This is Ochi’s dagger, do not steal. Long live the Sith”.

This is my concern as well. The translation has to reveal something that simply holding it on its own wouldn’t be able to convey. Otherwise Kijimi and 3P0’s sacrifice feel like a detour that shouldn’t have been taken. If Rey felt that the dagger itself was trying to show her something to begin with, then the plan should have been to steal it back from the First Order.

Personally, I like things the way we have them in v1. It only starts whispering to her when she is in close proximity (relatively speaking) to the wayfinder.

jarbear said:

If there isn’t any actual clues to the translation, just telling the crew the dagger will guide the Heir/dark side/etc. etc. would it be good or bad to have that vision Rogue mentioned to have a it say endor at the end in a very sith like way? Not saying one way or the other, but would that help? It’s kinda hard to match audio clips using your own audio to then match the sith whisper clips … so it may stick out… Hmmm.

I feel like this would make the detour to Kijimi and 3PO’s sacrifice kinda pointless. Let’s just say that the dagger only guides her when she actually reaches the destination.

My only concern is that there a probably plenty of forest moons in their galaxy. Sanctuary moon would work better.

My one suggestion DZ is to mention “moon”. So, “From the southern shore of the moon of the Endor system”. Endor is the gas giant. The other moon is covered in ice, so obviously it wouldn’t have shores.

jarbear said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I like the word play of what I suggested. The two won’t take the throne for themselves, but they instead take the throne away from him.

I do like in Hal’s version trying to really leave Palp’s motivation/decision making up in the air and can be interpreted by the listener however.

Agreed. I could explain to you how Palpatine’s decisions in the novel make sense, but it’s way too complicated. There’s just too many steps and flip-flopping. That’s why I like Hal’s simplification of it all.

I like the word play of what I suggested. The two won’t take the throne for themselves, but they instead take the throne away from him.

You were suggesting the implementation of some sort of prophecy, so I simply suggested one that is currently already canon, even if it doesn’t appear in the film. Fairly certain it’s in the novelization.

So, following your outline… “two that are one will take the throne from the ashes of the Emperor who ruled the galaxy”.

It’s canon that the Sith had a prophecy, except it was about the dyad. So both organizations did have a prophecy that turned out to not be in their favor.

I agree jarbear. That’s why I suggested we put the Sith eyes when she hisses, and also when she is on the Sith throne instead of milky eyes.

I also like the idea that the eyes only go Sithy when she shows her shark teeth. Would save work for you to do and makes sense.

What about the dark Rey in her new vision at the beginning of the movie? In one shot she has normal eyes, and in the next they are milky.

I love the Sith eyes, personally. Feels like a nice nod to the prequels. Palpatine pre-dyad suck was different. He was decaying and not in his prime.

Chase Adams said:

Can I point out the irony in how making jokes about people cluttering threads with ideas clutters threads just as much as suggesting legitimate ideas does, regardless of whether or not they’re being posted in the right place.

Shhh I was trying to drag this out for as long as possible to make that exact point. 😉

I’ve actually said this in the past before but people got triggered at me.

“BB-8, I’m so sorry.” (cues the song I’m So Sorry from ROTS).

“Nothing’s impossible” - Rey’s fourth line

EDIT: Funnily enough, Hal already shaved off half of the line: “I’m gonna run the training course.”

I mostly did this for Antonio, the one who suggested this. I’m not deeply committed enough to this idea to try that lol. But when I heard this voice line I thought it was perfect for the situation, so I shared it thinking it could be a suitable replacement. But if we REALLY want Kylo to be angry there, then I guess we’ll just call it quits.

RogueLeader said:

I actually went back through parts of the film recently and took some notes regarding potential dialogue changes, so I’d be interested in joining the discussion over on that thread.

What were you proposing?

Chase Adams said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

https://youtu.be/7ZPMW9xCZdk

It’s a great idea to convey that the helmet is saved, but with this new line most of Kylo’s anger is lost from the original.

I was actually somewhat confused why Kylo was so angry in that moment. Wouldn’t it be a good thing that she is in the bowels of HIS ship? She’s basically trapped.

EDIT: Context clip for those wondering: https://youtu.be/7ZPMW9xCZdk

I’d still like to hear Antonio and Hal’s opinion on what I posted. But yeah, I’m going to respond to Chase’s comment in the other thread.

AntonioGK said:

Hey guys I just remembered that when I watched the film for the first time I kept wondering what happened to Vader’s mask in Kijimi, did it explote with the planet? or did Kylo pick it up?

Damn! it is one of the most iconic symbols in the saga and they left it there! Could we consider adding a line saying “hey dude, pick it up” or something? haha

Alright, I found a line that could work here:

https://youtu.be/7ZPMW9xCZdk

The original is: “She was in my quarters. Lock down the ship!” With this new line, he is essentially telling the stormtroopers to protect the helmet until he returns to retrieve it.

Personally, this isn’t too big of a deal for me but I thought I’d share this anyways.

Fine, I agree Faraday. Wasn’t a big deal to me in the first place.

I said this before, but I really dislike the idea of removing anything else from the movie at this point. Much more interested in additions/changes.

I think she is only sensing that because it is directly related to her parent’s death. It’s also a Sith artifact, infused with the dark side. Anakin’s lightsaber is just that - a lightsaber. Even if it has been used to do evil deeds in the past, it wasn’t created with that express purpose.

We’ve already gone over the parent stuff. Bad idea to remove that. We need them to care about her so that she is angry at grandpa Palps.

I don’t mind the change either, tbh. But it’s definitely not going to make or break this edit.

It’s only the “I know exactly where the wayfinder is” line, right? If that’s the case, I’d say it’s a warranted removal. It’s better to make it purely about the translation rather than focus on the fact that he could technically find a loophole to tell them the location.

It’s probably explained in the novelization what happens to it, although I haven’t reached that part to actually read what that is.

I could take a look at some of the Kylo voice lines again, but I doubt I could find something like, “pick it up”. Besides, I’m not sure there is enough room there for anything besides, “She was in my quarters. Lock down the ship!”

Well, technically speaking, it is in his memory banks according to the movie. He just is prohibited from sharing any information obtained from the translations due to a restriction coded into him.

Which sorta makes sense based upon what Hal did for episode 1. Since Anakin didn’t build him now, but repair him, it’s possible he came preinstalled with Sith language. Who knows what he was used for before Anakin got him. The droid could be thousands of years old, who knows?

CaptainFaraday said:

Without Rose onboard, nobody had been able to fix the landing gear by the time they arrived. Which was why, when they all exited the Falcon bruised and shell-shocked, it was to the sight of a massive scar in the damp ground, running behind them in a straight line as far as the eye could see.

Dang what is up with Rae Carson and mentioning Rose at every opportunity lmao. I noticed this while reading the first chapters of the original. I swear she wanted to have her come along on the journey or something but obviously couldn’t do that because it’s not canon.

EDIT: Oh, and btw I like what you have going here. It’s definitely making me consider whether I would prefer what you have or having it be the forest moon of Endor.

The close up shots look pretty great. I agree that some smoke would be helpful. I believe Hal has a similar scene in his AOTC edit that has unfinished walls and CGI people in the background. Granted, that was only for like 10 seconds.

Sorry if this sounds like a stupid question, but would an AI upscale possibly help here as well?