Jar Jar Bricks

I’ll say this: your approach would absolutely work fine as well. Definitely better than the theatrical. But that doesn’t mean that mine doesn’t work either. I’d say both of them work just as good. I only chose this path because I feel like it slightly edges the other out on clarity.

Thing is, I’ve already written the past chapters from the perspective of the message being private. So why should I go back to change everything for something that is just as good as what I already have?

That’s just my two cents. You’re free to disagree.

TestingOutTheTest said:

I proposed the Poe idea since I feel it’s pointless to mention the broadcast to be heard across the galaxy and then have the Resistance be unaware of it until Poe brings in the information (I believe it’s been pointed out in this website before).

I’m fairly certain that the Palpatine broadcast was an idea that they came up with late into production. As a result, the theatrical scene doesn’t really fit with the idea that everyone should already know about him. Rae Carson attempts to remedy this with a single line from Rey that feels super awkward imo. Obviously it is removed in the chapter I just shared.

I believe you’re suggesting that if the broadcast were mentioned in the crawl to have been heard across the galaxy then that should be reflected in this scene? I agree, but since the message wasn’t sent out to the entire galaxy in my version, it makes sense that it seems like this is the first everyone has heard about it all.

Personally, I feel like Palpatine wouldn’t send a message like that to the entire galaxy until he has possessed either Rey or Kylo. Otherwise, he is essentially claiming victory before his plan has gone through.

And as for the TFA novel, I don’t have plans to adjust it. From what I’ve heard about it, just about everything seems to line up with what I’m doing (although I haven’t read it extensively to know that for sure).

Chapter 4 Changelog:

• General streamlining and cleanup
• Palpatine’s message is played for the Resistance. They don’t know who is speaking in it until Poe clarifies that Kylo Ren found it originated with Palpatine.
• Rae Carson completely messed up the paragraph on Anakin/Palpatine. Palpatine lied about learning the secret to cheating death from his master. He later tells Anakin that together they can discover the secret, so clearly he didn’t know it at the time of ROTS.
• Restored the briefing scene to its theatrical length (no cam recordings of Star Destroyers rising)
• Inserted some references to Rey relying too much on proving herself to others
• Leia doesn’t imply that Ben is going to become a Sith. Instead, she realizes that he is likely trying to do his own thing with the First Order.
• Rey considers that maybe Maz had been wrong about her calling since Luke’s lightsaber is resisting her
• Rey worries that she isn’t good enough for her friends
  Link:
  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UpV_EbBfxdLKF5W64LzwSGP1W4aZtUsF/view?usp=sharing

Not sure that I like repeating Palpatine’s message again at the beginning (it’s also in the first chapter). If anybody has an idea on how to avoid that it would be appreciated.

sade1212 said:

Now, back to forgetting to do those Sith eyes…

Speaking of which, do you think it’s possible to replace the milky eyes with those in Rey’s vision at the beginning?

sherlockpotter said:

Hal 9000 said:

After the interrupted execution scene…

Stormtrooper: “What are you doing down here?”

C-3PO: “I am a highly-trained Resistance spy.”

Stormtrooper: “Right. And I’m Jabba the Hutt."

That’s a nice reference to Rebels.

Anyways, would we be using that AND a similar comment when Jannah’s crew show up?

Octorox has all of them assembled by character, don’t worry about it. It’s fairly simple. Just gotta find the time.

You know me and the LEGO lines haha. I may take a look at those sometime today (unless somebody beats me to it).

Cinefy said:

Tried adding some pine trees and Volcanic activity to the Vader’s castle shot, but not found anything as of yet that feels right for this particular shot in those regards so didn’t render with it. Currently have tested out backdrop Tie-Fighters for a flyby and added small camera motion as requested. Stock footage is hard to work in-terms finding a way to composite / implement Lava footage, if anyone has any ideas on that note can still test things out.

Preview (WIP02) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tYYpVeps1NvO2sV8TbntnBLJKZhGpFX5/view?usp=sharing

No offense, but it seems like the lighting and movement on your TIEs is unnatural. Also, I was personally imagining that they would move from left to right on the screen with a steady altitude.

Not sure how I feel about the shaky cam. The other two shots we have of the TIEs don’t have camera movement like that. I personally don’t remember anyone suggesting shaky cam. I remember suggestions for different animations on each of the branches but that was about it (although even that isn’t necessary).

Other than those two things, I still like the base shot you have made. IMO it looks better than the Rogue One footage. I feel like it just needs some better TIEs and no shaky cam.

TestingOutTheTest said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Luke in ESB wants to take down Vader because he supposedly killed his father. So he becomes a Jedi because he feels like he is doing his father proud. All of that is completely shattered when the truth is revealed to him.

Really? I thought it was because Vader was the bad guy and was putting Han and Leia in danger.

Yeah he definitely went there primarily to save his friends. But notice how eager he was to fight Vader. It’s like he completely forgot about what he was there to actually do. There’s definitely a grudge there.

Anyways, this conversation isn’t as relevant to everything else I’m doing here.

If it’s straightforward then I probably wouldn’t see the harm in trying.

Even if it doesn’t pan out in the victory celebration (something more overt) at least the clues would be all throughout the text itself.

If you read chapter 3 I tried to include it a little bit. Like I had Finn wink at Poe when they’re joking about how Chewie was “obviously” cheating.

Think I’ll just do more subtle stuff like that and if it works out I can address it in the victory celebration.

The biggest hurdle there would probably be Zorri, but even so that’s not too big of a deal because she clearly hates Poe anyways.

And Testing, that project is pretty far in advanced, but I can see how something like that might work for TLJ.

Luke in ESB wants to take down Vader because he supposedly killed his father. So he becomes a Jedi because he feels like he is doing his father proud. All of that is completely shattered when the truth is revealed to him.

So then, like you said, you could have Rey who convinces herself that her being left on Jakku was for some special purpose. This would be justification for her parent’s abandonment of her. All of that is completely shattered when Kylo snaps her out of her fantasy land to remind her that she was sold for drinking money.

So there are definitely some parallels there that work pretty well. It also leads into what I’m doing with TROS where Rey feels she needs to prove herself to everyone because she is harboring feelings of worthlessness after that revelation.

CaptainFaraday said:

Also it clears the way for StormPilot, which should obviously be endgame.

I wouldn’t entirely be opposed to suggesting something like this at the end. But I definitely wouldn’t want to draw too much attention to it or else it would feel to much like a fan fiction.

Hold up, this entire project is a fan fiction shipping lmao. Oh well, I’ll just have to see what feels natural in the end.

My version really relies on how much her father hates Exegol. He could have PTSD after all the crazy experiments they put him through.

The first thing I want Ochi to tell them is that he’s taking them to Exegol and they’re never going to be able to leave.

So he has two choices: tell Ochi where Rey is and go back to the living hell that is Exegol to him, or keep that to himself and just end the misery. I agree that they would rather keep on living than spite Palpatine, but that’s exactly why I added in what I just said. He doesn’t want to suffer as a guinea pig anymore and would rather die.

Knight of Kalee said:

A brief question (before I start reading your drafts), does Rey remain a Palpatine in this edition? It would be a nice balance if her ascendancy was kept the same, but her parents were terrible people anyways.

Yup, you definitely don’t have to, but if you read my previous conversation with Testing that’s actually what I’m going for (Rey Palpatine with terrible parents).

They still ditched her and sold her into slavery because her father wanted nothing to do with the Force after everything he experiences on Exegol. He becomes SUPER scared when he sees that little Rey is Force-sensitive. He left Exegol because he never wanted to return there, and she is reminding him of Palps. He just wanted to live a normal life with the woman he fell in love with on Jakku.

Then Ochi comes under the order of Palpatine to force them to live on Exegol for the rest of their lives because he sees that they can produce Force-sensitive offspring. He’ll only let them live to do that if they reveal Rey’s location. Her father doesn’t want to go back to Exegol, so they decide to not reveal her location purely to spite Palpatine. He would rather die than go back to a planet that is essentially hell to him.

I will admit it is somewhat strange that TROS creates the implication that the reason Finn betrayed the First Order was because of his Force-sensitivity awakening, and yet at the same time he meets a bunch of former First Order troopers who clearly are NOT Force-sensitive.

I don’t think that Finn would want to tell her about his Force-sensitivity only as his last words, and I definitely do NOT what to create the implication that Finn is in love with her. As a result, I find a hard time justifying keeping in him trying to tell her something.

I’m not entirely sure what I want to do with him yet, but it will likely have something to do with a Stormtrooper rebellion ALA Duel of the Fates.

Chapter 3 Changelog:

• Kept the holochess game where it is. The ending of this novelization will be a moment between Rey and Ben, so I don’t want Chewie, Finn, and Poe to come along.
• Streamlining of descriptions, most inspired by Captain Faraday
• Removed the paragraph where it’s implied Finn harbors romantic feelings for Rey. He cares for her as a friend. Don’t want his heart to be broken when Rey doesn’t chose him in the end haha.
• Made it clear what the First Order’s plan was with Boolio. They knew he was helping the Resistance, but they were waiting for an unknown/non-routine vehicle to approach the mining colony before they attacked so they could get some actual Resistance members, too.
• Removed lightspeed skipping. I considered trying to make it work but it would require tons of descriptions regarding lightspeed-capable TIEs and hyperspace tracking (which for some reason the original novel ignores).
• Moved Kylo reforging his mask to the another chapter, replaced with the da bois returning to Ajan Kloss
• Rey is pouring over the Jedi texts to find peace, which she feels will make the visions go away
• Rey begins to wonder if perhaps she is already too far gone since Luke won’t speak to her but he will to Leia
• Finn clarifies that R2 contains a message (Palpy’s) and a report on some planet (Exegol)
  Link:
  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1D3ByAXyXfVBC-GvbzhvpI7JT3yq8BSMT/view?usp=sharing

That sounds like something I might be able to fit in his rant to Rey at the end, but I would be concerned that it would kinda go against what he’s trying to do there (convince Rey to do the same thing).

That is the other idea I had, yes. That whoever is left standing after that fight would be much more inclined to the dark side and therefore willing to make the sacrifice. I just couldn’t find a way to organically place that within the first chapter. Maybe towards the end of the novel if I feel it is necessary.

RogueLeader said:

My most recent theory is that Kylo can read Sith, so he must’ve read it at some point while it was in his chambers. But again, I don’t think the film really explicitly tells us.

This actually makes the most sense, come to think of it. First Order droids also wouldn’t have the same restrictions as a Republic Era droid like 3PO.

Anyways, I’m sure it would be pretty easy to modify various dialog throughout the novel to reflect these ideas. For example:

Palpatine: “Weak, like your parents.”

Rey: “Yes, they were weak. But at least they saved me from you.”

So Rey doesn’t admit they are strong, but acknowledges that their selfish actions saved her in the end.

It actually makes a lot of sense. Jakku is a planet right next to the Unknown Regions, so it would be the first world Rey’s father went to after leaving Exegol. Then he meets a woman that he falls in love with, who happens to be a filthy junk trader, so he follows the same work.

I’m starting to wonder if I could potentially dedicate a whole flashback chapter to Rey’s parents. I’m already rewriting some other portions of the novel to benefit Kylo’s character, so why not go a step further with Rey?

TestingOutTheTest said:

Also, I feel part of your idea would imply Rey’s mother loved her, which I feel does undermine her TLJ arc but not as much as the idea of both parents caring for her in the actual TRoS.

That’s a very good point. That way Rey can still be angry at Palpatine for killing her parents, but at the same time she realizes that they willingly dumped her for their own selfish reasons. Although, that did save her life in the end.

It also gives Rey’s dad an actual character arc.

I would say that they would throw her away because she had force sensitivity. Let’s just say that Rey’s father, who grew up on Exegol, had enough with the Force because he saw all the terrible things it could do. So the reason he leaves is to get away from all of that and lead a normal life. He meets a woman, and they decide to start a family.

Then he has a child who starts using Force powers. He’s freaking out because he thought he left that life behind him. His worst fears are confirmed when a Sith assassin from Exegol starts tracking them all down. He just wants to go back to a normal life, so he convinces his wife to sell their child.

Now, as for the reason they die to Ochi, I had a sudden idea. What if Ochi lets it slip that they are returning to Exegol and are never going to be able to leave it again, and he will only let them live if they reveal her location. In that scenario, I do believe he would rather die than give up her location, both to spite Palpatine and ensure he never had to travel to that hellish world ever again.

It’s literally not mentioned in canon how Kylo tracked them to Endor. So you’re probably right Sherlock haha.

Dang it Babu.