Jar Jar Bricks

I believe he just removed the line about 3PO knowing exactly where the wayfinder is? I could be wrong, though.

I’ve been writing ahead with a bunch of different chapters. I’m currently on Ahch-To. For some reason I find it’s a bit of a hassle to write out the changelogs, so whenever I get around to that I’ll make them brief. And I’ll probably put these past three chapters on the same file.

Hal 9000 said:

They were pickling Snokes that far back, when Vader was alive?

What they’re probably going to end up claiming is that the first successful Snoke wasn’t created until the time of the sequels. Probably the other Snokes were lacking in power or were straight up dead.

IMO, kinda sucks that they’ve focused so hard on giving Snoke a bunch of clones when in reality it should just be about Palpatine clones, and Snoke was their first lab experiment that went right.

There are two reasons why that interpretation is no longer applicable here:

1. Finn was trying to tell Poe something on Pasaana instead of Rey.
2. I’m trying to make it so that it isn’t suggested that Finn is in love with Rey.

That said, I think I’m trying to make Finn’s arc in this story about leading a stormtrooper rebellion. You can see my previous ideas on this earlier in the topic.

The residue of removing what was there previously is that Finn still follows Rey into the second Death Star to certain death, but maybe he’s just a really good friend to her? Who knows.

I wonder if it would be possible to put Luke’s hand in the background when Kylo is on Exegol. Just in a tank somewhere in the background. Would be funny.

I wasn’t going to have it be Kef Bir, anyways. It’s currently set on the Sanctuary Moon of Endor. I would also appreciate more PT callbacks, but I have some ideas for that which don’t simply involve setting.

One symbolism that I really like about it being set on the Endor from ROTJ is that Vader’s remains were burned there, and Kylo becomes Ben in the water there.

As for why Palps would bring it to the Death Star, he wasn’t expecting it to blow up and was probably thinking it would be his new place of residence.

I think it blends in just fine. Blending out is a different case. I’m wondering if it might be possible to push out the other music just a little farther.

Hal removed that moment from TLJ anyways. It’s a kinda cringe moment IMO. I think it works better when Snoke is just quiet as Kylo lifts his blade and suddenly out of nowhere he gets skewered.

sherlockpotter said:

“Leia, why’d you give up being a Jedi?” “A feeling.”

Believe it or not in the novelization Rey asks that question and Leia gives that exact answer. She explains that she and Luke were meant to serve the galaxy in different ways. Of course, it’s subtly suggested that she’s not telling the full truth.

TestingOutTheTest said:

“True enemy” refers to Rey.

Nah, that was a misdirect by Kylo.

I agree with Eddie that there is certainly a side to that line which suggests that Leia succumbed to fear in the same way that Anakin did. It was one of the first ideas I had when hearing that line.

The problem some seem to have with it is that Ben ends up dying anyways. I think that’s kinda the point. Leia is at a crossroads when she senses Rey and Ben fighting to the death: use her Jedi powers to reach out to her son (and risk his death, anyways), or let one of them kill the other.

Of course, Leia let go of her fear because she just wanted to let her son know that she has forgiven him. As a result, he is turned back to the light, and they are able to be with each other in the Force. So even though he dies, Leia would definitely see that as a better alternative than letting him die as a dark sider (wherein he most certainly wouldn’t be allowed to become a Force ghost).

Pretty sure you came up with that one. The problem is that isn’t enough of a reason on its own. If they’re willing to sell off their own daughter for drinking money, it’s quite clear they only care about themselves.

I came up with her father having been tortured on Exegol, but that kind of information cannot be revealed at this point in the story. Otherwise it spoils the reveal of Rey’s origins.

Ah so the Force capabilities AND the heritage combined are what creates the danger. I could see that potentially.

I think my biggest issue with the bad parents approach is that I have to create a scenario where Ochi only wants to get Rey’s location but somehow her parents end up getting killed without revealing it.

In my rough draft, I had it where Ochi says that her dad is never leaving “there” again, which terrifies him so he attacks. He kills them in the resulting fight. Thing is, that just feels so artificial to me. Ochi would have been smart enough to just use a stun rifle instead of a freaking knife on them.

TestingOutTheTest said:

A brief description of Rey’s mental state at the end. She thought she was worthless because her parents abandoned her. But since that isn’t true anymore, she still thinks she is worthless because of how much evil her bloodline has caused. This means she thinks she has to prove herself all the more.

So this is a reference to the interpretation of Rey’s core belief?

Yes. Because I spent so much of the rest of the novel that came before honing in on the idea that Rey feels like she needs to prove herself, I realized that I could simply swap her feelings of self worthlessness at this moment from about her being abandoned to being a Palpatine. Thus, the message at the end still applies.

The glaring issue with this is of course that since her dad was seemingly a good person, it doesn’t make much sense that she thinks she’s screwed to turn out bad. I personally don’t have an issue with that, though. Irrational beliefs about oneself don’t have to make sense because… they’re irrational.

I’ll give the bad parents approach a whirl next, but I’m currently pretty satisfied with what I have on this particular approach. What I really like about what I have right now is that its gives Rey a convincing reason to join Kylo, since he claims they can stop families from being torn apart like hers was.

Like I said before, I don’t have an issue with the word itself. It’s the mere fact that these stormtroopers don’t have an issue with insulting their Supreme Leader right next to him. So since Hal seems at least partially interested, I would prefer a, “Here?” Otherwise, Boolio’s head should have been that dude’s head.

These are with good parents in case the other way doesn’t make sense
Chapter 11 Changelog:

• The usual treatment (streamlining, QOL, correcting oddities, etc.)
• Finn is upset that Poe decided to blast the stormtroopers the second they get on board
• Expanded on why with the next stormtroopers. He realizes that all of these troopers could be just like him, and doesn’t want to kill anymore unless necessary. This is what prompts Rey to use the mind trick (because she is seemingly reading his thoughts).
• Instead of having Rey run off for the dagger for absolutely no reason, she cites the inscription “Only this blade tells.” This convinces Poe that it’s worth grabbing.
• Removed the Zorri Bliss scene where she goes back to the Spice Runner’s den. It serves 0 purpose after the previous scene with her already explains what she was going to do.
• Finn is okay with shooting stormtroopers once they start shooting at him. Also, he reacts much more emotionally to Poe getting shot.
• See previous post on what I’ve done to Kylo’s quarters. The japor snippet is one of the items there.
• In Rey’s first vision, modified the following:

1. Rey’s mother doesn’t call her by name and explains that a “bad man” is after them.
2. Rey’s dad exchanges money with Unkar (not clarified which person is getting paid).
3. Rey’s dad says the line from the TFA novelization that Rey keeps hearing: “Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.”

• Kylo clarifies that he was was wrong: they paid to have her looked after. They didn’t sell her. The drinks were to cope with losing her.
• In Rey’s second vision, Ochi declares “This is for stealing my ship” before killing her father. Also, Rey’s mother no longer mentions Jakku.
• Kylo never says that the Emperor wanted Rey dead as a child. Instead, he was simply looking for her.
• The fact that Rey wasn’t abandoned makes her feel immensely better about herself. But this will change for the worse after the next chapter.
• New scene with Kylo Ren on Kijimi. Explains why the homing beacon didn’t make Kylo realize she was on the Star Destroyer. Kylo also wants Vader’s mask brought back to his quarters.
• Poe asks Finn about what he was trying to tell him before they were about to die last time, but Finn doesn’t want to say it in front of all the stormtroopers.
• After Finn says there’s no way Poe knew Hux was the spy, Poe jokingly clarifies that he knew it because “It’s General Hugs”. This is a callback to TLJ. He hugs Finn after this.

Chapter 12 Changelog:

• Same treatment as previous chapter
• Used Captain Faraday’s version as a base for the first two scenes here. I made my own modifications to it, but Threepio has a better line with the trooper, Rey doesn’t kill the trooper (knocks him out), and there is a new scene where Threepio kills stormtroopers with Chewie’s bowcaster.
• Hux’s motivations are clarified better: he wanted to usurp Kylo Ren
• Rey asks why Palpy wanted to take a child, not why he wanted her dead
• Kylo clarifies that it was a vision that made him aware of her existence. He sensed what she could become.
• Rey is referred to as Palpatine’s daughter instead of granddaughter. This works because Kylo refers to her father as a clone of Palpatine.
• Kylo doesn’t want to kill Palpatine (since they would just get possessed). Rather, he alludes that that there is a way to seal his spirit away in a tomb. Furthermore, he doesn’t want the throne, just the fleet.
• Kylo says that if she joins him then no more families will be torn apart (reference to Rey’s family and also how the Jedi would take children), and theirs will make things right. That’s right, he proposes to her.
• Rey starts approaching him, but when the Falcon arrives she remembers that the Resistance is her family.
• A brief description of Rey’s mental state at the end. She thought she was worthless because her parents abandoned her. But since that isn’t true anymore, she still thinks she is worthless because of how much evil her bloodline has caused. This means she thinks she has to prove herself all the more.
• Believe it or not, most of the romantic undertones were already present in the final scene with Kylo in this chapter. I just expanded on it with a few extra words here and there.
• Kylo decides to bring the japor snippet with him for when he sees her next time. He believes that it will be her symbol when she joins his dynasty.

Link:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iwPLrEgOj3PiAGu-EGEVkk2ZE3Tas_ZQ/view?usp=sharing

I appreciate you sharing those here, Antonio, but for me personally both of those stick out. We’ll have to see how others feel, though.

Maybe we could dub it for him to actually say “cool”? Because they are pretty stupid if they think they can insult the Supreme Leader’s squad right in front of their (masked) faces.

Unfortunately they had to do it that way because of the limited Leia footage. Otherwise I’m sure the scene between Han and Ben would have been a conversation between her and Ben.

Episode IX is supposed to have Leia play an integral role in the story. I believe the intention was to create the impression that Leia was the one who redeemed Ben, but obviously that isn’t what comes across the screen for everyone. But I do believe that the fact that she is carrying Han’s medal while calling out to him implies she is forgiving him in that moment, which definitely would play a critical role in his redemption.

Re-editing. It could have worked but for some reason they wanted to save the reveal that Palps wanted her alive for when Finn and Poe discuss D-O. But since at the beginning of my novelization Kylo already realizes that Palps might want to possess her (if he dies in the fight against her) that is unnecessary and muddies things up.

I like it myself. I just know that for others they might not like the idea that Rey can hit a flying target like that so easily.

It’s cool that you hear the explosion of the trooper echo throughout the valley.

That’s a great question that I don’t know how to answer because I haven’t gotten there yet.

What I can tell you is that in this version (no matter which way I go regarding her parents), Kylo never mentions that he wanted to kill her as a little girl, only take her. You can’t do that in the movie because of how difficult it would be to change those lines, and as a result the idea that he always wanted her dead works best for the movie. But this is a different circumstance.

Brewzter said:

TestingOutTheTest said:

Brewzter said:

What ROTS track are you trying to put in?

Battle of the Heroes. Starts at 1:30 and ends at 1:57 with Rey pulling in the Skywalker lightsaber and declaring herself as “all the Jedi”.

I’m interested to see how that goes, I’m currently putting Battle of the Heroes overtop of the Kef Bir duel, it’s incredible how fitting it is

Did you ever try to put a bit of Across the Stars on the Ben/Rey scene?

I suppose that could work as well. That way you just trade them moving around in the sand while shooting for them staying still.