Even if we kept things the way they are, the line still doesn’t make much sense because technically the coordinates provided aren’t where the wayfinder actually is but rather that cliffside where Rey takes out the dagger.
So yeah, good line removal.
Alright, this is the most important scene in this project I feel so any feedback is greatly appreciated on this rough draft of the Ben and Anakin scene. For clarification, earlier in the novel Kylo says to himself that he will bring the snippet with him for the next time he sees Rey, so that’s why he has it.
Kylo Ren stood on the wreck of the Death Star, gazing out at the ocean. His body was still drenched. He had removed the japor snippet from his pocket, and was gripping it in his fist. He’d been standing there for a long time, watching the tide gradually recede. Physically, he felt better than he ever had been in his life.
But his mind was in turmoil. He hadn’t known such healing was possible, didn’t understand how it had been done. But that wasn’t the question that troubled him the most. Why had Rey healed him? Why would she do such a thing?
And why had his mother loved him right up until her last moment? Snoke had lied about that. Snoke had lied about all of it. All those voices in his head, torturing him throughout the years, they had promised him that a moment like this could never happen. They don’t care about you. Just their precious New Republic. And later, Just their precious Resistance.
All lies.
His mother had sacrificed herself to reach him. Then Rey had healed him, at great cost to herself. In spite of everything he’d done. All to receive approval from someone… like his grandfather.
“Ben,” said a young man’s voice behind him. He turned.
The young man had long, curly hair and a slight grin on his face. His entire person was partially transparent, gleaming with a blue light, and adorned in the robes of a Jedi.
“I’ve been wanting to speak with you,” he said.
Kylo blinked. He could hardly believe his eyes. “Grandfather?”
His smile grew wider. “Yes,” he said, striding toward him. “In my true form. Not the lie Palpatine wanted you to see.”
“You’re just a manifestation of Vader’s failure,” Kylo said.
“No,” said his grandfather, his eyes full of compassion. “Vader was my greatest failure.”
Kylo looked away from his eyes, gripping the snippet in his hand even tighter. Snoke had told him that Vader had suffered a moment of weakness when he chose to save his son over power. Another lie, of course.
“What’s that in your hand?” his grandfather asked.
Kylo had a feeling he already knew what it was. He opened his hand anyway, revealing the small trinket in his palm. Its leather strap was looped loosely around his gloved fingers.
“I’m being torn apart,” he muttered. “I want to be free of this pain.”
“Ben,” his grandfather said, his face suddenly grave. “If I had been selflessly devoted to those I loved, I would have avoided so much pain.”
“It’s too late.” It was something the voices in his head had always said. It’s too late for you. They’ll never take you back. But this time it was true, because: “She’s already gone.”
“Your mother’s gone. But Rey isn’t. Finish what I truly started. Save the one you love.”
He stared at his grandfather, afraid to believe his words. Afraid of what he was feeling. Domination was all Kylo Ren understood.
“I know what I have to do,” Kylo admitted, his voice tremulous. “But I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”
“I believe in you,” his grandfather said. “And your father would, too.”
Kylo Ren turned, and launched his lightsaber into the air. It sailed in a high arc, far above the wreckage, and disappeared into a haze of ocean spray.
Ben Solo turned back around, and the ghost of his grandfather was gone. He was alone in the middle of the sea.
For the first time in more than a decade, Ben’s mind was clear. No longer did he desire conquest, only love. To give it to all others and receive it. He stuffed the japor snippet back into his pocket.
I believe he just removed the line about 3PO knowing exactly where the wayfinder is? I could be wrong, though.
I’ve been writing ahead with a bunch of different chapters. I’m currently on Ahch-To. For some reason I find it’s a bit of a hassle to write out the changelogs, so whenever I get around to that I’ll make them brief. And I’ll probably put these past three chapters on the same file.
They were pickling Snokes that far back, when Vader was alive?
What they’re probably going to end up claiming is that the first successful Snoke wasn’t created until the time of the sequels. Probably the other Snokes were lacking in power or were straight up dead.
IMO, kinda sucks that they’ve focused so hard on giving Snoke a bunch of clones when in reality it should just be about Palpatine clones, and Snoke was their first lab experiment that went right.
There are two reasons why that interpretation is no longer applicable here:
That said, I think I’m trying to make Finn’s arc in this story about leading a stormtrooper rebellion. You can see my previous ideas on this earlier in the topic.
The residue of removing what was there previously is that Finn still follows Rey into the second Death Star to certain death, but maybe he’s just a really good friend to her? Who knows.
I wonder if it would be possible to put Luke’s hand in the background when Kylo is on Exegol. Just in a tank somewhere in the background. Would be funny.
I wasn’t going to have it be Kef Bir, anyways. It’s currently set on the Sanctuary Moon of Endor. I would also appreciate more PT callbacks, but I have some ideas for that which don’t simply involve setting.
One symbolism that I really like about it being set on the Endor from ROTJ is that Vader’s remains were burned there, and Kylo becomes Ben in the water there.
As for why Palps would bring it to the Death Star, he wasn’t expecting it to blow up and was probably thinking it would be his new place of residence.
I think it blends in just fine. Blending out is a different case. I’m wondering if it might be possible to push out the other music just a little farther.
Hal removed that moment from TLJ anyways. It’s a kinda cringe moment IMO. I think it works better when Snoke is just quiet as Kylo lifts his blade and suddenly out of nowhere he gets skewered.
“Leia, why’d you give up being a Jedi?” “A feeling.”
Believe it or not in the novelization Rey asks that question and Leia gives that exact answer. She explains that she and Luke were meant to serve the galaxy in different ways. Of course, it’s subtly suggested that she’s not telling the full truth.
“True enemy” refers to Rey.
Nah, that was a misdirect by Kylo.
I agree with Eddie that there is certainly a side to that line which suggests that Leia succumbed to fear in the same way that Anakin did. It was one of the first ideas I had when hearing that line.
The problem some seem to have with it is that Ben ends up dying anyways. I think that’s kinda the point. Leia is at a crossroads when she senses Rey and Ben fighting to the death: use her Jedi powers to reach out to her son (and risk his death, anyways), or let one of them kill the other.
Of course, Leia let go of her fear because she just wanted to let her son know that she has forgiven him. As a result, he is turned back to the light, and they are able to be with each other in the Force. So even though he dies, Leia would definitely see that as a better alternative than letting him die as a dark sider (wherein he most certainly wouldn’t be allowed to become a Force ghost).
Pretty sure you came up with that one. The problem is that isn’t enough of a reason on its own. If they’re willing to sell off their own daughter for drinking money, it’s quite clear they only care about themselves.
I came up with her father having been tortured on Exegol, but that kind of information cannot be revealed at this point in the story. Otherwise it spoils the reveal of Rey’s origins.
Ah so the Force capabilities AND the heritage combined are what creates the danger. I could see that potentially.
I think my biggest issue with the bad parents approach is that I have to create a scenario where Ochi only wants to get Rey’s location but somehow her parents end up getting killed without revealing it.
In my rough draft, I had it where Ochi says that her dad is never leaving “there” again, which terrifies him so he attacks. He kills them in the resulting fight. Thing is, that just feels so artificial to me. Ochi would have been smart enough to just use a stun rifle instead of a freaking knife on them.
A brief description of Rey’s mental state at the end. She thought she was worthless because her parents abandoned her. But since that isn’t true anymore, she still thinks she is worthless because of how much evil her bloodline has caused. This means she thinks she has to prove herself all the more.
So this is a reference to the interpretation of Rey’s core belief?
Yes. Because I spent so much of the rest of the novel that came before honing in on the idea that Rey feels like she needs to prove herself, I realized that I could simply swap her feelings of self worthlessness at this moment from about her being abandoned to being a Palpatine. Thus, the message at the end still applies.
The glaring issue with this is of course that since her dad was seemingly a good person, it doesn’t make much sense that she thinks she’s screwed to turn out bad. I personally don’t have an issue with that, though. Irrational beliefs about oneself don’t have to make sense because… they’re irrational.
I’ll give the bad parents approach a whirl next, but I’m currently pretty satisfied with what I have on this particular approach. What I really like about what I have right now is that its gives Rey a convincing reason to join Kylo, since he claims they can stop families from being torn apart like hers was.
Like I said before, I don’t have an issue with the word itself. It’s the mere fact that these stormtroopers don’t have an issue with insulting their Supreme Leader right next to him. So since Hal seems at least partially interested, I would prefer a, “Here?” Otherwise, Boolio’s head should have been that dude’s head.
These are with good parents in case the other way doesn’t make sense
Chapter 11 Changelog:
Chapter 12 Changelog:
Link:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iwPLrEgOj3PiAGu-EGEVkk2ZE3Tas_ZQ/view?usp=sharing
I appreciate you sharing those here, Antonio, but for me personally both of those stick out. We’ll have to see how others feel, though.
Maybe we could dub it for him to actually say “cool”? Because they are pretty stupid if they think they can insult the Supreme Leader’s squad right in front of their (masked) faces.
Unfortunately they had to do it that way because of the limited Leia footage. Otherwise I’m sure the scene between Han and Ben would have been a conversation between her and Ben.
Episode IX is supposed to have Leia play an integral role in the story. I believe the intention was to create the impression that Leia was the one who redeemed Ben, but obviously that isn’t what comes across the screen for everyone. But I do believe that the fact that she is carrying Han’s medal while calling out to him implies she is forgiving him in that moment, which definitely would play a critical role in his redemption.
Re-editing. It could have worked but for some reason they wanted to save the reveal that Palps wanted her alive for when Finn and Poe discuss D-O. But since at the beginning of my novelization Kylo already realizes that Palps might want to possess her (if he dies in the fight against her) that is unnecessary and muddies things up.
I like it myself. I just know that for others they might not like the idea that Rey can hit a flying target like that so easily.
It’s cool that you hear the explosion of the trooper echo throughout the valley.
That’s a great question that I don’t know how to answer because I haven’t gotten there yet.
What I can tell you is that in this version (no matter which way I go regarding her parents), Kylo never mentions that he wanted to kill her as a little girl, only take her. You can’t do that in the movie because of how difficult it would be to change those lines, and as a result the idea that he always wanted her dead works best for the movie. But this is a different circumstance.