Sherlock, Mustafar is 50 seconds long roughly (in the original).
And we’d likely add the Destroyer engines taking off, adding more time to the necklace scene.
We’re just gonna have to agree to disagree I guess. And leave it up to Hal.
I like that idea, Sherlock, but I wonder if that’d be weird to actually have sequenced that way.
Scenes and scenes and planets have gone by, and Hux just now tells him “it was a coordinated incursion.”
I do like the idea of slowing down with an establishing shot after we settle in with Lando, and possibly at the end of that scene, with engines lighting up.
And - this may sound blasphemous - but I actually don’t really like the establishing shot before the necklace scene? The scene is so quick that it basically feels like the film is cross cutting between Kylo’s ship and Lando’s sex dungeon. An establishing shot is usually reserved for a whole scene - does a cutaway warrant that? We’d basically be spending more time in the establishing shot than in the meat and potatoes of the scene.
If we applied this same logic to Mustafar then we wouldn’t have come up with all those establishing shots.
I do like the idea of slowing down with an establishing shot after we settle in with Lando, and possibly at the end of that scene, with engines lighting up.
The establishing shot is a no-brainer. I tried putting the engines shot at the end there but I’m not very good at editing so it didn’t sound right. I think it could definitely work, though.
The other place I was wondering if it could have an establishing shot was the “Shall we destroy the city?” scene with Kylo. It’s right after Babu Frik. There is another shot in the Star Destroyer reel that could work for an establishing shot there.
So here is one (of many) potential things we could do with the Star Destroyer stuff:
There is another place where I feel these establishing shots could work really well to help with the frantic pacing of this film.
If you’ve got rips that’s probably better Sherlock. I’ll still upload it anyways to my personal drive (the Star Destroyer one) because I have some ideas for it.
There’s also a shot of the torture chamber where Chewbacca is kept. It might work to have Rey see that when she senses Chewie is still alive.
Although, it might be cool just to hear an echoey Chewie roar in the distance when Rey senses him, to involve the audience a little more in the realization.
Yeah I hadn’t seen the scene in a while so I didn’t remember how it went exactly. But what you just said there is something I’d definitely be interested in mocking up. Something subtle.
EDIT: I am able to screen record all of these with Shadowplay for some good quality, might upload these to a drive if that’s allowed.
I think we should keep the forest shot personally. Just the Vader’s castle shot needs an upgrade.
Anyone know the best way to capture the stream in highest quality? That’d be the best staring point.
That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out rn.
I for one am obsessed with pedantic details like that. Like, what exactly did Rey sense that made her realize Chewie was still alive? In the novelization she senses that Kylo is interrogating Chewie. I suppose that’s really the only method that works.
There’s also a shot of the torture chamber where Chewbacca is kept. It might work to have Rey see that when she senses Chewie is still alive.
That is a more creative use for it than I ever had.
Agreed. Show the torture chamber and then perhaps do an echoey version of Chewie’s roar and perhaps the lines from Hux and Pryde from the now deleted scene. Have it be like an auditory Force vision I suppose.
Yeah the Ahch-To one could definitely be useful for pacing in the Rey/Luke scene.
The Star Destroyer stuff might work for establishment shots? idk like maybe right before all of those cutaways to Kylo and his officers (the necklace scene and the “we’ve tracked them to Kijimi” scene).
Biomes has an extended Vader Castle scene could be helpful for someone. Also has additional shots of varying landscapes
Wow that’s a really incredible shot of Vader’s Castle. Guess we should have waited before committing ourselves to Rogue One footage.
We already used the slowmo to fit in Luke’s “We’ll always be with you.” It worked there because it was just a close-up shot of Rey. Not sure if it can work as flawlessly here. I agree with Sherlock.
The shot needs to slow down either way for which ever line is chosen. It’s too much information to process no matter how much the lines are whittled down. If we were to keep the line placement over that shot as is, it would be one of the quickest and most jarring scenes in this movie. And that’s saying A LOT for The Rise Of Skywalker, lol.
Agreed.
Alright I threw a bunch of “Anakin”'s in there and it does work a lot better. Thanks for that.
I also inserted another Anakin line where he clarifies that he killed his wife in his lust for power, which is meant to make the two characters’ similarity more clear since Kylo did the same with Han.
The original refers to Han as “his father” in most if not all of the same places that I did for “his grandfather”.
The way I thought of it is this: how often do you refer to your grandpa by his first name?
I definitely had the same thought as you though. Where specifically would it work to say “Anakin”?
He worshipped him as Vader because he didn’t understand the good side of his grandfather. That is what this scene reveals to him. That the man he worshipped for so long was in constant suffering after making past mistakes, just like him. They share that common ground. Vader killed his wife in his lust for power, Kylo his father. He’s urging him to turn things around before he loses everything, since he’s still a young man.
And FYI, Vader is also referenced in that scene with Snoke.
If you would read the description of this project you’d see that this was one of the only two things I set in stone from the very beginning. As a result, that comment really has no place here since it isn’t constructive.
That being said, I may as well explain my perspective on the topic. I agree that the Han scene is wonderful on its own right, but I wanted to place particular emphasis on Kylo being the stand-in character for Anakin/Vader in this story. From my perspective, the saga should be entirely about Anakin.
Throughout my version of the novelization I have constantly referenced Kylo’s fascination with Vader. So maybe out of context what I posted doesn’t make much sense, but believe me, there is a personal connection there (at least that’s what Kylo would like to imagine). Besides, Kylo only had one scene talking with Han in TFA. Same as Vader’s mask. So, technically speaking, there was just as much of a connection established for both characters beforehand.
For comparison here’s Sherlock’s previous version (which also removes the lines relating to the location of the Wayfinder):
Ah I remember now. Yeah this version is better since it preserves the comedy of the situation while also correcting that minor error.
Even if we kept things the way they are, the line still doesn’t make much sense because technically the coordinates provided aren’t where the wayfinder actually is but rather that cliffside where Rey takes out the dagger.
So yeah, good line removal.
Alright, this is the most important scene in this project I feel so any feedback is greatly appreciated on this rough draft of the Ben and Anakin scene. For clarification, earlier in the novel Kylo says to himself that he will bring the snippet with him for the next time he sees Rey, so that’s why he has it.
Kylo Ren stood on the wreck of the Death Star, gazing out at the ocean. His body was still drenched. He had removed the japor snippet from his pocket, and was gripping it in his fist. He’d been standing there for a long time, watching the tide gradually recede. Physically, he felt better than he ever had been in his life.
But his mind was in turmoil. He hadn’t known such healing was possible, didn’t understand how it had been done. But that wasn’t the question that troubled him the most. Why had Rey healed him? Why would she do such a thing?
And why had his mother loved him right up until her last moment? Snoke had lied about that. Snoke had lied about all of it. All those voices in his head, torturing him throughout the years, they had promised him that a moment like this could never happen. They don’t care about you. Just their precious New Republic. And later, Just their precious Resistance.
All lies.
His mother had sacrificed herself to reach him. Then Rey had healed him, at great cost to herself. In spite of everything he’d done. All to receive approval from someone… like his grandfather.
“Ben,” said a young man’s voice behind him. He turned.
The young man had long, curly hair and a slight grin on his face. His entire person was partially transparent, gleaming with a blue light, and adorned in the robes of a Jedi.
“I’ve been wanting to speak with you,” he said.
Kylo blinked. He could hardly believe his eyes. “Grandfather?”
His smile grew wider. “Yes,” he said, striding toward him. “In my true form. Not the lie Palpatine wanted you to see.”
“You’re just a manifestation of Vader’s failure,” Kylo said.
“No,” said his grandfather, his eyes full of compassion. “Vader was my greatest failure.”
Kylo looked away from his eyes, gripping the snippet in his hand even tighter. Snoke had told him that Vader had suffered a moment of weakness when he chose to save his son over power. Another lie, of course.
“What’s that in your hand?” his grandfather asked.
Kylo had a feeling he already knew what it was. He opened his hand anyway, revealing the small trinket in his palm. Its leather strap was looped loosely around his gloved fingers.
“I’m being torn apart,” he muttered. “I want to be free of this pain.”
“Ben,” his grandfather said, his face suddenly grave. “If I had been selflessly devoted to those I loved, I would have avoided so much pain.”
“It’s too late.” It was something the voices in his head had always said. It’s too late for you. They’ll never take you back. But this time it was true, because: “She’s already gone.”
“Your mother’s gone. But Rey isn’t. Finish what I truly started. Save the one you love.”
He stared at his grandfather, afraid to believe his words. Afraid of what he was feeling. Domination was all Kylo Ren understood.
“I know what I have to do,” Kylo admitted, his voice tremulous. “But I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”
“I believe in you,” his grandfather said. “And your father would, too.”
Kylo Ren turned, and launched his lightsaber into the air. It sailed in a high arc, far above the wreckage, and disappeared into a haze of ocean spray.
Ben Solo turned back around, and the ghost of his grandfather was gone. He was alone in the middle of the sea.
For the first time in more than a decade, Ben’s mind was clear. No longer did he desire conquest, only love. To give it to all others and receive it. He stuffed the japor snippet back into his pocket.
I believe he just removed the line about 3PO knowing exactly where the wayfinder is? I could be wrong, though.
I’ve been writing ahead with a bunch of different chapters. I’m currently on Ahch-To. For some reason I find it’s a bit of a hassle to write out the changelogs, so whenever I get around to that I’ll make them brief. And I’ll probably put these past three chapters on the same file.
They were pickling Snokes that far back, when Vader was alive?
What they’re probably going to end up claiming is that the first successful Snoke wasn’t created until the time of the sequels. Probably the other Snokes were lacking in power or were straight up dead.
IMO, kinda sucks that they’ve focused so hard on giving Snoke a bunch of clones when in reality it should just be about Palpatine clones, and Snoke was their first lab experiment that went right.
There are two reasons why that interpretation is no longer applicable here:
That said, I think I’m trying to make Finn’s arc in this story about leading a stormtrooper rebellion. You can see my previous ideas on this earlier in the topic.
The residue of removing what was there previously is that Finn still follows Rey into the second Death Star to certain death, but maybe he’s just a really good friend to her? Who knows.