Jar Jar Bricks

These are with good parents in case the other way doesn’t make sense
Chapter 11 Changelog:

• The usual treatment (streamlining, QOL, correcting oddities, etc.)
• Finn is upset that Poe decided to blast the stormtroopers the second they get on board
• Expanded on why with the next stormtroopers. He realizes that all of these troopers could be just like him, and doesn’t want to kill anymore unless necessary. This is what prompts Rey to use the mind trick (because she is seemingly reading his thoughts).
• Instead of having Rey run off for the dagger for absolutely no reason, she cites the inscription “Only this blade tells.” This convinces Poe that it’s worth grabbing.
• Removed the Zorri Bliss scene where she goes back to the Spice Runner’s den. It serves 0 purpose after the previous scene with her already explains what she was going to do.
• Finn is okay with shooting stormtroopers once they start shooting at him. Also, he reacts much more emotionally to Poe getting shot.
• See previous post on what I’ve done to Kylo’s quarters. The japor snippet is one of the items there.
• In Rey’s first vision, modified the following:

1. Rey’s mother doesn’t call her by name and explains that a “bad man” is after them.
2. Rey’s dad exchanges money with Unkar (not clarified which person is getting paid).
3. Rey’s dad says the line from the TFA novelization that Rey keeps hearing: “Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.”

• Kylo clarifies that he was was wrong: they paid to have her looked after. They didn’t sell her. The drinks were to cope with losing her.
• In Rey’s second vision, Ochi declares “This is for stealing my ship” before killing her father. Also, Rey’s mother no longer mentions Jakku.
• Kylo never says that the Emperor wanted Rey dead as a child. Instead, he was simply looking for her.
• The fact that Rey wasn’t abandoned makes her feel immensely better about herself. But this will change for the worse after the next chapter.
• New scene with Kylo Ren on Kijimi. Explains why the homing beacon didn’t make Kylo realize she was on the Star Destroyer. Kylo also wants Vader’s mask brought back to his quarters.
• Poe asks Finn about what he was trying to tell him before they were about to die last time, but Finn doesn’t want to say it in front of all the stormtroopers.
• After Finn says there’s no way Poe knew Hux was the spy, Poe jokingly clarifies that he knew it because “It’s General Hugs”. This is a callback to TLJ. He hugs Finn after this.

Chapter 12 Changelog:

• Same treatment as previous chapter
• Used Captain Faraday’s version as a base for the first two scenes here. I made my own modifications to it, but Threepio has a better line with the trooper, Rey doesn’t kill the trooper (knocks him out), and there is a new scene where Threepio kills stormtroopers with Chewie’s bowcaster.
• Hux’s motivations are clarified better: he wanted to usurp Kylo Ren
• Rey asks why Palpy wanted to take a child, not why he wanted her dead
• Kylo clarifies that it was a vision that made him aware of her existence. He sensed what she could become.
• Rey is referred to as Palpatine’s daughter instead of granddaughter. This works because Kylo refers to her father as a clone of Palpatine.
• Kylo doesn’t want to kill Palpatine (since they would just get possessed). Rather, he alludes that that there is a way to seal his spirit away in a tomb. Furthermore, he doesn’t want the throne, just the fleet.
• Kylo says that if she joins him then no more families will be torn apart (reference to Rey’s family and also how the Jedi would take children), and theirs will make things right. That’s right, he proposes to her.
• Rey starts approaching him, but when the Falcon arrives she remembers that the Resistance is her family.
• A brief description of Rey’s mental state at the end. She thought she was worthless because her parents abandoned her. But since that isn’t true anymore, she still thinks she is worthless because of how much evil her bloodline has caused. This means she thinks she has to prove herself all the more.
• Believe it or not, most of the romantic undertones were already present in the final scene with Kylo in this chapter. I just expanded on it with a few extra words here and there.
• Kylo decides to bring the japor snippet with him for when he sees her next time. He believes that it will be her symbol when she joins his dynasty.

Link:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iwPLrEgOj3PiAGu-EGEVkk2ZE3Tas_ZQ/view?usp=sharing

I appreciate you sharing those here, Antonio, but for me personally both of those stick out. We’ll have to see how others feel, though.

Maybe we could dub it for him to actually say “cool”? Because they are pretty stupid if they think they can insult the Supreme Leader’s squad right in front of their (masked) faces.

Unfortunately they had to do it that way because of the limited Leia footage. Otherwise I’m sure the scene between Han and Ben would have been a conversation between her and Ben.

Episode IX is supposed to have Leia play an integral role in the story. I believe the intention was to create the impression that Leia was the one who redeemed Ben, but obviously that isn’t what comes across the screen for everyone. But I do believe that the fact that she is carrying Han’s medal while calling out to him implies she is forgiving him in that moment, which definitely would play a critical role in his redemption.

Re-editing. It could have worked but for some reason they wanted to save the reveal that Palps wanted her alive for when Finn and Poe discuss D-O. But since at the beginning of my novelization Kylo already realizes that Palps might want to possess her (if he dies in the fight against her) that is unnecessary and muddies things up.

I like it myself. I just know that for others they might not like the idea that Rey can hit a flying target like that so easily.

It’s cool that you hear the explosion of the trooper echo throughout the valley.

That’s a great question that I don’t know how to answer because I haven’t gotten there yet.

What I can tell you is that in this version (no matter which way I go regarding her parents), Kylo never mentions that he wanted to kill her as a little girl, only take her. You can’t do that in the movie because of how difficult it would be to change those lines, and as a result the idea that he always wanted her dead works best for the movie. But this is a different circumstance.

Brewzter said:

TestingOutTheTest said:

Brewzter said:

What ROTS track are you trying to put in?

Battle of the Heroes. Starts at 1:30 and ends at 1:57 with Rey pulling in the Skywalker lightsaber and declaring herself as “all the Jedi”.

I’m interested to see how that goes, I’m currently putting Battle of the Heroes overtop of the Kef Bir duel, it’s incredible how fitting it is

Did you ever try to put a bit of Across the Stars on the Ben/Rey scene?

I suppose that could work as well. That way you just trade them moving around in the sand while shooting for them staying still.

Ah, yes, here is what I was talking about:

bbghost said:

Just quietly, I think this is one of my favorite small bits of editing I’ve done so far to this film:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fe-6n7XalPBHtDnJD7nDz9sG57ayMQYw/view?usp=sharing

I feel it would solve the issue you have with it as well Sherlock because this way there isn’t as much emphasis placed on the fight between them and the rocket trooper. But that’s just my opinion.

sherlockpotter said:

You know, one of the worst examples of this film’s rushed pacing is, I think, right before they get swallowed up in the cave on Pasaana. Their ships explode, they crash-land, they immediately start firing 10 million blaster shots at the last stormtrooper, which then starts zipping around. It smashes head-first into a cliff, it explodes, and they immediately start sinking into the ground. So you have a cacophony of noise, and two tangentially related problems that are immediately stacked on one another without any breathing room whatsoever.

What’s funny is that I thought this scene needed the exact opposite approach. I can’t remember who drew it up but somebody made it so that only Rey fires, her first shot lands, and the stormtrooper explodes. I like this because they landed in quicksand, so I would imagine it would start sinking them much quicker than what is shown on screen. They shouldn’t even have the opportunity to open fire as a group. Personally, I think allowing them to linger on the sand longer would only make that issue worse.

I think I’m going to work on 2 versions for these next 2 chapters. The first one will be with good parents, and the second will be with bad ones. Depending on which is worse (by my own opinion and others), I’ll go with the opposite.

Isn’t that the same thing as a vision? I mean I’m willing to go either way on it but I’m just curious why you would prefer it that way specifically.

I was going to mention that in the hangar scene. He receives a vision about her, and regrets letting her dad escape Exegol. Rey was born on Jakku, so he doesn’t know about her until the vision.

Here is something I’m a little more proud of so far:

Rey entered a bright, white space with soaring ceilings and clean perfection. Kylo Ren’s private quarters.

She stepped forward slowly and carefully, drawn to the dagger. The room was beautiful and light-filled, but devoid of any warmth. Various artifacts were placed around the room upon pedestals. Rey thought his quarters resembled an art exhibit more than a place of rest.

On a prominent white pedestal lay a necklace. Not the one he had ripped from her neck on Pasaana - it was much simpler in design, and yet elegantly crafted. It was a pendant of some kind, an amulet, unfamiliar sigils carved in some sort of organic material, strung on a loop of leather. Rey thought the charm was beautiful. She couldn’t help but wonder what sort of significance it had to Kylo.

A few more steps brought her to another prominent pedestal, deep black in contrast with its surroundings, jutting from the shiny white floor. Displayed atop this pedestal was a warped black mask, its eyeholes and vocoder still gaping but melted like heated wax, smeared into a display of perpetual agony.

She stared at it for a long time - too long - unable to look away. She’d seen this mask in Ren’s thoughts, when he’d tried to pull Luke’s map from her mind on Starkiller Base. It had also appeared in her visions on Ajan Kloss. It had belonged to his grandfather. Was this whole place dedicated in his honor?

But that horrible mask was not what she’d come for, and she wanted nothing to do with it. She glanced around… there! On another white pedestal lay Ochi’s dagger. On a table next to it were Chewie’s things - his bowcaster and satchel.

It’s quite similar to something you’d expect Thrawn to have (art gallery), but I thought it would be fitting for the japor snippet. And by the way, the snippet was not buried with Padme according to canon, so Kylo did not have to do any grave digging on his grandma. It was left in a glass display case on Naboo outside her tomb.

As for Palpatine not knowing about Rey, I see that to be a little convoluted. Clearly her parents have been in hiding for however old she is in years plus a couple extra years, so why would he wait all that time to track them down?

The sequence of events I’m thinking of is that Rey’s father escapes Exegol by hijacking the Bestoon Legacy, he flies to Jakku (which is right next to the Unknown Regions) where he meets Rey’s mom. They leave Rey there, flying off in the Legacy. Ochi is sent after them to find Rey, and also to retrieve his ship back.

My explanation on why the actual clone with his spirit inside looked more “normal” is that his spirit was eating away on the dark side essence within the clone, thus losing its wrinkled dark side skin and becoming more like a normal person.

RogueLeader said:

Also, you could kind of explain it away that perhaps these clones are a byproduct of both science and Sith alchemy. Perhaps they have to infuse these clones with the dark side in order for them to be even viable for his spirit.

That is actually how I explained it in my novelization. Great minds think alike!

Eh, I just looked it over again. It’s definitely an inference even from there. Either way works with what we have in canon, but imo the idea that he always looked like that makes the most sense because the dark side is supposed to corrupt you physically.

Testing is right. That is actually his true form. The ROTS novelization describes it as the “face of Darth Sidious” or something. He decides at that moment that it could be advantageous to keep it that way since it would appear that he was injured by the Jedi.

As for the clones, it’s correct that Rey’s dad is a completely different thing than those clones in the vat in canon (strandcast). However, even without the whole strandcast thingy (which I don’t care for myself) one could rationalize him as an unmodified clone, similar to Boba Fett.

But if you watch the film he says/reveals a lot more information than what you said there. And as I said before, none of it would make much sense. Ex: “It was Palpatine who had your parents taken. He was looking for you. But they wouldn’t say where you were. So he gave the order.” That quote would come just after a flashback which I modified to show Rey’s dad lying to her that he would come back for her if she just kept quiet. That same person would almost certainly just reveal her location to save his life. That’s why I came up with the PTSD explanation, but that cannot be incorporated until it’s revealed he’s a clone of Palpy.

I think the entire dyad fight would have to be overhauled for this idea to work properly. The reason for that is because Kylo is revealing information in the scene which makes no sense without the context that she is a Palpatine.

The only ways I can think of to solve that would be to completely eliminate the flashbacks and reveals for later in the novel (gutting the fight as a result), or to straight up reveal her true heritage in the fight. But then what’s the purpose of the hangar scene?

Ugh. I knew this might be an issue but I didn’t think it would be this hard.

I’m having trouble writing this chapter with the idea that Rey’s parents were bad people. The problem is that I would have to heavily rely on the idea that her father has PTSD from Exegol. But obviously we don’t know that he was a clone experiment at this point in the novel, so there isn’t anything except spite towards Palpatine there that could explain why they don’t give up her location in the flashback. Thing is, that’s coming just after another flashback which demonstrates how inherently selfish people they are, so I don’t think spite is a good enough reason. They clearly only care about their own lives.

If anybody has any ideas to fix this, I’d definitely tinker with it some more. But I had other ideas regarding good parents that I’d like to try in the meantime (like that perhaps they actually paid Unkar to watch her, and that they only purchased drinks to cope with losing her).

I do believe her parents being good people has its fair share of issues. Not only does it really mess with Rey’s arc where she wants to prove herself because of her “abandonment”, but it’s also kinda stupid that her parents give her to Plutt of all people. I suppose the whole “proving herself” side of things could just swap from it being because of abandonment to being a Palpatine, but idk.

Sorry for the rant.

CaptainFaraday said:

Also, NFBisms very kindly provided me with a couple of his original VFX shots, so, I’ve been able to integrate them into the edit!

Ooh what are those for?