Jar Jar Bricks

Hmmm I hadn’t considered the fact that we’re supposed to be suspicious of her. I just assumed that Poe would be mad at her, trying to convince her that they have this brand new hyperspace tracking technology, and then Holdo is all like, “Oh really? You mean technology that is theoretically impossible?” So Poe sends Finn and Rose on their secret mission because it seems like Holdo doesn’t believe him, but in reality she was just being prepared for every possibility like a good leader should be, and she wasn’t sharing her plan with any underlings until she was positive the spy theory was wrong.

And yeah, I figured the fact that the FO mysteriously discovered their base’s location would lend credence to the spy theory.

Here’s the changelog for part 2 (also I forgot to mention for part 1 that I removed the prologue since it serves no narrative purpose):

• General cleanup, adding changes from Rekindled, etc.
• As stated previously, Luke thrusts his father’s lightsaber back at Rey and tells her to leave the island
• Removed descriptions that made Luke’s X-wing out to be unsalvageable. Instead, Rey notes that it could be flight-worthy again, but it would take the right parts.
• Hux remembers the Knights of Ren when considering all Force-sensitives in the First Order
• Snoke tells Kylo he doesn’t deserve his mask instead of calling it ridiculous
• Made it clear Kylo destroys his mask because he’s frustrated that he isn’t living up to Vader’s legacy (the original novel leaves this up to interpretation)
• Included the deleted scene “Luke Has a Moment”
• When Leia is meditating in her quarters and sensing the presences of everyone on board the Raddus, referred to Finn’s presence as “an inexplicably bright beacon of light.” Make of that what you will.
• Made the Finn/Poe jacket scene more intimate, while still having Finn wanting to leave to save Rey
• In Poe’s inner dialog, I made it so that he says Leia “convinced him to leave his old life behind for the Resistance” and that “she’d taken him in”. This replaces information that would have been contradictory with what we know about Poe’s backstory now.
• Leia mentions that she knows of “a few ways” the First Order could have tracked them through hyperspace. This is a set up for Holdo’s spy theory.
• Leia refers to an adolescent Ben as tormented instead of alone
• In Kylo’s inner monologue, he now says that he’d somehow been able to hear his parents’ private conversations in his head, where they were “frightened of him, ashamed of him”. Palpatine could have fabricated these voices in his head, or he forced him to hear them.
• Removed the terrible reference to midichlorians while Leia is floating in space. I don’t have a problem with them conceptually, but this isn’t the right time for them to be brought up. Kinda like what happened in Episode 1. It feels way too ham-fisted.

Link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TJTWPa0iJX1R8TqhTNEUxJf_4nd6EMu2rSir68vKRr4/edit?usp=sharing

DZ-330 said:

If we’re opening up the crawl debate again…

Flames of rebellion burn across
the galaxy. Inspired by Luke Skywalker’s
heroic sacrifice, countless systems have
taken a stand in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical FIRST ORDER has
silenced all communication between
neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
has traveled to Mustafar, chasing
whispers of an ancient artifact,
that would allow him to destroy any
threat to his rule…

I like this one. Only two modifications I’d make are removing the bold font of First Order and Resistance. Also, I feel like the last paragraph of the one we currently have is better. Although perhaps we could bold HIDDEN POWER in that one.

I really dig the quote from the DOTF crawl in this.

Master Lawdog said:

What about giving her Sith yellow eyes when she flares at herself?

Who was it that was skilled at EBsynth? That’s the program that person was using to modify the eyes like that.

I suppose I could look into the program myself. Hopefully it isn’t too hard to understand.

Yeah I’m not one of those people that think it has to be shown that she was trained before she saved herself like that. Her being the daughter of the most powerful Force user is enough for me. I mostly mentioned that for the people who take issue with it.

Either way, Jason Fry builds up her Force potential quite well so it would be a shame to lose this scene.

Here’s a (possibly?) controversial decision I’ve made. I’m keeping the Leia flying into the Raddus stuff. Poppa’s edit removes it, but I really think it works quite well in novel form for the following reasons:

1. There are multiple pages beforehand devoted to what Leia learned from Luke about the Force in her training.
2. No wonky CGI effects that make her look like Mary Poppins.
3. Descriptions of what’s going on with her body while she’s out in space which imo makes things more believable.

Honestly, the only reason I don’t like Leia flying in the movie is because of the CGI. I don’t dislike the idea in general (especially since it’s built up in the novel), so I think this works fine.

Yeah I like it a lot. It’s worth noting that is actually canon (as much as I hate to admit it). I hate the idea that nobody showed up to Crait because all the communication lines were jammed by the FO, but that’s the official answer. Might as well have it referenced in the crawl to a lesser extent.

That’s also how I interpreted it all Burbin. It’s a shame we cant have Poe say, “I’m afraid everyone’s given up on the Resistance” or “Everyone’s out for themselves” instead of that flat “They’ve given up”. At least that’s how I did it in my novelization.

Peonthegrate said:

One Of my other worries about having more sith eyes is that even Anakin of all people, Only had sith eyes for maybe… 5 or 10 seconds in episode 3, not even when he was murdering children so I’m worried about it being unprecedented.

Well, following sequel logic it would be because she is related to Palpatine, who has Sith eyes at all times. Definitely not a good reason, but I could see it.

Also, Kylo just hurt (or possibly killed) her first friend, so it makes sense she’d be super angry.

stevepaynter said:

This is a good compromise…I think it looks great.

I still think it would look cool to have the Sith eyes during the whole fight scene to show Rey is in dark side the whole time. However, it appears this is an unpopular opinion by the majority here.

I’d be interested in seeing it as well but he needn’t put all of that work into it since it seems like the majority want something subtle.

Yeah some people are gonna like it more subtle than others. I will say this: this more subtle version looks more brown than red. So for that reason I’d prefer a more bold version, but who knows.

I love the Sith eyes idea in theory but unfortunately it doesn’t look like the Sith eyes of the prequels really. Just kinda looks like her eyes have a layer of red applied.

EDIT: Could just be the lighting. Imo, I would make them even more visible! Especially the yellows.

So then I guess my question is does that scene work without this? I’ll look for a replacement if that brief scene needs it.

Hal already included a portion of duel of the fates in Rey and Kylo’s actual duel. I personally don’t think that’s the right moment for it, Testing.

The only other place I’d be interested in seeing it would be when the Sith cultists are chanting (I think someone made a concept of that already?)

And Chase, where exactly in the film does that footage come from? I seem to remember footage of First Order troopers on Kijimi from the documentary that could be used so we wouldn’t be removing a transition from somewhere else. Other than that, I definitely like it.

Burbin said:

Hate to be the sourpuss over so many of these proposed changes, I just think the original scene/dialogue is fine as is.

Changing Zorii’s line to “I don’t believe that (the war is over)” suggests she has a stake/opinion on the ongoing war. Along with the rest of the dialogue changes it makes it seem like she’s basically admiting to Poe that she’s part of the Kijimi rebellion, right after saying she’s planning to abandon it all and flee, alining with Poe’s sentiments that everyone’s giving up. It’s just an odd contrast. I feel the Kijimi rebellion stuff should be kept as subtle background since we’re so limited on what can actually be shown, bringing it to the forefront just exposes the limitations of being a fanedit.

Mostly agree with this. Beforehand she goes on about how she “can’t stand the cries anymore” and wants to go on her own adventures, so those ideas are partially conflicting. That’s why it’s supposed to be a surprise when she shows up on Exegol later on.

Eh, I don’t really see the point. I can only think of one X-wing pilot that would be crazy enough to pull up alone to a First Order fleet like that. So there’s really no reason to make it a surprise.

That scene between Poe and Connix is actually a deleted scene you can view, by the way. It’s not one of the ones that the novelization invented.

Which scene are you referring to exactly? The “happy beeps” one?

Did you mean for that to go in the general ideas thread Testing? I feel like that’s a more appropriate place since this thread is for a film edit.

They were already there to begin with. I merely made them even more vague. Rey mentions how there’s a bunch of First Order stuff out in the Unknown Regions, and Connix wonders what other secrets Snoke has up his sleeve. Again, both of those are there originally, I just modified them a bit.

TestingOutTheTest said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Surprisingly the “Luke Has A Moment” deleted scene doesn’t make an appearance in the novelization. I wrote a rough draft of what it might look like below:

Luke nearly recoiled from the gap in his doorway. The girl’s determined gaze reminded him too much of a younger version of himself. Confident. Bold. Reckless. And most importantly, foolish.

He sat down next to a floor table, easing his descent with his mechanical hand, which whirred in protest. She would never truly understand why he had chosen to leave the fight. Neither would Leia.

Leia. While he had lost the man he had come to see as his best friend, she had lost her husband. He couldn’t imagine the pain she felt right now. The worst of it all was that he alone was to blame for Han’s death. Everything was. And even if the Resistance wasn’t able to see it, his return would only make their circumstances worse. He knew that for certain.

Tears pooled on the surface of the table as Luke Skywalker wept silently.

It does reveal that Luke blames himself for things a little early, but it doesn’t reveal the specifics of that so I’m willing to overlook it.

It can already be inferred in the Falcon scene that he’s sad about losing Han.

Absolutely. But this scene serves more of a purpose than that. Because it comes right after he denies Rey’s request to return to the fight, it means he is brought to tears over what he has done and what he thinks he has to do. It isn’t just about Han.

Thanks! Currently in the part where Leia is thinking about her training with Luke. Things line up pretty neatly I’d say!

Surprisingly the “Luke Has A Moment” deleted scene doesn’t make an appearance in the novelization. I wrote a rough draft of what it might look like below:

Luke nearly recoiled from the gap in his doorway. The girl’s determined gaze reminded him too much of a younger version of himself. Confident. Bold. Reckless. And most importantly, foolish.

He sat down next to a floor table, easing his descent with his mechanical hand, which whirred in protest. She would never truly understand why he had chosen to leave the fight. Neither would Leia.

Leia. While he had lost the man he had come to see as his best friend, she had lost her husband. He couldn’t imagine the pain she felt right now. The worst of it all was that he alone was to blame for Han’s death. Everything was. And even if the Resistance wasn’t able to see it, his return would only make their circumstances worse. He knew that for certain.

Tears pooled on the surface of the table as Luke Skywalker wept silently.

It does reveal that Luke blames himself for things a little early, but it doesn’t reveal the specifics of that so I’m willing to overlook it.

Thanks Faraday!

To be honest, I’ve been pleasantly surprised thus far by how few contradictions I’ve encountered with how I have things in TROS. The only glaring thing I can think of was Han’s medal not appearing at his funeral.

Oh, that and the novelization flat out saying it would be impossible to fix Luke’s X-wing lol. Changed that as well.

I suppose I can see why someone might interpret him thrusting it back at her as a sort of invitation to lead the next generation of Jedi (which is definitely not what he wants, nor did I write it that way). All I’ll say is this: just because it’s time for something to end or die off doesn’t mean you need to take a piss on its grave. Things can come to an end with respect/decency. That’s where I draw the line. I’m glad you aren’t as bothered by it all, but I kinda am.

Agreed.