Jar Jar Bricks

Here is my surprise modification to the ending:

Once he was sure Bargwill could no longer see him, Temiri called his broom to his hand - an ability his friends were jealous of - and returned to sweeping out the fathier stables. The beasts were racing, but soon they’d be led back in and need to be washed and groomed. There’d be a lot to do before they could bed down for the night, and maybe Oniho would be too tired to finish the story and tell him what had happened to the Jedi Master who’d fought an entire army all by himself.

The stable doors were open and the stars blazed in Cantonica’s night sky, above the racetrack. The strokes of his broom stopped when it collided with something that made a jingling noise - a bag overflowing with credits. Temiri could hardly believe his eyes as he heaved it up and inspected its contents.

Temiri counted enough in the bag for him and the rest of the children to never have to work another day for Bargwill ever again.

Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. There was a man by the stable door, from the casino based on his appearance. He wore a white tuxedo and a flowing cape. On his lapel was a pin of some sort of red flower. The man gave him a wide, mustachioed grin before walking off.

Temiri followed the man outside, but he had disappeared in the night. All he could see were the stars, which he could now feel calling out to him. The adventures he had always dreamed of having with Arashell were no longer out of reach.

As he stared up at the stars, the boy absentmindedly turned the broom in his hands until he held it at his side, like a lightsaber.

Interestingly enough, the original novelization provides no indication that he is Force sensitive, so I added that. As for the children being wage slaves instead of actual slaves, that is the canon answer, so no biggie there. And since Lando doesn’t show up on Crait, this scene is meant to be his redemption and turnaround moment.

Here are a bunch of things I’m considering for my v2:

• Add Luke’s severed hand to the paraphernalia on Exegol
• Lando doesn’t kill the stormtrooper. Instead, his crossbow bolt electrocutes him. This is necessary because later on he says he doesn’t want to kill stormtroopers, which is why he hasn’t been fighting.
• Finn jokes to Lando about him being the Master Codebreaker (a change in my other novelization)
• The red plom bloom is the last trinket Lando has of his daughter
• In the Palpy vision Rey gets at the end, mention that her father escaped Exegol with the lightsaber that came with Luke’s severed hand. This explains why the lightsaber called out to her at the castle, since it knew her father rescued it before. Presumably her father sells it from there and it ends up in Maz’s possession.
• Add DJ and his ship, the Libertine, to the civilian fleet. Adds some redemption to his character.
• Replace “I’m Rey Solo and this is Ben Solo” in the ending scene with “We’re Skywalkers”. Just makes a lot more sense, and I feel really stupid for not coming up with this before.

There are probably some other things I’m forgetting, but ah well. My TLJ project is nearing completion, so I’ll be working on these things and more when that’s done.

Gotcha sounds good Ady 👍

adywan said:

ESB:R -

Track 1 - New audio mix featuring Jason Wingreen’s original Boba Fett dub.

Track 2 - Same audio mix as above but with Temuera Morrison’s Boba Fett dub.

For some reason I’m not seeing a second audio track. Is this supposed to be made available with the higher bitrate version? Or is there something wrong on my end?

Hooray! Now I can check ESB off for “never need another fan edit of”. Can’t wait to see it.

The novelization doesn’t really provide the opportunity to discuss that right after the throne room since Rey doesn’t really have many scenes beyond that point.

I think I’ll be able to include it in the final scene she’s in on the Falcon. She’s surrounded by what is left of the Resistance, and decides to place her self worth in them (which of course is still wrong, but that’s for TROS to settle).

I could replace “for so long” with “for as long as she could remember” to make those feelings cover her whole life. Good catch.

I’ve been struggling with what to put there instead of “I saw the rest”. It’s mostly a formatting issue, so I thought I’d reference what he said earlier. But I suppose it might work without it.

Here’s where I’m at with the Kylo/Rey throne room scene thus far.

He advanced on Rey, his grandfather’s lightsaber hilt held loosely in one hand. There was clearly no threat in his approach. Somehow, suddenly, that scared her even more.

“Do you want to know the truth about your parents?” he asked. “Or have you always known and you have just hidden it away - hidden it from yourself? You know the truth. Say it.”

Rey tried to find the strength to deny him, to shove him away. But he was right. She did know the truth - and it was the same as her greatest fear, the one that had influenced her actions for so long. A truth she could no longer find refuge from.

“They were nobodies,” she admitted.

“I saw the rest,” Kylo said. “They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. You meant nothing to them.”

Tears filled Rey’s eyes. She fought to keep her emotions contained, fearing that if she released them for even a moment they would overwhelm her and sweep her away into a dark abyss.

“Your greatest fear is that you will be abandoned by those closest to you for not being good enough. As is mine.”

Kylo was a pace away now, his eyes locked on hers.

“The truth is, that’s exactly what you deserve,” he said. “You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You are nothing.”

And then his eyes softened.

“But not to me,” he said gently. “To me you’re everything. Only together can we find the belonging we seek.”

His breathing was heavy and deep as he extended his black-gloved hand to her. He gripped the lightsaber in his other hand tightly.

“Join me. Please.”

Never heard of that, but it looks like he had Kylo order the holocams, which doesn’t fall in line with his character as much as it does with Hux.

I actually leaned into the idea that Kylo didn’t commit many atrocities except for killing Han. For example, I used the canon idea that a Force storm Kylo couldn’t control destroyed the temple, and he didn’t actually kill anybody there intentionally. It makes it all the more tragic, and makes it more relatable to want Ben survive after his redemption (which is what happens). What I like about Kylo is that he’s trying to be somebody he isn’t, so when he finally becomes Ben again it’s more rewarding.

Off-topic now, but I’m really enjoying adding holocam droids to the battle of Crait. Essentially, at the beginning of it I’m having Hux insist that the whole thing is to be recorded for the galaxy to witness. This then leads into a custom Canto Bight scene I’m doing with Lando where the gamblers are betting on the outcome of the fight (because they see it as a game), which disgusts him. The holocam droids also explain why the First Order lets Finn and Rose escape to the base, because Hux wants the galaxy to see their weakness. And, finally, it allows the entire galaxy to see the badass Luke that inspires them.

You could replace the energy blade weapon with the tail of Alolan Exeggutor. The pun still works for the evolution.

jarbear said:

CaptainFaraday said:

Also, if anyone who’s watched the workprint wants to give feedback on anything that stood out - bad or good - I’d appreciate it! There’s no pressure, if you just want to watch the workprint, but if you do want to give your thoughts on it, then I’m very happy to hear them.

I will say though, one spot that I think is a standout is removing the dialogue with Rey in the cave. Personally, it was a mistake to have Rey “explaining” things. It took me out of the scene and had me feel, nothing. No impact before he actually speaking in that scene.

By simply removing the voice over, we are now engaged. It has more impact. It’s just better. Don’t tell us what is going on, let’s feel/see it for ourselves.

I might want a link to the workprint just to experience this. I’m also curious to see how well the echoes are cleared up.

Man, if it’s flawless enough, I’d wonder why Hal or Poppa didn’t do this.

Hal was right earlier. The emphasis on “end” isn’t there properly.

EDIT: Also, should mention I agree with Neerb’s thoughts about this line in general - never was a big deal to me.

Poppa’s edit actually doesn’t remove it, I’m pretty sure. I had to go in and remove it myself. Was pretty easy to do it seamlessly, though.

You’re going to have to cover up the crystal foxes with a bunch of Diancie.

I feel like Cubone fits an ex-stormtrooper for some reason.

I personally think it’s more tragic that Luke considered attacking him before he had truly made up his mind. After all, the title of this project is the “Tragedy of Vader”, and Ben is supposed to be the substitute for Anakin.

One really cool thing about this novelization is how much it leans into the concept of prophecies/visions in Star Wars. Luke believes the vision he saw in Ben’s head to be inevitable. He had already seen dark visions before on Dagobah and been unable to prevent them, so this makes sense. It adds to why Luke retreats in shame to the island, because he legitimately thinks if he returns he’ll just be making that vision he saw come true even faster.

But Rey comes to realize that these visions are just glimpses of potential futures, and oftentimes when you try to avoid them they end up becoming true simply because of that. Take Anakin for example. He saw visions of his wife dying, and in trying to save her they became true. And then, like father like son, Luke repeats the same mistake in a different way, but turns it around to inspire the galaxy.

This was the type of stuff I was looking for in the sequels - adding more depth to the story of Anakin/Vader. It’s a shame this stuff doesn’t appear in the films at all.

That wouldn’t really work logistically. Ben fails to properly make his crystal bleed which is what causes it to crack and need the crossguard design. I feel like Luke would notice if Ben’s lightsaber suddenly had a crossguard on it. Not to mention how Ben using his lightsaber would probably be a part of his training every day. So, yet again, how did Luke not notice the red blade until now?

Nah.

I wonder if his employment has anything to do with Luke’s upcoming appearances in various shows? I bet his methods are a lot cheaper and obviously look better than that CGI.

Will the First Order be Team Rocket? Would be funny to see some "R"s superimposed over all First Order banners.

Finn: “Oh, they hate that Pokemon!”

To emphasize how powerful Rey is you could always give her a… Reyquaza. I’ll see myself out.

When I get the chance I could see about making a mock up with both “I see them” and “you don’t need to say anything” - echo and all. I’d need to run it through audacity first but I’m sure it wouldn’t be too difficult.

It’s really a tightly bound mess. You pluck one string and the whole thing comes undone even worse. I’ve found that to be the case with a lot of suggested changes in this film.

DZ-330 said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I remember having this same conversation a while back. The problem with making her parents bad people is that the Palpy/Rey scene at the end relies on the whole “she will take her revenge!” spiel. He’s trying to get her to hate him. But if Palpatine is responsible for the killing of her parents, and they were bad people, then really Rey should be thanking Palps for neutralizing those scum bags. Not exactly the greatest strategy. And don’t even get me started on the fact that it makes no sense that they wouldn’t reveal her location to Ochi if they were bad.

Don’t get me wrong, it would have been better for them to be bad, but unfortunately the movie we have been given relies on them being good. Doing the opposite would involve removing way too much content and make the Rey/Palpatine scene kinda confusing.

But I do think the revenge she could be taking would be because she was alone for all those years because of Palpatine.

Well then somebody could easily make the argument that she probably had a better quality of life being alone than being with drunken parents who don’t give two shits about her (abuse).

I ran into this issue when writing my novelization and ultimately decided I had to go with good parents (but improved) because otherwise you’d have to change a lot. For example, Ochi would have to never encounter her parents and die while on the hunt for them. This then makes Rey unfamiliar with the dagger and his ship. Then that leaves the dyad fight in Kylo’s quarters devoid of content since there are no visions and not a whole lot to say except that she’s a Palpatine, which is supposed to happen in the hangar scene. Plus there would need to be a good enough reason for Rey to want to kill Palps with the dark side so the essence transfer works.

Ah, what a mess.