Jar Jar Bricks

Hey Hal, thanks for bolding Luke Skywalker in the crawl! Didn’t know you actually went through with that idea because of the “Jedi Master” title coming before it.

It’s worth mentioning that the leaked Duel of the Fates crawl actually did a similar thing, with only “KYLO REN” being bolded in “Supreme Leader KYLO REN”. So it definitely has precedence, even though that isn’t really a canon source.

Light00 said:

Will this be completed? I really enjoyed your work and lowkey inspired me to edit other novelizations as well.

You and me both.

Those sound like some pretty good changes. I might have to make the swap from Rekindled to Legendary! I always preferred the Hux prank call here anyway.

Oh, sweet! Thanks for that.

Poppa actually also edited the background fight between the guard and Rey, so she actually disarms him on camera.

Any particular reason why this edit doesn’t use Poppa’s Praetorian guard continuity fix?

Fun fact: even the new Lego Star Wars game replaces the Aki Aki puppet show with the story of the Skywalkers. In that case it’s Anakin, but same difference, really. Just thought it was cool that the devs thought along the same lines there.

I’m thinking about making an alternative version of this project which cuts back on some of the more fan-fictionish elements of the story. One example of this is the Poe/Finn bromance, which I unfortunately feel doesn’t have enough set up based on the previous novelizations. I’ll also include some other QOL changes, such as the following updated crawl:

Flames of rebellion burn across the galaxy. The tyrannical First Order has retaliated by silencing any planetary system that supports their enemy.

As Rey, sole heir to the Jedi, continues her training, General Leia Organa sends her brave agents across the stars to unite the disparate worlds in the name of Resistance.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren travels to Mustafar, chasing whispers of a HIDDEN POWER that stands to usurp his vulnerable regime. . . .

Looks like we probably won’t be getting new voice lines from the official actors in the new Lego game like we did for TFA. I think the only returning actor is Anthony Daniels.

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Oh I like “descending into endless division” a lot. Feels like a middle ground between the Republic mostly supporting the Resistance (Nev’s original) and Leia being the only rational person in the Republic (Hal’s).

I decided to go ahead and release the first version of this project since I’d made quite a few changes but never got around to actually saving it all.

I decided to go ahead and save what changes I’d made since last year for a v2 release (there were actually quite a few from what I remember). Anyone else can PM me for access to it.

Yes I finished V1 of the project and I mostly finished v2. I just never ended up creating a sharable PDF of it. I’ll send you v1 in a PM though, let me know if you want v2 as well.

I agree, capitalizing the whole thing is too much. I guess capitalizing only his name doesn’t bother me as much. Ah well, just wanted to hear your opinion.

How would you feel about capitalizing Luke Skywalker instead of the two factions? TFA’s crawl already emphasizes the Resistance and First Order, so it seems somewhat repetitive here. And I’d say that Luke is at the heart of this story, really.

The ships that are destroyed in the planetary sequence are First Order ones.

Yeah I like that better DZ. Sounds pretty similar to the original actually.

Another thing I noticed: the middle paragraph is creating the insinuation that Luke’s return to the fight is something our heroes fear, which is definitely the opposite of how it should be. So how about the following instead.

In the wake of this disaster, General Leia Organa’s RESISTANCE fighters trust that the return of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will restore a spark of hope to the fight.

I like Faraday’s. My one suggestion is “Chaos reigns!” Instead of “Chaos engulfs the galaxy!” From what I recall the crawls that have an exclamatory sentence at the beginning are usually limited to a couple words, maybe three.

EDIT: Also, this could just be me, but literally every time I read the final paragraph of TLJ’s crawl I think the word “must” belongs before “mount”. For example - “As the First Order speeds toward the rebel base, the brave heroes must mount a desperate escape.”

I’m assuming that comes from behind the scenes footage? Lmao. Honestly if the moment wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously I’d say it would just be another potential joke TLJ could have made.

I seem to recall somebody making that edit. I think all he’d say is “Hmmm, very interesting” and you’d cut out the bit about never owning a droid. That way he’s neither confirming nor denying, and trying not to overwhelm Luke with information.

If someone could send me the unaltered finale episode I could try to slot the modified footage into it. Unless somebody has already done that. (In which case, I would like a link!)

I’m pretty sure somebody on the forum already implemented it into the scene itself, but it didn’t come along with the whole episode. I have it on my hard drive at home I believe but I won’t be back there until tomorrow.

Actually I’m pretty sure in that canon comic there are a bunch of his students that go after Kylo to get justice. People just originally interpreted that line as Luke suggesting that those students turned against him as well, which isn’t the case obviously.