Jar Jar Bricks

It’s honestly mind-boggling that they didn’t take advantage of this opportunity in the script to begin with.

But even with this change, people can still make the argument that a pivotal moment in Finn’s arc shouldn’t have been relegated to expository dialog. Would have been cool to see a flashback similar to the one Luke gives Rey that shows what actually happened to Jannah and co.

Hal 9000 said:

I like the idea of Jannah attributing her company’s own awakening to Finn’s, like a ripple effect. Might just be a touch weird she does not react to him identifying himself or that she doesn’t recognize him on sight.

But she does react to him identifying himself. Watch it again. She exclaims: “You!?” But then it’s dropped and never mentioned again even though clearly the concept of FN-2187 is important to her.

That she wouldn’t recognize his face is completely understandable. The FO probably tried to keep his betrayal under wraps, and TFA makes it very clear that troops are supposed to keep their helmets on all the time (“Who gave you permission to remove your helmet?”)

I’m planning on following RL’s recommended Jannah lines because it matches up with when her face is off screen.

As for Palpatine, I think simplicity would work best here. “Long have I waited… for a worthy heir to the Sith. But Kylo Ren was weak. Empress Palpatine. You will take the throne.”

Ah, that’s fair enough.

So, here’s what I believe I still need to help with:

• Jannah AI voice to make it clear her company views Finn as their inspiration for rebelling
• Take a second look at 3PO AI lines which weren’t up to snuff last time with this new method.
• Maybe (big maybe) an AI Palpatine line in place of “For my grandchild to come home! I never wanted you dead, I wanted you here.”

Am I missing anything else?

RogueLeader said:

I wasn’t making this for Ascendant, just testing out some lines for a Rey Nobody edit, but I was planning to replace the “Do you still count the days since your parents left?” line with something relevant to this. It works fine for a Rey Nobody edit, but I liked the idea of paralleling Kylo’s cracked mask with Rey’s cracked lightsaber. And also play into her identity stuff.

He doesn’t see the actual blade in this scene obviously, but he sees the hilt on her waist, and sees she has repaired it.

I still think AI Kylo should replace some of the lines he tells her on Pasaana.

Considering the fact that Kylo should know at this very moment that her parents didn’t abandon her and instead just wanted to keep her safe, it’s not something that he should be getting her all rialed up about. There are other things he could tell her about her inner darkness to really set her off. Such as her lightsaber, as you’ve pointed out, or even that old line we had been considering: “My mother doesn’t see the darkness in you. Your friends don’t either. But I do.”

oviniboy said:

i even wonder if someone should aknowledge the broken saber itself, maybe Kylo.

I think we discussed this at some other point. The problem is that he doesn’t see it for the first time until he’s trying to run her over with his ship, and it sounds like we prefer to keep that scene silent.

And all other scenes after that between them have important dialog that can’t really be interrupted.

I for one think the only hole that needs patching in TLJ is Holdo. There is a clearly ADR dialog spoken when she says “I’ve dealt with plenty of trigger happy flyboys like you.”

The idea would be to replace that with something like “But there could be a First Order informant on board.”

So the whole thing would go as follows: “Of course you do. I understand. But there could be a First Order informant on board. You’re impulsive, dangerous, and the last thing we need right now. So stick to your post, and follow your orders.”

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I was actually thinking of Luke’s line: “It didn’t scare me enough then.” This would go a long way toward making Rey feel like she is some sort of monster.

I also think Kylo saying “It belongs to me” over the lightsaber shot would work well. It would partially explain why Rey tells Leia that she has to earn her family’s saber.

I was actually thinking of Luke’s line: “It didn’t scare me enough then.” This would go a long way toward making Rey feel like she is some sort of monster.

Hal 9000 said:

Here’s an updated vision sequence.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JYKveluSYkKQ--zSWQjxNZ-xgPyhI1pa/view?usp=share_link

Bruh… it’s so good.

BTW, by “the last one of those” do you mean the following?
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1N2OquiSEJMfhFk6U4JsQESBUvxT-PZrw/view?usp=sharing

When I put that one in, I wasn’t satisfied with it. Here are a lot more options (most of which are more emotive):
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1HJVzot6mTzlUYWbOqXKVzwsRvxk0UqrW?usp=drive_link

This one sounds the most like her, but it might not match her previous “No…”:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SAKKYXnJJeho9bApygYqt5DLu7Tg8RQl/view?usp=sharing

Here ya are, Hal:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SdvEsuG-4tUZwvxwG8mnCmYoaIXs1PXB/view?usp=sharing

Hal 9000 said:

EDIT: Also, so I don’t forget, I still need a replacement for “He’s too dangerous” but with a somewhat fast delivery.

I’ll get on this today.

I like the new vision sequence, but it does have a slight continuity error with Starlight. It uses a shot in which Rey has Sith eyes in Starlight. So I recommend either trying to use a different shot or just straight up using Starlight footage since it’s a vision anyway 😉

If we want him to not giveaway his plan to Rey, then it would be best to rewrite his statements as him transferring her his power in death. It’s another one of those sickly half-truths. Yeah, she gets his power, but also loses her autonomy.

Given what we know from our new intro line (my spirit will pass into you) we know he is lying about this, but it would still be tempting for Rey.

Good news: most of Palpatine’s voice is located in the central channel. I’m shooting it your way shortly, RL.

RogueLeader said:

“I never wanted you dead. I only wanted the strongest to rule.”
“Only the strongest can take the throne.”
Idk, something like that.

Lol that’s such a Palpatine thing to say, too. Like, he’s telling the truth, but he seriously wouldn’t have given a damn if Rey died because of this showdown.

Seems like you put a lot of thought into all of it, but I dunno. I feel like it’s more compelling to have the two main antagonists at odds with each other (Kylo and Palpatine). Otherwise Kylo is right back to serving another master because they both want the same thing (Rey brought before Palpatine). It’s really just a rehash of Episodes 6 and 8.

Whereas the plan we currently have is extremely straightforward and can be summarized in a couple of sentences:

“Palpatine wants Rey dead because he wants to possess Kylo unimpeded, but Kylo anticipates this and wants Rey to join him so they can destroy Palpatine together. When Kylo turns back to the light, he sets his sights on Rey instead.”

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I’d like to hear from all of you which of these Poe lines sound the best? Also, which ones might pair together well?

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/107YPYFjOXKBXthoIZl14wJ0OD0RyUjl7?usp=sharing

Please keep in mind that the background noise of some these is a little wonky, but ignore that. RL has the software that can make it clean.

In my opinion, #3 from each sound nicely when paired together.

I’d like to hear from all of you which of these Poe lines sound the best? Also, which ones might pair together well?

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/107YPYFjOXKBXthoIZl14wJ0OD0RyUjl7?usp=sharing

Please keep in mind that the background noise of some these is a little wonky, but ignore that. RL has the software that can make it clean.

Damn, that’s pretty good.

I agree that it isn’t a particularly shocking revelation, but it is highly relevant to Rey. Leia basically lost her entire political career because of the revelation, and yet she still managed to do a lot of good by making the Resistance.

Yup, remove that like all other versions of Ascendant.

To make it more clear, we could have him say: “Leia also struggled with family legacy.”

Here it is all laid out:

Luke: “What are you most afraid of?”

Rey: “Myself.”

Luke: “Because you’re a Palpatine? Leia also struggled with family legacy.”

Rey: “She didn’t tell me.”

Luke: “Rey, some things are stronger than blood…”

Or, to make it clearer still, it could be “Leia also struggled with infamous legacy.”

DZ-330 said:

Luke: “What are you most afraid of?”

Rey: “Myself.”

Luke: “Because you’re a Palpatine? Leia struggled with her bloodline too.”

Rey: “She didn’t tell me. She still trained me.”

Luke: “Because she saw your spirit, your heart. Rey, final lesson, some things are stronger than blood…”

---

What if it isn’t the “dark” that Leia struggled with, but her bloodline and relation to Vader (which is canon I may add)? I think it makes Luke’s final lesson hit a LOT harder too.

I would nix “She still trained me.”

Okay, that would be too much, I must admit now.

But DZ’s is REALLY good.

Nah, I think we could keep our current flashback dialog the same and just put in what I mentioned earlier to add another dimensional layer to it all.

Right, so it would go. “Because you’re a Palpatine. Leia struggled with the dark, too.” But then Rey’s responses to that would need to be cut because they don’t make much sense.

EDIT: NVM, both of Rey’s responses would make perfect sense. Because somebody who struggles with the dark was still willing to become a Jedi again and train her.