- Post
- #1532962
- Topic
- Hal’s Rogue One edit (a half-assed version of DigMod’s) (Released)
- Link
- https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1532962/action/topic#1532962
- Time
Not a bad rough draft. I’d be wary of placing the 6 years time frame in the crawl, because most of the movie takes place 19 years after ROTS. We shouldn’t want that smaller figure to stick with the audience. I’d get rid of the mention of timing entirely.
The second paragraph I have no complaints about except the grammar. Should be “Fearing for the safety of his family…” Scientist should be lowercase. The word “small” might also be redundant.
IDK why but it feels weird having Krennics full name there haha. I’d also avoid name dropping the Death Star. Deserves to be spelled out first in ANH. I think I’d completely rework the final paragraph. Especially since I don’t think he’d be “sent” to do anything, he’d see this as a personal matter.