Jar Jar Bricks

What if we simply merged our ideas at the beginning?

“You were right… your parents were no one. Initiates scavenging parts for the fleet on Exegol.”

“Don’t!”

“With their loyalty to the Sith proven, they were first assigned with raising you…"

“I don’t want this!”

“…and then killing you."

“No!”

“But they’d grown to care for you, so they hid you from Palpatine.”

Dimitrios, I love everything you just wrote except for the last two paragraphs lol. The beginning of it all is straight and simple to the point. Even though I do really like the idea that they were getting parts of old Star Destroyers for the fleet. Then again, that could still be a part of their assignment with Rey.

Hal 9000 said:

Too bad to make Rey’s mother barren because she looks a great deal like her.

Oh believe me, I know. I have an idea for how to fix this with a simple deepfake but then the alternative audio track idea goes out the window.

I don’t disagree with anything you’re saying, DZ. But I do still think it’s important to maintain the junk trading aspect of her parents, mostly because we don’t know the exact nature of Kylo’s vision from TLJ. Was he merely shown that scene, or did the Force show him glimpses of their life? You can’t say one or the other for sure, so you have to account for both.

I think you can still have a “growing a heart” moment by having them stop selling old Star Destroyer parts from Jakku to the Sith Eternal and choosing to prioritize Rey over money. Like I said in my last post, all I’m missing is a decent reason for why they’d give a child to a couple they regularly conduct business with. That reason would have to replace the following line: “In exchange for a bonus on their hauls, they were assigned with raising you."

So something along the lines of: “Exegol’s danger required outsiders to raise their young. As trusted suppliers, your parents were chosen.”

Besides the trade thing, there’s also the problem that you’re removing the first vision of her parents - which I’d personally like to avoid. There’s also the fact that I’ve found out the Kylo line before Rey says “No!” has to be extremely brief, a few words only. I see what you’re trying to do, though - the only way the infertility and adoption angle works is if they have no choice but to take her out of all children in rather than finding a safe child like Broom Boy. But I still think it being an assignment is the simplest approach. All that being said, there are a couple of ideas here I might implement, so thanks!

The missing link for them being assigned caretakers is giving a compelling reason why the Sith cult would be giving these clones to random people in their circle. The only thing that makes sense to me is simply the fact that they don’t have the resources to raise countless children and experiments on Exegol. We see how desolate and barren the place is at the beginning of the movie. I was hoping that implication might come through in my last draft, but clearly it still needs a bit of work in that regard. This is a problem in the original movie; how is it that the Sith troopers and officers even survive on the planet? Where do they all live?

I’ve finally cracked it, I think. This explains everything so much better than the regular Rey Palpatine:

“Rey… wherever you are… you are hard to find.”

“You are hard to get rid of.”

“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it… I needed you to see it… who you are. I know the darkness that lives in you, Rey…”

“You’re lying.”

“You were right… your parents were no one. Junk traders selling parts to the fleet on Exegol.”

“Don’t!”

“In exchange for a bonus on their hauls, they were assigned with raising you."

“I don’t want this!”

“Even killing you."

“No!”

“But they’d grown to care for you, so they hid you from Palpatine.”

(Rey sees the vision of her parents and her abandonment.)
“Rey, my love… be brave.”
“You’ll be safe here… I promise.”
“Come back! Nooo!”

“They paid for your protection… in more than one way.”

“Stop talking.”

“Rey… I learned what happened to them.”

(Cutaway to heroes capture)

“Your parents sought Luke’s protection, searching the Jakku desert for his allies… but Palpatine’s assassins tracked them down. They resisted fiercely, only to be forgotten by the sands of time."

(Rey sees her parents get killed.)

“So that’s where you are.”

“You know why the Emperor’s always wanted you dead. I’ll come tell you.”

…etc

“Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.”

“Because you were one of many experiments, Rey… all of which became threats after his full return. You’re based off his template. You… are a clone of Palpatine.”

“The only purpose for your creation was to be one of his hosts on the Sith throne. But what Palpatine cannot foresee is that we’ve become a Dyad in the Force, Rey… two, linked by raw power. We can end him and the Sith, and create something new, together…”

(Removes his helmet)

“You know what you need to do. You know.”

“I do.”

By the way Hal, I’m not sure if you’ve considered the fact that this version of the movie could technically be contained in its own audio track. I’m not aware of any specific cuts you’ve made to these scenes which would warrant anything else.

NeverarGreat said:

I’m continuing to tinker with splitting the chess scene. This was the first attempt, a few pages back. That version didn’t reuse any footage between scenes, just took the original and allocated shots between the two new scenes.

Here’s the new version: https://mega.nz/file/fMd1DbSb#TOE1DBzQHkpRwucpALML8Ol0LJ0kgVFG8Q2Ro7-Iwms

I reused both shots of Chewie, but cut the first one down so it would be less noticeable and the second one is used to extend Poe’s and Finn’s lines in the final scene. I think that both of these scenes could stand rather well on their own, at least with a bit more audio work. It would be nice to keep the lines in the first scene with ‘cheating’ changed to ‘stalling’, and maybe make some AI Poe and Finn banter for background as Rey leaves the Falcon.

Yeah, I still really like this idea. I like having a mini sub-plot that isn’t “resolved” until the end there, it makes it feel more like it was intended to be there all along. And those AI lines wouldn’t be very hard to make, either.

Yeah, unfortunately AI has only really been trained on American and British accents, definitely not a lot of Kiwis to take data on.

But if you know somebody with a convincing Kiwi accent you might be able to use that new 11 labs feature which basically applies a voice filter.

I do like all of that. But I’m not even sure if D-O has enough voice lines to create an AI voice out of.

As for the overall goals:

1. Maintain the ‘Nobodies’ Theme: Consistently depict Rey’s parents as ordinary individuals (“nobodies”) throughout the background story, reinforcing TLJ’s theme that greatness and significance in people can emerge from humble beginnings.

2. Deepen Rey’s Character Complexity: Provide Rey with a more complex and nuanced origin story that includes a more direct genetic link to Emperor Palpatine, creating internal conflict and exploring themes of identity and destiny due to the sinister reason behind her existence as a person (to be a vessel).

3. Emphasize Personal Choice and Agency: Rey’s adoptive parents are able to make the correct choice in the end despite being involved with the wrong crowd - similar to Vader. Also, highlight that despite her origins, Rey’s choices and actions define her, aligning with the overarching message that individuals shape their own destiny.

4. Explore Nature vs. Nurture: By making Rey a clone/genetically derived from Palpatine, the story delves into the debate of nature versus nurture in twins, questioning whether one’s genetic makeup or upbringing plays a more significant role in defining their path.

5. Strengthen the Emotional Narrative: Enhance the emotional depth of the story by detailing the sacrifices and struggles of Rey’s adoptive parents, adding a layer of tragedy and human emotion to her backstory - instead of being mere plot devices.

6. Align with Established Canon: While introducing new elements, ensure that the revised backstory remains coherent with as much of the established Star Wars universe as possible, respecting its lore and thematic essence.

This is where I’m at with the story itself, formatted as dialogue a few posts above. I don’t see anything particularly wrong with any of it.

Rey’s Parental Background:

• Rey’s parents are depicted as ordinary, unremarkable individuals throughout.
• As nobodies, they are easily lured into the Sith cult because they want to find some sort of purpose in life.

Rey’s Origin:

• Rey’s parents were assigned an infant (Codename: Rey) by cultists from Exegol.
• However, when Palpatine orders the termination of his clones, they want out of the cult.

Parents’ Sacrifice:

• Rey’s parents have grown to love her, finding their purpose in life, and decide to hide her from Palpatine.
• They leave her with Unkar Plutt for her safety, paying for her protection instead of selling her (Kylo misinterpreted the currency exchange direction).

Parents’ Demise:

• Seeking further help, they look for Luke Skywalker’s allies in the Jakku desert.
• Palpatine’s assassins eventually find them.
• Rey’s parents resist but are ultimately killed, their story forgotten by the galaxy.
• Ochi takes their Sith ship for his own most likely because he wants Rey to recognize it and be drawn to it.

Palpatine’s Motivation:

• Palpatine sees his clones as unnecessary and a threat after his return, leading to the order for Rey’s termination.
• Rey is revealed to be a clone experiment based off of Palpatine’s genetic template to prevent confusion.

Rey and Kylo Ren as a Dyad:

• Kylo Ren reveals they’ve become a Dyad in the Force, a powerful and rare connection.
• Subtly imply that the power is so strong that Palpatine cannot use his foresight to be made aware of it
• He proposes using this power to end Palpatine and the Sith, and to create a new path together.

I for one think it’s a bad idea for her parents to spend any time on Exegol. Baby Rey needs to come from there, sure. But it stops them from being junk traders and nobodies at heart. Plus, we know how dangerous and complicated it is to travel to and from there. Which is why in my previous post they would basically return to their boring lives after receiving Rey.

I think giving her parents character motivations is important for all of it to make sense narratively. Just spouting out everything that happens without answering “why?” is a recipe for trouble.

They should definitely still be referred to as nobodies. Remember, in this chain of events, once they receive baby Rey they will live out their lives as junkers.

“Rey… wherever you are… you are hard to find.”

“You are hard to get rid of.”

“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it… I needed you to see it… who you are. I know the darkness that lives in you, Rey…”

“You’re lying.”

“You were right… your parents were no one. Their search for purpose lured them to the Sith.”

“Don’t!”

“They were assigned an infant, by cultists from Exegol."

“I don’t want this!”

“But later your termination was ordered."

“No!”

“You had become their purpose in life, so they hid you from Palpatine.”

(Rey sees the vision of her parents and her abandonment.)
“Rey, my love… be brave.”
“You’ll be safe here… I promise.”
“Come back! Nooo!”

“They paid for your protection… in more than one way.”

“Stop talking.”

“Rey… I learned what happened to them.”

(Cutaway to heroes capture)

“Your parents sought Luke’s protection, searching the Jakku desert for his allies… but Palpatine’s assassins tracked them down. They resisted fiercely, only to be forgotten by the galaxy."

(Rey sees her parents get killed.)

“So that’s where you are.”

“You know why the Emperor’s always wanted you dead. I’ll come tell you.”

…etc

“Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.”

“Because you were just an experiment… one that became a threat after his true return. Rey, you’re based off his template. You… are a clone of Palpatine.” (not sure if we necessarily need “a Palpatine” here or not)

“The only reason for your creation was to be one of his vessels on the Sith throne. But what Palpatine cannot foresee is we’ve become a Dyad in the Force, Rey… two, linked by pure power. With that power we can end him and the Sith, and create something new, together…”

(Removes his helmet)

“You know what you need to do. You know?”

“I do.”

Yeah, I agree with Starkiller that they need to be a part of the Sith cult in order to be trusted with raising such a valuable asset. And in the process of raising her they grow to love her and hate what the Sith intend for her.

That being said I like some elements of Eddie’s two final paragraphs a bunch.

DOUBLE POST

That would fly better with casual audiences, for sure.

All I’m saying is that if Bethesda, a AAA game producer, can put this exact same storyline (referring to a “daughter” of an evil man as a “clone”) in a main questline for Starfield, it should work in Star Wars, too. Then again, one of optional questions you can ask her character is “You’re a clone of a man, how does that work?” And she more or less responds that she is genetically engineered. Gee, if only there was a canon Star Wars term for a genetically-engineered clone (looking at you, strand-cast).

But throwing all these made-up words everywhere, from strand-cast to dyad in the Force, would be too overwhelming. This is a tough nut to crack, that’s for sure.

EDIT: What about this - “Because he no longer needed you. After his return, and your escape, he saw his clones/creations as a threat to his power. You’re based off his template. You… are a Palpatine.” This way we dodge using the goofy word of “strand-cast” but give its exact definition in case it starts being used more regularly in the TV shows. I mean, heck, Dr. Pershing gives an entire presentation on them in all but name to the Senate in Mando season 3 (at least I think that’s where he was).

DZ, if you like your line that much I’d recommend putting it back up at the beginning - “I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it… I needed you to see it… who you are. Darkness is in your blood, Rey…”

I’ve tried to maintain as much of DZ’s as I could while improving what I can:

“Rey… wherever you are… you are hard to find.”

“You are hard to get rid of.”

“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it… I needed you to see it… who you are. I know the darkness that lives in you, Rey…”

“You’re lying.”

“You were right… your parents were no one… lured into the Sith cult to find purpose.”

“Don’t!”

“Your barren mother sought her own child, and your father found one.”

“I don’t want this!”

“They stole you from the Sith!”

“No!”

“But adopting you caught Palpatine’s attention.”

(Rey sees the vision of her parents and her abandonment.)
“I know… Rey… be brave.”
“You’ll be safe here… I promise.”
“Come back! Nooo!”

“They paid for your protection… in more than one way.”

“Stop talking.”

“Rey… I learned what happened to them.”

(Cutaway to heroes capture)

“Your parents pursued Luke’s protection, searching the Jakku desert for his allies… but Palpatine’s assassins tracked down their stolen ship. Whether brave or foolish, they made a final stand.”

(Rey sees her parents get killed.)

“So that’s where you are.”

“You know why the Emperor’s always wanted you dead. I’ll come tell you.”

…

“Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.”

“Because he no longer needed you. After his return, and your escape, he saw his clones as threats to his power. You’re one of his clones. You… are a Palpatine.”

“The only reason for your creation was to be one of his vessels. But what Palpatine doesn’t know is that we’ve become a Dyad in the Force, Rey… two that are one. Together we can end him and the Sith, and take his power to forge something new…”

(Removes his helmet)

“You know what you need to do. You know.”

“I know.”

EDIT: Oh and of course the following change: “It’s your birthright to rule… here” —> “You were engineered to rule… here”

littlev87 said:

I guess that could be assumed by the audience, maybe? You would think that if any of his followers could betray him at any point he’d kill all of them too.

It’s moreso about having the potential/temptation of it there in the first place. Sith betray each other all the time, it’s part of their religion.

yeah it is original, but since he is wearing his mask we could change it to anything. I mean if kylo ren can extract info from poe using the force, surely palpatine could do the same to a couple of nobodies.

Not a bad point, I wouldn’t mind getting rid of the whole Palpatine ordering their deaths part.

Hal 9000 said:

This concept seems to make Rey’s father superfluous.

I had noticed this, but that’s only because we aren’t making it clear enough that her father wanted to adopt her, too. A rather simple change here: “She stole you from the Sith!” --> “They stole you from the Sith!”

littlev87 said:

These two lines really stand out as awkward for me. They are partially why I tried my own rewrite. Also I did my rewrite while I was at work so I couldn’t reference the ascendant edit or the original movie at the time.

“But taking you caught Palpatine’s attention.”

(Did he know she was more special than the other clones being made? Or was she even more special than the other clones? this is why in my version it’s more about the betrayal of the cult than specifically palps. What was stopping him from just making another rey?)

"but Palpatine’s assassins caught up to them, they wouldn’t say where you were… so he gave the order.”

(this is silly because why would palps have occhi kill the only people that knew where rey was? It makes more sense for occhi to kill them because he believed she was on the same ship as them, and they were getting in the way/ fighting back.)

Taking her woke Palpatine up to the fact that any of his followers could simply take a clone of his at any time and betray him. This is why he wants all of them dead.

Your second point is a flaw in the original movie. It’s at least made better this way because her parents truly are nobodies, and not related to Palpatine at all. If they can’t give him useful information, then they’re useless.

EDIT: No problem, DZ. I like everything you have there except for the first couple of lines. I think it’s a cool real-world moment of having a cult preying on desperate people. It also allows the sentences to flow better into each other:

“Sith cults prey on desperate people like them… Your barren mother, so desperate for a child.”

Perhaps they gave promises that she would be able to become pregnant if she joined them - which never came to fruition. Which is why she takes Rey, both to get back at them but also to have her own child. I think it’s more effective characterization than simply having second thoughts after joining a cult.

@littlev The problem is that you’re describing exactly why he’d want to keep her alive, not to kill her. There’s also no real character motivations involved. I still prefer Hal’s version which I modified and shared above.

littlev87 said:

Yes, I know that is not how genetics work. But I don’t think the subject of genetics has ever been mentioned in the level of detail you are discussing in star wars before. I felt if nothing else it could slip through the cracks as an in universe explanation versus no explanation at all.

According to George, Star Wars is made for middle schoolers. At least at mine, we were taught the difference between XX and XY. I don’t think Star Wars needs to cover these details as assumably they will be the same in the Star Wars universe as ours.

The only difference between our concept of cloning and the one seen in Star Wars is that clone troopers were raised since babies. At the same time, we see that clones of Moff Gideon and Palpatine function like in real life, where they exist at the age the sample was taken. So this way both methods of cloning in Star Wars are used, along with some genetic manipulation (Rey).

That’s not exactly how genetics works. My thinking is that they would simply duplicate Palpatine’s X chromosome to produce Rey, removing the Y in the process, or there would be a donor chromosome. Otherwise, she is exactly the same as him.

I do like your explanation for why Palpatine’s body is falling apart, though. But it’s also a good idea that he’s in that state because of his own selfish actions. He killed off all of the clones that were grown since “birth” because he was threatened by them, and is only using the one(s) that were “born” at the age where his genes were taken.

Burbin pointed out that Rey’s mother giving birth to a surrogate Palpy child (and assumably tons of other random women doing the same thing) is a little too strange for Star Wars, and I retroactively agree. It’s also extremely hard to convey in a concise way. That’s why I changed it to adoption - it’s nothing too out of place, and allows his reveal to Rey to build up in intensity over time smoothly. It also makes sense in general because Rey wouldn’t have any parents, making her a prime target for a couple looking for their own child since they can’t have one.

"Rey….wherever you are…You are hard to find.

“You are hard to get rid of.”

“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it…I needed you to see it…who you are. The dark side is in your nature…” (reference to his line on the Death Star)

“You’re lying.”

“You were right…your parents were no one. The Sith cult preys on desperate people like them.”

“Don’t!”

“Your barren mother, so desperate for a child. She saw one she could claim.”

“I don’t want this!”

“She stole you from the Sith!”

“No!”

“But taking you caught Palpatine’s attention.”

(Rey sees the vision of her parents and her abandonment. I’ve opted to reinclude her name since a child her age should remember it and it also could be her Sith codename, kinda like Omega was a codename. Rey translates to “King”, so this makes sense.)
“I know… Rey… be brave.”
“You’ll be safe here…I promise.”
“Come back! Nooo!”

“They paid for your protection…in more than one way.”

“Stop talking.”

“Rey…I learned what happened to them.”

(Cutaway to heroes capture)

“Your parents wanted to find Luke Skywalker for protection, looking for his allies in the Jakku desert. But Palpatine’s assassin caught up to them. They wouldn’t say where you were. So he gave the order.”

(Rey sees her parents get killed.)

“So that’s where you are.”

“You know why the Emperor’s always wanted you dead. I’ll come tell you.”

…

“Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.”

“Because he no longer needed you. With his return, and your escape, his clones became threats to his power. You’re one of his clones. You are a Palpatine.”

“His progeny were fashioned to take the Sith throne, as vessels for his conjured spirit. But we’ve become a dyad in the Force, Rey - two minds, one power, beyond his foresight. We can end him and the Sith. Take his power and create something new.”

(Removes his helmet)

“You know what you need to do. You know.”

“I know.”

Peonthegrate said:

Wow I’m really loving this new clone angle. The only thing I’d be sad about going is the Dyad wording. I think it may be worth trying to include that word in there somewhere, especially because I’m sure in future material the Dyad will come back up, so it’ll be more cannon friendly and “future proof”.

Well, Ben Solo is dead, so I somewhat doubt it would ever come up again unless they do something crazy like resurrecting him in the next movie. But, yeah, it is a cool concept nonetheless. Maybe there is a way to weave it into there. Or we could just have Palpatine define their connection at the end there and not have Kylo define it. Because it’s never actually explained why or how he knows they’re a dyad. Obviously Palpatine didn’t tell him, and he’s the guy that would be well-versed on the intricacies of the Force. Maybe it would be best if it’s a surprise to everyone in that moment with Palps at the end. That way we’re also not revealing too many things about Rey in the hangar which would distract from the main point of it all.