Jar Jar Bricks

Ironically, the perfect word to end that sentence rhyming with “here” was right in front of my eyes the whole time.

“Pushing Ben toward that throne was my greatest fear. What are you most afraid of?”

Again, this line helps to rationalize Luke’s decision to isolate himself on Ahch-To. It’s not just about running away from his failure, it’s a calculated decision to prevent further harm to his nephew, the Force itself, and the galaxy at large. Luke once believed that his light’s proximity to those with potential for the dark side might inadvertently push them toward the lost Sith throne. The Jedi code being awful was just another contributing factor for it all, but Luke is finally able to summarize the heart of his previous issue here.

I can always go back to “it was fear that kept me here” although I know some people think this is a direct retcon of TLJ. Believe it or not, there can’t be any more of a gap between whatever goes there and his next line: “What are you most afraid of?” This is because he actually finishes the word “here” on screen. What I did in the test is I used the word “near” instead because they both end the same way.

An extended reaction shot for Rey can’t really exist, either, as she says “She never told me” in the middle of it. So if this feels unnatural, then we either have to shorten the line or we have to go back to involving Leia in all this, which I kinda wanted to avoid. A shortened line that could convey the same thing here is “We were made to end him, Rey.” Furthermore, we could also remove “Final lesson” in order to give us some more space to play here.

It’s not that Luke’s voice itself sounds off, it’s the fact that it doesn’t have the same studio quality as everything around it. It literally sounds like Mark Hamill is speaking into a bad microphone all of a sudden, not to mention that you can hear when the audio file that was pasted in ends due to its poor quality, which all really pulls me out of the entire scene. Put on a decent pair of headphones and you spot it immediately, whereas I have to strain myself to spot an AI line.

Hal 9000 said:

• Movie Leia and Snap scene back where it was in theatrical

I really think this scene would be better placed after the heroes escape the cave and we see the Knights so we can avoid another death fakeout. This would coincide nicely with the muting of the lines when we return to them so we can linger on establishing shots for longer as we get acclimated to Pasaana again.

And, as I said before, we really need to remove Luke’s “We’ll always be with you”. At the very least, it needs to be replaced with an AI version of the same line because the quality of the line is completely fubar. But I’d prefer to remove it entirely as the slow-mo effect is quite jarring as well. This way he’d just say, “but this is your fight” when the camera goes back to Rey like in v1 of this edit. The current “He’s too dangerous” doesn’t sound much like Carrie compared to the link I posted, either.

Right, and Kylo will still say “You… are a rightful Palpatine”, but Luke is obviously going to be missing that distinctive word.

Is it the delivery of the line that’s wonky? I may just go back to the original one I had because although it didn’t have the question angle as apparent it at least fit in well.

Okay, I’ve put together all of Ahch-To into one so we can see if the central theme I’m trying to convey is clear enough:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/16wFmlYAhO-2QaMZtzTL72XxxMYKDjmf_/view?usp=sharing

EDIT: I’ve changed out “Because you’re a Palpatine?” for a delivery that is more clearly meant to be a question. It uses the same intonation as Anakin saying “Because of Obi-Wan?” from ROTS. But I might swap this out again as I tinker with things as I feel like it’s not fully there in that delivery.

It is solid, but there are a couple things that bug me about it. “He’s too dangerous” stands out, and I have a much better take of that already. I also think that Luke’s line of “We’ll always be with you” along with the slow-mo effect sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the AI voicework which not only sounds better but is more strategically placed.

There’s also the retcons that are annoying like Rey’s dad being the “son” of the Emperor, who in no case should be considered nobody worth mentioning and logically should have appeared to her in the dark side cave from TLJ. Then canon went ahead and made this worse by making him a practical clone of the Emperor, making him even more noteworthy. I also think that having him be a good person makes Rey’s struggle too easy for her to overcome, and it also makes her taking on the Skywalker name feel like an insult to the people who sacrificed their lives for her (and she doesn’t even have any reason to do such a thing since an Organa was the one who adopted her). But I suppose all of this is unavoidable canon, and that’s why this edit needs to exist as-is in this regard. But that doesn’t mean my other thread can’t exist, either 😉

It’s up to Hal. I’m working on some things for a Starlight-esque edit of Ascendant along with some other miscellaneous improvements, including those to certain AI line. So it’s a pick and choose scenario.

I did apply some, but I guess it’s too subtle. I’ll add more whenever I do the next test!

Oh and I forgot to mention that bolding a certain word is only ever done if it’s an independent word or an entire phrase is bolded.

There’s also the fact that Kylo is seemingly trusting a random Sith artifact despite the fact that he has a bad history with trusting Vader’s mask, another Sith artifact.

You’d have to cut so much stuff in order for this idea to work that I think you’d be better off forgoing the whole Rey Palpatine thing in general.

Ascendant’s crawl is arguably perfect the way it is. The title of the movie itself allows the first line which follows it to gain its intended meaning that Luke’s sacrifice is responsible for the flames of rebellion without spelling it out for the audience like they’re dumb. The only part I’d change is probably the last paragraph, but that’s only because of a matter of interpretation:

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren travels to Mustafar, chasing whispers of a HIDDEN POWER that stands to usurp his vulnerable regime. . . .

Kylo Ren is clearly very angry at the beginning of the movie, and goes in weapons blazing on Exegol. It doesn’t seem like he initially went there to negotiate for a power that could stop the growing Resistance, that’s just what became of it in the end. So whoever wrote it only considered what was going to happen with that power, and not what it represented to Kylo initially. But I suppose I can live with that so the audience understands the importance of the fleet to Kylo.

As for your crawl, if you’d genuinely like some feedback, I do have some. As I stated before, you don’t need to reference Luke with the title being right there. You shouldn’t set up the KoR as some massive threat in the crawl because they do virtually nothing in the film. Luke was arguably never Rey’s master, he just taught her why the Jedi ought to end. “Thrown herself into” is awkward wording, “undertaken” is better. I think it’s important to establish that Leia was responsible for making the civilian fleet possible in the first place. There is some conflict between the idea of the Resistance being “thinly spread” and everyone rising up, especially if you consider the Resistance as an idea and not just the organization. I guess the final paragraph is meant to cast Kylo in a more noble light, but honestly I just fundamentally disagree with the entire approach. Which I can best summarize with “I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” Him showing any sort of indication that his intentions are pure means Rey is justified in thinking she can take his hand and “fix” him. There has to be a fundamental difference in ideology present, and it’s already baked into the film itself: “The dark side is in our nature. Surrender to it.” In my opinion, an edit of this film should be streamlining all the character motivations, not adding additional layers to make things more confusing and contradictory.

I like that second line a bunch. I’m probably gonna snatch that for my own purposes: “We can end him and the Sith… and make things the way we want them to be.” But I think the fact that it is more suited for an edit like mine is exactly the proof that him giving up doesn’t work.

Again, the only problem is that Kylo really ought to have killed Palpatine without hesitation at the beginning if he just wants to hide. There has to be a reason Palpatine being alive is more favorable for him going into hiding than him being dead and going into hiding. And honestly the only one that makes sense is what Ascendant currently has at the beginning: “Kill me, and my spirit will pass into you, as all the Sith live in me”. But then you’d still have to replace Kylo’s line of “What could you give me?” with something less power hungry and also change Palpatine’s voiceover on the rising fleet to something along the lines of “Stop the girl from becoming a Jedi and I’ll let you live out the rest of your days in peace”

And at this point most of the lines are going to be AI, which is a sign that him peacing out might not be the most optimal idea.

I suppose there is another problem as I’ve given it further thought. You don’t want the audience to be mad at Rey for not taking up Kylo’s offer, which is why making his offer too tempting compared to the alternative is risky. In this case, it would either be running away with him, or going to Exegol and almost assuredly becoming Empress. Especially since Kylo is seemingly okay with forgoing power over the First Order, I see absolutely no reason why Rey wouldn’t accept his offer. And since she has to decline, I think most people would think she’s being idiotic. Remember, the only reason she declined Kylo in TLJ was precisely because of his urge for power. And on that note, after she heals him, I see absolutely no reason in this new chain of events why she wouldn’t tell Ben to come with her to Ahch-To, as she’s finally come to terms with the idea that he was right all along. The reason why she doesn’t do this in the original TROS is because she is still under the impression that he wants power, and leaves before she realizes that he’s changed.

I’m not commenting these things to bash the idea, I just want to clarify any possible problems with it so that fixes for these plot holes can be thought of before any real work begins. Or perhaps so an entirely different idea can be thought of if this one has too many holes.

The shared memories they have through the dyad is definitely a sufficient explanation.

At this point, the only problem with this idea is that if Kylo really wanted to be finished with all of this, running away with Rey, then he definitely would have just killed Palpatine on Exegol. Because he wouldn’t care about being offered the fleet. There’s no reason he’d even hesitate killing him, and be curious by saying, “What could you give me?” Because this characterization is meant to emphasize that he doesn’t care about gaining power anymore.

One other thing worth noting is that his offer is technically a retread for Rey’s character from TFA, and one that is quite easy for her to accept this time around given the alternative. In that movie, Finn was the one asking her to just run away from all this with him. Now, yes, Kylo’s offer being to end the Sith is a retread of TLJ, but the difference would be the emphasis that she apparently belongs to Palpatine / is fated to be Palpatine’s. And that the only way to resist that would be to work together. Which makes her decision have a completely different context - join Kylo Ren to end the Sith and start a new dark order, or go alone and become the heir to the Sith. That’s an impossible decision to make.

krlozdac said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

No problem! Hey krylozdac, would you mind drafting up those same tests with these lines instead? I just want to see how it would sound.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HkIoQzFIqkMwVeJ9Hl-k3Q_zAmiOhREA/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ciu5FBt4cltg0hBY4MVA48r_Y7wVw57y/view?usp=sharing

Oh does sound good! I’m gonna try to send it tonight when I’m free.

Btw, what are you using to train the voice?

I used his scene in ROTJ where he talks to Luke on Endor. I also had his scenes in the Death Star 2’s hangar cleared, but I never ended up using those for fear they’d be too echoey.

One problem I’ve already noticed is that I cut out too much of the “blank” space between Vader’s sentences for the sample I uploaded to clone his voice. This means that the sentences end rather abruptly without the proper pauses. I may remedy this if it becomes too great of an issue. For now, you can remedy it somewhat by applying a reverb effect at the tail end of the audio file in Audacity. Or just apply it to the whole thing in your case since he’d be speaking into his head.

But Luke says “like it failed my father” and Kylo responds “Anakin was weak”. That’s a dead giveaway right there (no pun intended).

No problem! Hey krylozdac, would you mind drafting up those same tests with these lines instead? I just want to see how it would sound.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HkIoQzFIqkMwVeJ9Hl-k3Q_zAmiOhREA/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ciu5FBt4cltg0hBY4MVA48r_Y7wVw57y/view?usp=sharing

That’s all very much true. But even in the mainline films it lines up better. Luke tells Vader to come away with him. The last time we heard somebody say that was Padme herself on Mustafar, telling him it’s not too late to run away with her so they can raise their child. But his greed for power and jealousy of Obi-Wan stops him from considering that.

krlozdac said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Yeah, like I said, once I put Kylo wandering through the snow at the beginning in, his line ideally won’t come in too soon. He hears a Sithy whisper, and this puts him on edge as he goes deeper.

A hypothetical first-time viewer wouldn’t know it at the time, but I chose “You are unworthy” because it is meant to refer to the idea that Rey is possibly the superior heir to the Sith throne, at least in Palpatine’s mind. I think it’s best to leave it vague so we can keep that.

The thing about the insecurity of Rey being a worthier Sith heir wouldn’t land with either Kylo Ren or the audience given that as far as he and we are concerned, at this point of the story the Emperor just wants to have her killed. The drama is that instead of doing that he’s planning on having her side with him. It is not revealed till later that Palpatine wants her as the heir. Therefore I think leaning into that at this point of the story is a bit premature.

That would be the case in Ascendant, but not here. The only reference to Palpatine wanting Rey dead in this edit will be at the very beginning. And honestly, it’s not like he’s stating that’s the only way it can go down - “[The Final Order] will be yours, if you do as I ask. Kill the girl. End the Jedi. And become what your grandfather Vader could not. You will rule the galaxy as the new Emperor.”

Everything after “if” is only what is possible should he succeed, it’s not necessarily the only way Palpatine meets his goal here. Kylo’s line of “Palpatine wants you dead” will be replaced with “Palpatine wants me to fight you”. We have to imagine that after Kylo asked “Who is she?” Palpatine clarified that he just wants the two of them to fight to the death for the throne. So, yes, he would be aware of what’s really going on in this scene.

I’d be interested in possibly slotting Vader’s voice onto Mustafar. I think it might need to be a little more subtle than that, though.

Yeah, like I said, once I put Kylo wandering through the snow at the beginning in, his line ideally won’t come in too soon. He hears a Sithy whisper, and this puts him on edge as he goes deeper.

A hypothetical first-time viewer wouldn’t know it at the time, but I chose “You are unworthy” because it is meant to refer to the idea that Rey is possibly the superior heir to the Sith throne, at least in Palpatine’s mind. I think it’s best to leave it vague so we can keep that.

And here is the more “sympathetic” version of Kylo and Luke:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HgkYsih0y1d1D6N3Hfqxvf8jkaN6YCCF/view?usp=sharing

This version hints more at his eventual turn to the light, mostly due to the fact both of his comebacks to Luke are delivered more like delusions he doesn’t even want to believe himself at this point.

Agreed on both fronts. Here is another test:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HnI8y_Diz62HWHn6T7p12_c226L4Y3Z8/view?usp=sharing

But keep in mind I’m (still) yet to add back in the part of him wandering through the snow and hearing a whisper that draws him deeper into the forest. Once that’s in I think most of the pacing issues will be gone. I’m just waiting to add that back in until we’re satisfied with the dialogue.

Hmmm maybe that’s the conundrum that led to a crap excuse like her heart breaking.

The counterargument to you is that Anakin and Padme shared an intense bond. So obviously something like this couldn’t just be performed between two nobodies.

I like ROTS the way it is, but if I had to change one thing it would definitely be that robot’s line. Something like, “We aren’t sure why, but her life energy is fading away”. Just so that it’s clear either Palpatine, or Vader unknowingly, is draining her life force into Anakin so he can be reborn as Darth Vader. If Vader did unintentionally do it due to his angry thoughts dwelling on her that would make the most sense with Palpatine’s next line: “It appears, in your anger, you killed her.” That line doesn’t match him choking her anyways because that was never what she died from in the original. Vader’s next line would then explain that he likely absorbed her life force: “She was alive, I felt it!” Yeah, of course you felt it, you were unintentionally absorbing it so you could stay alive.

Random side note, but I find the “ooooba” part absolutely hilarious. Just another meme to make this movie a true masterpiece.

I know exactly what you mean about the buildup, that’s a great idea. I’ll get to both of these tests some time later today.