Grand Admiral Thrawn

Maybe you could still include the shot of Rey looking at the Death Star. If we have the dialogue, we can have her say “I feel it”.

Which then cuts to the riders approaching.

Finn:
“Got something for us?”

Boolio:
Yeah, sounds like they stumbled upon an old Imperial fleet, at least the spy said so.

Finn:
“A spy? Who?”

Boolio:
I don’t know! Just take the message.

Finn:
“How do we thank you?”

Boolio:
Thank the spy.

Hal 9000 said:

I think one thing that makes restructuring the opening feel wrong is that even though we hear “the Falcon still hasn’t reported in,” we see Poe and Finn appearing to just start their mission. The reason it took so long to get back was because Poe screwed up the Falcon with his shenanigans.

That could also be assumed to be they haven’t reported in to say they got to the ice planet or met up with the spy. Either or 🤷‍♂️

Hal 9000 said:

DZ-330 said:

Here is a very rough mockup of the restructure:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kUZNzMavv6m_hTcBi1yqY4–sQalmApq/view?usp=sharing

Link says I need access. (I requested it.)

Corrected 😉

Here is a very rough mockup of the restructure:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kUZNzMavv6m_hTcBi1yqY4–sQalmApq/view?usp=sharing

poppasketti said:

Something like this?

https://vimeo.com/430068518
pw: fanedit

I also agree with the slight reordering of the opening scenes to break up the Ajan Kloss material! It improves the pacing greatly by making it feel like time is passing, and flows more naturally from the dialogue.

I’m slowly getting convinced that you aren’t human with how quick you pump out new effects lol. Plus the restructure is something I was a strong advisor for.

Kylo: “Who is she?”
Cuts to Rey scene

Allows time to pass

“Still no word from the Falcon”
Cuts to Falcon scene

Falcon gets message from Bolio and we cut to new establishing shot of Ajan Kloss and Rey reading the texts with “Rey, the Falcon’s back!”

I’ll mock something up later for this. I think I have a good idea for fixing the abruptness of the ending of the ice wall scene

Dexter Jettster’s Lab said:

• I’m not a huge fan of the Palpatine “Find Me” with the wayfinder. It buries the lead of the reveal that is about to happen in the very next scene and lays on the device’s purpose a little too thick while the new crawl will already establish that as is.

Yes, this.

If we remove Leia knowing than it would likely be best to also remove her line to Rey of “Rey, never be afraid of who you are.”

DSII Duel using music from Sammuel Kim. Actually seems to fit pretty well:

https://vimeo.com/429842808
PW: fanedit

Hal 9000 said:

JEDIT: There’s a few points that would either be awkward cuts it having to cut out a fair bit of the duel. I’ll probably leave Finn there, just with one or two fewer exclamations if “RAAAAAYYYY”.

I would at least try to remove the two shots where he screams “REYYYYYYY!” and Rey force pushes him and them him getting up.

If you could cut those two shots we would see Finn trying to go to her and saying “I can’t leave her!”.

JEDIT: Finn is on the ground in the shot of Kylo jumping. I guess just see if “REYYYYY!” can go lol

I think this might have gotten lost in the thread but does anyone else have any feedback on cutting the Finn scenes from Rey and Kylo’s duel and have it not cut away except for the Leia moment.

Hal 9000 said:

I would adore any good new shots of ships heading toward planets, lol.

Any shots that can be added showing ships in space heading towards or away from planets would be great. I don’t think there are really any shots like that and they are abundant in the PT and OT.

Chewie’s roar as they head to the ice wall hasn’t been touched; it was like that.

Oh okay, it still feels like it needs something… maybe some other feedback here would be good.

I can try to remove “they fly now,” lol.

Thank you lol

I don’t plan to remove Kylo’s exploding TIE. I’d have to gut the whole sequence, and that won’t help the film’s pacing. These Force users just sort of routinely defy reality.

Not the whole sequence, just the 2 seconds at the end of the shot where it goes up in a ball of flames.

That’s a good point about the heroes leaving Pasaana. If that ship can be seen leaving the planet and maybe entering hyperspace, that’d be cool.

Looking at you poppasketti 😉

Nice idea, i’ll play with quieting the music as Rey tells Finn about her vision.

Glad you’re considering, this movie needs some slower quiet moments.

I’m not going to remove DO’s “sad” or “happy.” 😦 😃

Not all, just the one during 3P0’s speech.

I worry that if I remove the line “You are a Palpatine,” it might not be clear. He’s speaking through the helmet and can be hard to hear. I like the dialogue on paper better without the line, though.

“You have his power, you’re his granddaughter” Rey reacts stunned. Then Kylo talks about their bond and lineage. I feel like it flows better if the audience feels confused and scared like Rey.

The line “two were made” harkens back to Lando stating as much earlier in the movie. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m sure it could be removed easily if it bothers most people.

The line just feels redundant.

Any thoughts about making the lightsaber duel uninterrupted?

I just finished watching though the workprint. A/V-wise, I found no noticeable issues.

Overall:

• This film NEEDS a color correction to remove the ugly blue overtones.
• Try to create some more shots of ships approaching/leaving planets in space to help assist the pacing.

Beginning Chase:

• Get Kauld outta there
• Smooth out the Falcon breaking through the ice wall, it seems like Chewie’s roar cut out too early

Passana:

• PLEASE remove “They fly now?!”
• Remove Finn’s secret for Rey that is never resolved (I personally think it is that he knows she’s a Palpatine. That would explain his “You have no idea what she’s going through… I do and so does Leia” comment on Endor. Maybe if this can be made clearer it would make more sense.
• Remove Kylo’s TIE exploding, how would he survive that?!
• I know this was not in the workprint, but I would strongly suggest keeping Rey’s force lightening blue and not yellow
• If possible, try to create a shot of the heroes escaping Passana on Ochie’s ship. It is very abrupt how the next scene is just them randomly in space somehwere when there was a swarm of TIEs

Kijimi:

• When Rey tells Finn about her vision, maybe remove the build of the louder music, it might work better as a quiet moment between them
• Remove D-0’s “Sad.” during C-3P0’s speech, let it be emotional and not humerous
• Remove mention of Finn’s secret during the almost execution if being removed
• Remove Kylo saying “You are a Palpatine.” when telling Rey who she is

Endor:

• Cut out Finn during the fight and have him only watch Rey fly off in Kylo’s TIE

Anch-To:

• Try to tone down how blue Luke looks and use Jonh’s hair fix
• Remove Rey’s “Two were made.” line as we know this and we don’t need extra exposition… sigh

Ending:

• Add Ben’s ghost

Hal 9000 said:

…a first workprint, to see whether it feels right. Which may or may not be encoding right now.

I would definitely be able to view it this week and provide feedback. Please send a PM if this is actually the case 😉

Hal, you were my inspiration to get into fanediting! Your cuts will be what my family watches for years to come. Wishing you the best of luck when all this is said and done.

Or better yet… hold out hope that @jonh can make a Shaw-version of his amazing scene!

Couldn’t sleep so I mocked it up haha

Ending with switched up music, here’s my take:
https://vimeo.com/425012849

That line delivery of Rey Skywalker is so much better and more meaningful. I would’ve bought that in the theater. I would suggest maybe pulling the end credits music up a little earlier, seems like it starts just a little bit too late. Also maybe just leave it without music until the 0:44 second mark if possible. The silence could be a little more impactful and the music builds as Rey moves on to her next journey with the crew.

“WE ARE THE SENATE!”

Here is another take on the crawl based off of Hal’s most recent draft. The Kimji scenes make it seem like the galaxy has no hope. Poe’s rally speech makes it seem like this is the one chance for everyone to band together. So why make it seem like they have already done so in the crawl? It makes Lando’s arrival have more impact later.

EPISODE IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Countless systems have been enslaved
by the dreaded FIRST ORDER. Fear is
everywhere, hope is fading.

General Leia Organa, troubled by
visions of an unseen threat, has
dispatched her brave agents to
investigate. While Rey, the last hope
of the JEDI, continues her training.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
scours the galaxy, chasing whispers
of a hidden power that would allow
him to destroy any challenge
to his rule…

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical FIRST ORDER has
silenced all communication between
neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,
haunted by visions in the FORCE, seeks
to find the hidden power of his former
master on the planet Mustafar, determined
to destroy any threat to his rule…

I like explaining how Kylo is feeling first, then his actions and intentions. It just feels like it flows… better-ish.

kewlfish said:

Man, you design some very well done crawls! Only thing I think I would add is Kylo’s title as Supreme Leader and to capitalize “FORCE”

Here ya go then lol

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising, the
tyrannical FIRST ORDER has silenced all
communication between neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,
haunted by visions in the FORCE, seeks
to find the hidden power of his former
master, determined to destroy any
threat to his rule…

This community is amazing. If it was that good in the theater I would have been STOKED when I left.

Here’s another stab at the opening crawl:

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising, the
tyrannical FIRST ORDER has silenced all
communication between neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Kylo Ren, haunted by visions
in the force, seeks to find the hidden power
of his former master. Determine to destroy
any threat to his rule…

Let us figure out what Rey and Leia are up to in the movie itself. Use the crawl to explain what has happened since TLJ and the state of the galaxy.

The restructure was just idea to do something different. But I am all for whatever makes this movie more watchable. If you are set on leaving the structure as is, I’ll see if I can focus my creativity elsewhere in the movie!