…a first workprint, to see whether it feels right. Which may or may not be encoding right now.
I would definitely be able to view it this week and provide feedback. Please send a PM if this is actually the case 😉
Hal, you were my inspiration to get into fanediting! Your cuts will be what my family watches for years to come. Wishing you the best of luck when all this is said and done.
Or better yet… hold out hope that @jonh can make a Shaw-version of his amazing scene!
Couldn’t sleep so I mocked it up haha
Ending with switched up music, here’s my take:
https://vimeo.com/425012849
That line delivery of Rey Skywalker is so much better and more meaningful. I would’ve bought that in the theater. I would suggest maybe pulling the end credits music up a little earlier, seems like it starts just a little bit too late. Also maybe just leave it without music until the 0:44 second mark if possible. The silence could be a little more impactful and the music builds as Rey moves on to her next journey with the crew.
“WE ARE THE SENATE!”
Here is another take on the crawl based off of Hal’s most recent draft. The Kimji scenes make it seem like the galaxy has no hope. Poe’s rally speech makes it seem like this is the one chance for everyone to band together. So why make it seem like they have already done so in the crawl? It makes Lando’s arrival have more impact later.
EPISODE IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
Countless systems have been enslaved
by the dreaded FIRST ORDER. Fear is
everywhere, hope is fading.
General Leia Organa, troubled by
visions of an unseen threat, has
dispatched her brave agents to
investigate. While Rey, the last hope
of the JEDI, continues her training.
Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
scours the galaxy, chasing whispers
of a hidden power that would allow
him to destroy any challenge
to his rule…
Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.
To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical FIRST ORDER has
silenced all communication between
neighboring systems.
Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,
haunted by visions in the FORCE, seeks
to find the hidden power of his former
master on the planet Mustafar, determined
to destroy any threat to his rule…
I like explaining how Kylo is feeling first, then his actions and intentions. It just feels like it flows… better-ish.
Man, you design some very well done crawls! Only thing I think I would add is Kylo’s title as Supreme Leader and to capitalize “FORCE”
Here ya go then lol
Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.
To suffocate this growing uprising, the
tyrannical FIRST ORDER has silenced all
communication between neighboring systems.
Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,
haunted by visions in the FORCE, seeks
to find the hidden power of his former
master, determined to destroy any
threat to his rule…
This community is amazing. If it was that good in the theater I would have been STOKED when I left.
Here’s another stab at the opening crawl:
Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.
To suffocate this growing uprising, the
tyrannical FIRST ORDER has silenced all
communication between neighboring systems.
Meanwhile, Kylo Ren, haunted by visions
in the force, seeks to find the hidden power
of his former master. Determine to destroy
any threat to his rule…
Let us figure out what Rey and Leia are up to in the movie itself. Use the crawl to explain what has happened since TLJ and the state of the galaxy.
The restructure was just idea to do something different. But I am all for whatever makes this movie more watchable. If you are set on leaving the structure as is, I’ll see if I can focus my creativity elsewhere in the movie!
How do you make your crawls? Any chance you could switch “Tros” to “The Last Hope” for me?
I don’t, I just type them out and hope one of the better editors likes my writing more and uses it haha 😄
Edit: Though Hal and DominicCobb make good points about the spy message. Hmm.
I just posted an updated crawl that fixes this issue. 😉
But isn’t the Resistance disseminating intel they got in the first scene before the FO should have had it to begin with?
I am making some updates to the crawl to reflect that:
Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
Hope! The galaxy has united after
the heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
against the dreaded FIRST ORDER.
Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, haunted by a
mysterious broadcast, rages in search of a
new enemy on the hidden planet of EXEGOL,
determined to destroy any threat to his rule.
Meanwhile, General Leia Organa has dispatched
her brave agents to intercept this dark message,
certain that it may give them a fighting chance
to end the conflict…
Now… the First Order and Kylo have already heard Palpatine’s message before the Falcon even meets with Boolio (as in the original version of the film) solving the problem you stated. Kylo now knows that Palpatine is on Exogol and gives him motivation for searching for the Wayfinder on Mustafar to find the planet Exogol and Palpatine. The message that the Resistance is hearing is the same as the First Order, that Palps is on Exogol with his fleet and he’s come for revenge. Rey’s journey then mirrors Kylo’s as she hears of Palpatine, and begins searching for the Wayfinder 😃
Respects to: idir_hh, poppasketti, Dominic_Cobb
Restructure 2.0
Putting it all together
https://vimeo.com/420424145
PW: fanedit
The restructure was interesting and has a lot going for it, but you’re right that this thing is a Gordian knot. And there’d have to be something in his helmet vision to bring him to being FIRED UP when we see him next.
Better yet, just remove the helmet vision from the restructure and have it be the Rey only vision that someone here mocked up. Can’t remember who that was 😦
Okay so here is the updated crawl with adjustments to fix the issue regarding opening the movie with the heroes finding the message BEFORE we see the Kylo meeting Palpatine intro, and not introducing Palpatine in the crawl:
Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
Hope! The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
against the dreaded FIRST ORDER.
Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, haunted by
visions in the force, rages in search
of a hidden enemy, determined to
destroy any threat to his rule.
Meanwhile, General Leia Organa has
dispatched her brave agents to intercept
a mysterious broadcast from the First
Order. A threat of REVENGE from a
sinister voice of the past…
Intercepting the Message -> Rey Training -> Mustafar/Palps -> Falcon returns and briefing
We would remove Kylo during Rey’s vision and open with him on Mustafar later, it is then him searching for the Wayfinder to confirm the message the First Order received and to find Exogol and Palpatine.
As the audience, we can assume the message they received is the Fortnite broadcast.
But why would they have to “decode” a message that everybody just heard in plain English?
If we make the message about a hidden fleet and have the fortnite broadcast it will be confirming what they just heard.
If we could sandwich in a scene of palpatine’s broadcast in between rey asking what’s the message and the meeting it would work. Poe’s first line in that scene is “We’ve decoded the message, and it confirms the worst. Palpatine has returned.”
Damn it you’re right. I swear this movie is impossible to work with. Unless we cut out that it WAS the message. We could assume that they heard Palpatine’s broadcast. As much as Hal said he isn’t going to put that in the movie I feel it is almost too essential to not include.
The info is not about Palps, it’s can be about rumors of a hidden Imperial fleet. Or whatever else. Do we ever really see any messages in Star Wars except for Leia’s original one? 😉
To me that scene has always felt like it has been there to establish Hux’s role in the film.
Opening with the secret message scene is very reminding of a James Bond opening where we see him on the end of a different mission
Here is a rough markup of my restructure idea, audio and video needs work but I don’t think this is anything that the amazing team of editors here cannot accomplish. I do think the first shot of the Falcon flying by can be cleaned up a lot (looking at you @poppasketti haha). But overall, I feel like this structure allows for a better crawl on the state of the galaxy, not as fast of pacing at the start, and allows for the Mustafar scene to stay in. I wouldn’t also mind switching up Rey’s vision to eliminate Kylo, but that allows him to communicate with the Vader mask before the Mustafar and Palpatine scenes. Let me know your thoughts on this!
Link
PW: fanedit
UPDATED POST POSTED LATER
I think I may have found a good way to restructure the opening of the film. I am doing a mock now and will post a little later today!