EddieDean

I think one of Nev’s intentions was to make it explicit that SOME senators are clandestinely supporting the resistance - without the Republic officially supporting it.

That’s really clear and good! The movie doesn’t really deliver on ‘maybe Luke’s deep in First Order territory’ but I don’t think it matters - it’s an interesting hook and implies that the FO have a good region of control.

That’s lovely - but I think the middle sentence has a little ambiguity at the end with how it’s broken by commas. I might just lightly rearrange it:

Fearing that the sinister
FIRST ORDER, heir to the
fallen Galactic Empire,
are behind this catastrophe,
a few desperate Senators
have secretly called upon
an intrepid RESISTANCE
to search for the last Jedi
in their domain of evil.

I’d also perhaps change ‘his’ darkening stars to ‘the’, just to remove the personal connection.

Huge congratulations!

As promised, I’m now watching through TBB, so I can put together thoughts for you from an editing perspective.

I’ve just started with the final three episodes of season one, and the first three of season two, to remind myself where season one ends up going as I commence my rewatch.

Thoughts:

• In terms of the key plotline, season one’s focus is primarily on the transition from Republic to Empire. There’s a lot of content on that theme, all of which is fine, but much of which in isolation isn’t too vital. But, the main throughline of Kaminoan-Imperial politics, internal Kaminoan politics, clones being phased out/replaced by stormtroopers, Tarkin, and Rampart, is very good, and I think represents the spine of the season worth keeping as much of as possible.
• In terms of the character plots, obviously the Batch themselves are key, in particular their relationship with Crosshair.
• Thankfully, both Crosshair and the Imperial/Kaminoan plots are largely unconnected from our Batch stories, so a lot of those scenes from otherwise unused episodes can be used pretty freely.
• For the Batch, they do need to have distinct and strong personalities, so I would preserve as much of the episodes which demonstrate their individuality and character as much as possible, but that doesn’t need to emerge from their more stereotypical behaviours, especially when used for humour. But I’d be mindful to keep their character in focus.
• Omega is a little tricky. She’s not awful, but she’s been fairly criticised as sometimes dangerously overestimating her abilities and taking risks, as well as a little too childlike for even a young clone. She is a good character and ultimately the heart of the show, but I think we can afford to give her the Grogu treatment - allowing her to stay a little more in the background, with character development shown a little more slowly. That said, people have also noted that a lot of the time she’s left behind, later causing problems, or taken along, later causing problems. I think some of that could be solved by dialogue trims - specifically having her be less argumentative when ordered to stay behind. It might strengthen her character if she’s a little more military/obedient, as if she recognises that certain missions are beyond her capabilities. I’d imagine most of the young male Jango clones would have behaved the same during their early training. I’d still preserve all of her key moments and more valuable dialogue with the other clones about who she is - but perhaps have her a little more comfortably junior given her level of experience. I’d also have her be a bit less anxious/worried/impatient in some scenes, for the same reasons.
• Cid needs to be established but doesn’t have much development, so doesn’t need to be in huge focus.
• I’d seek to preserve anything that ties back to or develops other key locations or characters - Rex, Cody, AZI, Ryloth, Cad Bane, etc.
• The other thing I noticed even in these six key episodes I watched, was that the show is very action heavy, even more so than Clone Wars, and, as much as I hate the word, it feels like some of their missions do contain a good amount of “padding” especially when they’re travelling from A to B within a mission. Sometimes I think whole sequences could be trimmed, removing a few steps from their plans/journeys, to get us to the meat a little more swiftly.

Finally, on those episodes I watched, I think all six were pretty vital (obviously, since they’re finales/premieres). The Gregor episode features Gregor (from TCW and Rebels) but also gets Hunter captured, transitioning neatly into the two-part finale. The very final episode of season one could probably do with some condensing, with a bit less travel and some combining of the scenes where the Batch and Crosshairs talk. As for the three episodes which opened season two, they were all pretty decent. The third episode could probably be woven nicely into the other two, since it’s a Crosshair/Cody story without the Batch, having Rampart’s execution of the clone on Serenno coming before his second scene where he shows doubt in Crosshair - doubt he doesn’t show in their first scene together.

Anyway, now I’ll go rewatch the earlier episodes with all this in mind!

Love this. I added the Anakin/Padmé scene to the first of my Siege of Mandalore episodes, so it kicks off that storyline. The scene ends with Anakin going off to battle - which in this context is instead the opening battle of that arc, so a simple wipe carries us through.

Oh that is really neat!

I watched your episode zero (taken from the Clone Wars series’ Bad Batch arc) and it’s all you could hope for. The original content isn’t particularly strong, but you’ve cut it exactly right, trimming the fat and keeping the focus on the Bad Batch characters. It worked as an example Bad Batch mission (introducing them all through the lens of Rex, and with Echo as the emotional core), and I was glad you completely removed the final episode for pacing and focus, using only its ending.

It works far better as an episode of the Bad Batch than it did as a Clone Wars episode, so I was glad you cut the Anakin/Padmé content (especially since I still used just those scenes in my TCW:Refocused edit elsewhere), and the Anakin/Mace content (which wasn’t very additive, except for the scene of Anakin killing Trench, which I also would have cut from this or TCW:R anyway as it’s too similar to other things we’ve seen in TCW, and Trench doesn’t need to be a major villain.

I have only three minor ideas you might want to consider:

1. Opening with a subtitle saying “Shortly before the end of the Clone Wars” or similar, to just clarify when this is set if you’re picking the show up after TCW/ROTS (which I reckon anyone should).
2. Since I’m a big fan of skipping the Citadel arc (as it’s just not very strong, despite Tarkin’s appearance and Echo’s death), and it’d be a while since the viewer had watched that anyway if they were watching in chronological order, I would look for an opportunity to include Echo’s death as a very brief flashback - perhaps during the scene you cut with Rex pondering over a helmet. I’m mainly asking this because it’d help me personally - some do want Citadel included in TCW:R, just for that scene alone, but it’s so throwaway - but it could add value to this episode since this is the first point in the overarching story when it becomes relevant, and you do have a good scene to embed it in.
3. This is a bit of a longer shot, but you could end this episode on TBB#1’s opening, the newsreel (perhaps without the newscaster’s narration), to effectively bring us up out of this episode’s extended flashback and back up to speed. That’d get that out of the way, allowing TBB#1 to begin on the actual drama, not an extended intro.

WitchDR said:

[Snip]

Sorry for the late reply on this one! I will be doing extended episodes for some (mainly reinserting action sequences in longer arcs) but I don’t think I will for Mortis. It’s one of the few radical changes I’ve made that I think is really warranted - I’m passionate about my frustrations with the original episodes and I’m very proud of what I’ve been able to do to strike a middle ground.

Yes, it doesn’t make masses of sense now, but it does make Lynchian dream-sense, while still giving us the takeaways we need for the wider plot. The removal of motive for the Mortis Gods is extremely deliberate - should Vader in Luke’s Dagobah vision have a motive? No, he’s a vision-being.

With the Order 66 arc, I feel you. That was a tricky cut. The problem was, if we want to preserve Tup’s original escape, it’s loads of boring minutes of additional scenes required as a consequence. I know it’s not ideal, but at least with this new way it is addressed, via that line of dialogue and some reestabilshing shots to show time passing.

I probably won’t do Bad Batch #0 now, since Acbagel has gone and done that as part of his wider Bad Batch edit, which is really where that episode belongs. The scene that’s relevant to TCW in that episode is preserved by my edit.

I don’t intend to do Citadel, or at least, it’s very low down the priority list. Yes, Echo ‘dies’ in it, but in the most throwaway way. He’s not a main character in the arc, given no presence or development, then a casual explosion kills him and another clone shouts ‘Echoooo!’, after which nobody mentions it again. I don’t think it’s worth including the episode just for that throwaway scene, when others can reference Echo’s death later. The arc itself, while it has some good Anakin/Tarkin moments, is fairly poor too. That said, it’s the highest of the ‘low priority’ episodes, I suppose!

honestabe said:

[Snip]

I see what you’re saying, but like Peonthegrate, I think these should stay as is. I’ve taken out a lot of spoilery content from The Cosmic/Living Force, with the rest I think only really serving as an obvious spoiler if you already know it.

Things like Anakin helping Yoda escape are the kind of plotlines I can’t really change. There’re a few of these, where you need to get characters from A to B, but don’t have any alternatives. I can’t make this show perfect - only better than the original presentation.

Haris123 said:

When it comes to new ordering of episodes should I follow what the spreadsheet says for watch order or the label of the file itself? Also where would revenge of the dith fit best in a watch order with your refocused clone wars?

Follow the spreadsheet over the file labels. RotS is listed in season 5 as if it’s an episode, which should guide you regarding when to watch it.

Yes please! ❤️

That really works for me. Super clean.

Ah, sure, hook me up ❤️

This sounds really strong, I’d like a copy please!

Maybe the New Republic is simply struggling after the fall of the Galactic Empire? The Republic slowly and then quickly transitioned its governmental apparatus into becoming the Empire, ruled under extreme military bureaucracy for twenty years, then collapsed. A New Republic wouldn’t necessarily have recovered to anything like the strength of the old Republic in that time.

The only issue I can see with this approach is that it implies too much public knowledge of Luke (and implicitly the Jedi). At this point in time, the Jedi are supposed to be believed to be long dead, fallen into myth, and Luke’s absence is only impactful to those who knew of him- the OT cast and their close allies, and the most senior Sith.

I think it can be the triggering incident behind the return of the First Order at a stretch, but I don’t think it should cause New Republic chaos or its government’s response.

yoshif8tures said:

I have perused the rebels soundtrack and this track has some nice beats for the opening

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gkkjBKxudPw&list=PLFrhxV7RCO4S5JUwW6mi0t5xYl2fEeFmi&index=2

This would make a great track for the end credits.

Goob, I’d advise, have a listen through the Rebels soundtrack. There’ll be versions of the core songs, some of which will have nice punctual bursts where you can flip to the logo and/or episode name. Same to find a suitable fade-to-end credits track. Then, fit the timings of intro text/end credits to that, and it’ll feel slick.

Haha, that’s beautiful!

I tell EVERYONE I’m into editing - “So, you should be aware, I’m a huge nerd and there’s like this one Star Wars cartoon that wasn’t as good as a bunch of other stuff, so I spent two years turning 137 variable quality episodes into 46 good ones, I promise I’m cool as well though.” I’m always holding up Ascendent as the pinnacle of what he community achieved.

Hmm, I suppose I could add that into the “extended” list. Wouldn’t be too hard to maintain an alternative for.

Warhorn said:

This looks amazing! Can you please send me a PM with the link? Thank you in advance 😃

Hi Warhorn, instructions for how to get this are available at the top of the original post.

Thanks, VulgarisMagistralis! I really appreciate this. Have you seen the original show?

You’ve picked out a few of my more radical ideas for this season, so I’m interested to hear others’ thoughts on whether you agree with Vulgaris that I’ve gone too far here. My intention with all of these more broadly was to remove some of that early ‘anthology’ feel and try to have season one feel a bit more cohesive - perhaps I have failed in that and this all feels too fan-edity?

Specific comments:

• On 5, I think this is a necessary evil. The original arc had a very odd structure, where in the first episode the team fail then succeed, becoming “the best team ever”. But then they’re placed on the Rishi moon, which is clearly a lesser posting, but through a few team sacrifices they become Arc Troopers. And then finally they help at Kamino and rejoin the 501st. My intention was to smooth this out - having them fail their training and have the lesser posting at Rishi be a punishment. But THEN, through perserverance and sacrifice, and the success at Kamino, they become Arc Troopers of the 501st in response to all of that. To me, that feels like a smoother three-act structure for them, but I’m interested to know how others feel about how well that lands.
• On 7, this is definitely valid. Mainly I’m doing it to explain her absence in that episode, which I do a few times in season one. To my mind it’s valuable for making the season cohesive, but again, I don’t know. The scene doesn’t work great as an ending, taking away from their victories, but I probably could do it well enough.
• On 8, I think it’s necessary to get Nightsisters going ASAP, since we make Maul the spine of the show. Sure the characters change models, but it’s not unreasonable they they change outfits, is it?
• On 10, that’s interesting. I’d hoped to emphasise two things here: That after learning that the Sith Lord is interested in force-sensitive kids, Ahsoka has taken it upon herself to invest in the future of the force - a role she takes in both Rebels and Mandalorian. And secondly, that clearly (offscreen) Anakin has been teaching her about his adventures (and in this one, he struggles without his lightsaber).

More voices would be appreciated here, if this content is jarring (for the hypothetical first-time viewer) I’ll have to revisit the work.

I haven’t told anyone this yet, and nobody’s mentioned it, but when I couldnt’ find real concept art… I cheated 😉

Right, I’ve just watched

Book 5

So here’s some feedback!

Firstly, a bit of a review. This was absolutely brilliant. People had a lot of issues with the Boba show, and your edit fixes them immensely. The mods are minimised, the characterisation and action is way tighter, it’s fantastic. And as much as the flashback content was cool, focusing on the present day keeps the Boba story tight and focused. (Plus, mixing flashbacks with earlier Mando content as you have in other movies works best.) If you wanted a movie version fixing all of those things as your ‘Mando season 2.5’, this is the one. The content from the original episode 7 in particular was impeccable, so this whole thing just ends on a real high. So like your other movies already for me, this is archival.

Onwards to considerations! I’ve also reviewed all of the original episodes in parallel. And none of these are vital - the movie absolutely works excellently as it stands.

• I do think the scene of Boba taking Bib Fortuna’s throne works better as the previous movie’s stinger than this movie’s opening. It just has the feeling of a “tune in next season”. I’d potentially still start on a flashback, but you have other options, such as Fennec and Boba’s fireside chat where he talks about wanting to build a house, or even a little ‘previously on’ supercut.
• Opening on Boba already respected in the town was a great move, though the prior scene mentions that people are “lined up” to see Boba, which we don’t then see as he’s walking the street. I don’t know if there’s some other content showing respect you could play prior to the street walk, or perhaps that line just needs cut, but it felt a little bit like “oh, we’re not seeing that then”. You definitely did the right thing to use the original line up content at the end though, so I wouldn’t revert that.
• I really enjoyed your cut to the would-be assassin in the street. Knocks a guy to the floor then we cut to him in Boba’s palace. However, I don’t know if the palace scene is necessary - there’s no key content there that couldn’t be implied by just cutting to them frog marching him to the mayor, and you’d skip the weird implication that they dropped him into the rancor pit and he somehow didn’t die (since we see later that he does currently have a rancor). That scene’s also a bit odd since Boba says the prisoner needs his head, but then drops him into the pit, which isn’t specifically a head-removing act.
• There’s a good line from Fennec at 03:00 in episode s01e03, “The mayor has no power, somebody else is behind that play.” Could be useful in a few locations in your movie to emphasise that it all links back to the Pykes.
• I really liked how you handled the mods throughout. Absolutely minimal, and they were played in a way where Boba kind of got them because he was desperate but also in a way that he wasn’t entirely taking them seriously. I think everyone assuming they’re pretty crap (because they look like shit) and then having them turn out to be passable in the final fight makes them way more acceptable than badass teenagers who Boba actually respects from the beginning. To that end though, I think a better placement for them would be AFTER the other local crime lords agree to neutrality but no support. That way, he has no good options for allies, so literally just picks up these goofy looking kids off the street to act as local lookouts and little more. The only thing you’d have to cut to achieve this is the mod who appears on the phone when the Pykes arrive in force, which I think you could do without comfortably. It lines up neatly with your intentions, I think.
• The first cut from Boba to Mando didn’t feel ‘heavy’ enough, the music didn’t really carry the transition there. Maybe adding Mando’s theme over the transition is the right move here. It also felt a bit weird placed as the answer to the question “if not us, then who?”, since that isn’t really the role Mando plays… it’s supposed to be rhetorical and imply that, yes, it should be Boba.
• That said, I’m not sure if we really need that bounty hunting scene, though I appreciate it’s where Mando gets the leg wound. But perhaps then we don’t need the scene where he turns it in - since we’re cutting away to Boba maybe he turns it in offscreen, and then we pick back up with him on the same location heading to his culvert.
• The focus on Garsa’s Sanctuary instead of anything with the Twins was great. I felt a little like we ducked in and out of Garsa’s a little too frequently, but I think a slightly modified intercutting with Mando’s content just to pace those visits out a little more might remedy that nicely, as it’s clearly a place that’s good for connecting to the pulse of the town.
• Speaking of which then, there were a couple of places where I felt we spent a little too long on Mando before cutting back. The scene where Mando talks to the Armorer and then they forge the spear into Grogu’s armour could have been two scenes, letting us cut back to Boba sooner.
• I’d reintroduce the first scene of Cobb, from s01e06. It gives good context on what the Pykes are actually doing, and also explains why he draws their ire. Early-middle of the movie feels about right to me.
• I loved how you used the rancor, but I think we need to explain to the audience that this is an all-new one after Jabba’s original was killed in ROTJ. Just a line where he references it would be useful. Perhaps just using a fuller version of the assassin-rancor scene, without revealing that there is none, but having Fennec call it the “new” rancor? [audio: “n” + “you” if you can’t find “new”, and “ny” from “any” might help smooth that too.] I agree with your cutting of the training scene though, since Mandalorians both in the lore and in the TV shows are already shown to have great beast taming skill, so the suprise reveal near the end of the movie works best this way.
• I don’t think we need to show the armorer giving Mando Grogu’s chainmail wrapped in cloth, since it’s clear that he’s having something forged “what shall we forge…?” I also don’t think we need to see Mando getting on the space bus (him arriving on Tattooine on one is plenty), but that said, there’s nothing weak about the scene, it is kind of fascinating. I’m mostly presenting these just for an extra consideration pass.
• I’m not sure if it’s because you cut something from the dialogue, but I found Viszla’s anger in his fight with Mando to be a bit out of left field. It didn’t seem super well justified, and as it stands it would feel more appropriate if he was just seeking to test himself honourably and respecfully.
• I’m not sure if we need the chase between the mods and majordomo - perhaps majordomo just successfully does a runner and the main characters work out why? Not sure if that’d work though. Maybe even more trims to the chase could work, as if the mods have set up an ambush in anticipation? Or maybe we cut the scene very early and a little differently, to imply that Boba sees the Mayor is gone before the majordomo tries to escape, implying they keep him captured? Or, just use his dialogue “The mayor’s gone, he’s working with the Pykes” as he’s standing during that discussion, but when we don’t see his face, and imply he stuck around with Boba after that, either under duress or not.
• I’d maybe re-add the comments between Fennec and Mando about Boba having weak forces - I think it is relevant to the final fight (and also emphasises how they don’t expect much from the mods, as the audience also don’t.)
• The explosion at Garsa’s could have done with more tense music before it happened, if possible. The moment felt just a little too chill for the sudden explosion. I know the explosion is intended as a suprise, but I’d have added just a hint of “something’s not right”.
• I’d split between the explosion at Garsa’s and Boba and Fennec showing up. We cut away to a few other plots around this time, I’m sure something can fit into this slot to let it breathe.
• I did think we spent too long rebuilding the N1 starfighter, testing it, and dealing with the Republic. In context, this all slowed us down from the meat of the episode. It’s all nice content but for a movie it felt like too much distraction for me.
• When the crew show up at Garsa’s bombed-out place for the second time (weird that they go in and out twice too, I thought…) I’m not sure if you made a couple of cuts but this was the only scene which felt a little edited. When Mando draws the gun, and when Cad Bane shows up, in particular.
• Smudger had a good idea and used Fennec’s “Hello Bane” and Bane’s “Fennec Shand” from their meeting in the Bad Batch as Fennec leaves the bombed sanctuary.
• Finally, a slightly separate thing. Ending on an extended epilogue of Luke did kind of work fine (though I might have wrapped up all of the Boba stuff with the new respect before catching up with Mando at all). And in fact, now I think about it, the earlier Luke moment kind of distracted from the Boba focus earlier in the movie too. However, maybe this movie doesn’t want the Luke/Grogu/Mando content at all? Maybe you release just an intermission, call it Book 5.5, for this? (As an even more separate thing, I don’t think Mando episode 12 fits in either the preceding or following movie either, so I’d have that as intermission 3.5 too.) I appreciate that’s a little odd, making this five movies and two intermissions, but I think ultimately it gives a balanced viewing experience where the movies get to really excel with movie pacing, but a couple of short bitesize episodes complete the story. That said, it does totally work as is.

As before, I’ve gone through your changelog and love every other change you made. LOADS of extremely smart stuff.