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DZ-330

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Join date
22-Dec-2016
Last activity
28-Sep-2020
Posts
333

Post History

Post
#1355545
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Hal 9000 said:

JEDIT: There’s a few points that would either be awkward cuts it having to cut out a fair bit of the duel. I’ll probably leave Finn there, just with one or two fewer exclamations if “RAAAAAYYYY”.

I would at least try to remove the two shots where he screams “REYYYYYYY!” and Rey force pushes him and them him getting up.

If you could cut those two shots we would see Finn trying to go to her and saying “I can’t leave her!”.

JEDIT: Finn is on the ground in the shot of Kylo jumping. I guess just see if “REYYYYY!” can go lol

Post
#1355408
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Hal 9000 said:

I would adore any good new shots of ships heading toward planets, lol.

Any shots that can be added showing ships in space heading towards or away from planets would be great. I don’t think there are really any shots like that and they are abundant in the PT and OT.

Chewie’s roar as they head to the ice wall hasn’t been touched; it was like that.

Oh okay, it still feels like it needs something… maybe some other feedback here would be good.

I can try to remove “they fly now,” lol.

Thank you lol

I don’t plan to remove Kylo’s exploding TIE. I’d have to gut the whole sequence, and that won’t help the film’s pacing. These Force users just sort of routinely defy reality.

Not the whole sequence, just the 2 seconds at the end of the shot where it goes up in a ball of flames.

That’s a good point about the heroes leaving Pasaana. If that ship can be seen leaving the planet and maybe entering hyperspace, that’d be cool.

Looking at you poppasketti 😉

Nice idea, i’ll play with quieting the music as Rey tells Finn about her vision.

Glad you’re considering, this movie needs some slower quiet moments.

I’m not going to remove DO’s “sad” or “happy.” 😦 😃

Not all, just the one during 3P0’s speech.

I worry that if I remove the line “You are a Palpatine,” it might not be clear. He’s speaking through the helmet and can be hard to hear. I like the dialogue on paper better without the line, though.

“You have his power, you’re his granddaughter” Rey reacts stunned. Then Kylo talks about their bond and lineage. I feel like it flows better if the audience feels confused and scared like Rey.

The line “two were made” harkens back to Lando stating as much earlier in the movie. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m sure it could be removed easily if it bothers most people.

The line just feels redundant.

Any thoughts about making the lightsaber duel uninterrupted?

Post
#1355395
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

I just finished watching though the workprint. A/V-wise, I found no noticeable issues.

Overall:

  • This film NEEDS a color correction to remove the ugly blue overtones.
  • Try to create some more shots of ships approaching/leaving planets in space to help assist the pacing.

Beginning Chase:

  • Get Kauld outta there
  • Smooth out the Falcon breaking through the ice wall, it seems like Chewie’s roar cut out too early

Passana:

  • PLEASE remove “They fly now?!”
  • Remove Finn’s secret for Rey that is never resolved (I personally think it is that he knows she’s a Palpatine. That would explain his “You have no idea what she’s going through… I do and so does Leia” comment on Endor. Maybe if this can be made clearer it would make more sense.
  • Remove Kylo’s TIE exploding, how would he survive that?!
  • I know this was not in the workprint, but I would strongly suggest keeping Rey’s force lightening blue and not yellow
  • If possible, try to create a shot of the heroes escaping Passana on Ochie’s ship. It is very abrupt how the next scene is just them randomly in space somehwere when there was a swarm of TIEs

Kijimi:

  • When Rey tells Finn about her vision, maybe remove the build of the louder music, it might work better as a quiet moment between them
  • Remove D-0’s “Sad.” during C-3P0’s speech, let it be emotional and not humerous
  • Remove mention of Finn’s secret during the almost execution if being removed
  • Remove Kylo saying “You are a Palpatine.” when telling Rey who she is

Endor:

  • Cut out Finn during the fight and have him only watch Rey fly off in Kylo’s TIE

Anch-To:

  • Try to tone down how blue Luke looks and use Jonh’s hair fix
  • Remove Rey’s “Two were made.” line as we know this and we don’t need extra exposition… sigh

Ending:

  • Add Ben’s ghost
Post
#1351377
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

That line delivery of Rey Skywalker is so much better and more meaningful. I would’ve bought that in the theater. I would suggest maybe pulling the end credits music up a little earlier, seems like it starts just a little bit too late. Also maybe just leave it without music until the 0:44 second mark if possible. The silence could be a little more impactful and the music builds as Rey moves on to her next journey with the crew.

Post
#1347719
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Here is another take on the crawl based off of Hal’s most recent draft. The Kimji scenes make it seem like the galaxy has no hope. Poe’s rally speech makes it seem like this is the one chance for everyone to band together. So why make it seem like they have already done so in the crawl? It makes Lando’s arrival have more impact later.


EPISODE IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Countless systems have been enslaved
by the dreaded FIRST ORDER. Fear is
everywhere, hope is fading.

General Leia Organa, troubled by
visions of an unseen threat, has
dispatched her brave agents to
investigate. While Rey, the last hope
of the JEDI, continues her training.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
scours the galaxy, chasing whispers
of a hidden power that would allow
him to destroy any challenge
to his rule…

Post
#1347308
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising,
the tyrannical FIRST ORDER has
silenced all communication between
neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,
haunted by visions in the FORCE, seeks
to find the hidden power of his former
master on the planet Mustafar, determined
to destroy any threat to his rule…


I like explaining how Kylo is feeling first, then his actions and intentions. It just feels like it flows… better-ish.

Post
#1347301
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

kewlfish said:

Man, you design some very well done crawls! Only thing I think I would add is Kylo’s title as Supreme Leader and to capitalize “FORCE”

Here ya go then lol

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising, the
tyrannical FIRST ORDER has silenced all
communication between neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,
haunted by visions in the FORCE, seeks
to find the hidden power of his former
master, determined to destroy any
threat to his rule…

Post
#1347256
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Here’s another stab at the opening crawl:


Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
in the name of RESISTANCE.

To suffocate this growing uprising, the
tyrannical FIRST ORDER has silenced all
communication between neighboring systems.

Meanwhile, Kylo Ren, haunted by visions
in the force, seeks to find the hidden power
of his former master. Determine to destroy
any threat to his rule…


Let us figure out what Rey and Leia are up to in the movie itself. Use the crawl to explain what has happened since TLJ and the state of the galaxy.

Post
#1347003
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Hal 9000 said:

But isn’t the Resistance disseminating intel they got in the first scene before the FO should have had it to begin with?

I am making some updates to the crawl to reflect that:

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Hope! The galaxy has united after
the heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
against the dreaded FIRST ORDER.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, haunted by a
mysterious broadcast, rages in search of a
new enemy on the hidden planet of EXEGOL,
determined to destroy any threat to his rule.

Meanwhile, General Leia Organa has dispatched
her brave agents to intercept this dark message,
certain that it may give them a fighting chance
to end the conflict…

Now… the First Order and Kylo have already heard Palpatine’s message before the Falcon even meets with Boolio (as in the original version of the film) solving the problem you stated. Kylo now knows that Palpatine is on Exogol and gives him motivation for searching for the Wayfinder on Mustafar to find the planet Exogol and Palpatine. The message that the Resistance is hearing is the same as the First Order, that Palps is on Exogol with his fleet and he’s come for revenge. Rey’s journey then mirrors Kylo’s as she hears of Palpatine, and begins searching for the Wayfinder 😃

Post
#1346941
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Hal 9000 said:

The restructure was interesting and has a lot going for it, but you’re right that this thing is a Gordian knot. And there’d have to be something in his helmet vision to bring him to being FIRED UP when we see him next.

Better yet, just remove the helmet vision from the restructure and have it be the Rey only vision that someone here mocked up. Can’t remember who that was 😦

Post
#1346885
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (WIP)
Time

Okay so here is the updated crawl with adjustments to fix the issue regarding opening the movie with the heroes finding the message BEFORE we see the Kylo meeting Palpatine intro, and not introducing Palpatine in the crawl:


Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Hope! The galaxy has united after the
heroic sacrifice of Luke Skywalker.
Countless systems have taken a stand
against the dreaded FIRST ORDER.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, haunted by
visions in the force, rages in search
of a hidden enemy, determined to
destroy any threat to his rule.

Meanwhile, General Leia Organa has
dispatched her brave agents to intercept
a mysterious broadcast from the First
Order. A threat of REVENGE from a
sinister voice of the past…


Intercepting the Message -> Rey Training -> Mustafar/Palps -> Falcon returns and briefing

We would remove Kylo during Rey’s vision and open with him on Mustafar later, it is then him searching for the Wayfinder to confirm the message the First Order received and to find Exogol and Palpatine.

As the audience, we can assume the message they received is the Fortnite broadcast.