DZ-330

DZ-330 said:

The only spot/spots I could see it working would be from (1:51:47 - 1:51:52), so that gives us 4 secs for a quick Poe line.

Poe: “We need to make them pay!”

Pilot: “We just lost Red 1.”

Pilot 2: “We’re overwhelmed. What do we do it isn’t working?”

Pilot 3: “Black Leader, there’s a brand new hole in that Oscillator. Looks like our friends got in.”

Poe: “Red 4, Red 6, cover us… everybody else hit the target hard give it everything you got.”

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Or, we could trim Pilot 3’s line since the camera cuts to the Oscillator midway through his line:

Pilot 3: “Black Leader, there’s a brand new hole in that Oscillator.”

Poe: “Let’s make them pay! Red 4, Red 6, cover us… everybody else hit the target hard give it everything you got.”

JarJar, had to track it down but I remember posting about that very thing before haha!

Jedi122 said:

I’m really curious, Ady. How did you manage to so seamlessly replace the Han in Carbonite mold with the one you created into the movie itself without using any CGI?

From what I’ve seen… recreating camera angles and lighting, plus intensive rotoscoping! Crazy stuff but it looks amazing when completed!

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Growing restless amid
endless debate, daring
Senators have secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

I think this reads well…

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

With the Senate falling
into chaos, its daring
leaders have secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

I like it.

Fair enough! Let’s mark this done! For real this time.

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Overwhelmed by this
emerging threat, daring
Senators have secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

I’d like to see if we can imply it is only a few senators secretly supporting them if the third paragraph is open for revisions.

If anything, I think this is the only “tweak” that is possibly needed, only to make the First Order not seem as large, yet:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Desperate for a hero to
help resolve this crisis,
the Senate has secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

Let’s not reopen the crawl discussion unless Nev says so

How goes V4?

Merge them all into one run-on sentence 🤣

Ladies and gentlemen… we got it 😏👍

What’s next? 😄

I don’t want to lose “the last Jedi” 😄

Episode VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

The galaxy is in despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Desperate to resolve
this threat, the Senate
has secretly authorized
brave pilots of a daring
RESISTANCE to find the
last Jedi and restore
the guardians of peace
to the darkening stars….

What a great opening line after this paragraph by the way 😉

Lor San Tekka: This will begin to make things right. I’ve traveled too far and seen too much to ignore the despair in the galaxy. Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.

You know I gotta take a stab 😄

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

The galaxy is in despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Unable to end this crisis
without Luke’s guidance,
the Senate has secretly
authorized the pilots of
a brave RESISTANCE to
find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

• Removed “crisis” in the first paragraph since there is also a “crisis” in the last paragraph
• Replaced the first “Jedi” in the third paragraph, and restored “the last Jedi”. I think it adds more to Luke’s character by clearly stating that they need his guidance to settle the conflict.

Not sure I am a fan of “dark” in the first line and then “darkening” in the last line.

The more I think of it too, as much as I’d like the crawl to have the New Republic secretly supporting the Resistance, it just clouds it up too much in exposition.

In the context of the Resistance being a militia, that already establishes they are separate from the “fragile New Republic”, and with the Leia deleted scene restored and Hux’s speech, I think it would be easily assumed for first-time viewers that Leia is getting some secret help from her friends in the Senate to fund the militia.

With that in mind, I suggest:

Amidst this rising threat,
only a daring militia
stands in RESISTANCE,
its brave pilots have been
sent across the galaxy
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

I think this one reads well:

Amidst this rising threat,
leaders in the New Republic
have secretly aided a brave
and daring militia to stand
in RESISTANCE, sending its
pilots to find the last Jedi
and restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

And if you want to mention the fleet:

Amidst this rising threat,
the New Republic fleet
has secretly aided a brave
and daring militia to stand
in RESISTANCE, sending its
pilots to find the last Jedi
and restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

I agree JarJar. But very happy to say, I think we have a final contender!

I lied. @Nev, here is another one with some minor tweaks to the last version of paragraph 3 that you had:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a brave militia, secretly
armed by New Republic
Leaders, has sent its
pilots in search of the
last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars….

The problem I feel… is that if the Resistance being born out of the New Republic stalling on action against the First Order ISN’T included in the crawl, that just leads to confusion and questions as to why it isn’t just the New Republic that is searching for the map.

The original crawl states how Leia is desperate to find Luke and leads the Resistance. I feel like something is missing without that context leading into the movie.

That being said, I looked at the crawl again from V1.1 and made a few small tweaks, this should hopefully be my final crawl I ever write for TFA HAHA:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Restless from endless
debate in the Senate,
several leaders have
secretly formed a brave
RESISTANCE, and have
tasked its pilots to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

Hey @Nev, @JarJar made my point for me why I suggested changing from this:

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a militia armed in secret
by the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, seeking to
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

To this:

Becoming restless with
endless debate in the
Senate, New Republic
leaders have secretly
armed a brave and daring
RESISTANCE to locate
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

The problem with the paragraph as you have it now, it doesn’t explain why the New Republic has to have the Resistance be secretly created. By making clear that the Senate is in endless debate, and that some of the leaders are impatient and want to act, and are going around the system makes sense in the context of the movie. It explains the reintegrated deleted scene with Leia explaining that the Senate thinks she’s crazy, and Hux’s anger about how the New Republic leaders secretly support the Resistance.

The New Republic is described as fragile in the second paragraph, but how are they together enough to support a Resistance to counter the First Order threat? There needs to be something more. I think the new paragraph helps to sell that more.

I don’t want to seem pushy, just want to help if I can. Totally understand if you are fine with how it is, it is your edit after all! 😃

JEDIT: If you want to keep pilots in the last paragraph:

Becoming restless with
endless debate in the
Senate, New Republic
leaders have secretly
tasked pilots of a brave
RESISTANCE with locating
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

ChatGPT helped a little. Thoughts on this take?

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, destined
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Becoming restless with
endless debate in the
Senate, New Republic
leaders have secretly
armed a brave and daring
RESISTANCE to locate
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

With endless debate in
the Senate, leaders of
the New Republic have
secretly armed a brave
RESISTANCE militia to
locate the last Jedi,
hoping that his return
can restore peace to
the darkening stars…

Maybe this is cleaner??? Just brainstorming…

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, destined
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

With endless debate in
the Senate, a brave
RESISTANCE militia has
sent its pilots across
the vast galaxy to find
the last Jedi, and to
restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

I think I am setting a record for the most crawls written for TFA 😄

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, destined
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

With the Senate in endless
debate, leaders of the
New Republic have secretly
armed a brave RESISTANCE,
whose pilots have been tasked
with finding the last Jedi, and
restoring a light of hope to
the darkening stars…

Keeping the surprise until TLJ is the way to go. You can’t giveaway the biggest twist of the sequel trilogy in the first sentence of a crawl for a movie Luke is barely in.