Many of us don’t mind the existence of a Special Edition or of several increasingly Special Editions. What we take issue with is that the originals aren’t available in a quality comparable to what we once had access to by simply by going to the theater and watching them. VHS, Laserdisc, and Laserdisc-on-DVD never measured up to watching it in the theater, but we tolerated them because we mistakenly believed that these format-specific problems would go away once the films were made available on a future format that truly captured the theatrical experience.
But of course, a lot of us find that the Special Edition changes are also bad, both in concept and in execution.
For me, the Special Editions work best as a freak show. A cautionary tale. Something to remind yourself of exactly why you shouldn’t ever even start going down the revisionism road. So for me, if I had to only keep one Special Edition change per film, they would have to be the wrongest, most jarring changes:
Star Wars: Obi-Wan’s yell (04SE onward, two different versions). Oh my God. It doesn’t matter which revised version you go with, it’s all an equal trainwreck. Just keep the rest of the movie untouched, with one of those new yells jumping out at you at the half-hour mark, and you have yourself a real WTF moment in an otherwise classic film. How often do you get the chance to say, “Why is that drunk guy yelling in the parking lot, and why is it coming through my speakers?”. Sure, I could have chosen Greedo shooting and strangely missing Han’s wobbly head (97SE onward), but… I just can’t. Even to make the movie worse on purpose, I simply can’t make Greedo shoot at Han. That would step over a line I wouldn’t even cross in jest. That change isn’t just bad, it’s profane.
The Empire Strikes Back: This time, it’s Luke’s yell (97SE only, removed later). Not only is it incontrovertible proof that “all of the changes I made were how I originally wanted the movies to be” has always been a steaming crock of an excuse, it’s just so impressively badly done. Contrary to the entire premise of the scene. And it’s not even Luke’s voice, it’s the Emperor’s voice from the wrong film. A complete failure at both concept AND execution. It’s… perfect. It’s the New Coke of film, pulled back off the shelf after baffling customers for seven awkward years.
Return of the Jedi: Could we do another weird disembodied yell by some dude who’s not even in the movie? Please, could we? Not this time, although one exists in this movie too. Much as “No! Noooo!” (11SE onward) has all of the WTF of Obi-Wan’s yell, and all the “Wait, whose voice is that exactly?” of Luke’s yell, I’m afraid there are better candidates. Jedi’s Special Edition is what we call a target-rich environment, if what you’re looking for is dreck. You could choose Hayden’s ghost (04SE onward). I mean, who doesn’t like watching an epic film trilogy only to be introduced at the very end to an entirely new actor, performing the role of the ghost of that dude from Shattered Glass appearing alongside deceased major characters from the trilogy, as if he thought he could just blend in and nobody would notice that not only is he there, but that the actor who played that major character who died just one scene ago isn’t. This scene is basically a posthumous Gumpian photobomb. But no. I’m afraid the winning awful scene for this film is… Jedi Rocks (97SE onward)! That scene is just Kanye at the VMAs perfect. You think you’re just watching a movie, and then suddenly, wham, you’re needing therapy. They don’t make scenes more jarring than this one, and for good reason.
