Bingowings

Thanks for the kind words. Got a case of the Morbs at the moment but nothing too serious.

Someone is bound to love this awful thing : https://youtu.be/IgPgavmY99U

I had my first counseling session on Tuesday. It was pretty awful. I thawed out 47 years of suppressed weird misery. After a few minutes I had to stop looking at the counsellor because she was out of her depth. I don’t think she’d heard anything quite like it. And if I started to moderate my story to what her body language was saying I’d never get it out. The poor woman her hands were shaking as she took my money. And there I was. On the street with several tonnes of emotional permafrost melted and I had to get bus home and get more drunken abuse. But it did cure my tics for about 36hours. They then came back with gusto when I had my clandestine meeting with a domestic abuse prevention chap. I may get some assistance getting me the hell out of here. Got a new tic. I got to the location of the meeting earlier than I anticipated so I walked around the supermarket because it was the only thing open. There were these Batman toys on display. As I left the building I let out a yelp of " yay Batman!" I wish I could do it again. My partner is drunk downstairs and has spent much of the day texting me demanding my door key. I hate going home. I spend much of my time at work stressing about going home. Now have a weekend and everyone is telling me to have a good one. I will get through this but I really need a run of good luck and happiness because there hasn’t been much for a very long time. Sadly I don’t think the universe operates on a balanced tally system. I’m doing another couple of sessions before Christmas and after Christmas is when I blow the whistle on 16 years of mostly misery. God only knows how that will turn out. Not feeling very festive. I changed my Twitter name to Umjinglwings which is about as Christmassy as I can cope with at the moment.

I have a pal at work at he really feels bad about having what he feels is poor taste in music. True some of what he likes isn’t to my taste but I think he is being hard on himself. It struck me we could have a whiteboard and list guilty pleasures on it and point out the benile silliness of discrimination based on liking things that other people don’t. There is already a guilty pleasure thread and a so bad it’s good thread. This thread is to list recordings of songs that we feel are genuinely torturous, so bad that they should come with a health warning. If anyone likes them or loves them be brave quote the post and confess your love for the hated. So to get the bowels running my hated single is Doctor in Distress by the appropriately named Who Cares? It was an awareness raising single to try and prevent Doctor Who from being cancelled in the 80s. Money went to charity. All good and well BUT by Jingo is awful. Listen at your own risk. https://youtu.be/sJIDFsJE8GA if you like or… love this steaming pile, I’m not judging you.

I apologise for being in hermit mode myself. Sorry to read you are feeling low Warb. I hope things pick up for you soon. And it’s great that despite our troubles we are making good use of this space Ender constructed for us and we are breaking down the frequent misconception that these sorts of issues are rare or something to be ashamed of. Ash good friends don’t avoid friends when they are having a hard time. That’s when good friends step up to the plate and fill it with yummy beans on toast. My ticks have just got worse and worse. It’s effecting my work. But I have my first session with a counsellor on Tuesday and I’m taking professional relationship advice on Wednesday. It a really hard time. Saturday night I was constantly on the edge of tears, last night I was on caffeine free caffeine overdose, so hyperaware, jittery, quaking, shaking, racing thoughts. I never been in this state before so it’s all new and scary stuff. My soon to be ex-partner has gone from yelling at me to stop to becoming genuinely concerned for my health. It kind of helps but it it also makes things a bit difficult when it comes to implementing the changes I need to make. I’ve started looking for places to move to. Knowing that Christmas is soon and that once the decorations come down I have to man up and announce my intentions is adding pressure. I wish someone else could do it all for me to be honest but I can’t. Restless legs at night are making sleep difficult too. But help is on its way and I have a new pal at work who is going through something similar. As Leela used to say “if you are wounded, find a man with scars” so keep the thread going because there seems to be a lot of need for it at the moment. And we can all help each other by breaking down stigma.

This is quite recent

A. Duracell Love the Lene Lovich sig 😃
B. Those little metal bud things under Vader’s mask would look more disturbing if they went up his nose and presumably into what is left of his lungs. It would make the guy look a bit like the guild navigators in Lynch’ dune which is no bad thing as the design was pretty creepy. I prefer Vader without hair of any kind. and I would restore some of the redness around the eyes.

DuracellEnergizer said:

“I believe in Santa Claus. I believe in the Easter Bunny. I believe in the Tooth Fairy. But I don’t believe in you.”

^ ✓

I’ve made an appointment with my GP. People who advise people about mental health issues are often bad at taking their own advice. Felt better for making the call. Talked to my boss too. I couldn’t have a better job really for this situation. Meanwhile my twitching and ticks are getting much worse. Making some audible ones now. Random words, yelps. I was at a very important meeting the other day and had to sit on my hands because the tremors were so bad. I don’t feel as doomy though. Just wish I had the courage to be honest and open with my partner. I feel really bad cooking the dinner while contemplating arranging to dismantle our lives but with his SAD and Christmas coming up it’s just not the right time. It would be cruel and I never want to do that.

I was at a Multicultural Event held by our local Muslim Women’s Group yesterday. It was fantastic.

I have the Australian DVD set. It’s sufficient for my needs. I have multiple region free players and a 21inch telly so there isn’t anything significant that a Blu-ray set could offer me.

“Time will tell how much I love you.”

I just got around to seeing the pilot for Inhumans. It really is as bad as they say it is. I don’t know how I got through it. Part of me was ‘marvelling’ at the sheer awfulness. The dog is the only thing that made me sort of want to look at the screen. In a Facebook gif sort of way. Moon city that looks like a shopping centre and a Royal Family more loathsome than British one. Are they really meant to be worthy of our sympathy? Arrrrrrrgggggghhhh!

I’d touch you with a barge pole.

The slow response to your ex boss seems to be honest. I am not sure if you have any thoughts on the train station now that you can see how it works out for you. The future of this message was automatically generated.

I unprove this beard.

Wonder Woman.
Why?

Accidentally referred to Kevin Spacey as Stacey the other day… Oops!

I declare this thread to be officially gay. Not fabulously gay but the unethical abuse of authority gay. Top turn for public rooster abuse though.

“God isn’t interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how He spends His time! Forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!”

I’ve found myself feeling generally worried without any particular point of focus. I can’t sleep. My epileptic auras and ticks are becoming more noticeable. My stammering is beginning to return. I think out loud way too much and sometimes more loudly than I am comfortable with. I frequently start sentences and … <THAT

I think it could be that lots of my friends and family have more tangible problems and I am becoming aware that as time rolls forward and the canvas and frame of my face is becoming a bit more antique I might lose them.

My partner is particularly someone I worry about. His night terror attacks, heavy drinking and smoking are wearing me a bit thin. Especially now that I work quite a bit from home and while typing up reports in the night I hear these terrifying screams from his room. I want to help but I can’t force him to seek it and as much as I care I don’t know how much more of it I can take. If I left, which is something I constantly have considered for 15 years and something were to happen to him I would be utterly demolished. Then I feel guilty for turning his poor health into an issue of my own preservation.

It’s never been an easy relationship, when drunk he can be a very challenging presence and we haven’t been anything other than people who try to like each other and share a house for about ten years. We have separate rooms etc

I also worry that I have invested so much time with my life in it’s current mode that the bloom is somewhat of this particular rose. I am only 47 but with my own health problems and the low percentage of gay people in this neck of the woods my chances of building a new life may have already sneaked off down the pub and not come home.
Another vector in us staying together so long is that it makes financial sense. The mortgage is paid. The bills are easy to manage. If we broke up it would be very expensive and I would have to work much longer hours to keep a roof over my head. My partner is finding it impossible to find work at the moment. He feels that ageism is a factor, he is also very over-qualified in a market that likes to dangle skills incentives at younger, less expensive employees. He is angry all the time and much more so when drunk. He shouts and yells at the radio for hours at a go and while I sympathise it does set me on edge. Other times he be pretty supportive. Helping out with proof reading and that sort of thing. He looks amazing, he is 11 years older than me but looks younger than me.
I keep checking to see if he casts a reflection 😃

I don’t feel depressed. It’s just a sort of low hum of doom around my life at the moment. The whole political thing doesn’t help either. Maybe my mood will lift on its own. I have built up some savings on the off chance that if doesn’t. It’s good to vent though, it’s important to get some perspective.

It wasn’t brains that brought me here; I assure you that

Ernest… my ass! I can see MY ASS!

Warbler said:

Unfortunately people do get murdered all the time, but an attack like this does not happen all the time(I certainly hope it do not become routine). I wasn’t trying to distract from my country’s political problems and corruptions. I was just talking about an attack that happened today who that quote indicates who was behind it. How this invites copy cat violence, I do not know.

Its a sad factor of mass shootings and crimes like this one that the perpetrators are seeking infamy to conclude their unregarded life. By publicising the supposed religious angle to these murders it does give people a hook to build their murder/suicide delusions on. “I’ll make them remember me”, “I’m a soldier killing for an honourable greater good” It’s all bunk. If you are duped into killing a passer by in the street or in a trench on a muddy battlefield humanity is lessened. We fail these people and in failing lose more to violence. Meanwhile Mr Orange can carry on pretending to be in charge of events.

Warbler said:

Bingowings said:

It’s a trap!

This is not funny. In case you didn’t know, an attack has occurred in NYC. 8 people are dead.

Satire isn’t always tasteful. People get murdered all the time, drawing to attention the supposed Jihadi intentions behind this one is a timely distraction from your corrupt politics and an invitation for copy cat violence… Literally a trap!