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theredbaron

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29-Aug-2005
Last activity
6-Jan-2016
Posts
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Post
#139316
Topic
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace Story Rewrite (deleted information)
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/139316/action/topic#139316
Time
Yes, it is. And I welcome your criticism.

But I still don't think you understand my reasoning behind it. For me, this is almost like balancing out a mathematical equation. I wanted to write a Star Wars backstory that adds up and fits in with the original trilogy. I really just wanted to resolve the storyline in my own head, and there was no better way for me to do it than by writing it out. I post it in the hope that it might do the same for other people as well. And it might not, but at least I've got the former sorted out.

Yes, this is just the bare bones of it - it's neither a novel, nor a screenplay *yet*, but eventually I will get there. I don't know how to write a screenplay, but I am learning as we speak, and I see this more as a learning experience than anything else. I don't see re-writing Star Wars screenplays as an end in itself, but as a means to an end. I want to write my own heroic tale; create my own mythos, but I wanted to start with something I know.

I initially accepted writing these as a challenge from some people on another forum (people were talking about collaborating on a rewrite of the prequel screenplay and script, and everyone was too busy yada yada yada). But then I also thought, if I'm going to criticise the hell out of the various plotlines in the prequels (which I do, and I probably won't stop doing), I need to be more constructive and offer an alternative. And that's what I'm doing here.

I was through with doing mental gymnastics to get the Star Wars saga to make sense in light of the prequels - I decided I could devote the same amount of brain power and energy to re-writing the plotlines to just make sense.

You sound like you have some kind of moral objection to all this. I have no illusions that these will ever be movies, but I have time and creativity to burn, and I wanted to resolve Star Wars for myself above anything else.

You never know, I *might* end up making an indie film outta these with my friends once I'm done. It'd certainly be fun, and we've made films about far more trivial things. So yeah, I am using this to acquaint myself better with the tools that I need. It is also the passionate pursuit of an idea, but it's basically writing and storytelling practice. And no, it's not the greatest piece of literature on the planet - but then again, it isn't meant to be. It's a straight up storyline. This happens, that happens, such-and-such says this, such-and-such says that. A fair few writers would write a story skeleton before doing the dialogue or describing the characters and events in great detail.
Post
#139320
Topic
revenge of the sith font?
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/139320/action/topic#139320
Time
Quote
Originally posted by: booah
Glad it's not Comic Sans. Worst Font Ever.

Wouldn't that Jedi/Sith logo have looked SWEET on the poster? And with like, Anakin's mug on the left, and Vader's on the right or something? I thought that overly uniform motif of the prequel logos (emphasizing Episode numbers and not movie titles) was a bummer. Think about all the various, cool OT posters/logos. Although, I believe that Sith logo was used as a soundtrack cover in the UK.


Old people seem to be quite fond of Comic Sans. They seem to use it to be 'hip' for all the youngin's reading their materials.
Post
#139183
Topic
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace Story Rewrite (deleted information)
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/139183/action/topic#139183
Time
Originally posted by: ronlaw
Hey, that is quite cool! I really liked the improved tie-in to the OT, and the training of Anakin was great. I like skipping the young Anakin.

However I think you have FAR too much material for one film. Don't they talk about 3 acts? In that case you've got twice as much as you need. In general I would not be introducing new characters later in the story either, except perhaps you could get away with the Sith as mysterious characters to be fleshed out later.


When you say 'later in the story', are you talking about the whole trilogy or just this episode? Pretty much all the characters that I will be using in this PT have been introduced in EPI. Yes, 3 acts is normal, but I don't have twice as much as I need (besides, if I wanted it to be 3 acts, all I'd have to do is re-title each scene under 3 acts instead of 5). I needed to put everything in place to get Anakin trained, the Clone Wars going by EPII, Palpatine as Supreme Chancellor, and to begin the relationship between Padme and Anakin.

Anyway, read my EPII.
Post
#139137
Topic
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace Story Rewrite (deleted information)
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/139137/action/topic#139137
Time
Yes, yes, all well and good, but the fact remains is that I've finished episodes I and II and I'm not going to stop now! Then it truly would have been a waste of time. I repeat, how about some valid criticisms here? Criticise plot elements, but I don't want an assessment as to how time-worthy this exercise is. The time I took to write these was a small price to pay to resolve the Star Wars backstory in my own head (which GL failed so miserably in doing).
Post
#139138
Topic
Star Wars 3-D in 2007
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/139138/action/topic#139138
Time
The biggest annoyance I had was that GL didn't treat the PT to the consistency and seriousness that the project warranted. I say that it warrants consistency and seriousness because I was waiting for them for a decade or more. And now he has released 3 sub-par Star Wars movies as prequels, and no one can ever change or remake them unless they're GL himself. And that just frustrates me to no end. It hasn't stopped me from rewriting the stories, though...
Post
#139042
Topic
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace Story Rewrite (deleted information)
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/139042/action/topic#139042
Time
Have you read the second one? As biased as I am, I reckon this has got a whole lot more point than the current EPI. The only point of the current EPI is that Obi-wan comes to be Anakin's master. It's not supposed to relate to the current PT - the current PT is so flawed and inconsistent with the originals it's not even worth looking at. In fact, the entire premise of my rewrites is that the current PT is so suckful I was compelled to rewrite it, to sort it out in my head as much as anything else. As for not relating to the Original Trilogy, I beg to differ. To begin with, Anakin is found and trained directly by Obi-wan as clearly inferred in the OT, Yoda is Obi-wan's master as referred to in the OT, Owen disapproves of Anakin leaving to join the Jedi, as referred to in the OT (there's more to this in EPII), Anakin is a crack pilot, as referred to in the OT, it's all here. The essential difference between these rewrites and the current PT is that people won't have to do mental gymnastics in order for the OT backstories to make sense.

In any case, please be more specific in your criticisms. I want to improve my story, not be convinced to abandon the project altogether.
Post
#138906
Topic
Prequel Trilogy Script rewrite
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/138906/action/topic#138906
Time
Quote
Originally posted by: Mr Bungle
I can live with the prequel story that Lucas did produce and like some of it but it could have been improved

1.Get rid off Qui-Gonn so Obi Wan meets and finds Anakin and trains him despite the objections of the council.

2. Anakin older in Menace, and his and Padmes relationship has grown before Clones starts, and the relationship hitting its peak towards the end.

3. Dont include 3-PO until the end certainly not built by Anakin(gets rid of contuinity problems as does introducing R2 until later)

4. Needed more interaction between Palps and Anakin as kid?, teenager and as an adult.

5. Thought the introduction storyliine of Jango was a bad idea, shrunk the universe, could have been anyone cloned,we dont need a bit of the life story or introduction for every character in the O.T.

6.Mas Amedda Sly Moore should have been those Imperial Advisor guys in ROTJ, Tarkin as an assistant to see why he is in charge of the Death Star and his importance to the Emperor.

7.But I dont feel the introduction of the Death Star was essential again creates issues over the construction time frame.

8. Anakin showing more of his attributes"cunning warrior" "best starpilot in the galaxy" and a "good friend" on screen.

9. Love and something else not just a snub from the council for his turn to evil then to murderer

10.Padmes death needed to be more convincing Anakin killing her, living long enough to deliver the babies but not naming them.

11. Anakin begging The Emperor to save him. no just the Emperor finding him and saving him.

13. Got rid off Binks the travelling scenes and Gungan battle reduced and replaced with meaningful to the saga scenes.



I did most of these in my story rewrites of Episodes I and II, check them out here (EPI) and here (EPII).

In EPI, I did take the liberty of explaining the clones' origins - but the final revelation of them comes in EPIII. It also isn't so coincidental - it kind of has a reason to it. I am struggling to get Anakin and Palpatine to interact more in my rewrites, mostly because of the changes I've made in the politics. I am thinking, however, that I will forge a relationship between Anakin and Sidious instead, after Anakin is expelled from the Jedi Order. I bring Tarkin into the political climate in EPII, as Palpatine is surrounding himself with allies in the Senate. I am formulating decent reasons for Anakin's expulsion from the order as I am currently rewriting EPIII. I will have Padmé die a lot later (I may not even have her die in the films, but merely infer that she does), to give credence to Leia's remembrance of her. Binks and the Gungans are gone - I've tried to stick with using mostly aliens from the OT (with the exception of the Kaminoans).