thejediknighthusezni

       ^^ The outline above looks deceptively like it is the story of the movie. It is part of the story, but it is all more like a backdrop for the more important aspects of the story. It enables the more important aspects to take place. The interaction of the characters and the progress of the arcs of the indivdual characters torwards the sort of personalities they became in TOS or variations there from. This is why moving through the opening sequences as quickly as possible while remaining engaging and without becomeing confusing meaningless to the audience is critical. The decks have to be cleared for the characters to develope. Many hints have to be revealed in the beginning sequences as well. Why does Marcus become such a bastard and how bad is he? What sort of torpedo was dac Marcus working on? Does it rearrange matter in a destructive way? How does she fell about doing that? How does she feel about meeting Kirk? How does she feel about encountering a fellow super-engineer? How does he feel about her? is there a quick little moment where they make an emotional connection or do they mess with each other's heads? Both? There's all the problems of two hot chicks and how the guys react. Jealousies? How do Scotty and little buddy develope the bromance of the 23rd century? Spock, Kirk and Bones for that matter. Above all Kirk as he is the central figure. In ST09, He was obviously struggling with the manner of his father's death. How is that internal struggle progressing? He was born at the beginning of a timeline that would not, and maybe should not, have been. That must do a number on his head. TOS Kirk was a bit like a 007 man's man. When he had pleasure he usually mixed it with business. ST09 Kirk was a skirt chasing frat boy. Does this next film show a Kirk struggling to look away from every passing short skirt? Something in between TOS and ST09?... The original touched briefly on many of these things but more, without grinding down, enriches. Understanding motivation is good too. Marcus could be threatening to destroy the Klingon ship and devestate the Klingon city before leaving to fight the war elsewhere. Engineer could be taken as a boy to allow for family in both timelines. Some expo about how they are living in a timeline that perhaps "should not be" might increase the tension and sell the loss.

      Knowing how you want it to end is extremely useful. I knew I wanted a TWOK funeral and a Kirk voiceover. I knew I wanted a TSFS destruction of Enterprise. These present great problems. The series has trouble going forward and It's a hell of a downer of an ending. "We'll meet you at the rendevous on Tatooie." is about as important as "I am your father." and I love you/I know. It reminded the audience that there was hope and something to look forward to at an important moment. I wanted everything in STID to follow the philosophy ST09 and be bigger, faster and more spectacular. Kirk's sacrifice had to be for much more than ship and crew. Same for ENTERPRISE. Working out the ending in detail showed me what sort of "Chekov's guns" I needed to plant earlier.

        My attempt at revising a recent film. A rough outline as I have forgotten nearly all of the little bit I knew about screenplay format (and English composition for that matter.)   SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS  STIDREVISED:     The film opens as in ST09. A Starfleet ship approaches a little derelect ship. Suited figures are aboard the derelect filled with cryo-pods. They concentrate on one containing a young man.There is a little quick and vague talk about the cuong man surving cryo because he has special protection from nuclear war and nuclear winter. There is an alert and they beam back with the pod. Captain Marcus seems full of compassion for rescueing the people and he orders the derelect pushed on a different course where it can't be tracked. Marcus then leads the approaching ships away from the derelect. Klingon ships drop out of warp and there is a battle where Marcus sees some of his crew killed. There is a vaguely Kobiyashi Maru type scenario but we don't know the outcome.   HARD CUT TEN TO FIFTEEN YEARS FORWARD IN TIME. The same sequence saving the planet from the volcano with Chekov in the shuttle and Spock releasing the line, maybe the ENTERPRISE hiding in the smoke plume (to save the great underwater thing for another ep), Kirk and McCoy Only in native clothes and beamed out with some of the water splashing in the TR, Uhura beams back from the shuttle to argue. CUT TO OPENNING CREDITS THEN CUT TO LONDON ARCHIVE: A man of about thirty begins to infiltrate the building CUT TO PIKE OFFICE: Kirk and Spock talk about why they are called in. Kirk says it must be because of HIS proposal for the first 5 year deep space mission of exploration. Spock is doubtful. Pike comes in and starts chewing them out. INTERCUT BETWEEN OFFICE AND ARCHIVE Kirk argues that he couldn't let 80 million sentient humanoids die needlessly, Pike points out that the Klingons might interpret that as Starfleet creating 80 million new Federation allies right on the doorstep of the Klingon Empire and that is just one of the infinite number of things that could go wrong from changing the natural order. Pike asks Spock why they don't contact species without warp tech and Spock reminds us that surviving to warp tech without destroying themselves says a great deal about a species. Pike tells Kirk that Command wants to send him back to the Academy and they returned the ENTERPRISE to him, waits a moment, and then tells Kirk that Spock is demoted to just Science Officer and Kirk will be First Officer but he's going to wish he was sent back to the Academy. Says that kirk is his mess and he's going to clean it up. An alert and Pike sends Spock back to make the ship ready and takes Kirk to the conference. CONFERENCE: Admirals and Captains at the main table assistants sitting back behind. Kirk meets mysterious blonde in back and hits on her. Talk of Klingons poised for slightest provokation and there can't be a war before the CONSTITUTION and RESILIENT are completed from regular building program and the new ships secretly being built are commisioned. It looks like Marcus doesn't want war at least until then. Decided the archive isn't the Klingons style but a Starfleet traitor was there and is a great engineer who might have given prototype cloaking tech to Klingons and/or Romulans. Concern if new ships might be provacative. Kirk interrupts, attack, Pike injured but not killed and quips that he'd like to command the ENTERPRISE for more than 5 minutes, Kirk saves blonde, stops attack. ADM MARCUS OFFICE: Kirks gets questionable orders to kill engineer but it could start a war and told engineer was also looking for info. ENTERPRISE: Crew protests orders to go to Klingon colony world and fire. Blonde with one super torpedo for the job and Kirk learns she is Marcus then. She might be there to spy for daddy. It looks like daddy might want war. They go, Kirk doesn't fire on the only metropolis on the colony world near neutral zone. Talk of Uhura needed to negotiate the "Right Of Allies" though that has only been between Klingons. They find engineer and Klingons attack but don't respond to requests to be considered allies. Engineer saves Crew from Klingons and saves Kirk with a blood injection. (These things have been happenning as quickly as possible to leave as much time as possible to slow down for interralating between the crew and the villain TOS style including a sit-down in the Enterprise conference room.) We learn that another incident has enraged the Klingons and they are suddenly surging and converging to attack earth and other Federation worlds. McCoy examins Kirk as they talk to engineer and "Any more homicidal"  quip here passing quickly. They find out that he is part of Kahn's "family" and the most brilliant young man in engineering aptitude taken 10/15 years before and shown current tech and made to design weapons systems for Marcus. He claims everything he did was only to rescue his family from cold death and that Kahn was most humane of the war leaders. McCoy says that's a little like the most humane of the badgers. He says Marcus is certain war is coming with Klingons and that he has been forced to make secret weapons that violate the spirit of the treaties and that the Klingons will think are so provacative that they will turn from internal rivalries and attack the Federation. Looks like Marcus has already created a war. We see attacks on some Federation worlds and Klingons headed for Earth and Pike and some Starfleet ships ready for defense.- Enterprise and Klingon ship battle over colony world. Back and forth. Both ships severely damaged. Enterprise hit and Kirk sees some of his crew killed. Anger. Moral dilemma about using Marcus torpedoes. Kirk orders them targeted. At last moment he orders different coordinates and fires a warning shot across bow. Tells Klingons the Federation has horrible weapons that must not be used. Klingon commander hesitates and then decides must destroy enemy now.  Marcus warps in in supership VINDICATOR and disables Klingon ship. Kirk must prove to watching klingon ship that he wants to stop war and is a true ally, honorable to Klingons. He  orders to make ready to ram the Vindicator, tells crew that he can't let ADM Marcus see an evacuation or surprise is lost and chokes as he says "I'm sorry." Kirk says "Mr. Sulu...Ramming speed-" just then see that Scotty has sabotaged VINDICATOR. INTERCUT WITH BATTLE OVER EARTH (We haven't heard anything from them but Klingon language between themselves. Kirk orders "Cupcake, prepare a boarding party." and they go across to shuttle bay Scotty is to open for them, There are 70 crew on VINDICATOR so larger party that Kahn saves and is very helpful to this point. it looks like he might not be so bad. Scotty saved by little pal just in time to open shuttle bay and there is a phaser battle Get to bridge and Marcus says he didn't start war it was just inevitable (He didn't try to kill starfleet officers. They get rid of vindicator crew when engineer uses his knowledge to trigger 'Abandon Ship' order that Marcus can't stop. Only bridge crew remains. Engineer kills Marcus. Sits in chair and starts typing commands to control ship, tells Kirk that he also worked on some ENTERPRISE systems and we see on ENTERPRISE that the 'Abandon Ship' alarm is signaled there and all internal ship communications are disabled. Chaos as all flee. Enterprise suddenly starts to fall to colony world on course to crash into the only large city on the planet. engineer tells Kirk that it will guarantee that there is no peace, he triggered the war because he created weapons all sides are using and he is the only one who knows how to disable them. Spock takes pocket communicator and tells Chekov to program all transporters to send personel to a point clear of Klingon metropolis blast zone Uhura first. Uhura says she's staying and Spock says she must negotiate "Right of Allies" Spock gives Sulu the con and goes to warp core to fix because that is only way to restore emergency power to ship controls. Engineer tells Kirk that the Federation will have no choice but to submit to the great military commander KAHN. (he puts an image of frozen Kahn on screen) They will beg him on their knees when they see they will be anihilated otherwise. Engineer says "Yes, A captain should go down with his ship" and programs tranporters to beam the raiding party and remaining bridge crew to detention. Chaos as some reach shutlles and transporter pads around ship some are beamed at last moment while falling by Chekov. Enterprise falls through atmoshpere while we see Klingon surface guns blast holes in ship. We see Klingons, including young children, shout defiantly and wave blades at the falling ship. We see hole blasted in sick bay where McCoy put dead tribble he injected in a sealed jar. WE see Uhura and some crew at safe site she starts trying to negotiate with angry Klingons. Scotty and Kirk also realise warp core must be realigned they go there and others are beamed out along the way. Marcus beamed out while falling out hole. Kirk goes in while Scotty fixes something else, fixes core and Spock reaches point while Kirk comes out and collapses. Uhura about to be stabbed as they look to metro in distance and see smoking ship fall. Sulu gets control and yells at Chekov on pocket com to get himself and every one else out now. The ship arcs up and clips some city spires. Kirk Spock and Chekov materialize and all see dieing ship arc up and set course for VINDICATOR. Sulu yells as red sparks surround him and ENTERPRISE slams into VINDICATOR and surprised engineer. Sulu materializes on Klingon transporter pad. Klingon commander orders over coms that the federation warriors have the right of allies. Crew witnesses Uhura is released and Kirk collapses Chokes about his ship and asks what he has done, and closes eyes. Next we see a great Klingon battle cruiser with other Klingon and Federation ships in the neutral zone. In a great bay of the battle cruiser we see klingons and federation officers are at a funereral before a pod with Kirk. Pike is there and the Klingon Commander is speaking in subtitled klingon that even though he was of an weak enemy species, Kirk showed courage and honor worthy of a Klingon. Spock then speaks about how Kirk through emotion and passion yet still achieved a higher Logic that the greatest sages of Vulcan only barely glimpse, but his Logic escapes him and in a...painful hole he only knows..."that I miss my friend." Klingon trumpets that sound vaguely like bagpipes and the Kingons lift their heads and roar as Kirk is committed to the neutral zone CUT TO SEA WITH THE KLINGON metro in background. A Klingon boy in a strange boat reaches into sea and pulls up a jar with dead tribble and it suddenly starts to flutter and tremble.  PAN UP TO SPACE pan down to Earth, drop through atmosphere as we hear Kirk say "SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER." We see Iowa shipyard with two ships finishing construction."IN THIS PROPOSAL FOR THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE:" We see on the saucer of one ship something painted out and repainted 'ENTER/TUTION', 1) A FIVE YEAR MISSION  Pull up to space going out past mars and Jupiter. 2) TO SEEK OUT... goes on until it warps out into ST09 style end credits with the planets.     

                    ^ Some great resources. Thanks :)