CaptainFaraday

What if, when the script with Trevorrow and Connolly fell through, instead of turning to Abrahms and Terrio, Disney had said “Let’s get that dude to write it,” and pointed to me? Here’s a treatment for what I would have put in a first draft, before producers and executives got their hands on it and made me change things.

Please imagine the opening studio vanity plates fading to black, and enjoy:

STAR WARS
EPISODE IX:
THE LIGHT RISES

Rey is training her Jedi skills as she attempts desperately to commune with Luke’s Force Ghost, which she is frustrated that she cannot manage to do. The Skywalker saber is still broken in half; she finishes combining it with her staff to make a blue double-bladed lightsaber.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is obsessed with unlocking the secrets of the ancient Dark Side users, partly as a way to quash the conflict he feels within himself. He spends his time traveling to various planets searching for mystical secrets.

This leaves Hux running the entire First Order, a bureaucratic and complex job. He’s just as zealous as ever, but now he’s overworked and stressed. It’s not as much fun as when he was giving speeches and blowing up planets.

The Resistance are only a scattered collection of tiny plucky bands, barely surviving, the First Order gradually hunting down and wiping out their remaining cells one at a time. Finn, Poe, Chewie and Rose are basically doing stealth spy stuff, trying to find out what the First Order is up to, and how they’re getting their information on the Resistance. Chewie is now effectively a single dad to a porg that rides around on his shoulder getting into mischief, while Finn and Poe bicker constantly about everything. Rose is keeping everything together, mediating the petty conflicts in the group and making sure the Millenium Falcon can still fly. The group also has a new ally, the ageing ex-smuggler and once-Rebellion-general Lando Calrissian, who has been feeding the Resistance intel from a secret source about what the First Order is doing.

Hux receives intel on the location of a hidden Resistance cell, and tells Captain Phasma to take her strike team there and wipe them out. Phasma is horrifically burned and her armour functions more like Vader’s now; she is no longer calm and smooth but bitter and angry, consumed by fury and vengeance.

Rey, Poe, Finn, Rose, Lando, Chewie and the droids are at this small Resistance cell when Phasma arrives. They fight their way to safety, but the rest of the cell are wiped out in a ground battle while trying to flee. Rey tries to use the Force to pull a transport full of Resistance prisoners back to the ground, but overexerts herself, and unintentionally shoots Force Lightning through it, destroying it in midair and killing all aboard. This is a Dark Side technique fuelled by her anger, and her anxiety grows about feeling a pull to the Darkness.

Kylo feels this through the Force, as does Leia; Rey’s fury reinforces Kylo’s belief that she will turn to the Dark Side, while Leia’s sorrow feeds the guilt and doubt he’s carrying. Similarly, Rey feels guilt over Leia’s sorrow, which reinforces her feeling that she doesn’t truly belong anywhere.

Hux has a personal pet project, the Fleetkiller, for destroying vast numbers of enemy dogfighters at once from a Star Destroyer. But those around him, including Kylo, think it’s a waste of his time and effort since the Resistance is almost wiped out and has no fleet. Plus, the project has fallen by the wayside due to Hux’s overwork, and is currently languishing half-completed in the First Order shipyards on their command planet Wayland.

Lando receives information about where Kylo’s ship is going next; Rey leaves to confront him, mostly in an attempt to quash down her own feelings of conflict. They have a lightsaber fight but both escape, neither finding the answers they seek, but both unsettled by how much of each other they see in themselves – Rey sees Kylo’s darkness in herself, and Kylo sees Rey’s light in himself.

Lando brings more intel to the Resistance, meeting the others at another hidden cell. The First Order has plenty of materiel but not a lot of manpower, especially after Starkiller Base’s destruction; this is why they seem so powerful and overwhelmed the galaxy so easily, but still only had a handful of ships chasing the Resistance in TLJ. This is why Phasma is still hunting them down with strike teams, instead of overwhelming their forces with armies.

When this Resistance cell is attacked, the Resistance realises there’s a leak in their group feeding the First Order information; it’s set up so the audience suspects it might be Lando, playing both sides, and that’s how he gets his First Order intel. It continues the questions raised around Luke in TLJ - do people stay good forever? Lando once betrayed his friends in the past.

Kylo locates the Sith Temple he’s been looking for. He has a Force Vision, showing him Vader’s redemption in ROTJ, and realises it’s actually an ancient Jedi Temple. The vision conflicts him further; he declares it merely Jedi trickery, but doesn’t really believe himself when he says it.

Back at the Resistance’s main base on the planet Maridun, the Resistance confronts Lando as the leak, but it turns out it’s actually… C-3PO, unintentionally, as the First Order have placed a bug on him. It gets removed, but only after it’s transmitted the Resistance base’s location. Lando’s intel was coming from an ad hoc spy network, and now the cat’s out of the bag, they have to choose to either join the Resistance openly or slink forever into the shadows.

The Resistance formulates a plan to survive, but then realises it could be a plan to destroy the First Order. Rose recalls reading about the Rebels of old, and suggests infiltrating the First Order’s base of operations on Wayland, ordering all forces to storm the Resistance base now they know its location, then blowing it up themselves with the First Order inside.

Rey locates the Sith Temple Kylo was searching for and visits it herself, seeking answers. She is confronted by the Force Ghost of a youthful and healthy-looking Palpatine; he explains that the Dark Side is simply about embracing the parts of yourself that people prefer to tamp down until it poisons them, and about using your full potential to do what needs to be done for the greater good. Becoming the gnarled Emperor, he feeds Rey’s fears that she’s forced too many people to die for her - Luke, Han, countless Resistance soldiers - all because she has the power to end the war but is too cowardly to do it. He tells her that to save her friends she must use the power she has to destroy the First Order and kill Kylo Ren. Rey believes him.

Through the Force, Leia senses the magnitude of what Rey has accepted. This final loss is too great, and Leia dies, becoming one with the Force. In turn, Kylo senses his mother’s death, and unexpectedly finds himself emotionally crippled by it.

In this moment of utter despair for the Resistance, Lando’s whole spy network shows up ready to fight, led by dozens of heroes new and old. When asked why they’ve had a change of heart since the Battle of Crait, they explain that the legendary Luke Skywalker’s final heroics gave them something to rally around and believe in, and because of their own collective efforts and bravery that Skywalker inspired, they now believe the Resistance has genuine hope.

Kylo is startled by the apparition of Luke’s Force Ghost, who converses with him about Kylo’s rise and Rey’s descent. Kylo – Ben Solo – now accepts the truth of the Force Vision that he saw, realising the manipulation and folly of the Dark Side. He and Luke forgive each other.

Lando has information that allows them to intercept Hux’s access codes for giving executive orders, but they need to do it from a signalling station on Wayland – a planet of storms and seas, populated only by the First Order and gigantic ocean megafauna.

Poe, Finn, Chewie, and Lando infiltrate the signalling station, but the First Order is alerted to their presence. Hux egotistically assumes they’re there for the Fleetkiller, and sends Phasma with legions of stormtroopers after them. A ground battle begins around the signalling station.

First Order ships arrive at Maridun, starting a large-scale air battle. Ben’s ship arrives, but starts blasting TIE Fighters out of the sky – then Rey’s ship arrives and shoots his down. They have an intense lightsaber battle across the grassy terrain, whipped by the wind as the battle rages overhead.

At the signalling station, Poe is about to send the command to the First Order troops when Phasma shoots him in the back and gloats about the Resistance’s pathetic attempt to destroy the Fleetkiller. Finn fights her, powered again by strong emotions, but this time not for himself; as things looks grim, he unexpectedly uses the Force to pull a blaster into his hand and shoot her, destroying her armour’s breathing equipment. As she falls on the floor, very definitely cold and dead for good this time, Poe heaves himself up onto the control desk – they didn’t get Hux’s codes, but Poe has been transmitting to the Resistance this whole time! Overjoyed, Finn and Poe kiss.

Rey and Ben’s battle reaches a climax as the Resistance fleet appears to flee overhead, the First Order ships following after them. Alone on the planet, the air now still, Ben throws away his lightsaber to prove he will no longer fight her. His words and actions convince her, and now their roles are effectively reversed, Ben is the one to redeem Rey.

The Resistance fleet suddenly arrives at Wayland, now engaging the entirety of the First Order’s fleet – even with their new allies, the Resistance is outnumbered. Rose picks up Poe, Finn, Chewie, and Lando in the Falcon, saying she understood their message, but none of the Resistance ships can land on the Fleetkiller without being shot down.

As the Fleetkiller isn’t completed, Hux stays behind to activate it manually, deciding to die for the glory of the First Order by wiping out the Resistance. But when the Resistance ships make their final approach and he sees them coming towards him, he chickens out - because as much as he liked the power, the actual ideology means less to him than his own skin. He climbs into an escape pod, plotting his new life in hiding, then gets eaten by one of Wayland’s giant turtles anyway.

Ben and Rey arrive at Wayland in Rey’s ship, and Ben orders a halt to the attack. But just like real life, the real villain of the piece is simply the power structure itself: Ben’s reversal in behaviour is seen as madness at best or defection at worst by the First Order, and he is powerless to stop their actions.

Ben and Rey use the Force to fly between the First Order ships and land on the Fleetkiller; Finn senses Rey’s presence there and orders the Resistance to retreat. Their ships vanish, Rey and Ben activate the Fleetkiller, and the entire First Order’s fleet is destroyed, the wreckage falling down and destroying the remaining infrastructure on Wayland.

Six months later, we see the Resistance providing food and relief supplies to a world that was hit hard during the First Order’s brief reign. Ben is struggling to fit in and be accepted because of his past, but he’s making progress; Rose encourages him, as does Finn, who Ben has been teaching the rudiments of the Force. Finn and Poe are together; likewise, Rose and Connix. Lando and Chewie reminisce about the days of the old Rebellion against the Empire, while Chewie’s porg annoys C-3PO to the amusement of R2-D2 and BB-8.

Meanwhile, Rey finds a quiet place away from the others and tries again to commune with Luke. This time she is passive and calm, and when she opens her eyes, Luke and Leia greet her. Luke tells her that just like him, she walked a strange path to becoming a Jedi Master like those of old. The Force Ghosts of countless familiar Jedi appear semi-transparent behind him, and look on kindly as Rey watches the sunrise with hope for the future in her eyes.

ROTS played backwards, but with every line of dialogue individually reversed so it’s spoken forwards.

Hal 9000 said:

Pryde shoots Hux in the head rather than chest.

Oooh, could that be done for real?

I would imagine that would be a pretty simple VFX shot, all things considered. Hux brain splattering everywhere optional.

There was a rumour flying around that Hux would get eaten by a giant turtle in the third act of TROS.

I want someone to painstakingly VFX together Pryde executing Hux by throwing him to a giant turtle.

Y3ldarb said:

MChammer707 said:

Could someone please provide me with a link?

If the OP hasn’t sent the link yet, I gotchu.

I’m also really jonesing for a link, please!

Second chapter:

https://pastebin.com/zp11QnUn
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

• Same general quality-of-life edits as Chapter 1.
• Cut chunks of big print where characters would pause to remember previous events as miniature flashbacks, awkwardly pausing the current events.
• The Force and meditation are now described in an almost Zen Buddhist sense, to highlight the inner-peace-versus-inner-conflict aspect of Rey’s character arc and tie it to her attempts to communicate with Force Ghosts.
• Removed Rey’s Force vision at the beginning. Her character arc already has enough propelling it without the visions, and its frequent mentions don’t add anything new or insightful.
• The Skywalker saber remains broken in two. Rey now uses Luke’s green lightsaber, which is unfamiliar to her, and ties better into her uncomfortableness accepting it and why she continually returns it to Leia.
• Changed the planet’s name from “Ajan Kloss” to “Ajan Koss.” It might be nitpicky, but to me “Ajan Kloss” sounds like something a dental hygienist would use, not a Star Wars planet.
• Changed Rey’s “Be with me” line, to set up a different one-liner at the climax.

I think that’s it for the major changes to this chapter. I let my changelog get a bit disorganised, but I’m tidying it up.

RogueLeader said:

This is really cool, Faraday. I’ll be interested to see how you rewrite the scenes for the Rey Nobody changes. Will you just totally excise those conversations, or replace them with a different revelation that shocks Rey?

I’m also curious if you’ll address things like Finn having to tell Rey something but never telling her. I suppose you could make his force-sensitivity more explicit and maybe actually have him tell her by the end of the movie. I like the idea of changing it to where he wanted to tell Poe something, and there is a hint of feelings between them. I suppose cutting it would be the easiest thing!

I also feel like you have an opportunity to better define Poe and Finn’s character arcs, as well. For example, I think it would be cool to see Poe’s call-to-action be broadcasted throughout the galaxy (sort of like the scene we got in Trevorrow’s DotF script), giving Poe a stronger leader moment. Or, after getting shot in the arm, he decides to give orders from a command ship, like the Tantive IV, rather than pilot another X-Wing. That could potentially be an easier change than creating a new call-to-action montage.

Regarding Finn, maybe he could more explicitly recruit Jannah and the other ex-Stormtroopers during their conversation on the Falcon. It would be interesting if you could describe as still wearing bits and pieces of stormtrooper armor, but I guess that might make it less of a surprise to Finn when Jannah tells him who they are.

It’d be great if Rose could get more scenes, but I suppose that would veer into fan fiction territory.

I’m also curious if you’ll add details of things that have been added in fan edits, like the Force ghosts manifesting themselves at the final battle, or the Skywalker saber being crackly after Rey repairs it.

Anyway, will look forward to your updates! This would be fun to see done to all nine novelizations.

Rey Nobody: I’m mostly just excising those conversations and references, or rejiggering them to be about her pull towards the Dark Side instead - a lot of the text works fine for that, without the Palpatine connection. (I personally suspect that’s how it was in earlier script drafts, and Palpatine was added much later, but that’s purely conjecture on my part.) Rey is a character who by the time of TROS has been disillusioned about a lot of things - her wonder at searching for Luke in TFA is replaced with the much more human version of Luke in TLJ, her faith in TLJ that Ben would turn to the light has been shattered - and I think her character has a lot of (intentionally) directionless anger which shows up throughout TROS. That anger is what I want to cause her anxiety about having the Dark Side in her, which is more interesting to me than “my grandfather is evil so maybe I am too.”

Finn: His Force-sensitivity is actually present in the movie, the theatrical cut just sort of loses it in the shuffle. Hal’s fanedit, for instance, really makes it more noticeable. I’m definitely going to lean into the Finn-is-Force-sensitive angle, because it makes sense for his character trajectory from TFA.

As for Finn/Poe, I’ve always shipped Stormpilot and I was disappointed (but not surprised) that it wasn’t in TROS. It makes a lot of sense to me for the characters, but it also strays a lot from how the original text plays out, and would require me to write a bunch of new stuff wholesale. So I’m on the fence about adding it.

Poe’s leadership: Poe gets sidelined a bit towards the end, because the focus naturally shifts onto Rey, Kylo, Palpatine, and the space battle (there’s a lot going on at once in the climax). I hadn’t thought much about strengthening the conclusion to Poe’s character arc in that way, but it’s a good idea. I wonder if it could be tied into the Kijimi stuff about his past, and make that whole backstory more relevant?

Jannah: This is a prime example of a great idea that TROS didn’t capitalise on enough. I really like the stormtrooper armour idea.

Rose: The novel already attempts this, with mixed results. Because Carson has to adhere to the movie, she repeatedly mentions Rose in the big print instead of actually showing her, but I find it almost has the opposite effect by highlighting her absence. Currently, I’ve removed these references, and given a lot of the “bit player” roles in the Resistance to Rose instead (eg, Connix, D’Acy, Beaumont).

Popular fanedit additions: I’m planning to add things like the Force Ghosts, yes. I feel like anything people have achieved with the original footage is fair game in the novelisation.

Hal 9000 said:

• Noted the pine trees adjacent to Vader’s Castle and how they give way to barren trees closer to where Kylo Ren was slaughtering the loyalists, but that there were still a few even there.

I’ll eventually release a V2, with pine trees added to every scene.

KumoNin said:

Exciting! The plural of nebula is nebulae, by the way

Good catch, thank you!

Historically I’ve done my own copyediting passes to catch stuff like that. It didn’t occur to me that I’ll have extra pairs of eyes helping with this project!

Hal 9000 said:

There’s a pine tree in this shot, so we’re fine:

Out of context, this is such a fantastic remark. I can’t stop thinking about a Star Wars fan pouring over the film to make sure there was a pine tree somewhere in it.

Here’s a link to the first chapter. I used the opening crawl text from Hal9000’s TROS Ascendant fanedit; I think it sets the stage much better than the original opening crawl.

https://pastebin.com/PSX2Zhxf
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

• New opening crawl text.
• Reordered the first few chapters for better narrative flow. This was originally Chapter 2.
• General quality-of-life edits: trimmed, reordered, and tightened up dialogue and big print.
• Cut a lot of big print that overexplained characters’ thoughts and feelings which were clear from their actions.
• Cut smaller scenes that slowed down the narrative without adding useful information, such as the creature guarding the wayfinder.
• Added Vader’s castle to the Mustafar scene.
• The transmission from Palpatine is now sent privately to the First Order, not the entire galaxy.
  Instead of trying to find the Emperor to kill him, Kylo Ren is initially doubtful that the transmission is genuine but also curious what he could potentially gain from the Emperor.
• Snoke is no longer a clone or puppet, but is implied to be an apprentice who betrayed Palpatine. Similarly, Palpatine wasn’t controlling all the events all along, but has just been biding his time until now.
• Rey Nobody. This is the biggest deviation I’m going to make from the original plot. I know opinion is divided, but I personally think it improves the story significantly.

I’m going to attempt something I haven’t seen anyone do before: a fanedit of The Rise of Skywalker…
…'s novelisation.

I studied film editing back at university, but I don’t have access to a computer with enough grunt to create a fanedit (or the time to do it). Plus, there are plenty of great TROS fanedits out there already. However, I have written five novels since that time, and I’ve never seen someone fanedit a Star Wars book before. I considered posting this in the section of the forums for fanfic and screenplays, but after browsing the projects there, it felt like the wrong category for it. Instead, my approach and mindset is to create a movie-style fanedit - but with a novel instead.

Editing the text of a novel obviously has a lot more freedom than editing the footage of a movie. My intention is not to rewrite from scratch (then I might as well write a fanfic), but to improve on what’s already there - tighten up character arcs, improve the pacing, remove or tweak plot threads and tangents that detract from the overall narrative, and add some literary polish to parts that (arguably) need it. I think that Rae Carson did a great job with this novel, however, it’s just not what I personally want to read. But it’s close.

It’s going to be a slow project to work on, so I’ll update everyone as it progresses, and keep a changelog as I go. Please comment with any suggestions or ideas!

I, too, would appreciate a link for this.

I think the new castle shot on Mustafar works as it is without trees rotoscoped in, personally.

Also, am I too late to send an audio file to be added to the "For Skywalker!"s in the next release?

Thank you for those replies and explanations; it’s a sound character choice. I agree with Grievous being a coward, and I also really like the swapping around of “Time to abandon ship.”

I’d still rather the line be in there as a personal choice, purely because I like the moment so much, but I do now agree that having it removed works better for the fanedit.

What was the reason to cut Grievous’ line “I’ve been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku”? (Sorry if this has been discussed long ago, I had a look but couldn’t see it.)

I always thought that was a great line - it reminds me of Lao Che in Temple of Doom telling a very confident Indiana Jones “…to the poison you just drank!” and watching him have this “oh shit” moment.

Obi-Wan has dropped down to take Grievous by surprise, quipping and joking because he thinks he has the upper hand, then Grievous pulls out not one but four lightsabers and tells him he’s been trained by the guy Obi-Wan couldn’t defeat twice, and Obi-Wan is thrown into a difficult fight.

I think Matthew Wood’s line read is so good on it, and I always miss it whenever I watch LOE (which has otherwise completely replaced the theatrical cut as my preferred version to watch).

Hire Gilbert Gottfried via the website Cameo to record one line of dialogue for a Rise of Skywalker edit.

Palpatine: “I have been every voice (Snoke) you have ever heard (Gilbert Gottfried) INSIDE YOUR HEAD!”

Neerb said:

I’m not sure this discussion belongs in this thread. Hal’s been on board with using Leia’s purple for a good while, and replacing either blade with Luke’s RotJ hilt and blade is a lot of work that would frankly just result in narrative confusion and unnecessary fan service with little thematic meaning (as mentioned, she’s already taking one of Luke’s blades to Exegol regardless). It’s also pretty late in the game to bring this up, considering editors are finishing up the unstable blade effect for Rey’s blue blade and the effects for Leia’s purple have been done and implemented for months.

Unless Hal specifically comes in saying it’s a great idea, or someone is already able and willing to make a demo, this would probably be better suited to the general Sequel Edits threads.

Yes, I agree.

Brewzter said:

If they really wanted to go the route of using her masters’ sabers, I wish they would’ve just gone with Luke’s green saber and a purple saber for Leia. But then again my real preference would’ve been turning Anakin’s broken saber into a double-bladed one since the kyber crystal was split into two pieces and Rey grew up fighting with a staff

Agreed. It was set up so nicely at the end of TLJ and I was baffled and disappointed when I watched TROS and the saber was somehow fixed with a strip of Flex Tape.

TestingOutTheTest said:

CaptainFaraday said:

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot which I haven’t seen anyone else discussing: would it be in any way possible to replace Leia’s lightsaber with Luke’s green one?

The whole thing about Leia training to be a Jedi (and the floating CGI head Billie-Lourd-Leia flashback) feels so out of character and wrong to me. Plus, the green would cause a change in overall lighting colour during the final confrontation with Palpatine, just as the balance of power changes, which appeals to me thematically as Rey representing all the different Jedi.

Part of me feels that Rey holding the lightsabers of the two Skywalkers who helped shaped her to be the Jedi she now is -
holding their legacy against the man who ruined their lives - is more symbolic and meaningful.

I agree with this in theory, but the baggage that it needs for it to work (the whole “Leia as a Jedi with a lightsaber, but she gives it up because of a vision of her son dying or whatever”) is so convoluted and awkward that it’s not worth the tradeoff for me.

Luke’s blue lightsaber and Luke’s green lightsaber, on the other hand, represents the unity between new youth on the path to being Jedi (blue, Luke in ANH/ESB) and the wisdom of a past Jedi Master (green, Luke in ROTJ/TLJ).

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot which I haven’t seen anyone else discussing: would it be in any way possible to replace Leia’s lightsaber with Luke’s green one?

The whole thing about Leia training to be a Jedi (and the floating CGI head Billie-Lourd-Leia flashback) feels so out of character and wrong to me. Plus, the green would cause a change in overall lighting colour during the final confrontation with Palpatine, just as the balance of power changes, which appeals to me thematically as Rey representing all the different Jedi.

Also, extremely excited for Rey Nobody.