CaptainFaraday

ROTS played backwards, but with every line of dialogue individually reversed so it’s spoken forwards.

Hal 9000 said:

Pryde shoots Hux in the head rather than chest.

Oooh, could that be done for real?

I would imagine that would be a pretty simple VFX shot, all things considered. Hux brain splattering everywhere optional.

There was a rumour flying around that Hux would get eaten by a giant turtle in the third act of TROS.

I want someone to painstakingly VFX together Pryde executing Hux by throwing him to a giant turtle.

Y3ldarb said:

MChammer707 said:

Could someone please provide me with a link?

If the OP hasn’t sent the link yet, I gotchu.

I’m also really jonesing for a link, please!

Second chapter:

https://pastebin.com/zp11QnUn
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

• Same general quality-of-life edits as Chapter 1.
• Cut chunks of big print where characters would pause to remember previous events as miniature flashbacks, awkwardly pausing the current events.
• The Force and meditation are now described in an almost Zen Buddhist sense, to highlight the inner-peace-versus-inner-conflict aspect of Rey’s character arc and tie it to her attempts to communicate with Force Ghosts.
• Removed Rey’s Force vision at the beginning. Her character arc already has enough propelling it without the visions, and its frequent mentions don’t add anything new or insightful.
• The Skywalker saber remains broken in two. Rey now uses Luke’s green lightsaber, which is unfamiliar to her, and ties better into her uncomfortableness accepting it and why she continually returns it to Leia.
• Changed the planet’s name from “Ajan Kloss” to “Ajan Koss.” It might be nitpicky, but to me “Ajan Kloss” sounds like something a dental hygienist would use, not a Star Wars planet.
• Changed Rey’s “Be with me” line, to set up a different one-liner at the climax.

I think that’s it for the major changes to this chapter. I let my changelog get a bit disorganised, but I’m tidying it up.

RogueLeader said:

This is really cool, Faraday. I’ll be interested to see how you rewrite the scenes for the Rey Nobody changes. Will you just totally excise those conversations, or replace them with a different revelation that shocks Rey?

I’m also curious if you’ll address things like Finn having to tell Rey something but never telling her. I suppose you could make his force-sensitivity more explicit and maybe actually have him tell her by the end of the movie. I like the idea of changing it to where he wanted to tell Poe something, and there is a hint of feelings between them. I suppose cutting it would be the easiest thing!

I also feel like you have an opportunity to better define Poe and Finn’s character arcs, as well. For example, I think it would be cool to see Poe’s call-to-action be broadcasted throughout the galaxy (sort of like the scene we got in Trevorrow’s DotF script), giving Poe a stronger leader moment. Or, after getting shot in the arm, he decides to give orders from a command ship, like the Tantive IV, rather than pilot another X-Wing. That could potentially be an easier change than creating a new call-to-action montage.

Regarding Finn, maybe he could more explicitly recruit Jannah and the other ex-Stormtroopers during their conversation on the Falcon. It would be interesting if you could describe as still wearing bits and pieces of stormtrooper armor, but I guess that might make it less of a surprise to Finn when Jannah tells him who they are.

It’d be great if Rose could get more scenes, but I suppose that would veer into fan fiction territory.

I’m also curious if you’ll add details of things that have been added in fan edits, like the Force ghosts manifesting themselves at the final battle, or the Skywalker saber being crackly after Rey repairs it.

Anyway, will look forward to your updates! This would be fun to see done to all nine novelizations.

Rey Nobody: I’m mostly just excising those conversations and references, or rejiggering them to be about her pull towards the Dark Side instead - a lot of the text works fine for that, without the Palpatine connection. (I personally suspect that’s how it was in earlier script drafts, and Palpatine was added much later, but that’s purely conjecture on my part.) Rey is a character who by the time of TROS has been disillusioned about a lot of things - her wonder at searching for Luke in TFA is replaced with the much more human version of Luke in TLJ, her faith in TLJ that Ben would turn to the light has been shattered - and I think her character has a lot of (intentionally) directionless anger which shows up throughout TROS. That anger is what I want to cause her anxiety about having the Dark Side in her, which is more interesting to me than “my grandfather is evil so maybe I am too.”

Finn: His Force-sensitivity is actually present in the movie, the theatrical cut just sort of loses it in the shuffle. Hal’s fanedit, for instance, really makes it more noticeable. I’m definitely going to lean into the Finn-is-Force-sensitive angle, because it makes sense for his character trajectory from TFA.

As for Finn/Poe, I’ve always shipped Stormpilot and I was disappointed (but not surprised) that it wasn’t in TROS. It makes a lot of sense to me for the characters, but it also strays a lot from how the original text plays out, and would require me to write a bunch of new stuff wholesale. So I’m on the fence about adding it.

Poe’s leadership: Poe gets sidelined a bit towards the end, because the focus naturally shifts onto Rey, Kylo, Palpatine, and the space battle (there’s a lot going on at once in the climax). I hadn’t thought much about strengthening the conclusion to Poe’s character arc in that way, but it’s a good idea. I wonder if it could be tied into the Kijimi stuff about his past, and make that whole backstory more relevant?

Jannah: This is a prime example of a great idea that TROS didn’t capitalise on enough. I really like the stormtrooper armour idea.

Rose: The novel already attempts this, with mixed results. Because Carson has to adhere to the movie, she repeatedly mentions Rose in the big print instead of actually showing her, but I find it almost has the opposite effect by highlighting her absence. Currently, I’ve removed these references, and given a lot of the “bit player” roles in the Resistance to Rose instead (eg, Connix, D’Acy, Beaumont).

Popular fanedit additions: I’m planning to add things like the Force Ghosts, yes. I feel like anything people have achieved with the original footage is fair game in the novelisation.

Hal 9000 said:

• Noted the pine trees adjacent to Vader’s Castle and how they give way to barren trees closer to where Kylo Ren was slaughtering the loyalists, but that there were still a few even there.

I’ll eventually release a V2, with pine trees added to every scene.

KumoNin said:

Exciting! The plural of nebula is nebulae, by the way

Good catch, thank you!

Historically I’ve done my own copyediting passes to catch stuff like that. It didn’t occur to me that I’ll have extra pairs of eyes helping with this project!

Hal 9000 said:

There’s a pine tree in this shot, so we’re fine:

Out of context, this is such a fantastic remark. I can’t stop thinking about a Star Wars fan pouring over the film to make sure there was a pine tree somewhere in it.

Here’s a link to the first chapter. I used the opening crawl text from Hal9000’s TROS Ascendant fanedit; I think it sets the stage much better than the original opening crawl.

https://pastebin.com/PSX2Zhxf
Password: CaptainFaraday

Changelog:

• New opening crawl text.
• Reordered the first few chapters for better narrative flow. This was originally Chapter 2.
• General quality-of-life edits: trimmed, reordered, and tightened up dialogue and big print.
• Cut a lot of big print that overexplained characters’ thoughts and feelings which were clear from their actions.
• Cut smaller scenes that slowed down the narrative without adding useful information, such as the creature guarding the wayfinder.
• Added Vader’s castle to the Mustafar scene.
• The transmission from Palpatine is now sent privately to the First Order, not the entire galaxy.
  Instead of trying to find the Emperor to kill him, Kylo Ren is initially doubtful that the transmission is genuine but also curious what he could potentially gain from the Emperor.
• Snoke is no longer a clone or puppet, but is implied to be an apprentice who betrayed Palpatine. Similarly, Palpatine wasn’t controlling all the events all along, but has just been biding his time until now.
• Rey Nobody. This is the biggest deviation I’m going to make from the original plot. I know opinion is divided, but I personally think it improves the story significantly.

I’m going to attempt something I haven’t seen anyone do before: a fanedit of The Rise of Skywalker…
…'s novelisation.

I studied film editing back at university, but I don’t have access to a computer with enough grunt to create a fanedit (or the time to do it). Plus, there are plenty of great TROS fanedits out there already. However, I have written five novels since that time, and I’ve never seen someone fanedit a Star Wars book before. I considered posting this in the section of the forums for fanfic and screenplays, but after browsing the projects there, it felt like the wrong category for it. Instead, my approach and mindset is to create a movie-style fanedit - but with a novel instead.

Editing the text of a novel obviously has a lot more freedom than editing the footage of a movie. My intention is not to rewrite from scratch (then I might as well write a fanfic), but to improve on what’s already there - tighten up character arcs, improve the pacing, remove or tweak plot threads and tangents that detract from the overall narrative, and add some literary polish to parts that (arguably) need it. I think that Rae Carson did a great job with this novel, however, it’s just not what I personally want to read. But it’s close.

It’s going to be a slow project to work on, so I’ll update everyone as it progresses, and keep a changelog as I go. Please comment with any suggestions or ideas!

I, too, would appreciate a link for this.

I think the new castle shot on Mustafar works as it is without trees rotoscoped in, personally.

Also, am I too late to send an audio file to be added to the "For Skywalker!"s in the next release?

Thank you for those replies and explanations; it’s a sound character choice. I agree with Grievous being a coward, and I also really like the swapping around of “Time to abandon ship.”

I’d still rather the line be in there as a personal choice, purely because I like the moment so much, but I do now agree that having it removed works better for the fanedit.

What was the reason to cut Grievous’ line “I’ve been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku”? (Sorry if this has been discussed long ago, I had a look but couldn’t see it.)

I always thought that was a great line - it reminds me of Lao Che in Temple of Doom telling a very confident Indiana Jones “…to the poison you just drank!” and watching him have this “oh shit” moment.

Obi-Wan has dropped down to take Grievous by surprise, quipping and joking because he thinks he has the upper hand, then Grievous pulls out not one but four lightsabers and tells him he’s been trained by the guy Obi-Wan couldn’t defeat twice, and Obi-Wan is thrown into a difficult fight.

I think Matthew Wood’s line read is so good on it, and I always miss it whenever I watch LOE (which has otherwise completely replaced the theatrical cut as my preferred version to watch).

Hire Gilbert Gottfried via the website Cameo to record one line of dialogue for a Rise of Skywalker edit.

Palpatine: “I have been every voice (Snoke) you have ever heard (Gilbert Gottfried) INSIDE YOUR HEAD!”

Neerb said:

I’m not sure this discussion belongs in this thread. Hal’s been on board with using Leia’s purple for a good while, and replacing either blade with Luke’s RotJ hilt and blade is a lot of work that would frankly just result in narrative confusion and unnecessary fan service with little thematic meaning (as mentioned, she’s already taking one of Luke’s blades to Exegol regardless). It’s also pretty late in the game to bring this up, considering editors are finishing up the unstable blade effect for Rey’s blue blade and the effects for Leia’s purple have been done and implemented for months.

Unless Hal specifically comes in saying it’s a great idea, or someone is already able and willing to make a demo, this would probably be better suited to the general Sequel Edits threads.

Yes, I agree.

Brewzter said:

If they really wanted to go the route of using her masters’ sabers, I wish they would’ve just gone with Luke’s green saber and a purple saber for Leia. But then again my real preference would’ve been turning Anakin’s broken saber into a double-bladed one since the kyber crystal was split into two pieces and Rey grew up fighting with a staff

Agreed. It was set up so nicely at the end of TLJ and I was baffled and disappointed when I watched TROS and the saber was somehow fixed with a strip of Flex Tape.

TestingOutTheTest said:

CaptainFaraday said:

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot which I haven’t seen anyone else discussing: would it be in any way possible to replace Leia’s lightsaber with Luke’s green one?

The whole thing about Leia training to be a Jedi (and the floating CGI head Billie-Lourd-Leia flashback) feels so out of character and wrong to me. Plus, the green would cause a change in overall lighting colour during the final confrontation with Palpatine, just as the balance of power changes, which appeals to me thematically as Rey representing all the different Jedi.

Part of me feels that Rey holding the lightsabers of the two Skywalkers who helped shaped her to be the Jedi she now is -
holding their legacy against the man who ruined their lives - is more symbolic and meaningful.

I agree with this in theory, but the baggage that it needs for it to work (the whole “Leia as a Jedi with a lightsaber, but she gives it up because of a vision of her son dying or whatever”) is so convoluted and awkward that it’s not worth the tradeoff for me.

Luke’s blue lightsaber and Luke’s green lightsaber, on the other hand, represents the unity between new youth on the path to being Jedi (blue, Luke in ANH/ESB) and the wisdom of a past Jedi Master (green, Luke in ROTJ/TLJ).

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot which I haven’t seen anyone else discussing: would it be in any way possible to replace Leia’s lightsaber with Luke’s green one?

The whole thing about Leia training to be a Jedi (and the floating CGI head Billie-Lourd-Leia flashback) feels so out of character and wrong to me. Plus, the green would cause a change in overall lighting colour during the final confrontation with Palpatine, just as the balance of power changes, which appeals to me thematically as Rey representing all the different Jedi.

Also, extremely excited for Rey Nobody.