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arabian

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20-Mar-2019
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17-Sep-2023
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Post
#1548219
Topic
Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker - Saga's End Edition V3 (RELEASED)
Time

Hello,

I really like the changes you’ve made here. They definitely sound, as you say, “refined.” (The change with Finn saying “I love you” to Rose, I really like due to the TLJ story, and the shafting I feel she got in this film, and giving that bit of dialogue between Rey and Ben, for example. Also how you handled the First Order/the Final Order stuff. Nice.) I did have one hope that has yet to be taken up by anyone else who has done an edit of this film. What are your thoughts on doing a v3 where Ben lives? I’ve come up with an idea that I think could be done and something I’ll try when I eventually, down the road, ahem, tackle edits, but I love your ideas here and a Ben survival would fit so nicely.

Post
#1544607
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Thank you, Gurgle. And, it’s likely I may come back and watch these when it’s all said and done just because Achbagel has done such a brilliant job just to see the finished product.

Eddie, yeah, I mean, what Achbagel has created thus far is absolutely extraordinary. I’m seriously in awe of his work. And you have a great point, Eddie. I wish that I had the editing equipment (I just do not) to work on moving forward with all of my ideas (I have so many), because, yes, alternate takes could happen. sigh Someday.

Post
#1544583
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Hey Achbagel, I didn’t want to just bail after leaving so many comments. I wanted to let you know that I think you’ve done an extraordinary job thus far, but after reading your Book 5 (and all the tremendous amount of work you’ve put in–WOW!), I’ve realized that sadly this is no longer going to work for me personally. Separating Grogu from the Din/Bo-Katan journey takes away a lot of what worked in season 03 for me. I feel that bond that Bo-Katan developed with Grogu, that little “family unit” of sorts that they developed with Din is what enabled her to move on and have her ending in the season. I also feel it helped Din get to the place where he was at the end. So to lose that just hurts the overall emotional core, and just moves way too far from “The Mandalorian” itself.

I know many, many, MANY others are loving what you’re doing, and I’m just one person, but I didn’t want to just dip out and disappear. You’re doing amazing work here; it’s just my personal thing. You’re so awesome at this. Thank you for what you do!

Post
#1543199
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Ok, so I haven’t watched Book 4 yet but I wanted to read your changes before I read the Book 5 changes, and sigh, I saw that you cut Din taking off his helmet the first time. This is the same thing smudger did. I’m going to share my thoughts for when he did that as well and why I think it’s such a mistake.

In my opinion, I don’t think that Mando not taking his mask off beforehand works. The idea of it makes perfect sense, right? This way we get the full impact of him taking it off with Grogu, right? However, the full impact simply isn’t there. Look at how it’s written, directed, and acted, how it’s played out on screen when he takes it off the first time… as if Din is dealing with this huge thing of taking off his mask for the first time in front of a lot of people, breaking the code. It’s this huge emotional moment. However, taking his mask off doesn’t effect him even remotely to that degree when he does it in front of Grogu. And that makes absolutely zero sense for a guy who has made such a huge deal about it for four straight “books.”

And, of course, anyone who watched the show knows why… he already DID do that when he took his mask off the actual first time. That time it was hugely difficult for him, he did deal with it, and he realized what mattered was Grogu. So him taking off the mask again so Grogu could see his face was why it was emotionally resonating. That was the beat that hit this time. The first time was about Din and his issues. The second time was all about Grogu and their bond. So cutting that first time takes the DIN character part out. You don’t see Din dealing with all of his mask/face revealing issues when he takes it off for Grogu because it’s ONLY about Grogu now. So to remove the intended first time leaves this gaping character hole. That actual first time is full of heaviness. The second time with Grogu, all that’s left now is the light, the love for Grogu.

Just my opinion

Book 5 sounds amazing.

Post
#1541687
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Yes, release 5, 6, and 7 first. I’ll watch 4, leave my detailed notes as I’ve doing and will do the same for any subsequent Books you release. And since you’re still doing some work on 4, any changes you might take into account for 4 could be done then. And I’m sure that any of my suggestions or Eddie’s and others in this threat from watching Book 5, 6, and 7 will follow.

You’ve done wonders so far and are really being awesome with the follow-through edits! I’ll get to Book 4 this week sometime!

Post
#1541023
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

Just spent a few hours reading this thread, and so many great things here. Just fantastic.

Hal9000 since you’re doing another edit, Rey Nobody, I have a request (plea)… would you consider Kylo lives? I haven’t seen anyone do that. And I think it (a) is what George Lucas would have wanted, (b) brings the saga full-circle, © makes sense, (d) can be done!

Lucas believed in hope and redemption. What we saw in TFA is that Ben was not involved in the destruction that was wrought by Snoke/Hux, he even argued against it. And, yes, he did terrible things as Kylo Ren, but he was Kylo Ren not Ben Solo. He was under the influence of the Dark Side, and was mentally, emotionally, and physically tortured by Snoke from his teen years until Snoke’s death. He is also someone who was literally manipulated by Palpatine since he was in Leia’s womb! And he fought against the Dark Side for decades before finally succumbing because he was literally groomed by Snoke (and Palpatine).

As for the idea that Rey/Ben are toxic, they were actually presented as the opposite of it because Rey rejected Kylo Ren. She rejected him and chose herself. She was all ‘you need to save yourself; I ain’t doing that for you.’ She chose the good man, not the dark a-hole. That is the opposite of toxic. Which brings us to the saga coming full-circle, and it making sense. Ben said he wanted to do what his grandfather never did. What did Anakin truly want to do? Save the woman he loved. Ben did that, by saving Rey. What he got in return should not be to experience only ten seconds of happiness and then die in a fantasy saga spanning nine films.

Because again, Ben was literally mentally tortured by Palpatine his literal entire life. So he had like just those ten seconds of true happiness with Rey. That was it. His whole life. That’s not hope. That’s terrible. As for Rey? Ben Solo is her other half. Her soulmate. Her dyad, she will be miserable, missing the other half of her self her entire life. That’s terrible. So let the man live for both their sakes!

Finally, how it can be done: Don’t show him dying/fading away. Cut from the kiss. Then during the celebration after the battle, after Rey hugs Poe/Finn, have a slow reverse of the hug and then a serious look at them with some dialogue (voice-overed with the angle on Finn and Poe) that can be AI’d, along the lines of: ‘I have to tell you about Ben Solo.’ So that covers them knowing about Ben.

Then you’ve got the group on the Falcon, cut to Rey on Tatooine. After she sees Luke and Leia, she looks over her shoulder, and there is Ben walking up (as we saw on Pasana) and then VXF the twin suns behind him (it would be absolutely gorgeous.) Ben showed up on Exegol on his own after all so we don’t have to see him leave there. Then back to Rey, she smiles.

Cut to ramp going up on Falcon, their theme fades into the SW theme as the Falcon flies off. So viewers can assume that Ben joined them or that he left on his own and he and Rey just had a talk. It’s ambiguous, depending on preference. Still, voila, #kylolives! And that way the saga comes full-circle with Anakin’s grandson having a chance to live a full life of hope and redemption after saving the woman he loved instead of him dying just dying.

I would try and do this myself but ya’ll have way, way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more editing skills than I do. And have achieved so much awesome already with the rest of TROS that is amazing! I just would love, absolutely love, to see a version done by your amazing self that is a #kylolives version.

Post
#1539538
Topic
Deleted Scenes Index and Discussion
Time

There are deleted scenes for many of the films, and many of them have been cleaned up, time stamps removed and/or edited in some way. For editors, I thought it would be helpful to catalogue those threads into an easy to find place, an index, so to speak. I searched for some to start and will include them here. If anyone knows of others, feel free to add them and I can continually update this post.

STAR WARS

DELETED AND EXTENDED DATABASE (updated 2019) by SpoRv

ORIGINAL TRILOGY

PREQUEL TRILOGY

SEQUEL TRILOGY

Post
#1539488
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

I agree with Broadbeck7 that having the A and B plot changing less frequently would work better between Boba and Mando in Book 2, and also make it easier to find those connective tissue scenes because you’d have to find less of them.

As for the Boba/Din scene no going after the armor conundrum, I was at first thinking something along the lines of EddieDean’s, but Mando doesn’t have his ship so he can’t do that. How about voice-overing something when Boba is looking at Mando (there has to be something you can use): “Not yet.” Or “Too far.” Or something to indicate the reason he isn’t going after him yet. And then his body language sells the rest.

Post
#1538942
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Acbagel said:

arabian said:

Also with regards to Book 5, I also hope that you are leaning more towards including the Pershing stuff, with the final lobotomy scene towards the end. And keeping the Shadow Council scene in Book 5 because I really don’t think it worked in Book 3. (Although, I do know you did a lot of work on Gideon’s hair.)

Are you meaning to say put the Pershing stuff in Book 6? And then add a Book 7? Book 5 is what I’m working on now which is largely the BoBF content and some other Mando stuff.

I don’t know how you’re doing it – and it sounds like you have some exciting plans – but just interweaving the Pershing stuff into the plot, and have the final lobotomy scene with Pershing come into play as a consequence of what side you choose. Many said there was no reason for the Pershing storyline, but I disagree. I DO think it should have been integrated throughout the entire season instead of just a one-off episode, but I think it did have a purpose. And I think that by weaving it throughout will show that purpose.

Pershing chose the wrong side; he chose the Empire (even the remnants), and in the end, we see the consequences of many getting happy results of not doing so (Carga–who only “worked” with Gideon to keep Nevarro safe and then turned against him right away, the Mandalorians getting a home, etc.) and those who didn’t (Gideon) and, of course, Pershing. So when we get our resolution scenes towards the end including the Pershing lobotomy scene, I thought it would add this bitter note, yeah, this is what happens when you stick with the Empire too long… and that those remnants still remain alive and kicking.

Regarding Book 5 production… Whew! I am giving this one a massive overhaul. […] But I’m excited!

I’m excited too! I hope to watch Book 4 this weekend!

Post
#1538489
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Acbagel said:

Hey, folks! I’m back after some time traveling for work, you’ve all been popping off with the feedback! Thanks, there’s so much to respond to, I won’t be able to address it all at once but you’ve given me quite a bit to ponder.

Aww, I wish I’d held off on my comments now, I wanted more detailed responses, LOL! I knew it was too much! Hee!

Arabian, I really appreciate you writing out all of these detailed notes for the first 3 films! That’s some good stuff. I will return to these posts in the near future to consider integrating some of your ideas in a future 4k release. In general though:

Thank you. Can’t wait until you have a chance, I’d love to have any future conversations on any more thoughts you have. I’d love to get into the nitty-gritty of it. I really think you’ve done an overall outstanding job. Truly.

Book 1: I will consider altering the ending of this film. The ball into hyperspace scene is just so classic and punchy, it felt like too “easy” of an ending for me haha. That’s why I went with a softer, more peaceful approach with the Sorgan landing. But I’m not 100% sold on it and it is probably best for the first film in a saga to end traditionally like you suggested. And the Kuiil/IG-11 rebuild placement has always given me trouble. It felt unnatural to place it anywhere… Maybe that just means it’s not needed at all in either Book 1 or 2?

I beg of you to end it as I suggested it. Book I is spectacularly done and deserves that classic spectacular ending. Sometimes that classic is a classic for a reason. Re: the Kuiil/IG rebuild, see how it works where I suggested (the forging scene), if it doesn’t work there, I suppose you can just drop it because when it just pops up, Kuill does explain it, but I don’t know if it will be confusing for those who just watch it for the first time like deagan (which IS cool, I agree).

I guess I’m being so picky for what makes sense what doesn’t and what I want because, yeah, I kinda want to make these my go-to’s now when I binge. LOL! I’m being very selfish here. (So, yeah, another request for putting the 'baby magic wavy hands back in!)

Book 2: Regarding the balance of the the Boba screen time vs Din screen time in Act 1. I really don’t know how to entirely solve that as the two need to cross paths chronologically in Act 2. Boba simply has 2x-3x more content to show before they reach this point though. EddieDean and I tried 3 or 4 different iterations of this opening storyline, even experimented with giving Din the full Sorgan raider plot (this just made the movie drag on WAY too long). However, your suggestion about Book 1’s new ending would give me more Din time to play with in Book 2, and some of your notes on the “connective tissue” between scenes might help with this too. I think it’s worth another shot in the future to try to address some of this. Either way though, the Boba v Din screen time balance flips the other way in Act 3 as they didn’t film content in BoBF that takes place here. So right now it’s like Act 1 = Boba heavy, Act 2 = Even Boba/Din, Act 3 = Din heavy. I thought that overall balance of the entire film worked at least.

I like the idea of Boba-heavy 1st part, Din-heavy 2nd part. That works. I actually had an idea re: including the raider part, but just cutting a good chunk of it. I think that doing the connective tissue may do the trick. That was honestly a big issue, and also it’s fine having more Boba, it was just the balance - like 3 boba to 1 din is fine, but it was like 5 Boba to 1 din, and then 2 boba, 1 din, it was just off. And, of course, without the connective tissue, it was just… why? But you’re a great editor, so I have faith!

Book 3:

deagan said:

I finished Books 3 & 4 and love these film edits! Reading @arabian’s comments, I thought I may echo some things. Note, I haven’t watched the Mandalorian show at all, and this is my first time watching the show (via your film edits)!

  • I was a little confused at Boba aiming at Mando in the desert and then him walking away but I think that was from the show. Yes? No?

I too was quite confused by this scene. Mando fights a bunch of raiders after being shot by Boba, but then Boba just walks off? Perhaps removing Boba from this scene completely would suffice. Mando gets shot by raiders, and fights them off.

First of all, hello Deagan! What an interesting perspective you bring in watching this content for the first time in my edit. That’s quite an honor for me, and I really appreciate you sharing your views after that unique experience.

To address that quoted scene above, that you and Arabian both mentioned, perhaps I trusted super-nerd knowledge too much here. Boba Fett is the one who fires that shot at Din. You see him aiming the Tusken Cycler rifle from up high in the rocks, and then you hear the iconic crack! that only that type of rifle makes, followed by the signature orange blaster bolt coming from the top left angle that Boba just fired from.

Yeah, that’s super-nerd knowledge. LOL! I’m pretty deep into SW, and I had no clue. Like I’ve seen all the films several times, all the TV shows, read the books, etc, but yeah, had no clue.

  • Oooh, I loved how you went from Boba telling Fennic “don’t touch my buttons” at the Sarlac pit to Mando trying to get Grogu to "touch his buttons’ and fix the Razorcrest and failing miserably. Beautiful connective tissue between those two scenes!

Thanks, Arabian, these are instances that I should try and focus more on finding to connect other transitions, especially in Book 2.

YES!

So: Re: Pel… I do hope what I’ve said with her makes sense.

Thanks again all, I will get back to some of the other comments at a later date. I want to keep making progress on Book 5 for you!

Also with regards to Book 5, I also hope that you are leaning more towards including the Pershing stuff, with the final lobotomy scene towards the end. And keeping the Shadow Council scene in Book 5 because I really don’t think it worked in Book 3. (Although, I do know you did a lot of work on Gideon’s hair.)

Post
#1538022
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

OK, so I finished Book 3, time for my notes!

I liked this one. Except for the action-packed beginning, it was a lot slower-paced, but it was good. I liked it. And I have way less notes for this one than the others, LOL!

  • Hmm, so I was wondering why you don’t have the title at the beginning? Like: Star Wars: The Way of the Mandalore titled the Star Wars way? Or the traditional Star Wars crawl? I ask for a selfish personal reason because I really enjoy these and think I might use them for my version of binge-watching and would like the consistency of the titles like that and the SW crawl, LOL!

  • The edit of excising the frog lady from the ice spider planet was spectacularly done. Seriously, it was amazeballs. You managed to make that whole section just absolutely, spot-on perfection, from beginning to end with the NW pilots (Carson!) and bbYoda and the spiders and the rescue, and just all of it. SO GOOD!

  • Oooh, I loved how you went from Boba telling Fennic “don’t touch my buttons” at the Sarlac pit to Mando trying to get Grogu to "touch his buttons’ and fix the Razorcrest and failing miserably. Beautiful connective tissue between those two scenes!

  • I’m sorry, but placing the Shadow Council scene from Season 03 after the clone lab scene just did not work at all for me. It felt like strikingly, jarringly out of place. There had been a beautiful ebb and flow so far to the edit and then that just was dropped in and it was like… whu? It just really came out of nowhere. Especially with the mention of “I need protection, and we have to get rid of Mandalorians, and Pershing’s research is gone.” I mean, up to the scene prior, all we as the audience knew everyone thought Gideon was dead so WHY would he suddenly need like a ton of continued protection, the covert Mandalorians are all scattered now, and the Pershing message was literally sent 3 days ago where he said ‘I’m still working on it, boss! I’ll do better.’ The scene just does not work at all here. It doesn’t make sense, and it simply stops the flow dead-on.

  • So I mentioned above how great it was to go from Boba ‘don’t touch my buttons’ at the Sarlac pit to Grogu failing to fix Mando’s ship. We then went to Nevarro, they stuck around while Mando and co. went to check out the cloning facility, etc. came back and then he and Grogu took off. All of this happened… and then we go back to Boba and Fennec STILL at the Sarlac pit? Sure, they could have come back, but it doesn’t read that way. It reads like they’re still there. I would definitely move this scene up.

  • The scene after Carson talks to Carga and blue dude about the cloning facility when he has a little chat with Cara about her past and how she can help now could (and should, I think) really be cut. It was clearly establishing backstory for the Cara show that we never got. It feels extraneous now because it’s not leading anywhere.

  • I had a thought watching the Cobb Vance story play out about my pacing/balance issues in Book 2… perhaps it would play out better if there wasn’t cross-cutting between Boba’s story and the Mando Sorgan story? What if the Boba story with the Tusken Raiders played out before his final scene leaving the village, and then we cut to Mando’s Sorgan story and that played, then have Boba’s final scene where he comes to the burnt out village, buries and leaves, cut to the Mando, the shooting, and him leaving. I dunno, just a thought.

  • I was a little confused at Boba aiming at Mando in the desert and then him walking away but I think that was from the show. Yes? No?

  • So, back to Pel and you wanting to cut some of her quirkiness, I’m gonna stand up for another bit with her. When she told Mando about taking on a passenger and he asked her if she could trust the passenger and Pel said “with my life,” you just cut the scene there. I remember that it came up then in convo that Pel had just met her like a half-hour ago, and Mando was like ‘really?’ and Pel was like ‘hey, I’m a good judge of character.’ I think keeping that in is important for two reasons. 1) It’s the show telling us through Pel’s words and then showing us through the fish lady’s words/actions that Pel IS a good judge of character which means that since she thinks so highly of Din, hey, we are right to think highly of him as well. And 2) Since Din and fish lady are good people that Pel is good people too so we can trust her in any/all situations that come up with her. In other words, it’s a small little “show” moment that has long-ranging ramifications for the character.

  • Speaking of the fish lady, I really do think you should keep more of her story. There were some really beautiful conversations between her and Mando, and why it was so important for her to make this journey. I think they should be kept for a few reasons. 1) This Book is light on character depth/development. 2) They are really well-written scenes, and the fish lady was a well-written one-off character. 3) Mando brings Grogu back to her to watch and spending more time with this character, and Mando knowing her better explains why he would trust Grogu with her, 4) that whole section felt quite rushed, especially in comparison to the lengthy Cobb Vance section, and substantial enough Mandalorian section. This gives it all more room to breathe, 5) Mando is trying very hard to bring Grogu to his people, he’s on this mission, and connecting that to this woman who is trying to keep the line of her people alive and flourishing strengthens the overall arc.

  • I liked the ending. It was simple but powerful. They are off to find a Jedi, a name we know very well, Ahsoka Tano, and Grogu is growing in his power.

Three out of four done. I won’t get to the fourth this weekend. I don’t know how my notes will be received. But here you go. Not as much Boba in this, but for the most part, I was fine with him in the background. I could even see you stretching out his story in Book 2 into Book 3 if you wanted to rework it, but it does work here. Overall, excellent work again.

Post
#1537914
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Hi, it’s me again! So I watched Book 2 and I have thoughts on this one.

Again, the editing overall is very well done. Alas, I had some issues here. I will say that I do very much appreciate and genuinely love the idea of going back and forth between Mando and Boba’s story here. I think it’s a brilliant idea and I think it absolutely is the best way to tell this story. Any edit that truly is going to condense the Filoniverse simply has to do this or it’s not going to succeed.

Now as I was taking my notes, I essentially found that my main issue was that the cross-cutting and placement of scenes, at least enough of them, wasn’t quite working for me because I feel that there simply wasn’t a connective tissue between enough of the Mando and Boba scenes to explain why a Mando scene was following a Boba scene and vice versa. The flow wasn’t there.

I’ll explain that more in detail in my notes, and as I go along.

  • I had mentioned these two things re: Book 1 and I stand by one of them after having watched this.

I would suggest [for the ending]: Going into Book 2, begin [… in] the cockpit, looking at the planet, flying over, widow looks up, Razorcrest lands, Mando tells him to stay put, Grogu follows, ‘What the hell?’ they walk out, swipe to young Boba, we get all of that, and then to the village we count as the passage of time as intended by ending Book 1. IMO, that works much better. A lot punchier ending for Book 1, and opens Book 2 ON Mando.

You noticed I took out Kuiil/IG-11 above. We don’t see the fruit of that in this Book, so cut that out and place it somewhere in Book 2, or alternatively place it earlier in the film.* It just really sticks out of place. We are long gone from Kuiil at this point so it really makes no sense to have it here.

  • So having watched Book 2, I think that it definitely would work better to have it begin with Mando checking out Sorgan, heading there, then we go into Boba Fett’s story. As for Kuiil, there really isn’t a place for that to pop up organically in Book 2, but I do think it would work better where I had suggested in my earlier post after the forging scene.

  • Now regarding the Boba/Mando cross-cutting, one of the other issues (aside from the lack of connective tissue), was the lopsidedness. It was very, very heavy leaning toward Boba and then Mando popped up, and it just was kinda off. So, it was like: a bunch of scenes of Boba, followed by one scene of Mando, a bunch of Boba, then Mando, and then it would switch. There just wasn’t much balance.

  • One thing that I thought would work better would be to move the 1st Mando scene after Boba was first brought to the Tusken village. That cuts down on the lack of balance in the early going. And then move the second Mando scene ahead of the train attack for two reasons, again the balance, but more importantly, that connective tissue. It was jarring to go from the dead Tusken Raiders to the soft, happy village scene. However, switching it the scene ends with Din talking about his painful past and the Mandalorians saving him, and then watching this community that is welcoming him to Boba being taught to fight by the Tuskens who saved and welcomed him. This creates this beautiful connective tissue.

  • One odd thing that I noticed. In the first half, I think this was mostly the flashback scenes with Boba, the volume was fairly low in those scenes because when it would switch to the Mando scenes the volume change was really noticeable, like glaringly so. Once we got past the train sequence, that issue went away, but before then, it was really bad. And I hadn’t noticed any volume issues in Book 1 at all.

  • So, you clearly placed Din meeting Cara at the bar to introduce her and get her to the village. I have a few thoughts here. 1) That was when I first noticed the REALLY obvious volume change. 2) I know you said you cut Grogu sipping the soup because you thought it was too long. Personally, I think that was a mistake. I know it became a meme which may be why you grew annoyed with it, but it really worked in the episode. Moments like that, the close-up on Grogu as he was sipping the soup, it allowed the audience – and Cara and Din to realize – they were being a bit ridiculous. It gave the characters and the show a little bit of time to breathe. By cutting that moment so close, you took that away. It was a light-hearted moment that really worked, for the audience and for the characters. It helped bond Cara and Din. I would highly suggest putting it back in.

  • The transition from the end of the train scene when the water is rushing onto the Tuskens into the next Sorgan village scene is a bit rough. Maybe a SW wipe? (There aren’t too many of those in this anyway.)

  • Back to Cara, I don’t see how that conversation in the bar explained Cara being at the village. When we saw her in the village in the next scene, I was like… why is she there? What happened to make her go there in this edit? I knew from watching the show itself, but from this edit, I had no clue why she was there.

  • And I had no clue why Din wanted to leave the village. I don’t know why he told Cara he was leaving Grogu there, or why he told the widow he wasn’t staying. It just came out of nowhere. He seemed happy and they were settling in good. Then he saw Cara in the bar and they had a fight but then had a good chat, and then suddenly she’s in the village and he’s all I’m going. It just didn’t work for me.

  • Now, I’m back to the lack of connective tissue with the Boba/Mando scenes. Grogu is staring at the villagers as they’re leaving and then we cut to Boba getting wound up in his ceremonial robes and it seems like there should be some connection there. But there’s none. Or maybe it’s that Grogu is leaving, but Boba is joining? But shouldn’t that be Mando leaving, and Boba joining? See, it’s confusing. There should be something that connects the scenes with this cross-cutting.

  • When Mando’s ship is shot at before he heads to Tatooine, can you add some line about looking for a nearby planet? Because he mentions losing fuel and then he’s just pushing buttons, switches and then a voice says: “Mos Eisley, bay 3.” It just would make it make more sense. If that line is available.

  • I know you don’t like Pel (the “weird mechanic lady,”) but cutting off the scene when she told Mando, “I know you said no droids,” felt exactly like that, you were cutting her scene off. I’m sure she said something else after that. Whatever it was, I really think you should keep it because as is, the scene, again, FEELS cut off and abruptly goes into the next Boba scene. Just letting her speak and then the scene breathe a bit to finish out before going into the Boba scene would play much better. (Unless I’m wrong and the scene really did end that abruptly.)

  • I know you mentioned this, but you were so right: The door shutting with Boba and then the next scene with Mando walking out an opening door was so cool. It worked beautifully. And it might not be thematic, but it still created an awesome connective tissue.

  • Absolutely gorgeous transition between Din telling Grogu to “stop touching things” and the ship shaking to Cara fighting. Alas, that scene was way, way too short and felt almost superfluous before we jumped into the Boba/Fennec scene.

  • The “mod” tech showing on Fennec’s stomach totally worked in terms of Boba saving her life without explanation or her being shown taken to get fixed.

  • I really, really loved the ‘make the baby do the wavy magic hands,’ so I’m sorry you cut that, but I knew you had, so… sigh. 😦

  • So, personally, I don’t think the last “four stormtroopers?” from Cara needs to be kept. She’d already said it three times.

  • Here I go with the ending again, sorry. I think you should SW wipe from the darksaber moment with Gideon to Boba and Fennec with him saying “tribes” to the last scene you had with Mando, where we see him with his little tribe, him and Grogu. That way you end on Mando.

So, again, phew! I know it seemed like I had a lot of criticisms, but I still did think you did a lot of amazing stuff. And I love the idea you had, I just think it needs some more finessing. The second half was almost perfect, there were just a few slight tweaks there. And I’m really impressed with what you’ve managed to achieve. Boba does seem more solid, more what I think we all expected he would be like. I have stuff I have to do so I don’t know if I’ll get to the rest tomorrow, but I may try because I really am enjoying your work!!!

Post
#1537867
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

OK, I watched Book 1 and I haz notes.

First off, this is splendiferous. Absolutely amazing in every way imaginable. This is positively fantastic. I am anxious to see what you do with another go-to because there are tiny issues, but overall, wow, wow, WOW! I’m just in holy-moly town here because WOWZA! Just whoah! This ish is seamless. Seamless editing, but for one or two issues in each of the following areas the music was exquisitely chosen, there were zero continuity errors – which let me tell you is BY FAR the biggest issue I find in most fanedits, even the best of them, and extraneous scenes. I do have some suggestions, but overall, dang, dang, dang. I am just blown away.

I mean, seriously, this is just stupendous work. I can’t wait to watch the rest. (Although based on the ending, I did sneak a quick peek at the beginning of 2 and have a thought/suggestion on that too.) OK, onto the notes, but please, do not take any of these in any way to not think that I’m not flabbergasted by how magnificent a job you did. (I know you won’t based on your response to others, but I still wanted to repeat again how amazing a job you did.)

  • The flashbacks with the pauldron were way too brief. I just don’t think they’re long enough; in fact, they were so short, I found them distracting. It was like, ‘Was that supposed to be something there? or was there a glitch in the editing?’ I only knew they were flashbacks from reading this.

  • It didn’t make sense having Din offer to give Kuiil money and tell him “you deserve this.” All we saw was Kuiil barter for a bleurg, one really easy scene of Din figuring out how to ride a Bleurg, and the one scene of them riding together on a pretty vista. That was it. So what did Kuiil do to deserve it? Cutting the offer of money and that line and beginning with the next, I think, would work much better.

  • Din calls the bounty droid “IG-II” (although the name is cut off, but still he clearly intended to call him that name) when he tells him to stop shooting at him in his first line to him. He has no way of knowing that’s his name. All we saw/he heard was IG announcing he was getting the bounty and his protocol. He didn’t say his name. Plus, that dialogue reads overly familiar, as part of ongoing dialogue. The next line, “I’m in the guild,” might work better as his first line to IG-11, and it makes sense in that situation too.

  • If you want to trim time, cutting down on more of that gunfight is a way to go. It drags a bit. Not your editing, just the fact that it’s more and more popping up, more shooting, lather, rinse, repeat.

  • Personally, I’m very glad you kept the Jawas/egg stuff. It seems to get cut a lot. I enjoy that. But, the cut from Kuiil with the face palm about the egg to them in the Jawa tanker is very noticeably an edit cut. Could be smoother.

  • The mudhorn freeze from Din’s POV is SOOO very good. Powerful AF!

  • Hmmm, so I know that you mentioned you cut some of Kuiil’s “I have spoken” because he said about a million. I wonder if there was one after he thanked Din for bringing “peace to my valley.” As I was watching it, I really expected an “I have spoken” there and thought it would be beautiful and fitting. And then he didn’t say it. It was disappointing. I know he said it a few sentences later (where it was also fitting, and their goodbye), but without that “I have spoken” after “peace to my valley,” it felt like something was missing. I dunno, maybe that’s just me and he didn’t even say it there and I was just expecting it. Did you cut it? Was it even there? If you did, I would suggest putting that one back.

  • Including the prison episode stuff was such a fabulous idea – and fabulous job, by the way, in removing Grogu from it because dang, you did good! I know he wasn’t in it much, but still! That job did so much for Din in terms of character development, plus it was a great set piece on its own and showed quite the insight into his past and the awful kind of people he associated with. And the decision to NOT save Grogu before that mission was truly a stroke of genius. It works so dang well. It makes his reasoning for why he goes back just… aaaahhhh! Chef’s kiss! However, I have a few thoughts on perhaps making that whole bit maybe work a bit better.

  • a) Zero, the droid (I think that was his name), getting the info about Mando’s mission, re: Grogu, can be cut because it’s unnecessary now since the subplot of the droid going after Grogu is gone.
    b) I know you had thought of leaving the fate of Mayfield and Quinn(?) ambiguous. I absolutely think you should in this way. Do as you did with Mayfield, end on the scene with Quinn saying “you’re a man of honor.” Cut to Din shooting Zero, then Din in space flying, boom cut to Nevarro. THAT shows him as a man of honor. Which leads to him rescuing Grogu. He (presumably) left the two behind for the NR to deal with, got rid of the droid, and then went back to save Grogu. In other words, there’s no point to go back to point-man big boss, the NR fighters, the boom, blow-up. That’s an extraneous scene with characters that needed follow-through in the episode, but in this format, it’s really not necessary. In fact, you could trim some of the intro of the boss-man with Mando too. Just a thought.

  • You noticed I took out Kuiil/IG-11 above. We don’t see the fruit of that in this Book, so cut that out and place it somewhere in Book 2, or alternatively place it earlier in the film.* It just really sticks out of place. We are long gone from Kuiil at this point so it really makes no sense to have it here.

  • *I know you’ve said you’re not sure where you would place it. I was looking and it could be placed right after the scene where Din’s armor is reforged, and before he goes to see Karga if you wanted to keep it in Book 1. Two things being fixed/replaced. Din was talking about the mudhorn, Kuiil was part of the mudhorn experience. IG-11 was a bounty droid, Din is going to the bounty guild bar. So there is a connection all around there.

  • When Mando is walking to rescue Mando before he gets to the carrier, the music is too sweet. It just doesn’t fit at all. I don’t know, maybe the Mando music would work there. Something else, because that just doesn’t work.

  • Absolutely gorgeous use of the bbMando flashbacks with the carrier and then intercut with Mando and bbYoda. I was just AGOG! I knew it was coming, but still… dear lord, it WORKED SO WELL!! AAAHHH! SO, SO, SOOO GOOD! However, there should have been a longer beat holding on Mando after the flashback where the music stilled to a softness, a sweet piercing note perhaps and just held before BOOM rising and going into action mode with Mando.

  • Finally, the ending, I had some issues there. As you have it now, the emotional beat of the ball was just completely lost, we have the ball moment with Grogu aww, but then Din goes to hyperdrive, OK, it’s over, but wait, no, now he’s going into space somewhere else, and then he’s looking at a planet on the display and we’re on the planet. Oh, and now they’re landing. Oh, and here’s some cute Din/BB banter. Aww, cute, ok, they’re checking out the planet. Oh, wait, it’s over? Oh, OK, then. Alright. It just was way too much, too many in a span of like a minute. And it didn’t have that strong of a punch as an ending. And considering how spectacular everything else is, this should have a spectacular ending.

  • I would suggest instead: Grogu and Din in the cockpit, Grogu and the ball, go to Hyperdrive and into space, SWs theme and THAT is your ending. Period. You’ve got the emotional heartstrings (Grogu and the ball) and then the WHOOSH! of hyperdrive and classic stars of space of Star Wars. Then going into Book 2, begin THAT with the cockpit, looking at the planet, flying over, widow looks up, Razorcrest lands, Mando tells him to stay put, Grogu follows, ‘What the hell?’ they walk out, swipe to young Boba, we get all of that, and then to the village we count as the passage of time as intended by ending Book 1 on this. IMO, that works much better. A lot punchier ending for Book 1, and opens Book 2 ON Mando.

Phew! That was a lot!

So yeah, there you go, still, overall, fantastic. Truly! I’ll get to the others when I have time. Can’t wait. (And I do hope you consider my idea for Pershing in S3.)

Post
#1537429
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Acbagel said:

May the Book 4th be with you. Links sent!

arabian said:

Just read this whole thread. Very interesting seeing all the changes and loved reading EddieDean’s input - such a brilliant SW mind.

Indeed, Eddie has come in clutch through this whole series, helping me catch bugs in my drafts, pitching new ideas and radical changes. Brings in so much experience from the Clone Wars project he mastered, it’s been great to bounce ideas off him and has improved this saga significantly.

Acbagel, I’d like to see the latest versions of these that you have done, please

And I have a suggestion for season 03, re the Pershing episode. Since many of us agree that it was well-written and handled well, I think enough of it (with some judicious trimming) can work. Cut the ep in blocks and spread the scenes between what is going on in Nevarro/Mandalore, with Mando, Bo-Katan, etc. Then have the final scene in this story be Kane lobotomizing Pershing. That’s your final beat. That is the why of that story. THIS is how awful the Empire is. You can’t escape. You can never escape. Even if you try. Once you’re in, there is no out.

I did have it interwoven throughout the whole film like you mentioned, up until the last episode of Mando Season 3 came out and there was no tie in at all to the larger story. The problem is that I have already intercut Din’s solo adventures and Grogu’s training into an A/B plotline through the first half of the film. Having an A/B/C plot structure with Pershing in there when Pershing never ties back into the A & B plots was super distracting. Which is a shame, because as I’ve said, I really liked those scenes. Maybe I’ll get a new spark of creativity and find a solution, but I need to get a better hold of my Season 3 film top to bottom first. It’s already looking on the ong end and I need to go through everything from scratch and decide what is needed to tell a focused narrative.

Got the links and I want to start watching very soon!!

I realized that I worded it confusingly. My idea was that the final bit with him being lobotomized would tie in with the happy-ish endings the others got. Remembering the sequence, throw Pershing’s in to the mix. Go from like worst to best… so Gideon burns up, then we go to Kane lobotomizing Pershing – his knowledge of what Gideon used his research for (which he talked about to Din about it during their fight) – going with his mind, then to the Mandalorian ceremony, Mando working for Carson, Nevarro, Mando/Grogu on the land. Boom! It’s now all tied together.

EddieDean said:

Thank you both for the kind words. It’s been a privilege working with Acbagel, who has impeccable technical skill and a real eye for the fine detail of making each scene feel great.

You deserve it.

Acbagel, I really think it’s worth considering making two films. Your early intercutting sounds great, I think you really could close out that sequence with the pirate king content, as it’s such a punctual high that changes the status quo and feels earned.

And while Pershing’s content isn’t massively linked to the main plot, it IS at least foreshadowing for the reveal of Gideon’s clones.

Agreed! And I think my idea above gives the pay-off to the why of his story. As well as really, really bringing home the evils of the Empire at this point.

I strongly urge you to consider this!

What he said!

Post
#1537220
Topic
(The Mandalorian+BoBF) The Way of Mandalore | A New Mandalore Movie Saga (v3 Release Out Now)
Time

Just read this whole thread. Very interesting seeing all the changes and loved reading EddieDean’s input - such a brilliant SW mind.

Acbagel, I’d like to see the latest versions of these that you have done, please

And I have a suggestion for season 03, re the Pershing episode. Since many of us agree that it was well-written and handled well, I think enough of it (with some judicious trimming) can work. Cut the ep in blocks and spread the scenes between what is going on in Nevarro/Mandalore, with Mando, Bo-Katan, etc. Then have the final scene in this story be Kane lobotomizing Pershing. That’s your final beat. That is the why of that story. THIS is how awful the Empire is. You can’t escape. You can never escape. Even if you try. Once you’re in, there is no out.