Originally posted by: MJR80
END SCENE OF ROTJ: LUKE IS BURNING VADER’S ARMOR:
Obi Wan and Yoda appear as ghost.
Luke: Hey! My former masters are here! Yee pee!
Yoda: Arrived, we have… Bad at directions, Obi Wan is…
Obi Wan: Well, perhaps if I owned a good navigating droid to guide me to a random moon in the middle of the galaxy instead of being paired with a figment of bad CGI, we’d be here a lot sooner…
Yoda: But own a droid, you did. Lost in the atmosphere of Coruscant, it is.
Luke: Wait, you told me that you couldn’t recall ever owning a droid.
Obi Wan: Well, technically I never owned it. My friend, Dex, another bad CGI creation, let me borrow it. He was pissed when he found out about it being destroyed. The bastard never spoke to me again…It’s okay though, he smelled like boiled onions.
Luke: Why are you telling me this?
Yoda: A lot of things, he told you not. Drinking problem, he has…
Obi Wan: And you were the embodiment of honesty to Luke? Why did you attempt to make the Force seem as though it is a mysterious power? Didn’t you say, “Its energy surrounds us and binds us.” Why not mention midichlorians in that little speech?
Luke: Midi-what?
Yoda: Nothing, it is… Inebriated, he is.
Odd silence ensues as the flames grow higher.
Obi Wan: Ahh, Luke, I hope you don’t mind more intrusion on your teddy bear prom, but we have some company that came along with us.
Anakin appears as he looks in Episode III.
Luke: Wait, who’s this?
Anakin: I’m your father, Luke.
Luke: What the hell? I just saw you, and you were old, cracked, scared and had no damn eyebrows… Hell, you look younger than me!
Anakin: When one becomes one with the Force, they become smooth like the placid waters on Naboo. I am no longer rough and irritable like the sands of Tatooine…
Luke: Wait, you know Tatooine? Why didn’t I know that, Obi Wan?
Obi Wan: You’re uncle thought it best to make up stories about your real father, his step brother…
Luke: Step brother?
Anakin: Yeah, Owen was my step brother. Didn’t you ever see the grave of my mother outside the compound?
Luke: No… What graves? (Pauses, then) Wait a minute, if it was so important to hide me, why would you take me to the one place, let alone the one planet, he’d surely find me, Obi Wan?
Obi Wan: Oh, I’m just unoriginal.
Yoda: Morons, you all are.
Luke: (Puzzled) Well, thank you, Father, for your lightsaber. I’m sorry that it was lost on Bespin.
Anakin: I never gave you my lightsaber. Obi Wan took it from me as I was burning to a charred crisp on the volcanic planet of Mustafar.
All three look at Obi Wan in disgust and amazement.
Obi Wan: What? He was being an ass… Over ten years with that brat, and I can’t watch him burn?
Suddenly, Qui-Gon Jinn appears, and puts his hand around Anakin’s shoulder.
Luke: (Surprised) Who are you?!?!
Qui-Gon: I’m Qui-Gon Jinn, the one who discovered your father, and trained Obi-Wan…
Luke: (Looking at Obi-Wan) Trained? You said that Yoda trained you!
Obi-Wan: Technically, both did. Yoda trained me when I was a youngling-
Luke: (Interrupts) Youngling?
Yoda: Yes, youngling. Younglings, I like. Don’t interrupt again, or a bitch slap, you will receive.
Luke: Man, this is confusing…
Suddenly, Mace Windu appears.
Mace: Am I late? I want to see that bitch Anakin finally suffer!
All turn to Mace. He then realizes that Anakin is standing before him.
Mace: What?!?! That mother-f***** kills me, murders children, slaughters millions of people for years, and then has five minutes of redemption, and he is part of the Force? What the hell!
Luke: (Shaking his head) Who are you?
Mace: (Annoyed) Man, Obi-Wan and Yoda! You never told him about me? You bitches suck! (Mace faces Luke, while giving a menacing look.) Normally yo' ass would be dead as f***ing fried chicken right now, but you happen to pull this s*** while I'm in a transitional period and I don't want to kill you.
lol, that might be the funniest one yet! Though Davis' stuff was fantastic and everybody's material has at least been hilarious.
My stab:
Ben: That cannot be a moon; my senses are telling me that it is a space station and that we are all in great peril if we do not flee immediately.
Han: Your powers amaze and confound me, master jedi, and though I do not know how your powers work, I will assume that what you say is correct, just to be on the safe side. Chewbacca, prepare to turn us around!
:: our heroes escape and never join the rebellion since it is blown to pieces a few days later ::