RogueLeader

Holy shit I did not even notice that.

Not a bad idea! Especially if you remove the planet-killing aspect of the Star Destroyers in TROS. Might as well reuse the line somewhere else.

Do you? I mean, it is Star Wars content, so they don’t own the rights to it even if they made it. Of course we normally ask for permission to use stuff in this context, but it isn’t a question of legality.

Okay. So you could probably keep some shots of it the planet falling apart, but it sounds like you still might need one or two replacement shots. At the very least, the est. shots of the planet imploding and turning into a star.

Here is something that I wrote for the crawl a while back that could possibly fit that:

Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the radical FIRST ORDER has emerged from uncharted space and will not rest until the glory of the Empire has been restored.

With the New Republic doubtful of the threat this remnant poses, General Leia Organa mobilizes a covert Resistance to gather evidence of the First Order’s true scale before it is too late.

Believing the last Jedi could rally the galaxy to their cause, Leia has sent her bravest pilot to Jakku, where a former Imperial archeologist holds the missing piece to Luke’s whereabouts…

This crawl accomplishes a few things.
• The scale of the First Order is a mystery because they have rebuilt in hiding, and the New Republic is doubtful they are anymore dangerous than past Imperial remnants.
• The Resistance has been mobilized to find evidence that the First Order is a genuine threat to the Republic.
• Leia believes finding Luke could add legitimacy to their claims, which ties their desire to find Luke to their desire for the Republic to take this new threat seriously.

I think all of this fits well with what we see in the film, too.
• When Poe first sees the First Order hangar bay, he is almost in shock by how sophisticated it looks.
• When we meet Leia, she makes it clear that the Republic doesn’t take her, or this threat, seriously.
• If you show that Starkiller Base has been mined out, it could help show that they have been able to rebuild their fleet off-the-grid (though this idea might necessitate cutting the war profiteering stuff from TLJ). The “uncharted space” line could help hammer in this idea that they have been rebuilding in secret.
• While you could say, “Believing the last Jedi to be their key to victory”, I think by saying Luke could rally the galaxy to their cause, it helps set up how Luke is not only a powerful warrior, but a symbol of hope that can influence the entire galaxy.
• While not necessary, I feel like setting up Lor San Tekka as a former Imperial archeologist that has been “protecting” the missing piece of the map helps provide some much-needed context for where this map came from, and why it is split into two parts. More explanation for that:

While not explicitly explained, the idea is that Lor San Tekka used to be an Imperial archeologist who was looking for the First Jedi Temple, under orders of the Emperor. Perhaps he is Alderaanian (“To me, she’s royalty”), and after its destruction, he left the Empire and took the last piece of the map with him. He has been protecting its location ever since, perhaps only sharing it with Luke, which is how he got there himself. Maybe Lor San didn’t know Luke went into hiding, but Leia went looking for Lor San because she knew he had the map. So this helps explain why a part of the map is in the Imperial archives, and why this random old man has the missing piece. “This will begin to make things right” now potentially has an additional meaning, if Lor San had previously helped the Empire find and destroy sacred Jedi sites. If you keep the films focus on finding the map, I felt it was important to try and give more context to its origins.

Good point!

I think that works well! I think it would be good to still have Draven say, “We have to kill Galen Erso while we have the chance.” I guess it would work either way. The benefit, imo, is delaying the knowledge to the audience until now that Cassian has been ordered to kill Galen’s father. I think we will go into Eadu sequence with a bit more tension, because Cassian’s orders are new information to us.

Awesome shot!! Cool to see all of these new shots.
One suggestion, to help smooth out the line, “-will bring an end to the Senate, to their cherished fleet…” you could take “We” from “upon which we stand” and have the “We” be spoken at the end of that wide shot, so it becomes “We [cut to close up] will bring an end to the Senate…”

It might not work, but that’s how I thought it could be smoothed out when I originally had this idea. And I think I actually prefer Nev’s idea of using the “fierce machine” line. You have two options, at least!

If you managed to change that Poe line then you’ve made more progress than I ever did. I’ve probably watched that scene dozens of times to try and figure out how to rejig it to fit a new context. It’s just that they refer to it as a weapon, a gun, etc. so many times that it is hard to cut around it.

This might not work for what you’re trying to do, but my solution ended up being this: cut the scene altogether.

More explanation regarding that idea here:

With my idea that they are going to Starkiller Base to get the other half of the map, I figured that since it is the main MacGuffin of the plot, we didn’t need an exposition scene to explain what the new plan is. That scene is really there because at that point in the story, the focus of the plot takes a complete right turn from finding Luke, to destroying Starkiller Base. But, if Act 3 maintains its focus on finding the map to Luke Skywalker, a scene explaining this drastic plot change isn’t required. So instead, you would just have to make small changes throughout Act 3 help maintain that focus.

For example, one idea I had was that when Kylo was interrogating Poe, he would mention, “The map to Skywalker, we have the rest, recovered from the archives of the Empire”. He says this to Rey during her interrogation, but by having Kylo also say this to Poe, it not only gives Poe and the Resistance that crucial information, but we also inform the audience of this fact twice in the film. So, when Han and Finn go to Starkiller Base, we already have an idea of why they’re having to go there (beyond rescuing Rey).

During the Starkiller Base mission, you would cut all references to the shields, and instead they use Phasma to download the other half of the map. You would change the on-screen graphics from the shield being lowered, to graphics of a star map.

The oscillator, in this new version of the film, would function as a planetary tractor beam, and you would set this up a few times through new off-screen dialogue, as well as new on-screen graphics.

For example, the shot in the Starkiller control room, where Hux says, “Begin charging the weapon”, you could create new officer dialogue that says, “Activate the planetary tractor beam” and replace the sun-draining computer graphics to show/hear the tractor beam energy bar loading up (similar to the graphics we see in ANH when Obi-Wan lowers the tractor beam).

I’d assume Rey’s escape would be the reason why they activate the tractor beam, that way she can’t escape even if she found a ship. You could reuse some of the Resistance base cutaways to establish that they know it has been activated, which compromises their mission. It could be something like this:

Connix: General, are you seeing this?

Leia and Statura turned their heads.

Alien Officer: They’ve activated their tractor beam. Now they can’t escape. [new dubbed line]

Wide shot of Leia and Statura

Leia: Send them in!

Statura: Give Poe full authorization for attack!

Comm. Officer: Black Leader, go to sub-lights on your call.

You could even have an X-Wing pilot mention the “tractor beam” off-screen at some point during the battle. My point is that you can establish the new function of the “oscillator” throughout the film without really needing the briefing scene to explain the new plan. Even after they blow the oscillator up, you could have an insert shot of a First Order computer and see the tractor beam energy bar drain. The biggest issue would be cutting around shots of the planet blowing up, which I have seen done to an extent, like in DigMod’s edit, but you would need to find/make shots of the Falcon and the X-Wing squadron leaving the planet without it blowing up around them.

Another issue you run into by cutting the super weapon and sun-draining aspects is when the sun disappears during Kylo and Han’s scene. Perhaps you could replace the fading sun with a moon, and we could see a Star Destroyer pass over it, blocking out its light. This way you still maintain some symbolism of the First Order’s influence corrupting Ben, snuffing out his light, basically. Also, after this scene it is basically nighttime on the planet, so the moon being present could also help establish that it is night now on Starkiller Base.

Anyway, you might not need any of this, but I think this idea could work if a few new shots and lines could be created.

But I suppose the scene is important if you’re setting up this idea that their power system is so volatile, that destabilizing the oscillator should blow up the planet. But, it also might be hard for you to edit around and alter shots of the Starkiller Base hologram with the cannon still intact.

I also feel that you would need to keep the sun-draining aspect of the base to explain why the planet has enough energy that it could implode and turn into a star at the end. But you could establish that it does this in order to build their new fleet. Maybe you could redub Ackbar to ask, “How do they power a factory of that size?” and Finn could say, “It uses the power of the sun.”

Does it have to just be a two-week time span? Perhaps some of those lines would make more sense if they have been there longer, like three to six months at least. Or maybe even TWO MONTHS LATER.

While that wasn’t my original intention for removing that conversation, I think you’re right that is does create some interesting ambiguity to how much Jyn can trust Cassian. It makes the audience wonder if Cassian is hiding something from her.

My original reason for removing that conversation was because the whole nature of their mission changed. They’re no longer looking for Jyn’s father from the get-go, they’re just trying to find the Imperial pilot, so by necessity I had to cut that conversation between Draven and Cassian.

This does make me want to go back and finish that edit.

Hey, it looks good!

I kind of see what you mean but it isn’t really a big deal imo.
Do you think Leia and Rey’s sabers being the same color will be enough to imply she is using her crystal? I wonder if you gave their sabers the same ignition sound would help hammer it home. But maybe it isn’t necessary.

Anyway, cool to see this idea come to fruition. Even beyond giving Leia’s saber a function in the story during the resolution of the film, you could argue that purple symbolizes a balance between red and blue, the dark side and the light. Too bad an interesting idea like that is never really expressed in dialogue.

I’m glad you feel like your newest one is working well! I felt bad for my initial suggestions going one direction, then once I saw the full episode, going in a totally different direction.

Pretty cool to see this idea actually materialize! I wonder if you could use a shot of the dreadnought bridge in TLJ instead of using the shot of the Starkiller Base control room.

Regarding where it could go in the movie, I could share what I had in mind with this idea and see if it sparks any ideas for you.

I originally had this idea that when we first see Starkiller Base from space, we would also see a large First Order fleet in orbit. So dozens of tiny specs of distant Star Destroyers. Later, Hux gives his speech and then we see the fleet jump away into hyperspace. When Black Squadron is attacking Starkiller Base, we could hear an off-screen pilot wonder where their fleet is, having expected much more resistance. Then, during the climax we could cut to Hosnian Prime, where we see the First Order fleet jump out of hyperspace and engage the Republic Fleet. During the chaos of the battle, we see three dreadnoughts jump out of hyperspace and fire upon the Capital. I figured three dreadnoughts firing six rounds total would justify why the red blast seems to fill the entire sky as it approaches the senators on the ground.

With that in mind, I wonder if you could have three dreadnoughts appear in the sky above Hosnian Prime, rather than just one. Or even more ships to imply a big First Order fleet showed up. Maybe in the close up shot of the cannons firing, we could see other cannon blasts in the background flying down past the dreadnought.
I don’t think all of this is really necessary, but it might pack more punch if more than one ship was firing down on the city.

I do like how you managed to make a longer shot of the city with a dark night sky. If you did add a larger fleet to appear in the sky, it could be cool to see them firing at Republic ships that might also be in space. Imply that a battle begins and First Order will also destroy their “cherished fleet”.

Anyway, what you have so far is really cool to see!

When the title was first revealed, I assumed it referred to A) The rise of the Skywalker legend, with tale of Luke’s heroics spreading throughout the galaxy and igniting the spark of rebellion, and B) Ben Solo, the last Skywalker, rising from darkness, like Jake said. I even considered the idea the film would’ve revealed that Luke ascended to a higher plane of the Force, where he could interact with the living more directly, as if he rose from the dead. Either way, I think if those first two plot points I mentioned were kept or emphasized more, then the title still works.

I know some other people speculated that Skywalker would be the name of the new order of Force users that came after Luke, which would’ve fit the naming convention of the final trilogy films even more. Even if a person wanted to establish that, I don’t see how it could be made apparent within a fan edit. Interesting idea though.

Knight of Kalee said:

RogueLeader said:

Speaking of making their romance more explicit, it does remind me of a test clip that I found on my laptop that I totally forgot I made. https://streamable.com/pwg1wp

I really like this rescore. The fact that is the B melody of the Across the Stars, the one associated with the concealed, forbidden and tragic nature of the relationship, is brilliant.

Thanks! I would like to go through the AOTC soundtrack and see how many versions of the B melody exist. Perhaps it could be placed in one or two of their other scenes too.

I prefer the Newer Republic.

Speaking of making their romance more explicit, it does remind me of a test clip that I found on my laptop that I totally forgot I made. https://streamable.com/pwg1wp

Hey Jarbear! You’re totally right. I mean, it is fine the way it is. But, I like to think changing the dialogue to be more focused on Rey would show how Luke’s teaching method is a little bit different than Obi-Wan or Yoda. He isn’t just giving Rey an order, “You must face Palpatine.” He is really honing in on what is bothering Rey, which is her fear. That fear is not only manifesting physically with Palpatine, but also internally, with Rey questioning her own morality. She already knows that the war will be lost if she doesn’t face Palpatine. She doesn’t need to be told that. Because when you boil it down, Rey stranding herself on Ahch-To is less about being afraid of Palpatine, and more about Rey being afraid of herself and what she might become. She says as much in the scene.

Luke: What are you most afraid of?

Rey: Myself.

These dialogue changes I suggested really hone in on what Rey’s issue is, imo. And I think it makes Luke and Rey’s interaction a lot more personal. It also makes this final lesson not only clearer, but also long-lasting. He’s not just telling what she needs to do right now. He is telling her that as a Jedi, she must always face her fears, rather than hide from them, whether it be Palpatine, a future enemy, or herself.

It reminds me of this Nelson Mandela quote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Yoda in the prequels said that fear was the path to the dark side, implying that Jedi should feel no fear.
I think it would be nice to hammer home this idea that Luke is saying that it is okay to be afraid, but a Jedi must confront that fear, rather than ignore it.

Yes, Luke basically says that in the theatrical version, but I think by not focusing on Rey’s superficial quest, it does a better job at showing Luke as a master passing on wisdom to his student.

Snooker, that’s pretty cool!

I haven’t put a lot of thought into TFA lately because of TROS, but when I think about of fan editing it, I also have felt the urge to remove the super weapon aspect of the base.

Those images are cool! I just figured one could just totally replace the planet with a regular ice planet, but the big canyon is a cool trait that sets it apart from other worlds. Maybe in scenes, like Rey scaling the walls of the base, you could add factory noises, like the droid factory on Geonosis, to imply there is some construction going on offscreen.

I think the idea I had was to make Han and Finn go to the Base to find the other half of the map to Luke (to keep the third act focused on the macguffin). The “oscillator” would be a planetary tractor beam they have to destroy in order for them to escape. And then you would cut it in a way so the planet doesn’t blow up.

But I think what you have in mind would require less changes. If you implied the planet is being mined to build a fleet, perhaps the sun-draining aspect could be kept to imply it is like the Star Forge.

Anyway, I’ve thought about this a lot if you need some help brainstorming ways to make this work!

Kinda echoing sade, I also see the merit of not having the cold open, and potentially having one test like you had it in that one version.

On its own I preferred the version with two tests, but after watching the whole episode, I kinda do see the merit in there just being one test. If there was one test, I think it would be interesting to keep Commander Colt’s pep talk, as well as Bravo Team’s test.

But I know you’ve already made progress on how it is now, and I think it is good the way it is! But I actually had really similar thoughts to sade, so I figured I would share them.

Could that possibly be a Gordy Haab-composed leitmotif for Battlefront 2? Looks like that video was posted around its release date.

I also like the idea of making the practice test a cold open, and then going to the other stuff after that.

For the scene where Fives and Echo speak to Shaak Ti, I wonder if you could find a clean read of Dee Bradley Baker saying “Echo”. Then, when the camera is on Shaak It’s back, as she is standing there silently, you could have the line “Echo” play, then it cuts to the shot where Fives gives Echo a look, and then Echo says, “General, may we have a word with you?”

So it is like Fives is asking Echo to speak for them both when no one is saying anything. And it would make it clear that it is both Fives and Echo in that scene. Also, the last two or three shots of that scene where they don’t say anything are super awkward. I wonder if you could have the shot where she says, “You are where you need to be” then cut back to Echo and Fives, and transition from there. I don’t know if you left it this way because of an audio issue or just because that’s the way it was originally, but it feels weird!

You might be reluctant to do this, but I think you should cut the “Goodbye 99” scene entirely, and move the desertion scene in its place. Hevy has been hotheaded this entire episode, and after they failed their test, I don’t think it makes sense for Hevy to be so upbeat with 99 as he is leaving.

So they fail, it cuts to 99 overhearing their instructors talking about their failure. The lights in the bunks are dim, implying it is night. 99 hearing about how they failed their test makes him come back later that night to check on Hevy, because he knows how hard he’ll take the loss. In the next scene as the cadets are going to bed, sure enough, Hevy is going AWOL. 99 catches him, though, and argues for him to stay with his team. We don’t see Hevy leave, so we can infer that he didn’t. I think you could use that Kamino dawn establishing shot here (instead of before the final test), and show as the clones are boarding the Star Destroyer. It can fade to black on the final wide shot, and then we could get the TWO WEEKS LATER title card here, then go into Rookies.

Sounds good! I was thinking the same thing, as far as releasing it goes. Just release a whole season at once for the binge-watchers, and then give yourself a break for a little while.

Speaking of the Season 1 release, do you think the Tartakovsky Clone Wars prologue will be a later addition, or is that something you would also like to have for the Season 1 release?

Hevy: “Ahhh, f*#% you…”

99: smiles as music swells

Ooo, that is a good idea Kalee.

This is brilliant. I had been thinking about how you could possibly restructure these episodes, but as you laid the plots of each episode, I started seeing exactly how you were going to lay it out. It almost seems obvious once you explain it like that.

You’re right. It is weird for Shaak-Ti to describe them as some of the best clones she’s ever seen, but then they are on some boring outpost job. It makes a lot of sense for them to flunk their training, and then get sent to some backwater job, because that’s all they’re qualified for.

And like you said, the focus really should be more on Echo and Fives, as these are the characters we stick with up until basically the end of the series.

I definitely think restructuring it like this will not only make it a stronger story, but it also succeeds at what you want this Refocused series to be.