Nice, I don’t even know why but I really really like this purrgil episode!
Say, are you planning any changes to the upcoming Twilight of the Apprentice finale? It’s by far the best arc we ever got in Rebels!
as usual, I’d love a link to check the new book 2 out!
S03xE04 - Pirates of the Storm
This one was… quite pointless and unnecessary, honestly. Just a generic filler adventure. Curious as to why you left it in the project? Well, I guess if you count a “Hondo” arc as part of the show lore, it’s kind of important (but since I REALLY don’t like Hondo Ohnaka in Rebels, it was just not for me). Edit wise, just the 13:49 cut was quite jarring.
S03x03 - Maul
I LOVED how you merged those three eps together, the story does flow quite nicely as one piece!
The two transitions are a little rough however, specially from the first to the second episode. Maybe some random scene from a cut episode (just them flying in space for about five seconds) could help with a little breath.
28:30-28:50 - could maybe cut this and improve the pace? They JUST told they were tracking and going to follow Ezra anyway, don’t need two scenes in a row stating the same point.
43:44. Cut this “Maul’s back” since the story is in pretty much one go now?
44:30. Cut the “I wanna go to Tatooine” line? Makes no sense, how does Ezra all of a sudden even know about Tatooine? I know he just goes there in the next scene anyway, but that we can infer that was just the following of Maul’s voice/presence.
Also, the third part could REALLY be trimmed down considerably, there’s just so much uninteresting filler in here,
the whole ezra+chopper shenanigans feels kind of out of place for such an important lore episode.
And maybe cut Ezra getting back to his friends? The end here is beyond rushed, Kanan doesn’t even ask about Obi-wan, what the hell. So just leaving it out could actually be a better narrative, you know, leaving to the viewers how the characters debated what happened down there.
Would love to check this new version out!
S02e11 - A New Base
Honestly, the first half could just… go? It’s pure filler (yeah, the droid is with them later, but so what, it’s just a droid, these things come by like sand in the desert), bland, quite childish and it also ruins the pacing of the season finale. Then again, maybe I’m a little biased, cause I’m really not a fan of droid centered stories in SW at all.
Yes, this is the final crawl:
EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENSIt is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.Desperate for a hero to
help resolve this crisis,
the Senate has secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….
Isn’t ALL star systems just… a little bit too much, even for the First Order?
How about just “(…) claim supremacy over planets and star systems beyond the reach of the NR”?
Also, how about “striving” or “yet establishing” instead of fragile New Republic? Or just New Republic, really?
i’d love a link to this project, please!
I agree with those changes! Might I suggest some different wording:
Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a militia secretly armed
by the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, seeking
to restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars…
I like this. I think “secretly” is very important, cause officially the Senate was still debating to take the threat seriously or not, right?
I would still argue against the “risen from an imperial fortress” bit. This makes it looks like they were just hidden in a single location patiently waiting the right time to strike, and that’s… not exactly true, since it’s pretty established by now that they’ve been around for a good while. Doesn’t ep IX even states that they “took most of the kids a long time ago” in Kijimi?
Why not a simple “risen from imperial remnants”?
Or maybe “risen from their main fortress in Ilum”? This way we’d also be clarifying that the starkiller base was in fact the old Ilum planet, such an important place for star wars lore and whomever just watched the movies would never even know that.
New Vader’s voice sounds pretty sick, in the likes of the original trilogy, I loved it! Do you plan to do that for the entire project or just this very first episode?
please, I’d love a link!
Count me very interested!
So I finally sat down to watch it and…
buddy, you NAILED IT. Made the movie so much more enjoyable. Kudos to you, really! This is 100% my definitive version of TFA to have on my collection from now on.
Out of all things, I was vastly impressed on how much better the climax / final act got to be with the rearranging. Rey’s sith eyes was the cherry on the cake.Hope you don’t mind some nitpicks, those are my notes of things I thought could be improved whilst watching it:
The “from the shadows of an imperial fortress” at the opening crawl doesn’t make any sense. What fortress? There’s never been anything in that regard afaik. Also, this kinda of implies that they all came suddenly from a single place at a specific time, and there’s no way the first order hasn’t been around for at least a good while and scattered all around. I mean, they turned Ilum into a giant space weapon, right? So I feel like something on the likes of “from the shadows of imperial remnants” would be more simple and effective, and less in-universe confusing.
Literally the only rough edit I noticed in the entire flick was the first time Rey interacted with Unkar Plutt. Could really tell something was amiss there.
It’s been a while since I’ve watched the original, so maybe that’s on me, but I didn’t really notice much difference on Jakku’s new color grade, still looked the same to me.
With this new AI voiceover around, would it be possible to change “the republic” to “the new republic” whenever it’s said during the movie? Or at least here and there, a couple times? I think they only say NEW REPUBLIC once, and that’s kinda of the name of the new regime, so it always bothered me.
Any way to improve / modify the infamous “a good question. for another time” line? Still feels like a middle finger hurled at the spectator’s face that went absolutely nowhere at the end.
The one big change I would suggest. The reveal of Kylo being Han/Leia’s son when these two first gather didn’t really do it for me. Hard to explain, maybe the soundtrack, the pacing, the cinematography, but to me that was blatantly not the intended moment of the reveal. If you take their conversation - “I saw him. Leia, I saw our son. He was here” - and remove the middle (leaving “I saw him. Leia, he was here”) to keep the suspense for a little longer and then reveal it to the audience when Snoke teases Kylo be calling him Solo, I feel like that would be way more impactful. Again, just a suggestion. Maybe it wouldn’t work at all, idk lmao.
How does Finn know that Rey was taken specifically to Starkiller base and that they must go there to rescue her?
Possible to reduce the massive THUMP sound effect from when Kylo first puts his mask down? That exaggerated sound effect made it look like he wears a helmet that weights about 2000 pounds.
Kylo’s “forgive me” while visiting the falcon is SO unnecessary and it really ruined the moment to me. It was a very strong scene that needed absolutely nothing said. It actually reminded me of Vader’s infamous “no…! noooo…!!” from RotJ bluray.
TOO much time between Chewie blowing up the oscilator and the x-wings noticing the new hole they could now enter to attack. Maybe split that scene up and put the first half before Rey and Finn face off against Kylo?
I loved the MCUish dumb humor trimmed down. Only joke I would have tried to remove was the “that one, no! no!, no!” between Rey and Finn at the falcon. But I know that humor is extremely subjective.
Anyways, I hope you don’t take these “criticisms” the wrong way. Just trying to get us fans the most absolutely perfect version of TFA possible. But you already made a marvelous job, have no doubt!
Hey mr. Nev, wondering if any of this that I posted earlier this year was of any use in the plans of your v2? Can’t state how much I loved your work with TFA!
Why would Palpatine tell Rey she’s plan B?
Because that’s Palpatine. He just doesn’t care, really, and he loves it. I mean, it’s the same guy who was saying right in front of Vader how Luke should take his place.
How about something like “Since my current apprentice failed to kill you, why don’t we just make you… strong?” from Palpatine to Rey? Simple, unintrusive and makes his goals and relationship to her a little more clear.
“Leia struggled with the dark, too.”
Can’t say that I like this, at all. It’s NEVER been even hinted in any of the movies. Feels way too fanfic-ish. Her inner conflict between following Luke’s path or her mother ideals is more than enough to justify that conflicted face IMHO.
Nice! This new text crawl made all the difference in giving us a much better context as to why everything was set in motion!
I love the idea of mentioning the jedi texts AND Leia mentoring her, if possible. Gives much more meaning to both she taking the books from Luke and her healing Ben some time later.
Alas, at this point, this healing power is not even that special. I mean, Grogu can do it as well, so it’s kinda of a random force ability that some force users are going to get and develop, and some will just not.
Emperor Palpatine: My boy. I
madetrained Snoke.
Since Ascendant removes the notion of Snoke literally being created by Palpatine, maybe we give Snoke back some agency as a character in the ST?
That could be interesting but it’s… risky? Sooner or later, there’s definitely gonna be a million places, in-canon wise, were they explicitly confirm that somehow Palpatine made Snoke. So I think it’s better leaving it ambiguous as it is.
How many times have I redone this single scene today? Lmao:
That is just… amazing! Wouldn’t change a thing about it!
Here’s how that latest one from DZ might sound, then:
Pretty solid, but the “I had begun to train her” doesn’t quite work IMO, 'cause she definitely seems to have been in training for at least a decent amount of time. I still think a simple “it was a night in our training” could work better here.
Also, “through Senate diplomacy” could work better than just “diplomacy”, 'cause as someone said, the jedi were always kind of diplomats as well.
Maybe a simple “It was a night in our training…”?
Good point. How about:
Luke: “I started to train her, but she was reluctant to follow the Jedi Path. Leia felt she could better help the galaxy through the Senate, like our mother once did. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day, it would be picked up again by someone who would finish her journey. A thousand generations live in you now. We’ll always be with you, but this is your fight.”
“Leia felt she could better help the galaxy through the Senate diplomacy, like our mother once did”?
Easy fix, Senate “passive” diplomacy is very very different from jedi “active on field” diplomacy. And that’s considering old school pre-Empire Jedi, because at the end of the day we really know nothing about Luke’s jedi school teachings and goals…
Sounds like the new line works to me then hahaha 😉
yup, second that!
but let’s be honest, it’s gonna be absolutely impossible to please everyone, unless our good friend Hal is motivated enough to make about 50 different takes of Ascendant v4 lmao